A/N: So… Gummy bear thing… All my notes/ideas got deleted… So I'm still working on it… Heheh… heh… Sorry this took so long
Lame author's note :( ON WITH THE STORY!
Mello awoke surrounded by white softness. He couldn't tell what the white stuff was or where he was. He started squirming and struggling around, since the space seemed very compact. Suddenly, his soft, white world gave way on his left and he felt himself crash against the floor.
The moment Mello opened his eyes, Near was all in his face.
"AUGH!" He screamed. "What the hell, maggot?"
"Mello," Near began calmly, "what were you doing in my underwear drawer?"
"…What?"
"You just made my underwear drawer fall out of my dresser and are sitting in it," Near stated. "Why?"
"…" Mello looked around him and was quiet for a second before having a total spasm. "AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH OH MY GOD I INDIRECTLY TOUCHED NEAR'S BUTT! I WANT TO DIE!"
Near attempted to calm Mello down, but all he got was a roundhouse kick to the face.
And that is how Near ended up in intensive care and Mello ended up in counseling.
##
Mello squirmed in his seat. He'd been in the counselor's office for HOURS and all she had done was sit there, stare at him, and say 'hmm'.
Finally, the counselor spoke. "I know what's wrong with you," she said.
Mello was on the edge of his seat. "Well, spit it out, woman! Wait, THERE'S NOTHING WRONG WITH ME!"
"Sure there is. You are violent and spastic because you feel inferior to Near."
"…Bitch, I will eat your face." Was Mello's quaint response.
"Hmm, and a heavy layer of denial too…" she mumbled. "Anyway, you feel inferior to Near and are terrified to be beaten by him in any way, so you have a spasm whenever you think that might happen."
"You're insane! It must be something else!" Mello demanded.
"Well, it's either that or you're in love with him."
Mello struck a heroic pose. "I feel inferior to Near!"
The counselor smiled. "Yes. Yes you do. But now it's time to let go of that inferiority complex and have some confidence in yourself. Repeat after me: I am a strong, confident woman."
"I am a strong, confident woman," Mello repeated, very seriously.
This repeated another twenty times before the counselor decided to do something else.
That something, was pulling a stuffed sheep doll out from under her desk.
"Now," she said, "behold my sheep. Isn't he fluffy? Don't you want to be as fluffy as my sheep?"
"Not really… I don't care about your dumb sheep," Mello responded.
The counselor then taped a picture of Near's face to the sheep. "Behold, Near: the fluffiest sheep in the world. Don't you want to be as fluffy as he is?" the counselor teased. And in that moment, something inside Mello snapped.
"OH MY GOD, YES! I WANT TO BE THE FLUFFIEST MOTHER FUCKING SHEEP IN THE WORLD AND THEN I'LL KILL NEAR AND MAKE HIM INTO MY FLUFFY BED, AND THEN I'LL BURN HIM AND BURN WITCHES IN HIS FLAMES!" Mello yelled before lunging at the sheep doll and tearing it to pieces with his suddenly very pointy teeth.
The counselor, however, looked undeterred. "Ok, let's try something else," she muttered. She then sat Mello back in his seat and held up another picture of Near, because apparently, she had been stalking him and taking photos.
Mello lunged at the picture, but before he could kill it, the counselor squirted him with a spray bottle. "No. That's a bad Mello. Squirt squirt."
Mello hissed and retreated. The counselor smiled. "Good job, Mello! Now for your final test."
##
Back at the hospital, Near was taken into a large room full of mirrors in which he was to get changed back into his pajamas, since the doctors told him he could go. He had managed to get that weird dress thing they make you wear at hospitals off when he realized something.
Matt and Yoshi had taken all Near's clothes and cut them up to make collages, which was very ineffective, considering they were all white.
But it meant Near had no clothes.
Suddenly, he heard a door open and close, followed by a shrill scream.
Mello covered his eyes. "Oh my God, why? It's like fifty shades of Near! My eyes are bleeding!" With that, Mello broke one of the mirrors. As if in response, the sprinklers on the ceiling went off.
The counselor's voice came over the intercom. "No ,that's a bad Mello. Stop killing Near's reflection."
"But it burns!" Mello retorted. "It burns so bad!"
"No, Mello. You will sit there and be civilized," she responded.
"I'M SURROUNDED BY NAKED ALBINOS, HOW IS THIS CIVILIZED?"
"Don't worry, Mello. It's just reflections of naked albinos."
"THAT DOESN'T MAKE IT ANY BETTER! I wish I'd eaten your face when I had the chance!"
Suddenly, the police broke down the door. "Freeze, you're under arrest for public nudity and failing at copying Naruto's harem-no-jutsu."
"What's a naruto?" Mello and Near asked in unison.
And they all lived happily ever after (in prison and most likely got raped or something in there too). The end.
A/N: If anyone has any ideas for how to kill a gummy bear without eating it or just for another chapter, I'd love it if you told me in a review! Please and thank you!
