A/N: Extra chapter in honor of work being low and it being too cold to do anything outside. Hopefully work will kick back in some soon; weeks with a holiday have always been slow. At least I can earn reviews, but don't get used to this pace.
(H/C)
"I'm expecting little things to happen with the kids, bugs and scrapes, but when the pain started getting worse tonight and her fever started going up, it seemed like it was all starting again." Thomas took a swallow of his coffee, which seemed to have been heated somehow beyond boiling point and which tasted wonderful anyway.
"I know," Ruth Patterson said. "You've had a hell of a life, but there is no such thing as being a jinx on other people, Thomas. Whatever happens just happens. It would have with or without you here."
His expression softened, lost in memory. "Emily said something like that once. A lot more forcefully. I apologized one night to her for bringing her into my life, and she really got mad. Said I had no right to decide what was best for other people. That's the only time I ever said that to her. I didn't really believe it myself, but sometimes, it just seemed..." That had been later at home after they had left the hospital the night Tim died. Overwhelmed by yet one more death of his loved ones, he had apologized to her for being there. He had never in all their marriage seen her that mad, and he still could hear her words in his head. How dare you think that I would have been better off without ever knowing the best part of my life. I wouldn't have even had Tim without you. And to think of being without you... She had lost coherent speech then and charged at him, as much physically trying to shake him as to fight him, both of them crying. They had wound up desperately struggling, not with each other but with their loss, and ultimately collapsing together into a lovemaking that, for all the violence that started it, ended in an odd grief-flooded reassurance.
Patterson gave him a moment until his eyes focused and she knew he was aware of her again. "She was right. And don't forget, Abby's going to be fine."
He took another drink. "Yes." Visibly trying to think about something else, he said, "Something's wrong with Greg and Lisa. Not sure what, but something. Something's been bothering Lisa for over a week, but it got a lot worse tonight." She thought she held her expression straight, but he picked up the refusal to have a reaction. "Which you know already. It's damned awkward trying to talk to you sometimes. I can't figure out if you're a friend or her therapist."
"Right now, I'm a friend. They'll work things out, whatever it is. I don't have to tell you about fights that come up now and then."
"No, we had some good ones in 49 years." He felt another surge of missing her. Yes, they had had their fights, but in 49 years, neither one of them had ever headed out the door in anger. All of their marital battles had been conducted facing each other. "I know they'll work it out eventually. Those two are made for each other."
"Yes, they are. Tell you what, Thomas, if you're looking for a change of subject, you know where you could be a lot of help tonight?"
He perked up at once. "Where?"
"With Rachel. Dr. Cuddy said she was pretty upset when you left."
"Yes, she was. We had to leave with Abby, but I think she was remembering Blythe. Even though we told her it would be all right, she could tell we were scared ourselves." He looked at his watch. "She's probably asleep by now, though."
"I doubt it. Not sleep worth having if she is. And you connect with her; you have from the beginning. I think you could help her a lot."
He drained the Styrofoam cup in a few large swallows and stood up briskly, and Patterson once again saw the echo of his son's personality. "Good idea. But I want to see Abby again first."
They bought a Caesar salad and a burger with fries and headed for the PICU. Abby was already there, still asleep. "She woke up once, sort of," Cuddy said. "Thank you, you two. I hadn't even thought about eating." Her husband still wasn't thinking about it much, looking at the burger dubiously, but under his wife's look, he took a token fry.
"I'm going back to the house to talk to Rachel," Thomas said.
She relaxed. "Thank you, Thomas. I don't really want to leave Abby tonight, but I am worried about her."
"If you need me, I've got my phone." He gave her a hug and wished he could give his son one. Greg looked like he needed one almost as badly. "Things are going to be okay," he said softly in his daughter-in-law's ear, and she tightened her arms around him in silent thanks.
Patterson stayed in the background, but as the two of them left the PICU, she said, "Do you have your car?"
Thomas' determined, on-a-mission stride faltered. "No. We all came in Lisa's."
Patterson privately wondered how far across the parking lot it would have taken him to recall that. She hid her smile. "I'll give you a lift."
"Thank you," he said a bit sheepishly.
The lights were on in the Cuddy-House living room as she pulled into the driveway. Leaning over, she gave him a hug. "Call me if you need me, but I think you'll do just fine. You're the best person to talk to her right now."
"I will. Call you, I mean. Thank you, Ruth."
"Any time. Hopefully not too often for this reason, though." The thought of returning to her own empty house settled over her like a cloak, and he saw it.
"Maybe we can go see a movie or something tomorrow night. Assuming Abby's better and has been discharged. I'll be over here a lot this weekend, but they do need time alone."
She smiled, not having expected the invitation from his preoccupation at the moment. "I'd like that, Thomas. Let me know, and if not, we'll just forward it a few nights."
She pulled out, and he stood for a moment lost in thought, watching the car lights retreat, then turned to the house.
Rachel was in the living room, asleep half sprawled on Wilson as he sat on the couch. Sandra was just coming down the hall. "How's Abby?" Wilson asked softly.
"She's stable. Out of surgery now." He could tell they already knew that much. "Where's Daniel?" Thomas asked.
Wilson held up a finger dramatically to his lips. "Asleep in his carrier in the girls' room. Rachel was having trouble getting to sleep and kept disturbing him. He was picking up on the mood too much, so Sandra took him back. Rachel didn't want to sleep in there anyway, not without Abby."
"How's she doing?"
"She was scared," Sandra said. "Kept asking if Abby was going to die."
Rachel stirred at that point, hearing the voices. She blinked a few times, absorbing the scene, then jumped straight off Wilson's lap. "Grandpa Thomas!"
"Hi!" He captured her and hoisted her safely in his long arms. "I just came from the hospital. Abby's doing fine."
"She's not going to die?"
"No, she's not. They took out what was making her sick, so she'll get well now."
She snuggled in against him tightly, not wanting to let go, and he sat down in the recliner, still holding on.
"We're glad to see you," Wilson said. "It's been a rough night."
"It has for everybody, but we'll all survive it." Belle, coming down the hall, jumped up into the chair with him and Rachel at that point. She didn't give the usual obligatory reaction to smelling Jet for once, and he scratched her ears.
"Even she's been worried tonight," Sandra said. "Of course, she still had to let me know that Daniel didn't belong back in their room sleeping."
Thomas grinned. "She is a cat, after all. They can worry with us, but they still like everything according to routine at the same time."
Rachel reached out with one hand and found Belle without pulling her face away from her grandfather's chest. Thomas looked over her shoulder at his watch. "You two could go home if you want. I'll stay here tonight." Sandra was looking tired herself.
The two held a silent consultation by eyes, then Wilson nodded and stood up. "I think we'll take you up on that. You'll do better with her anyway. Let us know if anything changes, okay?" He didn't specifically mention complications with Abby, not in front of Rachel.
"I will. And I'll tell Lisa and Greg, but I doubt they'll mind." A few months ago, yes, but he was making slow gains in acceptance here, even with his stubborn son. He watched the girls alone regularly now.
Sandra retrieved Daniel, finally sound asleep in his carrier, and they left. Rachel was still snuggled up to Thomas, sleepy but determinedly fighting it. He used the arm not holding her to fish out his cell phone, with Belle lashing a few times at the movement, and called his daughter-in-law.
"Hi, Thomas." Lisa answered promptly.
"I sent Wilson and Sandra home; she was looking tired. I'll stay with Rachel here tonight."
"That's fine. How's Rachel?"
"She was scared, but she's going to be okay. What about Abby?"
"She's stable. Sleeping soundly."
"Call me if you need me, Lisa," he repeated. "But everything's going to be all right in time." He didn't limit it to Abby, and he heard the appreciation in her voice. Whatever was wrong between those two and had erupted into full flame tonight, she had been wound up close to breaking point by it before Abby's crisis.
"Thank you, Thomas. Is Rachel awake?"
"Yes. Just a second." He pushed the phone in between his granddaughter and his chest. "Here, Rachel. Talk to your Mama for a minute."
Rachel came to life enough to take the phone. After more questions about Abby, she handed it back to Thomas. "Mama says bye bye."
He made sure she had hit end, then tucked the phone back in his pocket, again unable to avoid disturbing Belle briefly. "Rachel, would you like to sleep with me in the guest room tonight instead of in your room with Abby not there?"
She had hidden her face against his chest again, but he saw her head dip as she nodded. "Uh huh."
"Okay. Let's get ready for bed, then. It's late. Belle can sleep with us, too, I'm sure, so we'll all keep each other company."
She straightened up to face him, suddenly looking more, or at least differently, concerned. "What about Jet? He's all alone."
"He'll be okay. He'll probably get in bed by himself when he gives up on me. He can jump up now, remember? He has food and water, and I'll apologize to him and give him an extra ear scratch tomorrow. He'll be a little ruffled, but he'll forgive me."
She was already in her pajamas. He took her through the bathroom, and when she objected that he didn't have any PJs himself, he went into the master bedroom. With an intense enjoyment that he tried his best to conceal, he found a clean pair of his son's sweat pants and a T-shirt, and Rachel waited just outside the bathroom while he changed. She studied him and gave a weak giggle. "You wear Daddy's clothes good."
"We're the same size. Come on, let's go to bed." They went into the guest room, with him leaving the door open for Belle's sake and leaving the little lamp on at his granddaughter's request. Rachel snuggled up against him again once they were under the covers, but he could tell that she was still fighting sleep.
"You know, Rachel," he said, "sometimes it helps to talk about something that's bothering us."
She shook her head and burrowed in more tightly.
"You feel guilty about something you did to Abby, don't you?"
He wished he had a picture of her expression of shocked wonder as she sat straight up and looked at him. "You know that?"
He hugged her. "Rachel, I had a brother and a sister. Twice the problems. There were days I'd swear that I hated them." He reached over for his cell phone and pulled up the last picture he had of the three of them together, taken shortly before Tim had left to join the Marines. "See? Here's the three of us. I'm the skinny one with the big ears."
She laughed, then got serious. "You look happy. You don't look mad at them."
Actually, what the three of them looked in that picture was united, not happy, and an observant adult would have spotted the difference. But the bond between the siblings was unmistakable. The stressor was facing them, not between them.
"We weren't mad at each other. Some days, yes, but you know what? It never lasted. Just little moments here and there. All brothers and sisters feel like that sometimes. I did. They did, too. I'm sure there's been days Abby didn't like you much, either, and then there's days when she did. But you'll grow up into good friends just the same. In fact, I'll tell you a secret." She leaned closer as he dropped his voice conspiratorially. "Even adults have days when they're mad at each other. Nobody likes each other all the time, every second, every day. Everybody has little fights now and then."
She was absorbing this with an uncharacteristically serious expression. "I was mean to Abby today," she said finally.
"How were you mean to her?"
"I wanted to go to the park this afternoon. I wanted to see the roo-roo puppy. But Marina said we couldn't, cause Abby felt bad. So I was mad. I said bad things. I didn't know she was real sick."
He hugged her again. "That's okay, Rachel. I was mean to my brother and sister sometimes. They were mean to me at times, too. I know Abby has said mean things to you some days." She nodded. "That's why we have sorry. That's what it's for. It helps fix it when we've been mean."
"Sorry means we've gotta hug." She gave a wiggle of disgust. "They make us hug."
"Yes, they do. It's a good example. But you know, you can say sorry yourself. Even if none of the adults make you right then. If you do something bad, you can always say you're sorry. It even means more if a grownup isn't making you do it, if you just want to yourself. But Rachel, you didn't know Abby was really sick when you said that. Even if you were mean, you didn't know what would happen later. But we've all said bad things we regretted later. I have, too."
"I wanna tell Abby sorry," she decided.
"Good for you. And you can, Rachel, soon as she gets home. Because she's going to be fine. Everything's going to be okay." He dropped a kiss on top of her head. "I'm proud of you. Do you feel better now for talking about it?"
"Uh huh." She looked at him in amazement. "How come you know so much?"
"Because I'm old. When you're old, you'll know a lot, too." He helped her lie back down. "Let's go to sleep now, okay? I'll be right here. So is Belle. She's just by my feet."
Rachel verified the cat's position, then started to close her eyes. She stopped halfway. "Know what makes me really feel better, Grandpa Thomas?"
"What?"
"Seeing Ember. Can we go see Ember now? Cause you're proud of me?"
He burst out laughing. Extra stable trips had indeed been offered as a reward several times the last few months. "No. It's late, and Ember's already asleep. Maybe in a few days but not right now. It's time to sleep now."
She closed her eyes all the way that time. "I love you, Grandpa Thomas."
"I love you, too."
She was asleep within five minutes. It took him a little longer, but Belle was the last one in the room to officially surrender at the end of the stressful day.
