There he was. How could he be there? Why? Why was he there? It made no sense. Except it made perfect sense, but it still made no goddamn sense.

Dean looked over towards Castiel, and Castiel quickly flattened himself to the wall around the corner.

"Wow, who are you hiding from?" Balthazar asked, giving Castiel a once over.

"What? Nothing. No one," Castiel said quickly, "What are you doing here?"

"Well," Balthazar said, sauntering over from across the hall, "I do go to school here. And you're kind of standing in front of my class."

Castiel moved to the side awkwardly and tried to get his heart rate under control. Dean Winchester went to school with him? How was that even possible? Dean did kind of look like he was near Castiel's age, but it was ridiculous. Someone that good looking couldn't possibly exist within the same educational area as Castiel. Okay, now that made no sense. It was a huge school, and it was in the city. What really didn't make sense is that Castiel hadn't been hugely paranoid about running into Dean in the halls before.

Balthazar waved a hand in front of Castiel's face. "You okay, Cassie? You look like you've seen a ghost," he said.

Dean turned the corner and walked past them.

Castiel ducked around Balthazar and said, "I have to go. See you later, Balth." He hurried down the hall, ignoring Balthazar's confused shouts after him.

After Castiel got down another hallway, he realized that if he just took another right turn, he could run into Dean again. Of course, it would be completely ridiculous if he did something like that. He had better things to do with his time than- He took a right at the end of the hall and caught a small glimpse of those beautiful green eyes before hurrying away down the hall again.

He tried to rationalize it. He tried desperately to find some rhyme or reason for his silly behavior. Maybe he could pretend that he was simply appreciating Dean Winchester's aesthetic in an artistic way...or maybe scientific? He walked past Dean again, trying to seem nonchalant. It's not like Dean noticed him or anything anyway. He tried not to let that sting. He really wished Dean would notice him. He wished those green eyes would look at him and light up. But that wasn't going to ever happen.

Castiel decided on one thing as he watched Dean walk away after passing him yet again; he was in no way, shape, or form going to stalk Dean Winchester.

Which is precisely how Castiel found himself outside of Dean's math class. Definitely not stalking. Not a chance. It was mere happenstance that he checked his watch and knew that Dean had math at 1pm in room 187 in the Behavioral Sciences Building. It was a complete coincidence that Castiel had happened to see Dean several times on the way across campus to this building. Castiel sighed. He knew he was being absolutely ridiculous.

Maybe if he actually talked to Dean, he'd stop being such a teenage girl about all of this. But what the hell would he say? Hi, I'm Castiel Novak. I've been stalking you for the last twenty minutes? Yeah, that'd go over really well. Hi, I saw you at the movies with your girlfriend and fell in love with you? Castiel was decently sure that anything that could come out of his mouth would land a restraining order against him.

He turned the corner, so he could do a lap around the floor and think of something better to break the ice with when he ran into Balthazar.

"Balth?" Castiel said, surprised, "Don't you have class?"

Balthazar smiled and said, "Yeah, but you ran off like a spooked horse. I couldn't very well sit through class wondering if my best friend is okay."

"I'm fine, Balthazar," Castiel said, trying and failing not to glance at Dean's classroom door.

"My goodness, you're a bad liar," Balthazar said, "What's going on?"

Castiel blanched but said, "Nothing. It's fine. I'm fine."

"Cassie, c'mon. What's going on with you lately? Something's got you off kilter," Balthazar pressed.

Castiel sighed. Okay. He'd tell him as much as he'd told Gabriel. But that was it. "Alright," he said, "I'll tell you. It's not a big deal, it's just that I-"

Dean Winchester hurried out of his classroom and walked right towards them.

Castiel pulled Balthazar with him around the corner and out of the building.

"Cassie, what the hell?" Balthazar said.

Castiel said quickly, "It's just that I can't tell you around so many people. Let's go to your dorm, so it's at least a little private."

Balthazar said, "Alright, let's go, but don't think this is gonna get you out of telling me what the hell's been going on."

Once they were at Balthazar's dorm, Castiel paused.

Balthazar said, "What? You're at my room all the time. Why are you putting on the brakes?"

Castiel sighed. "If I go inside, I have to tell you something very personal, and the thought of it makes me uncomfortable."

"It makes you uncomfortable to talk to me?" Balthazar asked, confused.

"No," Castiel said, "It's not that. It's just...nevermind."

Castiel walked into the room, pulled Balthazar in with him, and closed the door.

"Okay," Castiel said, "I like someone. And it's kind of extremely new for me to have these sort of emotions with regards to other people, so I've been a bit...jumpy, I guess."

"Wait, this is the first time you've liked somebody? Ever?" Balthazar asked, shocked.

Castiel sighed and sat on Balthazar's bed. He said, "Yeah. I, umm, I moved around a lot before coming to Chicago. I never really had enough time in one place to form any sort of attachment to anybody. I mean, I'd find people attractive before, but I usually didn't see anyone more than once. I didn't even have friends before you guys. So, yes, crushing on this guy is new. And very confusing."

"A guy, you say?" Balthazar said.

Castiel grinned at Balthazar, realizing he'd only really come out to Gabriel, and said, "Yeah, a guy."

Balthazar sat next to Castiel on the bed and asked, "Does this guy have a name?"

"Yes, I believe he does," Castiel said.

"Can I know this name?"

"Nope."

"Why not?"

"Because if you know his name, then you might figure out who it is, and then you and Gabriel will start meddling."

Balthazar pursed his lips for a second before saying, "Yeah, that's fair. Can I ask something, though?"

"Maybe."

"What was it that made you realize you like this guy?" Balthazar asked.

"Well," Castiel said, standing up, "He kind of blew me away. He's gorgeous, and his eyes are just amazing. But mostly, it's the fact that I can't breathe the right way when I'm around him. And he makes me so nervous but in a good way. I just wish I had the nerve to talk to him."

Balthazar frowned for a moment before asking, "You've never even talked to the guy?"

Castiel shook his head.

Balthazar sighed and said, "And here I was hoping you were talking about me."

"What?" Castiel asked. Balthazar was hoping Castiel liked him? What? That made no sense. They were friends. That's it. Just friends.

Balthazar stood up and took a step towards Castiel. "Cassie, how can you know that you like somebody if you don't even know them? He could be a complete jerk. But you know me. We're best friends. How is it that you're so sure about this random guy when someone who cares about you is standing right here and you won't give him a chance?" he said.

"Balth, I don't-" Castiel started.

Balthazar pulled Castiel to him and dipped his head to press a kiss to his lips.

Castiel's world spun. What if Balthazar was right? Balthazar had taken him in off the street, he'd been how Castiel even met his group of friends, he'd been there for Castiel through a lot, and honestly, kissing him would be kind of nice. But Balthazar wasn't Dean. The intimacy of being so close to Balthazar was only a fraction of the electricity and warmth Castiel felt when only looking at Dean. He'd never been so sure about his feelings about anything.

Castiel pushed away from Balthazar before they could kiss and walked out the door.

"Cassie, wait!" Balthazar shouted.

But Castiel didn't turn around. Balthazar had just tried to kiss him. He was still trying to wrap his brain around that one. He needed to go somewhere familiar, somewhere where he could get his head straight.

A few minutes' walk across campus found Castiel in front of the Roadhouse. God, he hoped one of his friends were in there. Castiel walked in and immediately rushed over to the bar. One of his friends was there alright. And so was Dean. Dean was over by the foosball tables. He was playing against Benny.

After his astonishingly stalkerish behavior from earlier, Castiel didn't want to risk showing his face. Even if he was completely sure that Dean hadn't seen him at all. If he ever managed to talk to Dean, he was never ever going to tell Dean about any of that.

"What's wrong, Castiel?" Jo asked from behind the bar.

Castiel sighed and said, "I'm an idiot, my crush is in here, and all I want to do is dissolve into the floor." The words came out before he could think twice. Oh, God. Castiel prayed that there were a lot of people in the bar right now.

Jo looked up and said, "Sorry to burst your bubble, but the only two ladies in here are lesbians, hun."

"No, it's not them."

"Is it me?" Jo asked.

Castiel laughed a little and said, "No, Jo, I'm gay."

"I knew it," Jo said excitedly. She leaned closer to him over the bar and asked, "So, who is it? Benny?"

"No," Castiel said, shaking his head.

Jo looked around and said, "Oh, sweetheart, tell me you've got a thing for one of the grizzly biker guys in the corner."

Castiel sighed and shook his head.

"Shit," Jo said, "It's Dean, isn't it?"

Castiel looked up at Jo in alarm. "You cannot tell a single soul, Jo," he said.

Jo shook her head and said, "I'm not going to tell anybody, but honey, that boy is as straight as they come. And he's got a girlfriend. You're really barking up the wrong tree."

"I know," Castiel said, putting his head on the bar, "I know I don't have a chance with him. I can't help it."

Jo came around the bar and sat next to Castiel, rubbing his back gently. "Don't worry. We all go through having a crush on Dean Winchester. It happens to the best of us," she said.

Castiel sat up and faced Jo. "How do you know him?" he asked.

Jo smiled and said, "We all have our secrets, and that is one secret that is not mine to tell. What I can tell you is that Dean's kind of like the older brother I never wanted. He and Sam have been in my life for years. They're my best friends."

Castiel's heart stopped. He'd finally told someone that he had feelings for Dean, and that person happened to be a close friend of Dean's. Shit. Shit. Fuck. Shit.

"Please, do not tell Dean. Please, Jo, I wouldn't be able to survive the embarrassment," Castiel said.

Jo said, "Sweetie, I'm not gonna tell Dean. You told me I can't tell anyone, and I believe anyone includes Dean. If he ever becomes single, I can't say I won't throw you at him a little, but it'll be subtle, trust me. Your secret's safe with me."

"What secret?" Gabriel asked loudly, walking over to them.

Benny and Dean glanced over to the bar, and Castiel buried his face in his hands.

"Hi, Gabriel," Castiel grumbled.

Gabriel sat down and asked Jo, "Did Castiel tell you the identity of his secret mystery man?"

Jo grinned and stood up. "My lips are sealed," she said, walking back behind the bar.

"Aww, c'mon! Castiel! You told her, but you can't tell me?" Gabriel said.

Castiel said, "I trust Jo not to get involved."

"And, what, you don't trust me to keep my nose out of it?" Gabriel asked.

Castiel gave him a look.

Gabriel laughed and said, "Alright, alright, point taken. But you're going to have to tell me sooner or later."

Benny and Dean walked over to the bar, and Castiel made a very pointed effort not to react in front of Gabriel.

Dean sat down on the bar stool next to Castiel and said, "Hey, Jo, could you grab Benny and me a couple of beers? He's gonna need one after how badly I just kicked his ass in foosball."

"Shut the hell up, Winchester," Benny grumbled.

Castiel tried desperately to remember to breathe. This was a new kind of hell. He looked over at Gabriel, and keeping his voice as level as he could, asked, "Do you mind if I crash at your place tonight? Things are a little weird with Balthazar."

"What happened with Balth?" Gabriel asked.

Benny looked over, making Dean look right at Castiel. Time seemed to stop. Or maybe Castiel's heart stopped beating. Something strange happened. And Dean was looking right at him. It was a weird look. Like Dean didn't know him. Which made sense since Dean did not, in fact, know Castiel at all. Still, it was a blank, fleeting look. It definitely wasn't the awestruck look that was almost certainly on Castiel's face the first time he laid eyes on Dean. It's not like that wasn't expected. Dean was straight and taken, and Castiel wasn't exactly much to look at. Dean looked away quickly, returning to a conversation with Jo and Benny.

Castiel answered Gabriel's question without a hitch as if time hadn't just slowed down for him. "Balthazar tried to kiss me," he said.

"He what?!" Gabriel asked, shocked, "Holy-well, yeah, you can stay at my place. I have half a mind to stop by Balth's dorm and kick his teeth in for you. But if you're coming over, we should go now."

Gabriel did not know how much Castiel wanted to run from the bar. He did not know how every fiber of Castiel's being wanted to run and hide from Dean Winchester at the same time as wanting to run his hands down Dean's body and through his hair. Leaving was obviously the better alternative. Less potential for being awkward that way.

"Yeah, let's go," Castiel said. He and Gabriel left as a very tall boy walked in the door.

"Heya, Sammy!" Dean called.

Castiel wondered vaguely if that was the Sam that Jo had talked about.

As they walked, Castiel was waiting for a comment from Gabriel about the guy they had walked past. He was quite easy on the eyes, and Gabriel was never one to miss out on noticing hot people. But the comment never came.

"Hey," Castiel said, putting a hand on Gabriel's shoulder and feeling pleased not to feel any bandages there, "Are you okay? We just walked past a cute guy, and you didn't even bat an eye."

"Yeah? I missed a cute guy? We can always turn around. I'm down for scoping out a tall drink of water," Gabriel said.

Castiel said, "I'm serious, Gabriel, are you okay?"

"I'm as okay as I'm ever going to be," Gabriel said, "I was just thinking about getting home before Dad. Plus, Kali's sister's wedding is this weekend, and it's really hard not to think about it."

Oh, right. The wedding. Castiel still wasn't sure if it was a good idea for Gabriel to go. It seemed like it was just one big opportunity for him to get hurt.

"Was the guy really hot? I was being serious about turning around," Gabriel said, grinning.

"Let's just get to your place," Castiel said, smiling.

With any luck, they'd get there with Gabriel's dad being asleep or out, and everything would go smoothly. Then, Castiel could go back to worrying about what to do with Balthazar and how in the world he was ever going to find the guts to talk to Dean.