Chapter 29
Severus' shoulder was aching. He opened his eyes and squinted down at what was causing it. Hermione was lying snuggled against him, and her head was pressing on his shoulder. He wondered when she had climbed in the bed, but then he remembered he had fallen asleep before she returned.
He lifted his arm, and it felt like he was lifting a heavy weight. He brought his hand slowly up to Hermione's head, and stroked her hair. It was thick but soft, and he relished the feeling of being able to do this. He had imagined doing it almost from the first week after his accident.
Hermione stirred after a minute. She opened her eyes, blinking in the sunlight that was flooding into the room. Twisting around, she lay on her stomach, propping herself up on her elbows.
"Good morning Sev," she said sleepily. She rubbed her eyes, and sighed.
"Morning Hermione. I am sorry I was not awake when you returned last night. But I am glad you did stay; waking up to find you by my side is like a dream," he said with a sly smile.
She smiled a little more broadly, but said nothing, seemingly contemplating him instead.
"What is it?" he asked after a short time. She had a strange look on her face, a kind of half smile, and her eyes were gleaming.
"I was just thinking about us," she said.
"What about us?"
"Well, I was thinking that it is strange that we ended up falling for each other, especially over such a short period of time. I mean, before, I was scared of you. At one point I even hated you," then she added hastily, "That was obviously before I knew the truth."
He ran his fingers through her hair once more. "I know, it is strange. I never expected to fall for anybody else. After Lily died I didn't think I would ever find love again. And then you came along, and changed everything." He smiled and rested his hand on her cheek.
She looked down at his arm, and then suddenly sat up straight. She took his arm in her hand, and turned it so that his wrist faced her. He glanced down, and realised what it was that had caught her attention. There, on the inside of his wrist was the Dark Mark tattoo, so faint it was almost invisible.
"I actually haven't noticed this before," she said, tracing the outline with the tip of her finger. "I mean, I knew it was there, but I actually haven't really seen it properly before."
"Ah, yes. That." He looked at the tattoo with revulsion. He had hated the mark almost from the moment he had received it. Anybody who saw it instantly changed their attitude towards him, and they feared and hated him, and wouldn't trust him.
"It's so faded," she commented. "Have you had it a long time?"
"Yes, I have. If I am not mistaken it will be twenty years this year. That, however, is not the reason it has faded. The Dark Lord's death caused that." She looked at him questioningly. "The Mark is a direct connection to him. When he was in full power, the Mark was dark and visible. But when he lost power when he tried to kill Harry, it faded, though not as much as this," he said, indicating his arm. "I am glad it is almost gone," he added quietly.
She continued tracing the mark absent-mindedly. "How did you get it?" she asked.
He sighed inwardly. He didn't particularly want to think about the past, but he felt obliged. He didn't want to hide things from her.
"I was eighteen years old when I received the Mark. It was a few days after I had finished here at Hogwarts. I felt like I had nowhere to go, and didn't belong anywhere. Being a Slytherin I knew many of the Death Eaters, and I looked up to them, so I joined. At the time, the Dark Lord treated me well, and I proved myself to be most loyal. I think I was just a lost teenager, in need of guidance, and got it from all the wrong places. I regret every moment of it." He looked wistfully at the mark.
Hermione was silent, staring at his arm. "Then Voldemort threatened Lily and you changed sides?" she asked.
"Exactly. It was my own doing that she died. None of the other Death Eaters knew what it felt to love someone, so I turned to the only other person that I could. Albus insisted I stay as a spy for him." He sighed. "Hermione, can we discuss this another time? These memories are still painful."
Hermione snapped out of her thoughtful reverie and leaned over and kissed him deeply. "No matter what you have done in the past, it does not matter. It's what you do now that counts. You have been given a clean slate, a fresh start." Her words made him feel better.
"How can someone like me be so lucky as to win the heart of someone as special as you?" he said. Hermione blushed. She climbed out of bed and put on a dressing gown.
"I am going to start those potions today," she said. "I am going to get dressed quickly, and grab the ingredients form your store room."
"Good idea. See you in a bit then," he said, and Hermione left.
Severus gazed out of the window, and sighed deeply. The view outside was beautiful as always. It was just about the start of autumn, and the tops of the trees were turning a russet orange. Today was a cloudless day, and the birds were twittering. From this vantage point he could see the rolling lawns outside the Entrance Hall.
He looked wishfully at the scenery below. He wished more than anything that he could go down to grounds and feel the breeze on his face, the grass under his feet, the icy water of the lake through his fingers, smell the fresh air. He had been cooped up in this private room for almost four months now, and it was extremely tedious. Even the trips to the Prefect's Bathroom were not as exciting as it had been to begin with.
Looking down at the front lawn, he noticed something there that he had not taken note of before. It looked like a large marble statue, similar to the one at the Ministry of Magic. The pedestal on which the statue rested was far larger than a normal one. Severus wondered at the reason for the statue, and was curious as to what the statue was of.
His thoughts turned to his life. He had done so many things, and had taken so much in life for granted. After his attack, things had changed so much that a twitch of a finger was big, and feeding himself was huge. Hermione had high hopes, but in his heart of hearts he knew that he probably would never be able to walk again. He was determined that he would do things he had always put off before. It was in that moment that he decided never to take things for granted again.
A/N: Please read and review as always :)
