Author's Note: Hello everybody! Here is your weekly update of Hope... this is gonna be a crazy one! Enjoy!

Forgotten Hope Chapter 29—Making a Choice

NPOV

I pulled one of the bottles out of the bag and tore the cap off, taking a long swig of it. It immediately burned my throat, but the burn sort of felt good. It was like reuniting with an old friend I hadn't seen in a long time. My body tensed and then relaxed a little.

"Can't trust anyone but the bottle," I mumbled to myself, downing more of it.

Who needs people? I didn't need a girlfriend.... I didn't need Chloe. I didn't need anyone. I... I didn't need to be happy.

Her smile floated into my mind at the thought of happiness. How could she have been cheating on me? Chloe. It was fucking Chloe! She had higher standards than anyone I had ever met. It made no sense to me. None at all.

Why would she do this to me?

I drank another sip, squeezing my eyes shut to block the tears.

It didn't make any sense. None of this made any sense. She had always told me how much she liked me... she had said that I was perfect so many times... she had said that I made her happy.

If I was so perfect and made her so happy, then why would she need another boyfriend? Her parents knew him, too... she was able to tell them about him. Was it me?

I wasn't enough. I wasn't good enough for her strict parents and she needed a guy that she could bring home. A guy who could finish high school and get into Harvard. I shouldn't even blame her for not wanting me. She deserved a guy as smart as her. She deserved the kind of guy she could bring home to her parents.

I downed the rest of the bottle and took a deep breath in, my throat burning like hell. I didn't care, though. I could feel the alcohol slowly clouding my mind.

I grabbed my wallet and pulled the joint out of the pocket of it. I stared at it blankly for a moment. It had been so long....

What the hell... I shrugged. What did I have to lose? I had no one to impress anymore... what did I care?

I put the edge of the point in my mouth and lit it up, taking a slow drag. Yep, it had definitely been in there for a while. But whatever, it'd still do what it was supposed to.

Chloe's worried eyes filled my mind now. Those smoldering brown eyes. She wouldn't like seeing me like this....

I fell into the sand, onto my back. I could feel the hot tears trailing down the side of my face, but I ignored them, letting myself mellow out.

I just didn't understand why she would want to be with him. She could get anyone, I was sure... and he was a jerk. Everything he had said was either bashing her or telling her to do things. Why would she want that?

Who would want that?!

Even the way the guy looked at her made me want to kill him. He was so smug and arrogant. And every word he said was just to bring people down. No wonder Chloe was so stressed out sometimes.

Something snapped in my head right then. I sat up quickly, looking out at the ocean as I thought. It was him. He was the problem all along. He was the phone calls. He was what always made her stressed and worn out.

It was all him.

Anger bubbled in my veins. He was the reason why she cried....

But I stopped there. Was he the reason? Or was she stressed out because he was still her boyfriend and she was scared I would find out? She had lied to me when he came over so that I would leave. She had wanted him over me that night. Even if he was an ass, she still wanted him over me.

I took another long drag of my joint and let it out, trying to numb my thoughts. But it seemed to be doing the opposite. It just helped me put the pieces together even more.

Of course she'd want him. Her parents probably loved him. He was exactly like them. He was in an Ivy League university... even if he was a jerk, he could probably provide her with a real future.

If she was with me, then she'd probably be the one with the great job. She'd be the one taking care of everything while I would be working at a fast food restaurant, trying to get enough money to live off of. I couldn't live off of Jasper forever. I wouldn't be able to provide for her... not the way that Bryce could, at least.

This way, she wouldn't have my baggage either, right? She wouldn't have to deal with having some stupid boyfriend who couldn't even get a diploma and who was wanted for murder. Not that she would know this.

If she had known it, I'm sure she would have gone running back to Bryce sooner. Maybe she liked being controlled by him. I always tried to make sure I never bossed her around, but maybe she liked it.

"Yeah, right...." I mumbled out loud. I knew I was just being stupid now. Chloe hated it. She hated being bossed around, whether she would admit it to herself or not. Even if she had another boyfriend, I had still gone out with her for months now. I could remember her reaction when my words would come out almost like an order. I could see the pain that would flash through her beautiful eyes. It hurt me every time, and that's why I tried not to do it.

So why did she stay with that jerk? I felt the tears streaming down my face. I kept thinking in circles. I was so confused... I just wanted her to be happy. That's all I wanted.

I finished the joint and fell back against the ground, wiping my tears.

I couldn't even believe what I was feeling. How could I not even care that she cheated on me? I couldn't blame her for anything, even though I knew I should. I... I just wanted to be with her. I didn't care if she had been with another guy the whole time. I had never been so happy in my whole life than when I was with her.

I could walk right back there right now and go out with her again, knowing she was with that son of bitch. I... I...

My heart ached more than I had ever felt, but my heart had never felt so real either. I had always doubted that I really had a heart... but now, I knew, I had a heart and...

I was madly in love with Chloe.

I loved her. I knew now that this emotion was too strong to be anything else. I was in love with someone. I was in love with her.

Why did I have to get wasted to realize this?

But of course she'd never love me. That's why she hadn't stopped me from leaving. Who was I to compare to him? Every moment I had been with her, I had never thought I could be good enough and she proved that today when she didn't stop me. She knew that he--and her family--were more important and better than I would ever be.

Above all, I just wanted Chloe to be happy. I didn't want to hurt her and I didn't want him to hurt her... I just wanted her to smile. She deserved happiness. She was just so innocent... I could see so much life in her.... And I thought I could be a part of that life....

Shit. Why wasn't I mad at her? I couldn't understand it. I should be wanting to beat the shit out of her boyfriend, but instead, I just felt miserable. And nothing was helping me numb it!

I whipped the empty bottle of alcohol at the ocean and grabbed the other bottle out of the paper bag. I took the cap off, about to take a drink of it, when my phone began to ring.

I pulled it out, uncertain if I should answer. What if it was Chloe? I would just say yes to whatever she wanted when I knew I shouldn't.

I braved it and looked at the caller ID.

It was Jasper. I let out a breath of relief, but then took it back in. He would know I was drinking. He could always tell.

I finally answered, knowing he would get worried if I didn't.

"Hello?"

"Hey Nick." Jasper's voice was tense and worried, almost panicked. Did he already know? Did Chloe call him or something? She better not have... this had nothing to do with him.

Wow, that was the first bit of anger I had felt toward her. Maybe it was coming now. The usual Nick was back.

"Hi...." I mumbled, taking a drink of the alcohol, waiting for the lecture to come.

"Where are you? Are you near Chloe?" he asked me quickly, worry stronger in his words now.

I sat up. He had my attention now.

"I don't know... like, twenty minutes away or something...?" I said nonchalantly, even though my concern was growing now. Why was he so worried? Jasper was usually good at controlling his emotions.

I heard a noise on the other end of the phone. "Nick, you have to get back to her!" Alice's panicked voice took over.

"Ali?" I asked in confusion. "Why? Why? What's happening? Did she call you...? 'Cause if she did I'm not going back there to look like a fucking fool—"

"Nick, shut up!" Alice ordered me, anger filling her voice now. Did Alice really just tell me to shut up?

I was silent now, ready to listen to what they were talking about.

"She's in trouble Nick. Th-there was some guy with blonde hair. He was yelling at her. She was crying... she looked really scared. Something's wrong." Alice's voice was shaky and scared. I didn't understand, though. How would Alice know that?

"What are you talking about?" I asked, confused.

"He's going to hurt her!" Alice nearly shrieked at me.

My jaw set. No one was going hurt Chloe. "Who is? Where is she? How do you know this?!"

I heard the phone move again and Jasper's voice came on. "Nick, she's at her house. You just have to trust us. Go get Chloe. Now."

I didn't ask anything more after that. I shut the phone, jumped up, and starting running, leaving my stuff on the beach. Fuck drinking and numbing it all. Bryce was going to die if he had laid a hand on her. What could she have done to make him want to hurt her?

But then again, she hadn't done anything to him earlier, and he still spoke to her rudely....

Why had I left?

I ran as fast as I could, faster than I ever had before, silently grateful that I had been taking the stairs at the apartments lately. No one was going to hurt her.

But she hurt you, a small voice in the back of my head said. How could I know if anything she said was really true?

The run back to her house was a blur. The cool air had cleared my thoughts a bit, though. Even though I knew I should be feeling buzzed, I couldn't help but think clearly. I didn't feel drunk or high or anything... I could just feel my adrenaline pumping.

My feet stopped, frozen to the grass in front of her house.

Don't let her break your heart anymore than she already has.

The voice got louder as I began to give in to it. I took a breath, trying to make sense of what I was feeling. Did I want to go in there? Would I make it out if I saw him with her again? Could I even trust her? Should I care?

I didn't know what to do. My thoughts were spinning around in my head so quickly.

I finally decided to go in. Even if I was upset, it didn't mean I couldn't protect her. I would just get her out of there and then I could leave. Even if she had hurt me, I loved her. I had to protect the only girl I had ever loved.

I nodded my head in determination, walked up to the door, and knocked.

Bryce opened the door and his hateful gray eyes took me in. He raised a skeptical eyebrow.

"Did you want something?" he asked me through his teeth.

I rolled my eyes at him, not caring if it would piss him off. If he had hurt Chloe, he was about to get the shit beat out of him anyways.

"Where's Chloe?" I said, pushing my way into the house. Bryce did not seemed pleased by that.

"She's in the kitchen cleaning up and she doesn't need distractions. So unless you'd like me to call the police, I suggest you leave, " he threatened me, giving me a sickly sweet smile. Who the hell did this guy think he was?

"I don't think Chloe would let you do that," I countered with a shrug, taking a step toward the kitchen.

His next words made me freeze.

"Oh, you'd be surprised what she'd do if I told her to."

My jaw set, anger pulsing through me. I gritted my teeth together as he continued.

"I bet you thought she was some innocent little saint who just entered your life. But I'll tell you right now, she is anything but a saint. I could tell you all the things she's done to me—"

My fist connected with his face right then and there. He went flying to the ground, stunned. No one would talk about her like that if I had anything to say about it.

"And I could tell you all the things I want do to you right now," I growled at him. I didn't care if I wasn't in control. Chloe wasn't like that and he couldn't just go on talking about her like she was.

"Stay down unless you want me to ruin your pretty little face," I threatened as I walked away from the pathetic shit on the floor.

I walked quickly to the kitchen before he could get up. I was at the entrance when I saw Chloe on the ground with a towel, cleaning something that had spilled all over the floor. She sniffed loudly and wiped her face. She was crying.

My now very real heart felt like it was being ripped apart. I hated to see her look so defeated and just... so sad.

"Chloe," I whispered, entering the room, not knowing what the hell I was doing. I wasn't thinking.

Chloe's head snapped up, her eyes spilling with tears. Before I knew it, she was in my arms, weeping.

"Nick," she whispered in relief, hugging me as tightly as she probably could.

"Don't leave. Please," she begged me, choking on her sobs. I didn't know what to do. Was this her just trying to keep me? She couldn't have both of us. I couldn't be the backup boyfriend for when she was away from him....

"We should get going," I said in a monotone voice, worried that Bryce might actually call the police. I came here to protect her, and I couldn't do that if I was getting hauled off to jail as an escaped convict. I wouldn't give Bryce the satisfaction.

Chloe nodded, peering up at me brokenly. I didn't usually speak to her in that voice and I knew she noticed. But I couldn't show her how I felt right now because I didn't know what I was feeling. I focused on just getting us out of there.

I walked her out of the kitchen, keeping one arm around her protectively. I wanted to hold her, but I didn't want to at the same time. I was afraid to trust her.... But I would be ready to protect her if Bryce tried something on our way out.

Bryce had a phone to his ear, pinching his nose to keep it from bleeding.

Chloe's eyes widened in shock. Bryce hung up the phone as he saw us.

"Chloe, come here," he ordered her, sticking his hand out for her.

Chloe leaned more into me now, staying as close as she could, while Bryce's eyes flashed with anger. I could feel Chloe start to tremble against me.

"Don't make me say it twice, Chlo," he warned her. The warning caused me to roll my eyes. The guy looked like a prick to me. I wasn't scared of him. But I guess Chloe had a reason that she was afraid of him....

She straightened up, and for a second I thought she was going to go to him, but instead she spoke.

"No."

I knew it sounded weak and vulnerable, but that was her standing up to him and I had a feeling it was the first time she had ever done that before.

"Excuse me?" he questioned her, letting his anger pour through his words.

I took control, uncertain if she'd be able to say it twice.

"She said no, you prick," I spat at him and pushed us past him, bashing my shoulder against his.

"Where do you think you're going?" he shouted, and I felt a tug from Chloe as she was pulled away from me. I looked over to see that he had grabbed Chloe's arm and was pulling her to him.

I turned slowly, taking a slow breath in, trying not to turn into a monster in front of Chloe.

"Let go of her," I warned him very slowly, taking a step toward them. Bryce's nostrils flared.

"I'm not afraid of some punk ass kid like you. The police are on their way," he scoffed at me, holding Chloe's arm too tightly.

I saw her eyes flash with pain. She bit her lip, but she didn't make a sound. That bothered me. She should be able to express when she was hurting.

I reached my hand to her and she quickly grabbed it. Our eyes locked and everything froze for a moment.

Her warm, brown eyes were so beautiful... I felt tears coming to my eyes at the look in them. They were so full of misery... so sad....

"Let go of her," I repeated through my teeth, knowing that I was going to snap in a few seconds if he didn't.

Bryce shook his head and tightened his grip on her arm.

Idiot.

I lunged forward and pinned him against the wall with one arm, keeping Chloe's hand in my other hand. My arm was crushed against his throat. I leaned my head forward, putting my lips to his ear.

"I wouldn't think twice about killing you. So if you value your life at all, I'd let her go right now," I hissed viciously, letting my hatred for him show.

He was taking short breaths, trying to get a gulp of air. I pressed my arm tighter into his throat, trying to get my point across.

He then released Chloe's arm and I released him. He bent over, gasping for breath.

"C-Chlo," he said, still gasping. "Y-Your parents will be home soon. Get him out of here," he instructed her, somehow still thinking he was in control.

I took a step back and pulled Chloe into me, shielding her with both of my arms. We were leaving now.

Chloe didn't listen to him. She stayed with me as we walked to the front door. Bryce followed quickly behind us.

"Baby, what are you doing? That guy's a maniac. Look! He broke my nose! You're not going with him. He'll hurt you," Bryce pleaded with her, getting desperate for control of her now.

"You're the only one here who would hurt me," Chloe whispered, looking back at him with tears shining in her eyes.

"I wouldn't hurt you. I know what's good for you is all. C'mon... I love you, Chlo," he murmured, reaching out to touch her cheek.

"Goodbye," I growled at him, grabbing his arm and shoving it away from her.

I grabbed our bags, which were luckily still at the front door from earlier, and Chloe opened the door for me. I walked her quickly out of there and down the driveway. I had to get away before the cops arrived. I paused just for a moment to put my baseball cap on.

Chloe and I were silent as we walked and kept walking. I didn't know what to say. I didn't even know how I felt about her right now. She had been lying to me the whole time....

And you're lying to her about your past, so....

A while later I slowed down at another park. It might have been the same one from earlier, but I didn't know for sure. And I didn't know what we were doing. We just couldn't keep walking with nowhere to go.

"Nick," she whispered as I stopped walking and let her go.

I nodded, acknowledging that I had heard her.

"Please talk to me," she begged, reaching over to touch my arm.

I flinched away from her hand. I didn't know if I wanted this. I now knew she wanted away from that guy, but how did I know she wouldn't go back to him? Or that she wanted me? There were so many lies. Why was everything always about lies? Everyone had to lie... even I lied....

Maybe I was right not to trust anyone.

"I don't know what to say to you," I replied quietly, looking away from her and to the few kids who were still playing at the playground, even though it was starting to get dark and it was probably almost time for their Thanksgiving dinner. Or at least dessert.

I heard something rustling and turned to see Chloe digging through her purse.

"R-read this before you decide anything. Please, Nick," she whispered, desperately.

She handed me an envelope with my name scrawled on the front in her neat handwriting.

"What is this?" I asked her, staring at her blankly.

"You asked to see what I wrote that day when you visited me at work. That's what I wrote," she told me honestly.

I looked at her for a short second and watched her bite down on her lip nervously.

I took a deep breath and opened the envelope. Chloe took a few steps away from me, watching me closely. Did I really want to read this?

My heart said yes, but my mind said no. My mind warned me about trusting her again, but my heart told me to stop thinking and just feel. It was like I had an angel and a devil sitting on each shoulder, arguing back and forth over what I should do.

What did I have to lose by reading it, though? I took a breath and opened the envelope.

Dear Nick,
This is what I was writing when you came in that day. I told you I'd make it perfect first, but I haven't touched it since.
Maybe some things aren't meant to be perfect. Maybe they're allowed to be rough.
I think that maybe... just maybe... the lack of perfection makes it more honest.
Because let's just admit it...
Perfection is a lie.
It isn't real.
It isn't real.
And I'm just now understanding that that's okay... and that's thanks to spending time with you.
You make me not want to be perfect, because I don't want to lie. Not to you.

The poem:

the scars are etched into your skin
jagged
white pink tan
raised and flat.
you don't hide them from me.

you hid your eyes last night.
your eyes show more scars.
emotional scars.
deeper than the physical ones.

i want to hear the stories
behind the scars i see
on your skin and
in your eyes.

they're beautiful--

they tell your story
and i want to know
you.

do you know they're beautiful?

i'm afraid
if you keep the stories--the scars--inside,
they'll take over.
stories are meant to be told...
so then why can't I tell you mine?

I stopped there.
Nick, I want to tell you my story. I want to tell you about my scars... not just the ones you can see.
But I feel like I can't. If I tell you, then it's real.
And I don't want it to be real.
I don't want it to be my life.
This life.
I don't want it.
I don't want it.
I don't want it.
Why can't I say that out loud?
I can only admit it to myself through writing. That's probably why I love writing so much.

He doesn't like my writing.
Bryce.
I'm sorry I haven't told you about him. It's part of me being perfect. Being a lie.
I really don't want to lie anymore. It's a lie by omission, but I think saying that is just an excuse to keep it going.

Bryce thinks my writing is pointless. That anything I could write I could say, so why should he waste time reading it?
But he doesn't listen anyway.
He hears me, but he doesn't listen.

Maybe that's why he asked me... told me... convinced me... persuaded me...
I'm being honest.
Maybe that's why he
made me switch my major.

He likes that I'm good at math because he thinks that with math, my mind won't wander as much.
My thoughts won't wander and I won't wonder why I let him treat me how he does.

Math is a whole bunch of facts that are scrambled around into puzzles.
As long as you know the facts, you can figure out the puzzles... the pieces just fall into place.

Words are harder because the things they describe are never concrete. The words themselves are concrete, but the concepts they describe are abstract.
Math can be abstract, but it's fact-abstract. Concept-abstract is so much more complicated...

Do you know what I mean? Because I don't know if I know what I mean....

I think a lot. I used to write so I could see my thoughts, but Bryce didn't want to be able to see my thoughts.
I think if he can't see them, then he can tell himself that they're not there. He can lie to himself and pretend that I don't think, like he wants.
And I can lie to him and pretend the same.

You like:
my writing
my goals
my thinking
my hair in my face how I like it.

You like:
to help me clean up
to help me cook
to help me out of my shell
[my protective shell. I know it's there. I can feel it. It's heavy... and you take away the weight of it.]

You like me.
Nick.
You like me. And you encourage me.
You show me that you appreciate me
just for being me.

Somehow, this letter, this poem... it turned out to be all about me.
With Bryce, things are never about me.
They're about me making him happy by doing what he wants me to do. By being who he wants me to be.
Instead of just being me.

But with you...
You want things to be about me.
Or about you, but only if I want it to be about you.
Or you want things to be about us.
Us.
Me and you.
You and me.

I like us.

I'm sorry I've been trying to be perfect. It's how I was brought up. How I was raised.
Nick, you're the only person in my life who cares enough to realize that I will never be perfect.
And I'm pretty sure that you love that about me. To you, I'm perfect in my imperfections.
So are you. Please realize that.

I don't really know what love is.
I've read about it, experienced it through the characters in my books....
What I feel for you is something I've never felt before. Anywhere. Ever.
What does that mean?

I know it's good, though, because it's about you.

xoxox

x's for crossing out the lies
o's for forever

-Chloe

I was speechless after reading it. Her letter explained everything... everything I had been so confused about.

She hadn't wanted any of it. She was scared... she didn't know what to do. She didn't use me and she didn't think I was stupid. She wanted to be with me, not Bryce.

And she knew exactly how I felt about her.

I folded the paper back up and slipped it into the envelope. She had obviously been wanting to tell me this stuff for a while, considering she had the letter on her and hadn't just written it tonight.

Chloe was still chewing on her lip, watching me. I kept my face blank, staring back at her, trying to understand everything that had just happened.

After every second of silence, she became more and more nervous. She was shifting from her right foot to her left and back again. She ran her fingers through her hair, waiting for my response. God... she was so adorable.

"Nick, I—" she started, but I cut her off. I took a step closer to her and crushed my lips to hers. She was shocked for a short moment, but then kissed me back, the same passion entering her kiss. She locked her arms around my neck, and then ran her hands through my hair. Her hands then moved down to my face, caressing it.

"I'm so sorry," she whispered, coming out of the kiss to speak. I shook my head, dismissively.

"Shh, don't be. You were scared. You were just scared," I assured her, holding her tightly against me. I took deep breaths, overwhelmed with emotions. She was still mine. She had been mine the whole time. I knew it. She hated how he treated her. It all made sense. I had been so blinded by my hurt feelings that I hadn't been able to see past....

"I never meant to cheat on you. I promise, Nick. We weren't going out anymore. We were supposed to be taking a break. We were at different schools and we were supposed to be taking a break!" she tried to explain, her voice becoming frantic.

"I-I don't know what happened. He always called and he came to my apartment when I didn't answer and he kissed me and I didn't want to kiss him, but I didn't know how to say no to him either 'cause he gets so mad...." she faded off for a second and looked up at me.

"And my parents love him and they're used to him and he had been my boyfriend for so long... I-I just didn't know what to do. I just... wanted you," she rambled, staring into my eyes, searching them, captivating me.

"I know," I whispered, cradling her closer. I nuzzled her neck affectionately. I wanted her to know I understood now.

"I wanted you to be with me. Anytime it was him, I wanted your arms around me. I wanted to smell you. I wanted to feel you. All I wanted was you," she promised me, bringing her hands down from my neck to rub my biceps. "I wanted these arms," she whispered, pain thick in her voice.

I pulled back to look in her tear-filled eyes again and then gently smiled at her so that she'd relax a little and realize that I wasn't mad at her.

"Shh... it's okay," I told her, wiping the tears that escaped from her eyes. "Chloe, how... how long has he been like that?" I asked her softly, not wanting to upset her anymore.

She shook her head and shrugged, her voice thick with emotion. "That's just him. That's how it is... how it's always been...."

She looked away, thinking, and then met my eyes again. "I-I know it's not right. I just... I gave in to it. All of it. Everything you saw tonight... that's just how they all are. And I know it's not supposed to be like that, but that's just how it's always been. I couldn't break away from it, Nick, I don't know why. I know it's not okay, but I couldn't-- I'm sorry...." she trailed off as more tears started to come to her eyes.

I let her cry, but still held her close. "It's okay, Chloe. It's not your fault."

Outside, I was comforting her, but inside, I was fuming. It was fucked up the way that they treated her. Her parents and her so-called boyfriend. They were just messing with her head... practically brainwashing her into thinking she had to listen to them and obey them and shit. It wasn't right. Not at all.

She had seemed to escape some of it by moving to New York, away from them, but still... she had definitely been affected by them. That was clear, just by the way she acted in New York. She was always overworking herself and trying to just be overly perfect. She had never realized that she was perfect just being herself.

Not until I came along and helped her realize it. Her letter had told me that.

I kissed her forehead tenderly. "I'm not gonna let him get near you ever again. Not unless you want him to be," I vowed.

She hugged me tightly, folding herself into me, and I took a breath. I had to try to be more honest with her, too. She had put herself out there for me... the least I could do was let her in a little bit, too.

I led us over to a picnic table, and we sat down. I held both of her hands in mine and looked into her eyes, finally letting her in some more.

"Nick, are you okay?" she asked, looking closer at me, her fingers lightly brushing under my eyes.

My eyes were probably red, but I didn't know if it was from drinking, or smoking, or from crying. I had done all three tonight.

I took in a breath and nodded. "I am now."

It wasn't a lie. I just... couldn't bring myself to tell her how not okay I had been earlier. I couldn't admit to her how easily it was for me to lose myself. I needed to be strong for her right now. She needed me....

But I did owe her something.

"Chloe, I.... You told me about your past, so... I should tell you a little bit about mine," I started. "If you want to know about it. I mean, maybe now isn't the time...."

She shook her head. "No I-I want to know. If you want to tell me. We've got nothing but time right now...." she pointed out, her chin trembling for a moment before she let a small smile cross her face.

I tried smiling back and used my thumbs to wipe some of the make up that had smeared on her face. All of the make up she had put on at the airport earlier was pretty much gone. And I loved it. I loved seeing how beautiful she looked without it.

"You're right. Lots of time."

She nodded, locking her eyes with mine, trying to read them, as if she was still able to sense that I had lost myself earlier, despite how I had answered her.

"Okay...." I started, taking another breath. I decided just to talk and see what came out.

"You told me some of your past, so... here's some of mine. When I was a kid... I always tried to get my parents to love me, but they never had the time to try. I don't... think they really wanted a kid, but they fed me and took care of me the best that they could. And then when I was ten, they died in a car accident... and I knew that they'd never have a chance to love me.

"I had to move in with my Grandpa after that and... he didn't like to be around people... or to talk anymore. He never really loved me, either, but I took care of him. It sort of gave me a purpose, you know? Like, maybe one day, if I tried hard enough, he would love me. But... it never happened."

She listened attentively, taking in every word with wide eyes.

"Time kept going on like that and I never loved anyone and no one loved me. Girls would use me for whatever.... They'd sleep with the tough guy and then brag about it, but they'd never talk to me again. And I never felt anything from them. I wanted to, but... I don't know. Maybe I was looking in the wrong places...."

She bit her lip, but didn't say anything, so I just kept going.

"No one really cared.... Well, except Jasper. He was the first person to love me." I sighed, regretting drinking after I had told him I would stop. I had been doing really well....

"It was a brotherly love, though... and then with Alice, a sisterly love. But I never knew what real love was. Honestly, I didn't believe it was real until I saw Jasper and Alice together. But then I just figured it must be me. I was in incapable of love.

"I thought I probably learned it from my dad... like maybe it ran in the family or something. My dad never loved my mom. I saw him with other women sometimes... but I never let him know. I thought it was normal, until I got older. My mom did the same thing, though. She'd bring other guys home.... It was wrong, but it was how they lived. No love in my family. Not for any of us," I told her, bringing my hand up to her face, running my finger over her bottom lip.

"And then I met you. God... you confused the hell out of me, girl. For the first time in my life, I felt so alive... so warm... so good. I never thought it was love, though. I knew I liked you-- I liked you a lot. Too much, I thought sometimes. I knew if I let you in, then you could hurt me like my parents had. They shut me down every time I needed them. I never... felt good enough for them. But you were different... you liked me. You were always there."

Chloe nodded in agreement and gave me a quick kiss of confirmation.

I smiled at her, thanking her. I wasn't used to telling people all of this.

"I trusted you. But then today, when he was touching you, I felt my heart breaking. I kept telling myself that he was your cousin, like you had said, and that maybe cousins did that. I mean, how would I know? I didn't have cousins.... But deep down, I think I knew he wasn't your cousin. And it hurt.... And then when you didn't stop me when I was leaving, it hurt more. It hurt so much I didn't think it was possible, but I tried to ignore the pain."

I stopped for a moment, hating that broken look that was filling her eyes.

"Don't stop, sweetheart," she assured me.

"And I was stupid about it, and I didn't handle it how I should, but when I was going through all that pain, I was trying to make sense of it. I was trying to figure out why I hadn't ever felt like that before. And I wondered why I wasn't mad at you for hurting me. I didn't know why my emotions were so overwhelming. Then I realized... I-I realized that it was because I-I-I...."

I couldn't seem to get the words out of my mouth. It just wouldn't come out. I had never said this to someone before. Not like this.

Chloe's hands covered mine on her face, her eyes filling with tears.

I took a deep ragged breath. "Iloveyou," I said quickly, shaking. My whole body was shaking.

A single tear rolled down Chloe's cheek, but it didn't worry me because of the smile on her face and the look of relief in her beautiful brown eyes.

"You know, I've heard Bryce say that a thousand times and it never made me feel this way," Chloe whispered in awe. "I've never felt this way."

She ran her hand through my hair and continued.

"It's like... all of those emotions and feelings I've only ever read about are coming to life," she said, looking me in the eyes, letting me see her fully with no barriers.

"Nick...."

"Yes?" I said, kissing that tear on her jaw.

"I-I love you, too," she murmured, cuddling herself into my neck, holding me against her so I couldn't see her face.

My heart stopped beating for a moment. My mind was in disbelief. She loved me? How could that be possible? Love me? Someone loved me. No... how?

Emotions were filling me. Every emotion. I didn't understand them, and they scared me....

She pulled back, looking me firmly in the eyes. "I love you, Nick." She said the words slowly and clearly, making sure I understood her.

"You make me exactly who I want to be. You make me smile and you make me laugh and you're just... perfect for me. I don't think I can ever live a day without your smile or seeing your scars. I love your scars. I love every imperfection. I love that you love sweets. I-I," she paused there, a tear rolling down her face again. I had never heard someone say love so much in my life and it was all about me. I couldn't even comprehend this moment.

"I love how you hold me when I wash dishes," she said with a tearful chuckle. "So much. I never want to wash dishes without you holding me ever again," she told me, falling into my embrace, crying into my chest.

"You won't have to. I'll hold you forever if you want me to," I promised her.

She loved me. With every breath and every bone in my body, I would take care of her and make her happy. She helped me love.

Chloe loved me.

We were in California, three thousand miles away from anyone who cared about us. We had no place to stay while we were here. It was Thanksgiving, and we were alone.

Together. Alone.

We had no idea what we were going to do next--no plan. But in that moment, for the first time in my life, I was completely happy.

APOV

Putting it lightly would be saying that last night was not a good night.

Between Spencer seeing Jasper and me kissing, and my worries about Nick and Chloe, it had been tough.

Jasper had stayed the night, saying he would wait till Spencer came home so I didn't have to be alone. I knew my mom and Olivia were going to be upset with me and I deserved it. But I couldn't be alone.

Some of my worry had died down because Nick had texted us this morning saying that everything was all right and not to worry. They would both have a lot of explaining to do when they got back from California. I still had no idea who that blonde guy was or why Nick hadn't been with Chloe. I was a curious person... I needed to know these things.

I would have to wait a little while though because they were probably going to be in California for at least a few more days. I wasn't sure if after what was happening they would come home or not. They deserved a good time away though... Nick never seemed to do anything for himself before. This would be good for him. Just him and his girlfriend away for a few days.

"Strawberries?" Jasper asked me with a wide grin on his face.

"Yes, please," I replied, watching him make crepes with Alfred. Jasper seemed to be in a good mood this morning. His eyes were twinkling and a smile seemed to be ever present on his face. I had put on the radio and he danced through the kitchen to the music coming through it. I had never seen him so alive. I had no idea why he was this way.

"Strawberries it is then," he nodded and started chopping up strawberries as Alfred flipped the crepes. I saw Alfred's eyes drift to Jasper and he stared with a perplexed look for a moment. Then a smile came across his face and he shook his head with a chuckle.

I smiled at that and turned back to look at Jasper. I knew I was falling too hard for him. I couldn't pull away from him even if I wanted to now. He was becoming my life.

I knew it was wrong, but it was right at the same time. I wasn't going to pull away from him. I knew after last night and after everything we've been through up to now that I wanted to be his.

I wanted to be only his.

I wanted to be his girlfriend and I wanted to him to be my boyfriend. I wanted it to be official. And I wanted to live with him. I wanted to come home to him... I wanted him to come home to me... I wanted to be with him, for him to be the first thing I saw in the morning and the last thing I saw at night. I just wanted him. I couldn't deny that feeling anymore. It was scary, but exhilarating.

"Lots of whipped cream?" he asked, strolling over to me after he finished the strawberries.

I nodded in agreement. "Lots of whipped cream."

Jasper paused in front of me and sighed. "You okay, darling?" he drawled, smoothing my hair.

I flashed him a wide, reassuring grin. I was okay. I was just sucked into my mind at the moment. I had a lot to think about these days... like how my future was about to change. Before this, I knew my future. I was going to continue in the fashion industry, maybe take a few classes in a fashion school. There was always room for improvement, right? That part of my future wouldn't change at all. I could do all of that with Jazz.

The part that would change was the part with the people I loved. I knew that with this choice, I was going to break up a family. As much as I was a Cullen, I was a Wright too. I was going to lose a very important part of my life and heart. I knew they wouldn't hate me--none of them, not even Spencer. I also knew, though, that it would be hard for them to see me. That's why I would have to stop seeing them.

That part of my future was going to disappear. The future where I rode off into the sunset with the boy I had known my whole life. The boy I had been so certain I was going to marry. The family I was so sure I was going to marry into. It was going to be gone. For this to work, it had to go.

I would have to see them at work every day, but I hoped that we could have a business relationship.

God, how was that going to work out? My mind started wandering a little, thinking more deeply about this. Spencer was going to be my business partner. He would be the one I would have to spend every working day with. Could I look into his broken blue eyes knowing that I was the reason for all the pain they contained?

I guess I had to live with the consequences of my decisions....

"I'll be okay soon," I whispered, reaching out to slip my fingers through his.

He was silent for a second, looking down at our hands. The meaningful look in his eyes was all I needed to know that this is what I truly wanted. This part of my brain barely knew Jasper, but my heart... my heart seemed to feel that he was the right choice.

"Can we go for a walk?" I asked him, hopping off of the kitchen stool I had been sitting on.

Jasper's eyes flickered to the food on the counter and back to mine with confusion.

"Do you want to eat first...?" he questioned slowly, following me through the kitchen as I started toward the exit.

"Alfred, can you finish making it, please?" I looked back to see him nod in response. I knew he would agree. It was his food.

Jasper chuckled and hurried after me. I squeezed his hand tightly in mine as I skipped down the hallway beside him. I stopped at the front door though, seeing my mother putting her coat on.

Her eyes drifted over to us at the noise of our footsteps and landed on our entwined hands. I saw her flinch like I had hurt her. Was it really that bad...? Hadn't I gone out with him before? Wasn't she a little used to it?

"Good morning dear," she mumbled, turning quickly to the door. I blinked, feeling rejected. She always at least smiled at me...or gave me a hug?

"Where are you going?" I asked, remembering we still had the day off. Black Friday. I hadn't gone shopping at 3 A.M. this year. It had been Spencer and my tradition....

I swallowed hard and her hand stopped on the doorknob. I saw her body shudder, as if she was about to cry. What was wrong?

"Olivia just wanted to me to stop by their place this morning. I'll be home later on," she replied shortly, opening the door now.

My body jumped forward, grabbing her arm before she could hurry away. I knew something was wrong now. She hadn't given me a full reason. She was keeping something from me.

"Does it have to do with Spencer?" I questioned her, short of breath suddenly. Just because I was going to pick Jasper didn't mean I suddenly stopped caring about him. He was still Spencer.... I still loved him. Just... in a different way than I felt I loved Jasper.

My mom pulled her arm away from my hand like I was the plague. "It has to do with all of their family," she answered cryptically again.

My dad came hurrying down the stairs, but slowed when he saw Jasper and me.

"Hey baby girl. Good morning Jasper," he greeted us brightly, walking over to me. He crushed me into a hug and looked down at me. His eyes softened when they met mine.

I loved my dad... he always looked at me the same way, no matter what.

He leaned down to kiss my forehead tenderly. "You look tired," he commented as he let me go.

His eyes flickered to Jasper. "Better not have anything to do with you, son," he teased, leaning over to pat Jasper's shoulder.

Jasper chuckled and shook his head. "I assure you I was on my best behavior," Jasper told my dad with a sincere sound to his voice, even behind the playfulness.

"Daniel," my mom stated sharply.

My dad jumped at the hard tone of her voice and his forehead creased in confusion.

"Patience, dear, I'm coming," he told her softly, reaching over to tuck some hair behind my ear.

"You two have a good day," he told Jasper and me with a tight smile. Something was wrong....

"Where are you going?" I asked in confusion. My dad never went to visit Olivia with my mom.

Jasper pulled me a bit closer to him, probably sensing my discomfort. I didn't like that they were keeping something from me. Especially my dad.

My dad shrugged nonchalantly. "Just going golfing with Spencer."

"Oh." That seemed like a reasonably honest answer. They went golfing all the time. But wasn't it a little cold for golfing?

"Driving range. We are just going to practice our swings, then grab some lunch." My dad caught my thoughts before they even made it out of my mouth.

He winked at me and then turned to my mom, who was practically fuming at the front door.

I guess that was okay then... as long as nothing was wrong with him.

"Tell him I say hi!" I called to them as they turned to leave.

My mom turned around quickly, giving me a sharp look.

"Not that you love him though, right?" she spat at me.

Jasper's hand let go of mine and wrapped tightly around me, pulling me to him protectively.

I stared at her in shock. Wasn't that a little harsh? I was the one who was her daughter! I was the one who had to pick between the two most amazing guys in the world... did she think I wanted it to end up like this? That I wanted to have to hurt someone? I would have protected his heart if I knew how... but going out with both of them wasn't right anymore. It was just hurting Spencer more than it had to.

"We'll tell him," my dad assured me with a gentle smile, then shot my mom a displeased look.

"How's about we go now?" he said to her through his teeth.

Jasper kissed my temple as they turned around to leave. I leaned into him, taking a deep breath. This was going to be tougher than I thought... it wasn't just going to break up my second family, but also my real one, too.

"Let's go," I sighed when they were gone.

Jasper nodded and led us to the front door, grabbing our coats and helping me put mine on.

"I think it snowed last night," Jasper informed me with a soft smile, reaching back out for my hand once he had put his coat on.

"Didn't stay on the ground though," I frowned. I wished it would snow. It was only the end of November, though. There were no promises of snow yet. I loved snow though.

"Maybe next time," Jasper said optimistically, and I accepted his outstretched hands.

I nodded in agreement and we walked into the chilly morning air. I shivered, even in my coat, and shifted closer to Jasper.

Jasper and I walked through the grass of my front yard aimlessly, in a peaceful silence for a few minutes, before Jasper stopped. He turned and looked at me with a look of curiosity.

"Gonna tell me why we are letting our amazing breakfast go cold?" he asked, but not seriously. His voice was playful.

Was I ready for this? My stomach butterflies were going nuts. I worked to control my heartbeat as it hammered against my chest. I could do this. I could.... This was about being with Jasper and it was time to tell the truth.

I shrugged sheepishly and leaned forward to give him a kiss.

"Good reason," he chuckled, returning the kiss.

He let go of my hand to hug me tightly to his chest, then looked down at me with shining eyes. "Anything else?" he questioned quietly. He knew I had a reason for dragging him out here.

I nodded stiffly and took a breath. "I need to talk about us," I told him with a shaky voice.

Jasper's body tensed against mine and his eyes began to guard themselves. "Us...." he trailed off, then looked away from me. "Okay."

He was afraid I was going to leave him.... My heart was saddened by that. I wouldn't ever leave him again. I couldn't.

I looked down at his chest and bit my lip nervously. "I-I think... I think I...."

The words seemed like they wouldn't come out. It was hard. I was about to betray Spencer.

But I was also about to be with Jasper. It would all be okay. He'd make sure it was okay.

Jasper reached down and coaxed my cheek up, stroking it gently, soothingly. "You can tell me anything, darling," he assured me, giving me a firm look.

I took a deep ragged breath in. "I-I was just thinking...maybe... if you want to... we could, you know, be a couple or something...." I suggested in a ramble, shrugging my shoulder like I was unsure if he would actually want to.

I knew he would want to, though. That was why he was here. He had been fighting for me and now he had won. I would be his now. I... I really did love him.

Jasper's eyes widened and he stood stunned.

I laughed at his wide eyed expression and reached up to grab his face in my hands. "Will you be my boyfriend, Jasper Hale?" I asked him with one of the biggest grins I had ever worn in my life.

Jasper shook his head, but then stopped short and nodded, seeming flustered. "Y-yes... yes!" he stuttered, grabbing me in his arms and swinging me in a tight hug.

I giggled at his happiness. My heart was swelling with so much happiness I thought it was going to burst. This was what I wanted. I knew it. I was happy with Jasper. Everything seemed to slip away with him. And I had never felt so complete and perfect with someone before... not even Spencer.

Jasper didn't leave anymore time for talking. His lips crushed against mine, kissing me feverishly. His lips wouldn't stay in one place though. They moved from my lips to my cheeks to my forehead to my nose and down to my neck. I laughed, feeling so elated.

This continued for a good few minutes before his forehead came to rest against mine.

"You just made me the happiest man in the world, darling," he said breathlessly, gazing passionately into my eyes. I could see the overwhelming happiness in his eyes. They were brimming with tears, but I knew they were good tears.

"You make me the happiest girl, Jazz," I cooed to him, caressing his cheeks with my thumbs. His breathing wasn't steady and I thought he might cry. I knew it was because he was happy, but I still didn't want to see him cry... ever.

"This better not be a dream," he laughed, crushing me back to his chest.

"If it is, it'll come true anyways," I said as I tapped my head. "My dreams always come true, remember?" I reminded him teasingly, running my fingers through his mess of honey blonde curls.

Jasper laughed loudly, totally not even caring about anything else right now. He looked so free.

"Very true, angel. Very true," he agreed with a nod, leaning down to nuzzle his face into my neck. "Thank you," he whispered so quietly that it was hard for me to hear him.

"It's my pleasure," I assured him gently.

This was a going to be a start of something so amazing.... This felt so right.

"Let's go eat our crepes, my beautiful girlfriend," he grinned, keeping me tight at his side as he began to walk me through the field back to the house.

"My beautiful angel...." he whispered as we strolled.

As we walked together, it felt like we were suddenly becoming one. Together, everything would be okay....

The rest of the day was amazing. Jasper and I had a fantastic breakfast and then went to see a movie. We were just being a regular couple like nothing had happened. It felt good. It felt good to leave all the drama behind for a while and just feel like me again. He brought the best out in me.

But there came a time when I had to live up to my decision. Jasper dropped me off at home and told me he would be back later. I had told him I was going to talk to Spencer before I went anywhere else. Spencer needed to find out from me and no one else. This was going to be hard enough. I didn't have to make it harder for either of us.

My parents still weren't home, so I just jumped straight into my car and headed for the Wright house. It wasn't a far drive, as they lived just about ten minutes away from me. Not far at all. I could walk there easily. I used to do it all the time.

I saw my parents' car sitting in their driveway and shuddered. What was my mom going to do when she heard? Would she kick me out of her family or something...? She was so mad this morning. Olivia would be there, too.

I hoped they had decided to go out or something. I would have enough hurting me after what I was about to say to Spencer. God... I didn't even know if I could tell him. He needed me so much lately. He's always needed me.

I parked beside my parents' car and slid out of mine. This was going to be fine. Everything would work out. Spencer would be fine. He would find someone who made him feel like Jasper made me feel. It would all turn out okay in the end, I thought to myself, attempting to give myself a pep talk. It wasn't calming my nerves very well, though.

I had to do it though. It was time to stop hurting him. We both had to move on and heal.

I walked up the stairs of his porch and knocked lightly on the door.

Jim was the one who answered the door.

"Hey hun," he smiled warmly, opening his arms for our usual hug. I hugged him quickly, then took a step back, a little distracted at the moment. My eyes flickered around the hallway, looking for Spencer.

Jim chuckled. "I don't even get a hello.... He's up in his room," he informed me, taking a step back so I could pass him.

I flashed him a smile before quickly walking away. "Thanks and hello!" I threw over my shoulder, gaining a hearty laugh from Jim.

I skipped up the steps two by two, trying to get through this quickly. I owed him more than a quick break up though....

Spencer's bedroom door was shut, but I knew he would only feel worse if I knocked. He would feel more distant from me if he thought I thought I needed to knock before entering his room.

What I saw made me stop, blinking in complete confusion. I wasn't sure if the person I was looking at was Spencer. He looked...vaguely... like Spence. But his hair was short and he had scruff on his face. He hadn't shaven and he had cut his hair.

I didn't move from the entrance of the door. Spencer always had shaggy hair, ever since we were little. And he hated not to shave. What was going on?

What was he wearing? It was the evening and he was in nothing but sweats. That wasn't Spencer.... He didn't change until he was going straight to bed and he always wore an undershirt, unless I took it off of him.

"Spence...?" I whispered, still stunned.

Spencer's eyes shot up from the papers in front of him on his desk. He instantly stood up.

"Alice," he stated breathlessly. His eyes flickered up and down me, taking his usual careful look over me. He had to make sure I was okay.... He should care more about himself than me. He had seen me cheating on him and he was still more concerned for me.

He quickly walked over to me and stopped a foot away. "D-did you have a good day?" he asked me shakily, reaching out to lightly touch my arm. I could see how messed up he looked from close. His eyes were sunken in. He hadn't slept. He was pale and his eyes were pink.

His fingertips sent shivers down my body and pained ripped through my chest.

"It was okay. Yours?" I replied politely, stalling.

He lips twitched in a downwards angle. A frown. "It was okay," he shrugged. There was no emotion in his smooth voice. He was at least able to talk steadily now.

"Your hair is cut," I whispered, reaching up to touch it. It felt... wrong. I ran my hand over it though, getting familiar with it.

Why was I bothering? I wouldn't be touching him like this anymore.

But my hand had a mind of its own. It traveled down his face, feeling the odd feeling of the scruff on his cheeks.

I felt Spencer's jaw muscles flex.

"Y-yeah I was just... trying something new," he told me hesitantly. His eyes searched mine almost frantically. "Do you like it? I can shave if you don't like that... I can... try to grow my hair back. It'll take a little while, but I can get it back if you don't like it. I should've asked you first. I'm sorry," he rambled on, looking afraid, his eyes filled with tears as if he was overwhelmed. "I didn't want to look like him anymore—" He stopped abruptly and his eyes widened.

What? He didn't want to look like who? The only person I had ever met who looked like Spencer was Spencer. No one else could pull off his looks. It was only for him.

"You don't have to get my permission to do something different. It looks great, Spence. You always look great, don't worry," I assured him quickly, patting his cheek and pulling my hand away. Stop touching him, Alice. You have to let him go. I reminded myself.

He nodded quickly though and looked away, rubbing his eyes. "Good."

Was he crying? Why was he crying? I hadn't even broken up with him yet? What was going on?

"What's wrong, Spence?" I asked him, keeping my hands in my jacket pockets. Don't touch him. Don't touch him. Don't touch him! I chanted to myself.

A painful sob wracked through Spencer's body and he started crying. What was happening? I was so confused....

"What happened? Spencer, tell me, please," I begged him, taking a step closer so that my body was touching his. I wasn't technically touching him right now. I was just... against him. It was different, right?

He looked at me through teary eyes and shook his head. "N-nothing. It's nothing," he told me, obviously lying.

"Was it the kiss?" I asked him bluntly. I needed to know if something else was wrong or this was my doing.

Spencer shook his head again. "No," he whimpered. My words had obviously only made things worse. Great job, Alice....

Spencer turned away from me and walked over to his bed, falling into it. He looked defeated.

His defeat made me feel defeated. How could I break up with him when he was already looking like this?

"C-can we just go to bed early tonight?" Spencer asked, sniffling.

We go to bed?

Well, maybe I could stay till he fell asleep and then--No! No. I was finishing this. I couldn't keep doing this to him.

"Spencer...." I trailed off as I walked over to sit beside him on the bed. He reached over and started to take my jacket off.

"We need to talk." I finished the sentence I had started.

Spencer's hand stopped taking my jacket off and looked up at me. He looked so different now. His eyes weren't blocked by his hair anymore and I could see the entire view of them now. The entire broken view that he always used to hide.

"Kay...." he murmured and sat up. "It's really not important though.... it's just... Jim came to work last night."

That wasn't what I meant, but okay. If he needed to get this out, then I would do that for him.

Jim visited him though? Last night? Oh. Right. I was there when he had said that. Oh God... that had probably went horribly.

"What'd he do?" I asked in a sad voice.

Spencer let out a shaky breath and fell back down. "Just something about menotbeinghisson."

I blinked and thought hard about what he had just said too quickly for me to even hear.

"He said what?" I asked apologetically, sorry for not hearing it the first time. He had said it a bit fast, though.

"He said I wasn't his son," Spencer grumbled, grabbing a pillow and crushing it over his head.

I sighed. Why did Jim always have to say stuff like that? Spencer wasn't a bad son....

"He didn't mean that...." I soothed Spencer, laying down beside him on my side. I lightly tugged the pillow off his face and took a quick breath in from the devastated look on Spencer's face. He turned to lay on his side too, facing me.

"He did mean it, Alice. I'm not his son. My mom had an affair. I'm the mistake that came with her affair," he said bitterly, self hatred strong in his voice.

Olivia? No way. She was always so lovey and close with Jim. She put up with all the crap he did.

Or was that why she put up with it? She was trying to make up for what she did... Oh my God.

"You're not a mistake," I told him firmly, grabbing his face with my hand. He whimpered at the contact, tears starting to trail down his face.

"Yes, I am. That's why Jim hates me. I'm the spitting image of his worst enemy. I'm just a burden to everyone around here," he argued, but reached up to cover my hand that was on his cheek with his.

Alice you aren't supposed to be touching him. A voice reminded me, but I couldn't pull away, not right now.

Spencer called Jim by his name.... He had never done that before. He always called him 'Dad.'

"Spencer...." I whispered brokenly. "You aren't a burden to anyone. Everyone loves you. Jim even loves you, he is just holding on to the past. You can't let him get you down," I instructed him, looking him straight in the eyes, full honesty in my voice.

Just because Olivia made a mistake didn't mean Spencer had to live with the consequences. That wasn't right. He deserved so much better than any of us gave him.

Something in my mind snapped though, putting a piece of this puzzle together.

"You don't want to look like your biological father?" I questioned, seeming to understand this a little better now. That's why he had gotten so upset when I had mentioned his hair and face.

Spencer nodded miserably. "Dad—Jim says I look just like him. So... I thought... if I changed, it would be easier on him," he explained as his eyes grew distant. He was becoming guarded now. This was too hard on him at the moment.

"Can we talk about it in the morning?" he begged me, running his hand up my arm. His eyes focused on the skin of my arm with a saddened look in them.

I couldn't stay here overnight. I would just be taking one step forward and then two steps backward.

"I can't stay here tonight Spencer," I told him quietly. I had to get this out before I led him on.

"Kay. We'll go to your house. I don't want to be here anyways," he shrugged carelessly and leaned over to kiss me.

I pulled away quickly, sitting up on the bed. I had to tell him now. I didn't want to. It was really, really, bad timing. But I had to be fair to him. I couldn't hurt him anymore.

"What?" Spencer asked quickly, sitting up in a panic. "Does my breath smell like beer?" he inquired, hurriedly reaching into his pocket for a pack of mints. He popped one in his mouth and tried a smile.

"There! All fixed," he said adorably, making my heart ache painfully in my chest. He had been drinking, too?

He reached forward to my face, trying to touch it. I stopped his hand, grabbing it before it could reach my face.

This time he wasn't so calm. His eyes flashed with pain and he stared at my hand that was holding his away from my face.

"What's wrong?" he asked me in a shaky voice filled with misery. I knew he needed to touch me when he was upset, but it couldn't happen anymore. I was Jasper's girlfriend now. We both needed to learn other ways to fix our sadness. We couldn't be so dependent on one another. It wasn't healthy. It wasn't right. I could be there as a friend, but I couldn't be his whole life anymore. It wasn't the right way to live. For anyone to live.

"Spencer, I made a decision," I started slowly, putting his hand onto his knee. "I'm... I'm going to go out with Jasper now. I think it's the right thing... for all of us,"I explained to him very quietly. I had to let this out slowly and not hurt him more than I had to.

"We'll still be friends, though. We're always old friends and I care about you. We'll be here for each other, promise," I assured him quickly as his eyes filled with a horrified look.

I swallowed my tears and tried not to let him see how hard this was for me. I was breaking up with the one person I had loved my whole life. But we were different people now. We weren't growing together anymore.

I caught the look in his eyes and it killed me. His eyes were too beautiful to be so broken. It wasn't right.

He didn't say anything. He just stared at me, dumbfounded, but crushed.

Fear filled me as to what would happen now. Say something, Spencer!

Could he handle it? I didn't know if he could handle this. But there wasn't a better way to do this!

What was he going to do now?

Author's note: *blinks* WOW. Lots happened in that one... not even gonna try and sum that up! So you all know the drill. I want some reviews! And the voting is going to stop in March so you really have to get your votes in now so if you haven't stopped for the contest please do so :). The blog doesn't have anything new RIGHT now but I should be updating it tonight with a special little visit from Greg. He is taking over the blog for a bit and you'll see what he puts up there! It'll be interesting, so just check it out later and hopefully it'll be up!

Have a fantastic day... or night!