26. Count your blessings

Jake POV

I felt numb. I knew it wouldn't last long and that I should cling to it before the pain exploded in me but it felt wrong to be, for the minute at least, free of pain when Callie was obviously devastated.

"Was Callie in pain only she looked like she had been crying?" My Dad asked from across the table where we were all eating ragu Spaghetti in silence.

"She had some bad news today." I whispered as a knife twisted in my heart.

"Is she going to be ok?" Rachel asked, worry coating her voice.

"She's going to have difficulty having kids." I refused to say she couldn't have kids as it just sounded so final.

"No." Rachel whispered before squeezing my hand.

"I'm ok but I'm worried about Cal. I was wondering if you would go in and see her tomorrow, I think she needs to see a friendly face at the minute." Rach had always been able to put a smile on my face when I was glum and I was hoping she could do the same with Cal.

"Yeah, of course I will, poor kid. Is it because of what happened or was there a problem before?"

"Because of what happened." The red mist descended over my face and I had to fight hard to control it. And I did but not before I had crushed a spoon. "Sorry, Dad." I muttered as I went to get a new one.

"It's ok. Why don't you have a nice relaxing bath and then go to bed nice and early. Not being funny but you look like you need it." My Dad looked seriously worried about me, not that you could blame him I must look shit after so many sleepless nights.

"Yeah, I think I will." I finished up my spaghetti, shoved my plate by the sink and headed to our tiny bathroom to have a nice bubbly bath. I filled the bath right up to the top and filled it was nice smelling bubbles that I think were my sisters. As always the water wasn't hot on my skin but it was relaxing.

It was never going to last long was it. I was lying in the water when the pain finally came. I knew I should have been grateful for the numbness, the pain was way worse then anything Bella had ever made me feel. The whole future Cal and I had seemed to have been twisted and reshaped because of a split second decision. The look on Callie's face as the news had registered haunted me like a ghost. No, come on Jake! You have to think positive, for her sake at least. I told myself harshly as I tried to get a handle on my emotions. After all there were so many different routes you could take- IVF, surrogacy, adoption and all that. We'd be alright and anyway we were still kids there was no need to get all heavy, yet.

So to calm myself down I did what my Dad always told me to do when I was upset, count my blessings. So here goes-

1. Callie, the best thing in my life. Ever. She was awake and out of the woods. Sure we had had some bad news but we would get over it together.

2. We were together! I would have been happy with just being friends but she had told me she had loved me! Which lead onto number 3...

3. We had kissed! I could still feel her lips against mine and the fireworks that it started in my stomach. I couldn't wait to do it again.

4. I had a job! Well not yet but eventually I would and at a decent garage where I could learn the tricks of the trade from a proper mechanic who just happened to be my girlfriends- God I loved that word- Dad.

5. My girlfriends Dad didn't hate me like a girlfriends dad should. Instead he actually seemed to like me which was either down to me being there for Callie while she was in hospital or more likely my love of cars.

6. It was my birthday in two weeks and my Dad had agreed to let me have a proper party with no parental supervision, well Paul was meant to be the supervision but he was hardly going to turn the music down was he?

The list managed to put a smile on my face, it was only short- term, superficial relief from the agony I was feeling but it couldn't hurt to have even the tiniest amount of relief from all of what was going on. I sat there and relived all of Callie's kisses until the water was freezing and I had to get out. Then feeling total wiped out I threw myself into bed and fell straight to sleep.

I decided that the definition of late mourning was loose after all mourning started at midnight so eight was actually quite late in the mourning, right? I was up early anyway and I wanted to go and see her. Someone had once told me I was there personal sun and I was hoping I could be the same to Cal. I could help her see that everything was not lost and we could be happy again. On the way to the hospital I stopped at the shops and bought her a big box of chocolate (nothing helps you feel better then chocolate), some magazines and books (she could get through war and peace faster then anyone I knew) and a big, fluffy teddy bear (It was sweet and would make her laugh).

Cal was up when I got there and rereading the book her Dad had bought her yesterday. She looked brighter and her eyes weren't red or puffy so she hadn't been crying recently, that had to be a good sign, right? She looked up when I came in and rolled her eyes.

"Hey Jakey." She said with a smirk, obviously picking up on how much that nickname pissed me off.

"Hey Callzagie." I retorted, well two could play at that game.

"That is going to get seriously old seriously quickly. What part of late mourning did you not understand?"

"The late bit got me and I don't know, I quite like it." I laughed and she smiled and beckoned for me to sit on the bed with her. "Here, I got you some stuff."

"Ah you shouldn't have! What you got me?" She instantly perked up as I gave her the bag filled with stuff. She pulled out the big fluffy bear and grinned at me before hugging it and sitting it next to her on the pillow. "I love him!"

"How do you know it's a boy?"

"It's called Teddy therefore it is a boy."

"Wow, I love the energy that went into creating that name." I kissed her head and she snuggled closer to me.

"Actually it says that on his foot, smartarse." She went back to looking in the bag and grinned infectiously when she saw the big box of chocolates. "I love you so much."

"Wow, I should have bought my way into your affections days ago." I joked as she opened the chocolate lid and breathed deeply to inhale the sweet chocolate sent. "You freak." I told her as I wrapped my arms tighter around her.

"Hey! I haven't had chocolate in days, give me a break! Oh strawberry, my favourite!" she put in her mouth and groaned in pleasure, the sound made my own heart soar. She offered me a chocolate and I gratefully took one, despite having breakfast only twenty minutes ago I felt like I hadn't eaten in hours. I watched with the usual wave of love I felt whenever I was near her as she found the books and squealed happily. "Thanks, Jake! You're the best boyfriend ever."

"Happy to be of service. How are you feeling today?" Her body stiffened for a second at my question before managing to compose herself.

"Much better now you're here." She snuggled closer to me and kissed my chest. "They've given me some more morphine so there's no pain. God, I love that stuff!" She joked and I managed to gain control of the tears that were threatening to spill down my cheeks. "The doctor came to see me again last night." She said suddenly as the tears slid down her face.

"What did he say?" I had to work hard to keep the grief out of my voice and I'm not sure how good a job I did.

"Just explaining it all like how having one fallopian tube halves your chances of getting pregnant, if I have an ectopic pregnancy I'm screwed, then my womb's so scarred the embryo would have a hard time getting attached which is why I'll probably have loads of miscarriages if I even get pregnant, if I did then the womb wouldn't be able to stretch much so they would have to induce me at around seven months because a caesarean would probably lead to a hysterectomy. Oh yeah the best bit is that there is also a chance that my womb will split which would at best lead to me losing the baby and at worst kill me. So the long and short of it they reckon it would be better if I didn't try as the likelihood is I would lose the baby and maybe even my own life. It was a cheery conversation." Her voice took on a hard edge as she talked and by the end we were both in tears. She buried her head into my chest and I held her gently, stroking her hair and making comforting noises. "I'm sorry." She whimpered against my chest.

"No, no don't be. Just let it all out. I've got you Cal." I closed my eyes and held her as I tried to think of something to say that would ease her pain. "I love you Callie."

"Love you." She choked out. I hated seeing her like this, so full of pain and despair. We lay there for a long time until her sobs subsided and the room fell eerily silent. "I love you."

"I love you too, Callie." I kissed the top of her head and rocked her gently in my arms.

"We'll be ok, won't we?" She sounded so young and vulnerable that I held her just that bit tighter in an effort to make her feel safe and secure.

"Course we will. You and me against the world."