"See that?!" I said, pointing and smiling brilliantly. I motioned to the little brook we walked along beside and shrubbery along it. "Oh, sweet, sweet green leaves!" Frodo smiled at my evident joy, and I continued to beam back, happy that we were all in good spirits and now had nicer terrain to travel. "You see that? Right there, Frodo, Sam?" I pointed just below a shrub who's branches dipped into the water gently.
"That would be a nest, Miss Fali." Sam smiled back.
"What kind, do you suppose?" Frodo asked.
"I don't know, and frankly I'm past caring." I laughed. "But a nest means birds and one in this place should mean many and that means decent things to eat!" I tapped Sam upon the shoulder. "Please tell me you still have that salt with you?"
Sam nodded. "It will make a fine roast duck."
"Ah, yes. Finally a feast of plenty for the three of us." I sighed, with a dreaming tone in my voice. "Smoked meat for the journey ahead…I'll even let Gollum have the duck eggs if we find any in the nest."
"You've taken up the way of the Shire, Miss Fali." Sam was grinning. "There are very few problems that can't be bettered with food."
There was suddenly a frenzy of splashing and our attention was collectively directed toward Gollum. He was rushing about in the shallows of the little stream and was pushing fish over the stones, and trying to grab them. "First lizards, then groundlings… now he wants to eat fish raw." I sighed. "Poor confused thing." He chased after his poor victims ardently.
"Hey, don't be wandering too far ahead!" Sam snapped over to Gollum as he splashed on ahead.
"Why do you do that?" Frodo asked.
"What?"
"Call him names, run him down all the time?" Frodo said. "It doesn't do him any good." He insisted.
"Because…because that's what he is Mister Frodo. There's naught left in him but lies and deceit." Sam tried to explain. "And I don't think he deserves any better, it's only the Ring that he wants, it's all he really cares about."
I hesitated. Gollum seemed just like a wild dog right now, a wild, and admittedly fairly stupid, dog. He did not seem very dangerous at a distance but the moment he started getting closer I worried. I had not forgotten his first impression on us, how he tried to rip the Ring from Frodo's neck, and attacked anyone who got in the way.
"You have no idea what it did to him." Frodo frowned. "What it is still doing to him. I want to try and help him, Sam."
"But, why?" Sam asked.
"Because I have to believe he can come back." Frodo replied.
"You can't save him, Mister Frodo. I doubt anybody could, even if they tried."
"What do you know about it? Nothing!" Frodo snapped.
I froze, being terribly reminded of my conversation with Gollum while I had been hunting. There were some things in this world that only bearers of the Ring were doomed to understand it seemed.
Sam looked hurt, and his eyes wandered from Frodo to me, and then he left Frodo's side to come to my own. At seeing his choice in company switch, Frodo replied, more gently this time "I'm sorry Sam. I don't know why I said that."
"I do." Sam answered, looking back. "It's that Ring. I've seen you, how it's taking control of you. You hardly eat, you can't seem to sleep. It's taking hold of you, draining you Mister Frodo. You've got to fight it."
"I know what I must do Sam, the Ring was entrusted to me. It is my task, mine alone!" Frodo was snappish again. He had been more temperamental and on edge in the last few days than he had been in his entire life beforehand.
"Aren't you listening to yourself?!" Sam shouted after him. "Don't you know who you sound like?" He sighed, exasperated. "There he goes, storming off now." He looked at me. "Go and talk to him Miss Fali. He listens to you. Maybe you can convince him we don't mean any harm by not taking to that Gollum character."
"I'll try Sam." I said. "I'll see what can be done."
"I didn't mean to rattle him so much." Sam assured me. "It's only that he's gotten so oddly attached to that creature. It's everything that's happening to him. Maybe if we can finally catch a decent meal and a good night of sleep he may start getting better." He looked at me, hopefully. "Do you think so, Miss Fali?"
"I certainly hope so, Sam." I said. "I'll go speak with him now."
I raced ahead a little to catch up to my friend. For a second I did not speak, but soon I cleared my throat. "Oi." I said, catching his attention. "Are you alright?"
Frodo was quiet. "I only ask because I have noticed that you've not been eating or sleeping as much as you should. It worries me sometimes."
"I'll be fine." Frodo replied.
"That's good news." I smiled softly. After another pause I asked the more serious question. "Why the sudden interest in saving Gollum?"
"I just want to know if he can be restored to normal." Frodo said. "For his own sake."
"Is that all?" I asked. Frodo hesitated, and I knew I was getting closer to the entire truth. "Frodo?" I pressed, lightly. "What is it?"
"I want to know for my own sake too." Frodo admitted. "Sam is right…I know I'm beginning to sound like him…I'm not trying to, but it's happening whether I would like it to our not. I just want to know if there's a chance I'll be able to forget all this once it's done."
"You want to know if you can be saved." I said, quietly.
Frodo nodded. "The Ring did horrible things to Gollum, I just want to make sure it'll not be able to do the same to me."
"You don't have to be afraid of the Ring doing anything like that to you Frodo." I insisted. "Last I checked you weren't crawling around on your arms and legs, grey as dust and shriveled and bald as an old man."
"But what if it is to leave it's mark? What if I grow old and…"
"That will not happen." I stopped him.
"But what if it leaves scars on my mind? Even I know Gollum is not…all there…there are parts of him that are darkened or lost…he is confused. It would be more reassuring if we knew if there was chance to find all those damaged parts of him and fix him."
A worry surged within in me, keenly reminding me of how Frodo had just spoken in the same manner as Gollum and how his friendship with us was now shaking and his ideas of loyalty bending under Gollum's favor. I shook my head fiercely.
" 'What if, what if'," I repeated his words. "If we keep worrying over what may happen we'll all go mad!" I huffed. "Listen to me Frodo Baggins, I've known you since you were only an infant, and there's not one part of you that was at all like Gollum. This quest has just—tired you-that's all. But we're getting rid of that thing, and after we finish watching it melt in the fire, we're going back to the Shire, and Bag End, and all that lovely peace and quiet. You'll be back to your normal self in no time."
"You're sure?" He asked.
"I'll not allow any other outcome!" I argued back. I realised my voice had risen in volume, as if shouting the words made them more true. "Let's speak of this no longer." I said, more quietly. "That Ring will only be around your neck for a few more weeks, not the next few centuries." Frodo nodded ans his hand wavered over the Ring, as if he suddenly realised it would not always be around his neck. "Ah! Don't!" I snapped again, and swatted his hand away.
"Sorry." He quickly apologized. "It's becoming something of a habit."
"Well, try to focus on breaking it." I said. I smiled at him, more encouragingly. "Sam and I only mean the best for you. Seeing you this troubled makes him awfully worried, and it puts him on edge as well."
"And you?"
I scoffed, jokingly. "I'm never on edge." I smirked. Frodo laughed at my words. "Good to see you back to high spirits again." I said. "Now, go and walk beside Sam again. It'll help the both of you. Leave the troubles about your well being to me." I tapped the sword at my belt lightly. "I can help you Frodo, no ill will befall you with me around."
Frodo nodded, and turned to go back to Sam. "Fali?"
"Yes?"
"You'll try to help Gollum too?" He asked, casting his eyes down a little, as though he were nervous to ask such a thing. "It would only be fair…"
I sighed. "If anything can be done for Gollum—and I don't expect there is a lot that can be done for his sake – I'll see that it is done." I turned serious. "But to be clear, I'm doing it for you, seeing as you've taken him so close to heart. If that whiny, shriveled thing came up to me and asked, I'd say no."
Frodo looked relieved. "Thank you Fali."
He returned to Sam, who smiled in direction and the two walked on again as companions, as though no bickering had taken place at all. "Don't thank me yet, Frodo." I muttered to myself.
Gollum poked his head out of the bushes to look at me with a bony fish tail in his mouth. The creature grinned at me, and I didn't know whether it was meant to be friendly or menacing. It made me feel suspicious either way.
How on earth was I supposed to help that thing?
/
"Leave now and never come back." I shifted hearing noise.
"Who's there?" I murmured.
"Leave now and never come back!" I tensed hearing the words again.
"Show yourself!" I demanded, more loudly and I reached out for my blade by my side. I sat up., sword in my hand.
I did not expect to see Boromir sitting in our camp. He was dripping wet, seeming to have stepped out of the Marsh and into this dream, and he sat upon a small hill of fish bones.
"Boromir…" I said. "I'm sorry." I dropped the sword quickly, as though it were hot iron.
"Princess." He smirked, murky drops of water dripping from his chin and hair as he nodded at me with respect. "Fali." He added, just as my lips began to move to tell him there was no need for such titles between friends. He smirked, knowing my reaction all too well.
"I've kept them safe." I pointed to the slumbering forms of Sam and Frodo. "And better fed too, now that hunting has improved more." I rushed to the side of Frodo. "Frodo? Frodo wake up Boromir is-"
"He will not awaken Fali, no matter what you try." Boromir raised a hand and stopped me. "This is your dream, and your dream alone."
"How very cryptic of you." I smirked back. "All the same it is nice to see another familiar face. We've had a few more…close calls…"
"Is it everything you expecting it would be? This adventure…was it all you had hoped for as a child?"
"In my dreams as a child I was fighting off dragons and trolls." I smiled, getting up and bringing my cloak to him to throw over his wet shoulders.
"Do you find their abundance quite lacking? Would you rather they suddenly appear?" Boromir joked with me.
"Oh no, no they may stay where they are." I assured him. "In all honesty, I am glad there has been no need for me to really use my sword yet. But I will, when I must help Frodo with his burden."
"You have taken on quite the burden yourself." Boromir replied. "You have plenty of worries of your own, yet you take on others as well, almost as if you have the whole adventure planned out in your head, like you did when you were young."
"The hobbits are unused to such things." I said.
"Used to such things?" Boromir asked. He frowned. " You make it sound as though you've been on an adventure before. And I can't remember if you've ever told me you have been." He almost laughed. "I don't think you'd be able to keep such a thing a secret if you had, you would have been all too proud of yourself."
I rolled my eyes. "So adventure is new to all of us." I shrugged. "It's easier for those who have grown up on stories of glory and valor and epic journeys."
"Not all is well, Fali." He said seriously. "Even you must see it through your childhood dream, and your optimism. You cannot say that you feel as though all is perfect as it is right now."
"Gollum…" I sighed voicing my concerns, with a groan. "I wish he would just venture off into the wild one of these nights. If he goes on speaking under his breath and lurking everywhere my nerves will fray to mere threads." I sighed. "And to make matters worse Frodo has befriended him, in a strange way. He wants to try and reverse the effect the Ring had on Gollum."
"Something I believe you said you'd help him with."
"Please don't throw what I already know back at me." I said. "I know very well this time that all this is only a dream."
"You were saying something about Frodo?" Boromir asked again, setting me back on track.
"He's losing himself, just as you did." I frowned. "His mind is starting to turn on him, he puts Gollum's well-being over that of his own, he's too attached to the creature entirely…and he's starting to isolate himself." I looked up at Boromir, an apologetic look on my face for bringing up his fall from grace the last time I had truly seen him. "I'm sorry." I muttered. "I wish I could ask you how you're fairing. I would give anything to hear that you and the others were alright….Aragorn, Merry and Pip…"
"Gideon?" Boromir asked understandingly, his gloved hand patting my shoulder.
My hand fell upon the silver pendent around my neck, in the image of a bear, and I held it close to my heart in a tight fist. Gideon should be nearly home by now if he had traveled well. I wondered what he would tell our family when he arrived without me. Hopefully they did not think it had been my plan all along to get rid of him, and that I had only seen him as my chance to join the Fellowship. I briefly wondered if he was also holding onto his gift from the lady Galadriel.
"I'll see him again." I said, with determination. "You'll be so proud when you see me again, and I'll be able to really tell you all that happened and how I fought through it all. How I stayed brave, how I stayed strong." I smiled. "Just as you told me to."
He nodded. "Whatever the lady commands."
I awoke suddenly, not knowing when my dream had ended and where Boromir had gone or what had awoken me at all. The excited chattering of Gollum alerted me that he was the culprit. "What have you done now?" I sighed, annoyed.
"Look what Smeagol finds!" The creature paid me no attention.
"Sam, what has he found now?"
"Rabbits, Miss Fali." Sam replied. I opened an eye to see that such was true.
"They are young, and tender, yes, yes. Eat them. Eat them." Gollum went on about his successful hunt. He then proceeded to pick up the body of one rabbit and snap it's spine in two with a sickening crack. The poor rabbit was folded in half at it's mid-section. I grimaced, and Frodo looked as though he may be ill at having witnessed something like that so close to his face.
Sam intervened on our behalf as Gollum attempted to eat the rabbits raw, as he had with everything else that had the misfortune of being his prey. He snatched the animals away, and scolded Gollum (or Smeagol, I was truly confused over the way with which he referred to himself) for acting like a beast. "There's only one way to cook a brace of croneys." He said, and then, looking happier than he had in a long time, he pulled out the pot we had brought along with us and began to cook.
"Oh Sam, you're one of the dearest people in the world." I grinned when the hare was almost done, transformed from animal to a lovely looking pot of stew. Sam's box of salt and spices had been put to good use for the meal.
Sam flushed under my praise, too modest about his skills to say anything. "Thank you for such an opinion, Miss Fali."
I rolled my eyes a little. It was going to take two hundred years at this rate for Sam to stop calling me 'Miss'.
"What's it doing?!" Gollum shrieked, returning from hunting down lizards again. He stared at the stew pot in horror. "Stupid, fat hobbit! You ruins it!"
"What was there to ruin?" Sam shrugged, glaring back. "There was hardly any meat on them."
"Leave him be, Gollum." I spoke firmly to the creature, as if I were separating naughty children. "He's only cooked it through. Decent food is cooked, not eaten raw from the bone."
"What does it know?!" Gollum turned on me. "Nothing!"
"What we need now is some nice taters." Sam said to me, in a bought of wishful thinking.
"What's taters, precious?" Gollum looked up curiously, his swiftly changing mood making me all the more confused by him.
"Po-tat-oes." Sam deliberately spelled it out for him, as the two engaged in an argument about the versatile vegetable. "Even you couldn't say no to that."
"Yes, we could!" Gollum spat right back. "Give it to us raw…and wriggling!" He spoke, trying to get a rise out of Sam. "Keep your nasty chips."
"You're hopeless." Sam sighed, heavily. He looked over to me. "He's hopeless."
"Let him eat whatever he wants Sam, there'll be more for us." I split them apart again. "He seems to fill his stomach well enough on his own."
The stew was distributed, and as I ate I thought of how I could possibly help Gollum's shriveled soul. Perhaps if I managed to get him to eat something besides raw meat it would help him. Remind him that he was in someway still human.
I watched as the creature sulked, staring at me and Sam as he chewed on another poor lizard.
"He really is hopeless." I sighed quietly to myself. "What have I done, trying to help him?" I caught his eye again. "I must know nothing…" I joked to myself once more, under my breath.
