Chapter 29 – Breath of Life

'I was looking for a breath of a life

A little touch of heavenly light

But all the choirs in my head sang no oh, oh, oh'


Erika didn't mind the rain too much, fit the mood really. She came to a stop once Adolf had departed with his train, without her help. She then noticed the twin Russian cranes up above, taking note of their unusual silence. She watched as they silently did their work, both avoiding Erika's gaze. However they did flash a few brief 'conversations' between one another with their headlamps. Her eyes narrowed a bit… they knew. If Adolf wouldn't tell her, they would... hopefully. She let out a few blasts on her whistle to get their attention, "Hey Bartolf, Orlov!" she whistled again.

Assuming the tensioned had passed, the two cranes turned to greet her with big smiles. "Vell, vell, vell! Zhe pretty lady misses us already!" Bartolf pointed out.

"You cannot blame her, ve are charming." His twin responded agreeingly.

The GS-4 rolled her eyes; she wasn't in the mood for jokes or games. "Do either of you know what's wrong with Adolf?"

"Oh, hm... You know I think he vas vith Sofie earlier in evening."

"Da, she vas flouncing around." Bartolf chuckled, "It vas funny. But other than that ve couldn't tell you. He vas already in bad mood vhen he arrived here."

"Da, big, bad volf vas baring his teeth tonight!"

She paused for a moment. Sofie and Adolf never spoke to each other... ever. She was quite aware of the mutual dislike they shared for each other. Why would Sofie say anything to him? What if… A light suddenly went on in her mind. Oh no… she thought. She knew Sofie was as commanding as she was harsh. She didn't put up with crap and clearly wasn't afraid to tell someone how she felt. Seeing how upset Erika had been must have driven Sofie to take matters into her own hands. What did she say to him? With that thought in mind, she nodded to the two cranes. "Right, thanks guys. You two have a good night, OK? See you tomorrow." She blew her whistle in goodbye before finding the nearest points to switch onto, and took off into the night.

"It must have been some conversation…" Bartolf smirked as Erika sped off again, undoubtedly to her so obviously distressed mate.

Adolf's shed was very quiet when Erika arrived, and very dark. The inside was pitch black, untouched by the feeble light from a lamppost nearby, but the turntable was directed toward his favorite spot, which was usually a sign he was there. Inside, Adolf was backed up as far as he could go, languidly allowing tears to stream down his face as he listened to the rain outside his shed. Normally he found solace in being alone, but tonight, more than ever, loneliness consumed him. He'd pushed away the one person who tolerated him- even loved him though he couldn't imagine why. And now he was alone with only his thoughts to keep him company in the inky blackness- and they were unkind. What if Sofie was right? He knew what he was being ordered to do wasn't right, by any stretch of the word, but Charlotte was his master, he couldn't refuse her. But that was a lie. He could. So what made him any better than those blindly following orders and committing crimes against the people in Germany? Any better than the leader who had orchestrated it, the one who shared his name no less? He let out a quiet sob, because he wasn't. He was doing the exact same thing to his own kind here on Kollsvik knowingly.

Erika stared at the roundhouse, it was so dark and the heavy rain wasn't helping. She squinted in an attempt to keep the water out of her eyes, which failed. As she got closer to Adolf's berth she could hear sounds. She couldn't pinpoint it exactly but it sounded like... No... no it couldn't be. She carefully rolled into his berth, afraid of what she'd find.

"Addie...?"

He looked up quickly, his light flicking on as he gasped a bit. Erika was the last person he'd expected to see; the rain and his busy thoughts had drowned her out until she spoke. When he dimmed his lights, it was clear that he'd been crying. The feeble coat of drying rainwater couldn't hide it for him anymore.

Her heart shattered when she saw his face, her fear had been confirmed and it made her want to cry too. What could have happened to bring her king to such a state? She was afraid to ask and paused for a moment before journeying further into his berth. She pressed her forehead to his, her voice soft but desperate. "Adolf please... please talk to me."

He inhaled shakily, opening his mouth to speak, then closing it again tightly. It took him a minute to manage it. "I am just like zhem, Erika. Zhere is no difference." His breath hitched again, "Zhe Führer's followers- zhey have no excuse for inflicting such suffering, and neizher do I..."

She frowned a little in confusion as she let his words simmer a bit. She had heard that word before, but she couldn't pinpoint why. "What do you mean? No different than who?"

He looked up as if he were surprised she didn't know what he was talking about. He swallowed lightly. He didn't want to say it now- what if it drove her away? "Zhe Nazis," It was a bitter word to him. "All zhis time I've been so afraid of it, and I didn't even realize I vas becoming exactly vhat I despise."

Erika then remembered the time she had spent the night in the scrap yards. She had associated him Hitler back then. Looking back now, she realized how spiteful her words had been. Still, that couldn't be why he was this upset, could it? "Why do you think that?"

"S-Sofie said it," he admitted finally and sniffed. "I vas so angry, I didn't vant to believe her but she vas right…"

A low growl escaped from her. She could feel her boiler pressure rising. For Sofie to accuse Adolf of being like Hitler… and being German herself, it just didn't make any sense. It was a low and harsh blow and it couldn't be further from the truth. However for his sake, she forced herself to calm down and looked up at him, her features softening. "Baby... you aren't a Nazi or anything of the sort. You're sweet and full of love." She brought herself closer and kissed him. A sensation she had gone without for weeks and boy did she miss it.

He clearly needed to hear that from her, tears streaming down his face as he kissed back. It took him a little while but eventually he calmed and fell silent, his forehead pressed against Erika's. He felt exhausted, both emotionally and otherwise, "Erika… Mein engel."

His words caused a smile to grace her lips, "I love you. I always have."

Adolf smiled weakly as well as he didn't seem to have much else to say after that, and was silent for a long while. Finally he murmured, "I… I'm sorry for being so rude to you. I didn't mean it."

"I thought you were mad at me or something. It was such a drastic change from the Adolf I know and love."

His smile only grew more confidence and nuzzled her gently, enjoying her warmth. He was beginning to feel exhausted from his long day and the crying hadn't help either. Still, he was happy she was there, that she still cared.

"You are... everything to me." She continued, "Even when you are a jerk, but that just makes you so much more lovable. I don't want to be away from you, I missed you so much. I don't know everything about what happened during the war, but I do know you're not like those people. I know you can't help what jobs you're assigned to or where you come from or even who names you... none of us can unfortunately. But don't ever question yourself, you're not cruel. You're sweet and affectionate and caring and loving and so many other things that make you perfect. And that's why I love you."

"You indulge me vith zhese attributes; don't overestimate me. But it ist nice to know you find me to be so benevolent."

"That's because you are."

"Thank you, Erika. You are too, more zhan me I am sure." He then dimmed his lights further as a subtle invitation for her to get close. She took him up on his offer and got a little closer, increasing the contact and shielding him from further the cold wind and rain that blew in. She could feel the cool dampness on his face from where his tears had fallen and her expression turned somber once again. Oh how she wished she could just wipe them away somehow. Despite that they were together again, at least that's what she was going to assume. The small, loving kisses he began offering her said as much. It was as if nothing had ever changed. She only hoped things would stay this way forever, and if Charlotte were to find out about their secret, late night meetings again then so be it.


Late February – 1967

Another dim morning was breaking over Kollsvik, another day tentatively trying to poke through the ever present clouds and fog. But today, all was silent. Today, no one knew what to do. The engines remained uninformed as of yet but the workmen knew, the drivers knew, the firemen knew. The news spread like wildfire amongst those who were awake, passing over the sleeping engines but soon enough they would know too. Nothing was going to be the same now, with Charlotte gone. Jimmy puttered almost listlessly around the island, taking one of Charlotte's aides around to give the orders that had been decided. Work was to stop for now, and no one was sure if it would ever begin again.

Adolf rested quietly in his shed. Erika hadn't been able to visit him the previous night but he didn't mind much, mostly because he hadn't been expecting what would hit him like a brick wall the next morning. He opened a sleepy eye when the aide, a man whom Adolf didn't know the name of, approached him in an uncharacteristically somber manner. He was a little irritated at first, hating to be woken up, but his anger melted when he heard what the man had to say.

"The Administrator is no longer with us. Do not expect to continue work today; as soon as we have decided what to do next, we will let you know."

It was a brief, almost un-noteworthy conversation, but Adolf knew that his life was about to change forever. What was going to happen? Would Kollsvik just, crumble like that? He hadn't thought it possible. There was no way he could do this again, lose his home again, lose the one he cared for the most, sit in a warehouse and wait and wait and wait again. He couldn't compete with the newer engines, he was old and severely outdated, and he wasn't prepared to try. He'd poured his life into this place, just as much as Charlotte had, if not far more. Raised it from the ground and called it his home. He sat in what one could only describe as shell-shocked silence as the man left him. And when he was alone, he gave up and cried.

Once word got around to the engines there was an eerie silence before they began to speak amongst themselves. Sofie looked like she was going to do a back flip. The big tank engine let out a hearty laugh, "Ha! Der Führer ist nicht mehr! Danke dem Herrn dafür!"

Soon curious chatter turned to equally happy cheers as there was celebration to be had within the roundhouse but neither Erika nor Russell took part in it. She was far too worried about Adolf and what the news would do to him. What would happen to them, what would happened to her? Would she go back to the US? Would she be separated from Adolf? She wasn't quite sure if she could accept that. She glanced at the little Adams Tank who had kept quiet, his eyes focused on the ground as he processed the information.

Russell didn't know what to think. He too sat in total silence as the noise rose around him, starting with a timid whisper and rising to a cacophony that one would expect to hear in a place so full of engines. Some laughed. Some cried. Some were just as confused as he was. But Russell felt something else too. He felt guilt.

Sofie took notice of their silence and raised an eyebrow, "Vhat are you two so glum for? Zhe bitch is dead!"

"We shouldn't speak ill of the deceased." Russell scolded without much expression in his tone.

"She deserves no such respect. I hope she burns in hell vith zhe Führer and all zhe ozhers."

"Sofie!"

"She is no different zhan him. You know zhat as much as I do."

The little tank engine closed his eyes and rolled back a bit into the dimness of the shed. Erika frowned at Sofie. She opened her mouth to respond, but closed it soon after. This time, she couldn't disagree with comparing Charlotte to Hitler. At least she was right for once on the accusation. "Don't get so happy Sofie. We're steam engines, outdated technology. No one will want us... if they decide to sell us all off."

"Ja, ja I am avare. Still, it gives me great pleasure to know she is dead. And for zhat, I can die happy."

It had begun to rain outside, and some of the workmen who were wandering around took shelter in the roundhouse. A few of them started chatting with the engines but for most there was still a wall. The effects of such a long time of being segregated and forced to ignore each other wouldn't be quick to disappear. Among the men was Erika's crew. The three said nothing to each other as Todd and Anthony approached their engine, her driver giving her pilot a pat along the way. They knew where Erika wanted to be, and it wasn't here. They knew as much as she did that Adolf would be more than a little upset about the news. They knew she needed to be there because no one else would dare to. Although she did feel bad for leaving Russell with a slightly morbid and overly happy Sofie, she made her way towards Adolf's shed as soon as she felt her boiler was warm enough.

Adolf didn't notice her when she arrived until she had already come in, but he still didn't look up. Tearstains streaked his face. She solemnly made her way into his domain. Erika pressed her forehead to his, nuzzling him gently. It bothered her greatly to see him so upset. Even more so because this time, there was nothing she could do to resolve the situation or ease his pain. "Addie…"

He took a shaking breath, "Vhat ist going to happen now? Vhat am I going to do vithout you?" He knew this was going to happen. He had known for a long time, even though he didn't want to acknowledge or think about it. He had known it would be the hardest thing he would have to face since being taken away from his first home. Erika was his home now, where she was, he wanted to be. But now she was going to be taken away from him too. Fresh tears spilled down to drip onto his running board.

She looked down as she remembered her promise to him that they'd always stay together. That she'd never leave him... no matter what. That promise might be broken and there was nothing either of them could do about it. There was no way they'd bring him back to the states with her. A German engine on US soil with the remnants of WWII still fresh in everyone's mind would not go well; especially if he was out doors with no protection. The last thing she wanted was for him to endure the vandalism and verbal abuse she once experienced. She was sure going back to Germany with him was out of the question as well. And so, for the first time ever, Erika had nothing to say. Erika, the one who was always there to reassure Adolf and tell him otherwise, the one to always lift his spirits, was speechless and helpless. She remained silent as she too stared at his running board as reality started to sink in, her blue eyes wide in shock. "…I love you." She said finally. It was the only thing she was sure of. The only thing she knew would never change no matter what, "And I always will."

The German engine was silent for a long time, listening to the rain pitter-patter on the roof outside. "I love you too, Erika. And I will never forget."

"Maybe…" she dared to look at him and meet his gaze, swallowing thickly, "maybe they won't separate us?" Despite their bleak outlook, there was still a chance they'd stay together though it was slim. There had to be someone out there who could take them both, someone who would take pity on two hunks of outdated metal who were hopelessly in love. There were railways that still used steam, hell they didn't have to be in service she just wanted to stay with him. They could sit and rust for all she cared as long as they were together.

Adolf however, was far less hopeful, "Erika… Don't get my hopes up. Zhat ist not fair."

"You should always have hope, Adolf."

"Zhere ist a difference between hope and fate."

"Where it not for both, I wouldn't be here. I wouldn't have found you."

He sighed, and he would have shaken his head if he could. "Erika, I cannot go to America vith you. Even if zhere ist anyvone who vill have me."

Her eyes narrowed as her expression intensified. "Then we'll sit here in this shed together and rust. I'm not leaving you." With a slightly rougher than necessary bump, she coupled up to him to prove her point. If they were going to attempt to take her away, they'd be dragging him along with her. She took note of his wide, silver eyes and lack of response and decided to elaborate further. "I'd rather die alongside you than go back... There's... there's nothing for me back there."

A few lone tears welled in her eyes before rolling down her cheeks. Her tone was depressing and eerily stern, which was rather disturbing coming from her. They were both very out of sorts that morning, understandably so, and though her demeanor was new, he couldn't say he was surprised. But even though her resolve was, in a way, just as comforting as it was unsettling, he knew that both of their lives would never be the same after this, whether it was for better or worse. From the first moment he had gotten involved with her he'd known that they would not, and could not last. Now the inevitable was coming full term and they weren't ready. Despite the obvious, he decided to give her whatever hope he had left, kissing her lips passionately just in case this would be the last time and he'd never get another chance. He was going to give her the benefit of the doubt and pray no one bothered to check his shed. Hoping and praying was the only thing they could do.

Erika wrinkled her nose as rain continued to drip on her face from the leaky roof above. It had been raining non-stop almost but wasn't that what spring was about? Was it even spring now? Todd said it was last time he was there… whenever that was. She had been sat in the same spot for so long she had lost track of time completely. How long did it take to die? She suddenly coughed and shivered. Due to her size, everything past her smokebox was left exposed to the harsh elements and she was already showing signs of neglect. It was a feeling she was no stranger to, but despised nonetheless. She was cold and felt terribly sick. During the winter, her crew would come to start her fire. However, that only lasted until she ran out of fuel. With no oil to fuel and no fueling station available, she was unfortunately forced to endure the conditions.

Adolf observed her worriedly as he unwillingly watched her deteriorate before him, instantly regretting the decision to go through with this plan. It broke his heart to know that there was nothing he could do. He pressed his forehead to hers in hopes of giving her some sort of comfort. He wished he was the one out in the pouring rain, not her. At the same time he knew she would want him to be protected. He closed his eyes as he enjoyed the closeness, letting the sound of the storm outside lull him to sleep and dream of a better outcome.

Erika watched him quietly as she listened to the soft sound of his breathing; it was calming somehow, making her realize how tired she was. She had been tired often lately. Maybe it was the fact that she hadn't moved in almost a month or her failing health. Or maybe it was that the gloomy weather outside was also making her listless. Whatever the cause, she opted to let sleep overtake her as well.

It only seemed like minutes later when Erika awoken again to the sound of people arguing. She could have sworn her driver was among them. With a groan she forced herself awake. The yelling grew louder and she began to hear footsteps followed by the sounds of some sort of construction equipment beeping, voices directing whatever it was behind into position. Before she knew it, the men surrounded her and Adolf and quickly went about uncoupling the two. However the lack of maintenance, harsh weather, and poor living conditions had taken a toll on couplers, causing them to rust and fuse together.

"Shit," one of the workmen swore, and rubbed his forehead. "Fuck it, we'll pull them apart."

The man's words startled Erika which quickly turned into fear when she felt foreign hands fumbling with her controls until her brakes released. Something then latched onto her rear coupler and began to pull. "What's going on?" she asked aloud to anyone. "What are you doing?!"

"Oregon called," another man replied. "They want their piece of junk back. You're going home, baby."

Her eyes went wide with fear. This couldn't be happening; this wasn't how it was supposed to be! The plan was to stay together, no matter what. All of the commotion caused Adolf to stir. He groaned grumpily, his eyes glowing faintly. It didn't take long for him to register what was happening; enough to know whatever was going on wasn't good. A sharp hiss escaped him as he felt the tug on his coupler.

He let out a low growl and shouted at the men, his eyes now on full brightness. "Vhat are you doing?! Let her go zhis instant!"

The men paid him no mind. Without fuel, Adolf was immobile and no threat to them. Nevertheless, he did what he could to scare them off while Erika began to break down and cry, begging for the humans to stop, the pain from being pulled in two directions becoming far too much to bear for much longer. Amongst the chaos of all the screaming and crying, a loud bang cut through it all, silencing them all. The two engines have been freed from each other. Adolf looked down at his coupler in shock; the pain coming from it went ignored for the time being. It was all over for them just like that. It wasn't until he heard the sound of the machine ahead in motion again that he was brought back to reality, only to look on helplessly as his one and only love began to roll away from him.

"I love you, Addie," she told through her tears. "I always will."

Adolf wanted to say something, he wanted to tell her the same, but the words caught in his throat. Instead he closed his eyes in defeat. He couldn't bear to see her go.

Hours later, the feeling of a warm boiler roused the German tender engine awake; he opened his eyes to see the sun poking through the clouds. He looked down at the empty track before him. He'd hoped he had been dreaming earlier, but Erika was truly gone. Adolf let out a shaky sigh and closed his eyes once more. They opened again seconds later when he heard footsteps. Had more men come to take him away tool? Is that why his boiler was lit? He would soon get his answer as the owner of the footsteps revealed themselves; it was Todd. The man offered him a smile.

"Good, you're awake." He said, "It's even better than you still have coal. Took some effort, but I found a hose near buy to fill up your tender. Now, we don't have a lot of time - -"

"She ist gone." Adolf said bitterly, still not looking at him. "I couldn't do anyzhing to protect her… I didn't even get to say goodbye."

"You might be able to if you hurry." He smiled again when the engine looked back at him in mild confusion. "You drive and I'll shove coal. Good thing you guys can control yourselves to a degree" Todd quickly disappeared behind Adolf again, getting into his cab and releasing his brakes, allowing him to move at his own will.

The Wurttemberg K barreled down the main line as fast as his drivers would allow, maybe even a little faster. Never in his life had he gone so fast. He had never been so determined, so eager, and so fearful. Not since the incident back home that caused him to derail. He had to see her one more time, to see his sun, his queen before she set for good. He knew he'd never forgive himself if he didn't at least try. If there was one thing Erika taught him, it was to always try. To always have something to believe in, to always have hope. Her strength amazed him, both physical and mental. She was so beautiful and pure; there would never be another like her. How she ever fell for an engine like him was something he would probably never understand, but he would be eternally grateful that she did. She was the only one who believed in him, but now it was time for Adolf to believe in himself.

"You should always have hope, Adolf."

He had to make it in time, he couldn't fail.

Soon he could see the shipyard in the horizon and though he was tired and his wheels ached, he forced himself onwards. As he grew nearer he could hear the loud horn of a ship. It sounded again as if it were counting down.

"Come on, old boy!" he heard Todd shout to him, "We can make it!"

No sooner had he reached the outskirts of the docks, did he see a ship departing. Fearing the worst, he quickly rushed over and got as close as he could, whistling as loud as he could as he tried to see if Erika was on it. He continued to tail the ship until the track reached the end of the dock and as the ship passed him, he saw her. She was facing him, but no amount of whistling could draw her attention. The ship's horn was just too loud.

"Erika!" he called to her, whistling again in vain as he was forced to watch the love of his life being sent away to a place he couldn't reach. And with her, all the love and affection and joy he had yearned for so many years. He clenched his jaw tightly and tears began to fall as he watched the last pieces of his world get further and further away. It was only after the ship was a mere dot on the horizon that Adolf truly became alone.


Sodor, Vicarstown – Present Day

A cool autumn breeze blew through the station as Erika arrived to bid her old friend goodbye. She couldn't help but smile a little as Ivette cried her eyes out, unable to keep her feelings at bay. The big tank engine smiled as well, though it became a little sadder when she spotted Erika. Once Ivette was done with her goodbyes, she approached the 4-8-4.

"It vas nice seeing you again Erika. I am sorry if I reopened any old wounds, it vas not my intention."

"I know how you are, Sofie. You haven't changed. Whether or not that's a good thing is yet to be decided." She laughed quietly.

Sofie rolled her eyes, "Hopefully our next meeting vill be happier, and longer."

"It was happy, I'm glad to see you again. And I'll be happy to see you when you return."

"Maybe you'll come see me in Germany?" she grinned a bit.

"Yeah, when Germany reinforces their rails, I'll be right over." The two laughed for a while at that. "Take care of yourself, Sofie."

"And to you as vell."

"Oh Sofie, one more thing…" she bit her lip as she thought it over. "You should apologize, to Adolf I mean. I know it was a long time ago, and things probably won't change between the two of you, but you should."

The BR 62 frowned; her eyes scanned the ground as she tried to figure out what Erika was talking about. It then dawned on her and she sighed. "Oh… zhat. I don't think he'd care either vay, but you are right. It vas cruel of me to say such zhings. I vas mad and vorried about you. If I see him, I vill tell him as much."

"Thank you Sofie. If he's the same as I remember him, he'd probably appreciate it even if he doesn't show it. Also… could you do one more thing for me?"

"Vhat is it?"

Snow fell gently along the track, the flakes glistening in the fading sun. Its golden rays reflecting his shiny clean black and red paint, the silver bands that wrapped around his boiler sparkling. The forest was tranquil, just how he liked it. It reminded him of his youth. He was older and wiser now and with his heavy freight days behind him, he had been given a more stress free life-style pulling excursion trains. He didn't mind it much as long as he kept his nightly routine. He wasn't even sure if he had ever worked during the day, but it didn't matter. The big engine cast his silver eyes over towards the platform as people gathered around to see one of the country's last remaining rail giants, and the only survivor of his class. He grimaced at the blinding white light from their cameras, children disobeying their parents' orders as they tried to get closer to him. Their young eyes wide in awe and quickly reminded him why he preferred the company of freight. Still it was nice to be admired and gawked at, sometimes. It gave him the chance to experience a feeling an engine never gets pulling goods.

A cheerful whistle diverted his attention elsewhere as a smaller Prussian G12 came into view, a visitor from Ettlingen or somewhere near there. His smile was wide and his silver eyes were lively. "Your coaches are ready, Adolf!" He said happily. The old 59 gave his usual mute reply and look of mild annoyance, but the engine paid it no mind. He didn't insult him so that was good enough. He opened his mouth to speak again when he spotted another engine approaching and whistled in greeting. "Hello Sofie! What brings you way out here?"

"Hello, Rudolph." She replied and came to a stop alongside Adolf. "I'm just… passing through." Her attention then turned to the larger engine who paid her no mind as expected. The guard blew their whistle and she knew she had very limited time to say what she needed to and if she didn't do it before Adolf got underway, she might not get another chance. "Adolf, before you go… I wanted to say…"she took a look and deep breath. "I wanted to say I'm sorry. I'm sorry for what I said all those years ago. I was upset and…" Sofie watched sadly as he began to move anyway as if she hadn't said anything and she sighed again. Before he got any speed up, she called to him a second time. What she said next caused him to stop abruptly, the coaches protesting in mild irritation as they ran into each other.

"I spoke to Erika a few days ago! She said she hopes you're doing well and that she misses you… That she still loves you."

"Erika huh? Who's that, Adolf's girlfriend?" The Prussian G12 asked with a small grin.

Adolf sat there for a few moments longer as he let her words sink in. He still didn't respond and continued on his way, but only this time a small, but faint smile was visible on his face.