Ok, people! Thank you soooo much for your opinions! They helped me so much and now I know where to take this story.
I'll be continuing 'Fate Or Destiny' like I had planned before watching VODT. And I'll finish Fate Or Destiny in one part. It will be no use dividing it into two, although it seemed like a good idea to me.
VODT will not be included here. Maybe, in the future, I'll write it as a sequel to this story, though, I'm sure my version of VODT would include Peter and Isabel and Susan... and some more adventures... and I'll have to do something about Lilliandil... but oh, well, I'm not even sure if I'll write it or not... it'll depend on my mood once I'm done with Fate Or Destiny.
So, here is the next chapter and thank you once again for your amazing reviews! :)
Disclaimer: I do not own Narnia.
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'FATE OR DESTINY?'
FORGIVE ME
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Gone.
Peter was gone.
Susan stared outside the window and sighed in frustration. It had only been a day. A day! Just one, small, tiny, boring day since Peter had left and she desperately wanted to talk to someone. She should have talked to him while she had the chance but no, she had to act like a caring, sweet sister and not tell him about her problems.
She sighed again. Of course she wouldn't have talked to him at that time. He was about to leave and he was under so much pressure already. Burdening him with her problems wouldn't have been the wisest thing to do. Besides, she didn't even know why she wanted to talk to Peter. Or what she wanted to talk to him about.
Well, there's the fact that I'm worried about him and others and Narnia, her mind supplied. And then there's the incident that –
She stopped her mind from even going there.
No. She will not think about that. And she couldn't have talked to Peter about that. Peter would have murdered Caspian for what he did.
Caspian…
No. She would not think of him either. She was already so disturbed. Thinking of him would have eased her thought some time ago, but not anymore. All she needed at the moment was peace, not another topic to wonder or worry about. No, she would not think about Caspian.
'You hurt Caspian a lot yesterday'
Peter's words echoed through her mind again. She ignored them.
'Please don't let silly things spoil your beautiful friendship'
Susan didn't get it. Peter was gone but his voice wouldn't leave. It would only remind her that he was gone and make her miss her brother even more. And what was even more annoying: the voice constantly reminded her that she had hurt Caspian.
Caspian…
There goes the name again. Why did he have to come up in her every thought? Every time she would promise herself that she would not think about him, he would come in there, calling to her with his friendly voice, or haunting her dreams with his handsome face. It was annoying, really.
And then, she had hurt him by saying things she hadn't wanted to. And she knew that she had to apologize to him. But she didn't know how to. She hadn't even properly spoken to him since he kissed her.
Don't go there, she warned herself.
Everything was falling apart. And she didn't know what to do. It was so… maddening and depressing and painful at the same time that she felt like screaming out loud. But she wouldn't. Instead, the Gentle Queen took a deep breath to calm herself. She would just go to Caspian, apologize for her behavior and walk away. She didn't want to face him at the moment but the guilt wouldn't let her sit in peace.
Fine, let's get it done with.
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Caspian sipped his tea, and looked at Isabel who was sitting across from him. The young woman was looking at nothing in particular, and she seemed lost. "Your tea will get cold," Caspian commented, pointing towards the cup she was holding in her hands.
"Wha-?" Isabel asked, looking at him then at her tea. "It's fine."
Caspian decided to remain quiet. He had noticed how disturbed and afraid she had been ever since she had returned. Isabel was not used to the feeling when someone from the family was gone out to fight. And besides, his mind supplied. Peter is her husband. She'll be fine in a couple of days, at least he hoped so.
"Good evening." A controlled voice said.
Caspian turned to see the Gentle Queen walking over gracefully towards them. He had not seen her much since Peter left.
"'Evening, Susan," Isabel greeted. "Would you like to join us and have some tea, perhaps?"
"No thank you," the Gentle Queen replied. Her eyes traveled from Isabel to Caspian and then back at Isabel. "Do you mind excusing us for a bit?"
"Of course not," Isabel began, glancing at Caspian from the corner of her eyes. She excused herself and then walked out of the room.
Once she was gone, Susan quietly walked forward and took the seat she had been occupying, her eyes fixed on the floor.
Caspian wondered why Susan was here. Was she here to talk about some work? Or was she here to talk about that night? The king waited in anticipation for her to speak, but she remained quiet. Maybe she had just come to sit in peace and quiet… But that would not explain why she told Isabel to leave. Caspian inwardly shrugged. Whatever it was, he would find out soon enough. He took another sip of his tea.
"My King."
He was not accustomed to hearing this voice say these particular words. Maybe that was the reason for his slow reaction. Caspian looked up, realizing that the beautiful queen sitting before him had addressed him in such a formal way. And the ache that he had been trying to lock away deep within himself returned. "Yes?" he asked.
"I have come here to apologize," Susan said monotonously, "For saying all that I did that night. It was wrong of me to say that you're not a part of this family and for that I beg for your forgiveness."
The ache stopped. And it was replaced by anger – blaring, hot anger.
How dare she? How dare she break his heart, undo their friendship, hurt him, say those things and then apologize? Just like that? Just like that.
He knew that she felt guilty. He knew that she was sincerely sorry – it was clear in her eyes. But how could he just forgive her after what she had said to him? Her cruel words were still echoing inside his head: "He is not your brother, and you have no right in supporting him! You have no right whatsoever in making decisions that would affect us because you're not a part of this family!"
"You shouldn't have said those things," Caspian stated.
"I know," she said, "But I was disturbed at that time and when you supported Peter and–"
"– you thought it would be right to kick me out of the family," Caspian finished, raising his eyebrow.
"I… No, that is not what I meant."
"Then, pray tell, what had you meant, my queen?"
At this Susan looked at him. He thought he saw a flash of pain on her face before she masked it away. He waited for her reply but it did not come. How could it come? There was no reply. Nothing she would say could justify how she had treated him. With a snort, he looked away.
"Sometimes, you just lose it," Susan sighed. "I did and I regret it."
Caspian didn't look back at her, but he could hear the pain and grief in her voice that she was continuously trying to hide. This angered him more. Before... Before, she would have easily spilled out her heart to him, and told him about her problems and worries but now... now she was trying to hide them away from him. Had so much really changed between them?
"I'm only a human. I made a mistake," Susan continued. "And I'm apologizing for it."
Mistake? What she had said… how could it be a mistake? She was a human, yes, but she was no child. And she knew him well enough to know that her words would hurt him. Not that she cared, of course, but still… they used to friends before. And he had spent the last two nights, lying in his bed, thinking about those harsh words. They had awakened bitter memories of his past. The loneliness he had not felt for years now had crawled back into his heart. It had taken all of Caspian's control to keep himself from breaking.
"Do you really think that that is enough, apologizing?" Caspian turned to face her, his face contorted in anger. "You had your dispute with Peter; you should have 'lost it' with him and not me."
Susan closed her mouth, probably not able to come up with a reply to that.
"I'm afraid I cannot accept your apology, my queen," Caspian said, standing up.
"King Caspian," Susan began but he raised a hand to stop her.
And the words that he had wanted to keep deep inside him flew out of his mouth, out of his grasp and he couldn't stop them. "I know, I know I'm an orphan and I have no family, Susan," Caspian said harshly, looking deep into her eyes, hoping that she could see his pain in his eyes. "You didn't have to remind me of that."
The Gentle Queen gasped, standing up as well. "That is not what I –"
"Good evening, my Queen." With a small bow, the King had stormed out of the room.
"Caspian, wait!"
He could hear Susan, the woman he loved, calling him, but at that moment he wanted to get away from her. He wanted to get away from everything. The painful wave of loneliness washed over him and he welcomed it, willing to drown himself into the depths of misery and grief.
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Knock. Knock.
Caspian decided not to reply.
Knock. Knock.
Didn't the person on the other side get that he wanted to be alone? The door opened. Caspian cursed himself for not locking it.
"Caspian?" Isabel's voice reached his ears.
He remained quiet, hoping she would just walk away. But fate was cruel for she didn't.
"Are you alright?" she asked, coming to sit next to him on the couch.
"Fine," he replied.
"You don't sound fine to me."
"I admire your wonderful observation, but I'm in no mood to talk."
"Neither am I," Isabel whispered.
Caspian looked at her questioningly.
"I wish to sit here quietly," Isabel said, looking away as if she could see something that he could not, "knowing I'm not alone and yet being alone all the while."
Caspian nodded and looked away too. The two of them sat in silence for sometime. Finally, he spoke up. "What is it, Isabel?"
"I want to ask you the same thing," she replied. "You didn't come for dinner."
"I wasn't hungry." A pause. "Can we please talk about something else?"
"Sure... So, um, what did Susan want to talk to you about?"
Caspian shut his eyes tightly. He was not ready to talk about this. "You... were wrong."
She frowned. "About what?"
"You encouraged me to embrace love. You were wrong. Love is a lie, it doesn't exist."
"Did you two have a fight?"
Caspian looked away.
"It happens." She said. "Disagreements arise in relationships, but that doesn't mean that they don't exist."
"In some cases they don't."
Isabel was quiet for sometime. Then, "Did you tell her, on the day you were attacked, that you love her?" she asked. "You were planning to. What happened?"
Caspian looked at her. And then he sighed. He painfully related the day of the attack to her.
"So, you never had the chance to tell her that it was her?" Isabel asked, once he was done.
"No, I was shot before that."
"So, she still doesn't know." Isabel shook her head.
"She does." Caspian said. "I told her the day I woke up. And she doesn't love me."
Isabel was silent. "Did she tell you that?"
Caspian was quiet, hurt etched on his face.
"What happened?" she asked.
And the story spilled out of his mouth. How he had told her about his love. How he had kissed her. How she had ran away. How she had not talked to him. And then she had shouted things… things that pained him. How she had broken him. "… And today, she apologized for saying all that," he finished. "But I cannot forgive her. The pain is still too raw."
Isabel was quiet for a few moments. "You should forgive her," she said. "She is just a human, Caspian."
"And so am I!" Caspian shouted. "Why does she forget that?"
"Do you want me to talk to her?"
"No."
Isabel nodded. "Forgive her. She had never wanted to say all that."
"I know."
"She loves you, Caspian," Isabel said slowly. "She just doesn't know it yet."
"Don't start again, Isabel. Please don't. I've had enough of all this."
"I cannot believe you would give up so soon. I never thought that you would be such a coward, Caspian!"
"What do you want me to do?" Caspian asked, frustrated.
"Give her some time at least!" Isabel said. "I'm not saying that what Susan did was right, but you have to understand what she had gone through. She was worried because you, her dearest friend was dying. She was worried about Peter and me and Narnia's condition... And then you get better and all of a sudden tell her that you love her. What is more, before she has given this idea of you two being something more than friends, or even recovered from the shock of your words, you kiss her. How do you expect her to react?"
Caspian was pondering over Isabel's words. He realised that she was right, that he had been too hasty, and he cursed himself for his stupidity. "But that still does not justify the words she said to me," Caspian said. "I've told her about my loneliness, my thoughts, and my past. She knows how I feel about such things. And she also knows that I'd die for the Pevensies because I consider them more than friends. They are the closest thing I've had to a family... And yet she said that I have no right… and that I'm not a part of…"
"She was disturbed." Isabel pointed out.
"Is that reason enough to make me go through what I'm feeling?"
"Perhaps not." Isabel admitted. "But she realized her mistake and that is reason enough to forgive her. Think about it."
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Next morning Caspian walked towards the dining hall for breakfast. He spotted Susan. "My Queen," he called out.
She stopped, waiting for him.
"Good morning," he said, once he had reached her.
"... To you too." She responded, though he could tell that she was confused.
"I just wanted to say that I've thought about our conversation, and I forgive you."
"Thank you," she smiled slightly.
He nodded.
A moment passed where the two of them stood there in silence, not knowing what to say to the other. Caspian thought that he saw Susan grow uncomfortable in his presence. "Please," he motioned towards the door, waiting for her to enter first.
Once she had, he followed her, his heart sinking.
He missed the time when they used to joke and talk and smile and enjoy… He could still be the same Caspian – for her friendship, but she had changed. She had grown cold towards him. Maybe what Isabel had said was true. Maybe he had shocked her with his confession of love. But she did not love him… he did not think so. And that gave birth to a bitter realization: Things would never be the same between them now.
Poor Caspian! Poor Susan! Poor Everyone!
Lets hope things get better in the next chapter... (I'll hope that as well because I haven't started working on it yet!)
Till next time.
REVIEW PLEASE!
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