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Light flickered across their bodies. Rory opened her eyes to see the sun streaming through the window, across Jess's chest and over her arms, playing patterns over her breasts. Rory tugged the covers up over them and in doing so Jess woke up and gave her a sleepy smile.

"Hey."

"Hey."

He reached out and held her hand, making Rory smile. It hadn't been like last time, it had been gentle and slow, less desperate, but no less passionate and she slid back down into the covers and lay so she was facing him.

"How'd you sleep?"

"Good," Rory said. "I think I only woke up once, wondering where I was. It's my first night away from somewhere other than my apartment."

"Yeah?" Jess asked and Rory went a little pink.

"It didn't take me long to fall asleep again."

"You were saying something last night."

"What?"

"Something in your dreams."

"I was sleeptalking?" Rory exclaimed in horror. "What did I say? I've never done that before...at least, no one's told me I have. What I've said all this embarrassing stuff and no one's ever told me?"

"Relax," Jess said, giving her hand a gentle pat. "I couldn't even hear you. You just said something vague and fell silent."

"Something vague?"

"I couldn't hear it."

"You're not lying, are you?" Rory asked desperately. "I didn't say something incredibly humiliating?"

"Don't you think I'd be teasing you if you had?"

Rory couldn't argue with that and giggled a little. He brushed the hair off her shoulder and then leant forward and kissed her, Rory feeling the lazy heat of his body. They lay still for a moment and then Rory sat up, holding the cover over her.

"I'm going to get some water."

"My breath was that bad?" Jess asked and she looked at him and laughed.

"No, I'm just thirsty."

"Okay," Jess said but Rory sat still.

"What is it?" he frowned and Rory felt herself blush. "Why don't you want me to see you?"

"I don't know," Rory said, looking down. "I just don't. I know it's stupid."

"I didn't say that. I won't look if you don't want me to."

"I do, though," Rory said, feeling annoyed with herself. "I don't know why I feel so strange."

"I'll look away whenever you want."

Rory sat still for a moment and then slowly got out of bed, shyly turning to look at him, the cool morning air brushing her body.

"You're beautiful, Rory," Jess said and Rory felt her cheeks go red. "You're the most incredible woman I've ever seen."

"I bet you say that to all the girls," Rory joked, but he shook his head seriously. "Okay, I'm getting cold now," she said, after a pause and he got up and went to the chest of drawers where he dug out an old, baggy T-shirt and shorts. Rory frowned as she took them and put them on.

"Thanks."

"I tried running for a while," Jess explained and Rory grinned. "It didn't last that long."

"I bet," Rory said and he gave her a kiss on the cheek and went back to bed.

Rory went into the kitchen and poured herself a glass of water. It felt strange being there in the morning, not as a guest, not at her apartment and she stared out of the window, the sky an early, pale blue.

"Good morning."

Rory nearly jumped out of her skin. Chris had suddenly emerged from his room and Rory tried to sound casual as she asked,

"I thought you were staying out all night?"

"I was going to," he said, going to the fridge and getting a carton of orange juice. "Sarah's friend had some car emergency."

"Oh," Rory said awkwardly and he grinned at her.

"I came back around eleven but I guess you didn't hear me."

Rory knew her cheeks went red. She hated this about her, this inability to conceal embarrassment, this teenage trait. Chris laughed, not unkindly, but it made it all the worse.

Rory drank some of her water so she wouldn't have to say anything and Chris opened a cupboard, finding a box of croissant and offering one to Rory.

"Want one?"

Rory took it dumbly and took a bite without thinking about it.

"No one's inviting me to breakfast?"

Rory and Chris looked up as Jess came in, hastily dressed with his T-shirt on inside out.

"Sure," Chris said, handing him a pastry. "Join the party."

"I thought you were out all night?" Jess asked and Chris grinned, glancing at Rory.

"Sarah had to go pick up her friend. You didn't hear me come in."

Jess nodded but didn't say anything. There was long, embarrassed silence.

"I'm going to call Sarah," Chris announced. "See that she got back okay."

"Thanks for the croissant," Rory said shyly and he grinned.

"No problem."

He grabbed the carton of orange juice and went back to his room, leaving Rory feeling like she'd been caught doing something vaguely bad at school. She stared at her croissant, unwilling to meet Jess's eyes.

"He's got impeccable timing," Jess said and Rory looked up and gave a small smile. "Hey, what's wrong?"

"Nothing," Rory lied. "I don't know."

"It's only Chris. He's kind of a pain but he's harmless."

"I know," Rory said awkwardly, tugging at the sleeve of her T-shirt. "I guess I just feel embarrassed."

Jess nodded but didn't say anything. There was a short silence and Rory ate some croissant, hearing the clock on the wall tick.

"Hey, do you want to get out of here?" Jess asked suddenly. "Let's go and do something."

"Like what?"

"Anything. How about coffee? You can't go wrong with coffee."

"Is anywhere open yet?"

"The place by the subway, they're practically twenty-four hours. I know you want coffee, Rory, don't try and deny it."

Rory couldn't help laughing.

"I can't."

"I don't have coffee here."

"Say no more," Rory said, putting her glass down. "I'll be ready in ten minutes."

They made their way along the Manhattan streets, the cool air brushing at them but it was warmer than it had been in weeks. Spring was on the move and everyone seemed a little brighter and though clouds were starting to gather overhead it didn't dampen any spirits. There was something very odd about walking through New York with Jess again and Rory had to keep glancing at him, to check he was really there, and he caught her eye and grinned.

"What?"

"Nothing," Rory said and he laughed. "Nothing at all."

Soon they were at the coffee place, the only other customer an elderly man with an accordion and paper.

"He comes in every week," Bill whispered as they came in. "Same time without fail. He always brings that accordion but he never plays it."

They nodded and he looked at Rory.

"Don't I know you?"

"I came in a few weeks ago," Rory said shyly and Jess said,

"It's Rory, Bill, remember?"

"That's right," Bill said, smiling at her. "You're Jess's old friend."

"Yup," nodded Rory, going a little red and he grinned at her, guessing, but didn't say anything.

"I'll bring some coffee over," he said. "Take a seat."

Almost all of the room was free but Jess and Rory sat at the same table they had sat at before and, like last time, they could hear it begin to rain outside.

"Good thing we got in when we did," Rory remarked and idly picked up a menu, her eyes scanning it.

"Hey!" she exclaimed. "They do danishes here!"

Jess laughed at her.

"You want one, right?"

"Well –"

"Hey Bill," he called to his friend. "Could you throw in some danishes with that coffee?"

"Thanks," Rory grinned and he chuckled.

"No problem."

Bill brought it all over and for a while neither said anything as they ate and drank.

"So last night was..." Jess trailed off and Rory smiled.

"Yeah."

Jess opened his mouth to say something and then closed it, picking up his danish.

"What?" Rory asked curiously. "What were you going to say?"

"Forget it."

"You have to tell me now," Rory said, putting her drink down. "And if you don't I'll just nag you all day."

Jess laughed but looked embarrassed.

"I don't know how to say it without it making everything awkward."

"What?" Rory asked anxiously. "Did I really say something bad in my sleep? I knew it, I knew I did."

"No, it's not that, it's..." Jess looked at his plate before finally looking back at her. "I've wanted to say this for ages."

"What?" Rory asked, trying to sound casual but beginning to feel nervous.

"I'm sorry I gave you a horrible first time," Jess said in a tight voice. "I wish I'd made it better for you."

"Jess –"

"I know it wasn't how you wanted it to be."

Rory let out an anxious breath and stared at her plate for a moment, unsure of what to say.

"Rory?"

"Isn't everyone meant to have a bad first time?" Rory said eventually, trying to sound upbeat. "It's kind of a requisite for it to be awkward."

"I guess. I know it could have been better though."

They were quiet for a moment and then Rory sighed.

"I don't know if it would have been any different if we'd waited a little longer. We were still us."

"Do you regret it?" Jess asked and Rory shook her head.

"Really?"

"I guess that's not completely true," Rory admitted. "I regret things about it but it was more about our relationship in general than that. I didn't know how to talk to you about how I felt sometimes and I couldn't figure you out."

"I had so much crap going on," Jess said. "I couldn't even figure myself out."

"We were so young," Rory mused and Jess said,

"I always felt like I talked you into it," and looked down. "I've always felt bad."

"I think I talked myself into it," Rory said. "I mean, it wasn't that I didn't want to, but I was so nervous. I should have said."

"I should have noticed."

"There's a whole lot of things we should have done," Rory said honestly. "I guess it's all part of life. I don't think I'd change it. It's how you learn, isn't it?"

He nodded and they fell silent. A bird called outside.

"What was your first time like?" Rory asked suddenly and Jess looked up. "You've never told me about it."

"Yeah, for a reason."

Jess coughed and Rory laughed.

"You're not getting off that easy. Go on, tell me. It can't have been that bad."

"Waitress, Manhattan," Jess said, sounding incredibly uncomfortable. "I was sixteen, she said she was nineteen, in her apartment by the diner where she worked. I...I..."

"What?"

"Forget it."

"No way," Rory said. "I had my awkward first time with you, you were because of it. I get to hear about yours."

"I wasn't sure how to put on a condom," Jess said, refusing to look at her. "So she put it on for me and then I wasn't even fully in when I came."

Rory started to giggle and then burst into hysterical laughter as Jess added,

"But she always gave me free fries after that."

Rory couldn't say anything, bent over with helpless laughter. Her ribs ached from it and she didn't even stop when Jess said,

"I'm glad my humiliation is such a cause for hilarity."

"Do you regret that?" Rory asked, wiping her eyes and started laughing again when Jess said,

"God, yes."

"Did you ever see her again?"

"I saw her for the rest of that summer but we never had sex again, we never even talked to each other. She always used to give me this look when I'd come into the diner, this grin, and make me sweat. I was always paranoid that she'd tell people about it. I don't know who she'd have told, but...God, I could never relax. She left at the end of summer and I never saw her again."

"What was her name?"

"Maggie." Jess let an awkward laugh. "I haven't thought about her in the longest time. I remember afterwards she smoked a cigarette and said I had to leave because her boyfriend was coming over."

"Wow."

"That was kind of a moment spoiler. I mean, there hadn't really been any moment but you know what I mean. I've never told anyone that before."

"Really?"

"Not the whole thing," Jess admitted. "I told them it was with a waitress when I was sixteen but didn't go into detail."

"I wonder why?" Rory grinned. "Don't worry, your secret's safe with me."

"I appreciate that."

They finished their coffee in silence. Rory nibbled at her danish thoughtfully.

"What?"

"It's just...never mind."

"Come on, Rory. I told you what I was thinking."

"I was thinking about what would have happened if you'd never got that bus," Rory said. "And if anything would have changed."

"I might have a high school certificate. I have the equivalent, but not a real one."

"You know what I mean, Jess."

He let out a sigh.

"I don't know if we'd have stayed together," he said, echoing her thoughts. "Do you?"

"No," Rory said honestly. "For the longest time I thought we would, if we'd tried, but we were so young, you had so much to deal with and I couldn't talk to you...we were just kids, really."

"I still regret getting that bus," Jess said quietly. "Even if I know nothing would have changed."

"So do I."

They looked at each other, unsure of what to say. Suddenly Jess's phone began to ring, making them jump.

"It's Liz," he said, looking at it and Rory nodded. "Hi. What's up? You're what?"

Rory frowned as she watched Jess bite his lip, able to hear the slight chatter of his mother's voice.

"No, of course that's okay," Jess said eventually. "That's great, it's an awesome surprise. Yeah. I'll head back now. I'm looking forward to seeing you too. Okay. Bye."

"She's coming over?" Rory guessed and Jess sighed, nodding.

"Halfway down the interstate. She thought it was time to return the favour of me surprising her."

"That's nice."

"Yeah. You can see her if you like, and Dula."

"It's okay," Rory said shyly. "I think I'll just head home."

"Sure?"

"Yeah. We can do something next week."

Rory insisted on paying – "I was the one who wanted danishes!" – and they headed out, the rain just beginning to cease. They smiled shyly at each other.

"I'll call you when they've gone," Jess said and Rory nodded, not hesitating when he leant over and gave her a gentle kiss.

"I've missed you," he said and then was walking away, the light rain coating him, before Rory could try and respond.

When she was home Rory couldn't try to relax. What did it say, now that they sleeping together? She'd meant what she'd said to Paris, she couldn't do a non-commitment, not with him at least, but Rory couldn't even imagine a relationship with him again. The whole idea seemed so foreign, so strange, yet when they were together something would take over and kissing him felt like the most natural thing in the world and having sex too. She felt so wonderfully herself when they talked and strangely free in a way she couldn't explain but to be his girlfriend again? It all seemed too much, too tied up with the hurt they'd caused each other long ago, yet Rory lingered on how he had looked at her, told her he'd missed her – she'd missed him too without even knowing it.

Rory was just drifting off into an uneasy doze when her phone began to ring.

"Hello?" she asked nervously and sat up as her mother said cheerfully,

"Hi, sweets."

"Hey, Mom," Rory said sleepily. "How's it going?"

"Okay, but I miss you. I haven't seen you in the longest time."

"I came home a few weeks ago."

"A few weeks is too long! I miss you, Rory. Paul Anka misses you too."

"He does?" giggled Rory and stifled a yawn. "Tell him I miss him. I miss you too."

"I will. What time did you go to bed last night, sleepyhead?"

"Why?" Rory asked, trying to sound nonchalant.

"You sound tired. Is it that office? They're working you too hard. It's Sunday, you should be sleeping in."

"Don't I know it."

"So what have you been up to?" Lorelai asked. "Besides the office. How's the Big Apple?"

"You're such a tourist, Mom."

"Oh, I know, it's all part of my small-town charm. So what have you been doing? Something touristy, I hope."

"Not really," Rory said awkwardly. "Um, it's been kind of boring lately. I went out with Paris yesterday but that's it."

"Recovering from the hangover from hell?"

"Something like that. It dragged on into Monday, I nearly threw up in my trashcan at work."

"That's a surefire way to start an office romance," Lorelai teased. "Speaking of romance, have you seen Jess lately?"

"No."

"No?" echoed Lorelai in surprise and Rory felt her cheeks burn. "Really? Not even once?"

"We've been really busy, Mom," Rory said uneasily, hoping her mother's intuition didn't stretch to knowing when her daughter had had sex and was lying about it. "We haven't had a chance to catch up."

"Okay," Lorelai said doubtfully. "Luke will be disappointed. He was hoping you'd have some sort of story about him."

"Nothing he'd want to hear," Rory said honestly. "Sorry."

"Oh, that's okay. His nephew should be calling him anyway. Or Luke should call him but he has that weird male thing about calling first."

"I guess."

"When are you coming home?" Lorelai asked. "Remember our agreement? As soon as you finished all that campaign work and were settled we'd never let it go beyond a month before we saw each other, unless it's a vacation or something."

"I don't know, Mom."

"You don't know?" Lorelai echoed. "Come on, Rory. Don't leave a sister hanging, I've been getting out all the video tapes in preparation."

"Don't leave a sister hanging?" Rory echoed in amusement. "What did we say about you using slang best left to gangsters and hippies? You're my mother, not my sister!"

"Give me a break, Rory. I miss you! Say you'll come home next weekend, if only so I can vent about Mom showing up at the Dragonfly with her DAR friends demanding five different kinds of soup without any warning. Sookie was run out off her feet, Mom was making me lose my mind and an alarmingly old woman was flirting with Michel. It was incredibly disturbing."

"Sounds it. Okay. I'll come home next week."

"You will?" squealed Lorelai. "Ah kiddo, you're the best!"

"I know."

"You're my favourite daughter."

"You say that to all your daughters," Rory joked. "I'm going to head off Mom, I think I need a nap."

"Yes, you do. Promise me to sleep this week."

"I'll try," Rory said. "Bye, Mom."

"Bye."

Rory rolled over and hung up the phone. She was exhausted but sleep was far from her mind, even moreso after the conversation with her mother. She hadn't known what had made her lie, been so completely dishonest but Rory knew that relationship or not, she could not begin to discuss this with her mother when she had no clue herself.