SasuNaru, yaoi, m-preg, OOC, OCs and unbeta-read

Naruto belongs to Sasuke.

I got this feeling a lot of you will be confuse if I don't say this: Text in bold and Italic are Sasuke's thoughts.

To my anonymous reviewers: Thank you.
A special note to D/H: I know so if you feel like it, you can point out my grammar mistakes or better yet be my beta-reader. -shameless giggles-


Chapter 29: Selfishness

Naruto was flanked by his two ANBU teams for bodyguard as they quickly made their way to the Rock Village where the chuunin exams would be held. Inside, he was annoyed why he had to have two ANBU teams. It wasn't like he couldn't defend himself during ambushes, right? He was the hokage for pete's sake and such title definitely meant something. Damn Shikamaru and Neji for insisting. Damn councilors for agreeing. Damn- He stopped himself and grinned as he saw an opportunity to prove that he need no bodyguards.

Like his companions, he too took his stance as 7 rogue ninjas suddenly appeared before them. But much to his irritation, he was pushed back by two of Shino's subordinates.

"You mustn't fight, Hokage-sama" Jiro, the vice-captain said. "Let them deal with those bastards."

"But-"

"We'll meet you at point C," Taro said to the rest of the ANBU. Before Naruto could protest, he found himself being dragged by Taro and Jiro.

"Don't worry about anything, Hokage-sama," Taro said in reassurance as he saw the blonde worriedly looking behind them. "They won't die unless you ordered them too."

- SasuNaru is love -

Reaching at the designated place, the three waited for their companions in silence. Once in awhile, Naruto fret his hands in impatience. Images conjured by his paranoia filled his mind, making him worry and less attentive around him. But he did snap out from his morbidity when his instincts told him of an upcoming attack. Unfortunately, the warning had been a second too late as few drops of Taro's blood splattered on his face and robe.

What the-?

"I'm sorry, Naruto-sama" Taro whispered between painful pants as he saw the sadness filling on those blue eyes.

Don't cry. Don't be sad. To protect you is always my greatest happiness and my sole meaning of my existence. I had been useful to you and I'm glad so smile for me.

"But I have to keep you alive. Naruto, I love-" He wanted to say more but death had already claimed him and all Naruto could do was catch his falling body, still too shock to mourn for his village's loss.

"What's with that sad look on your face, fox?" Jiro sneered at him. He wasn't please that his plan to assassinate the blonde had been foiled. It had been a perfect opportunity to do when his target had spaced out. No matter, it wasn't like he couldn't try once more.

"Jiro, what did you do?" he demanded shakily as the incident started sinking in.

"That's supposed to be my line, Kyuubi."

Blue eyes widened and in the silence of the place, the statement seemed to echo loudly causing his heart to beat faster and louder.

Why now?

"I did nothing," he replied, flustered.

"Exactly," the vice-captain agreed with a nod of his head, "you did nothing." And when confusion tainted the blonde's eyes, he elaborated, "Your instincts should have warned you of the kunai flying towards you but instead of doing something, you let Taro took the hit."

"I didn't mean-"

"You like to see everybody dying in front of you."

"You're wrong!" he replied immediately. How could Jiro say that when he had attended the first meeting Naruto had with his subordinates? Surely, the vice-captain had clearly heard when he said, 'Accomplishing missions and executing orders are important but not as important as your lives so don't die on me – the rokudaime'.

Those were his exact words. Although most people had scoffed it as a dumb order, an amateur hokage's inconsiderate request, a stupid plea or a childish wish, yet somehow all of them had respected him for that because it showed that he valued them not as Konoha's tools but as its villagers and they did their best to follow his order.

"Wrong? Don't make me laugh! All your actions say otherwise," Jiro continued with mad anger lurking in the corners of his eyes. "You love death! You love destruction!"

"I don't," Naruto denied vehemently. Despite the shaking of his legs and his hands he wanted to deny that his words weren't getting to him. How could he love death when he always tried to protect anyone from dying? How could he love destruction when he did his best to preserve everything especially peace?

Jiro knew the blonde in front of him was getting affected. The most powerful ninja in their village was now trapped in the world he created with his harsh words. He knew that and he pressed on, victory was within arms' reach because he was wielding a weapon powerful than any jutsu.

I'll break you until you plead for death.

"Then why did you attack Konoha and killed hundreds of ninjas including the village's hero – yondaime-sama?"

"I know nothing. I was just a new-born baby at that time."

His reply irked the ANBU member more. "Stop lying to yourself! Stop pretending! The child who owned that body died when you are sealed into him. You aren't Yondaime's son. You're just a demon who's using that body as a container."

"Shut up!" he almost screamed while a part of him told him he could move; that he could do anything. But because the words brought pain like no weapons ever could; because the verbal attack caught him off-guard and did a big damage, he was caught. He was bleeding in pain and slowly losing himself.

"Truth hurts," Jiro sneered, "you're no different from Orochimaru."The mention of the traitor's name and the accusation made Naruto's eyes bleed red. He did nothing to be put in the same level as Orochimaru. Nothing.

"Don't mention his name in front of me and don't put me in his category," he hissed and beneath this, there was a silent death threat made, albeit unconsciously on the blonde's part.

Jiro smiled. "You finally showed part of your true self. It won't be long that you'll be showing your true form."

That comment made Naruto return to his normal self. Confusion and self-doubt were now running amok within him. When had he fallen into this spiraling abyss of conflicting emotions?

"You live with humans for a long time and yet you couldn't control your urges. You are pathetic."

But in truth, Jiro knew he was the one pathetic. During his time as an ANBU, his want of power increased until he found himself yearning for the title of hokage. But all of the civilians' praises were towards the rokudaime and his comrades' undying support and respect were saved for the blond hokage. Worse, he couldn't understand why. In his confusion and selfish ambition, he became pathetic because Naruto made him so and he hated the other man more.

"Why hide behind that human body? Why pretend you are a human when it's obvious you are a monster? Why call yourself 'Naruto' when you aren't? Why insist that Naruto and Kyuubi are two different entities?" Jiro straightened as Naruto stumbled back almost in fear. His hands reached up to cover his ears and blocked out the other man's words but the ANBU member gripped his wrists. "Do you enjoy seeing people die in front of you?"

"No, I don't. I don't want anyone to sacrifice their lives especially for me," Naruto replied immediately, his blue eyes staring at Jiro's in plea.

"They shouldn't," he agreed and gripped the blonde's chin tightly, "because you aren't worth saving but they don't see that. You aren't worth anything at all."

In his state and wishing for the accusations to stop, Naruto apologized but it only encourage the other man to continue. "You should be because you killed all of them; brought everybody sorrow! You tainted the village with your malice and filth. You desecrate the hokage title." This time, he pushed the blonde away in disgust and spit on the latter.

"You're mistaken!" he almost shouted, his body shivering.

"How could I believe you when you yourself are not convinced? You knew what you are." Jiro offered the kunai in his hands to him. "The greatest thing you can do for Konoha and the only way you can pay for your crimes is to kill yourself."

Naruto knew better but when an attack like this was sudden and he was caught unprepared, logic and reason were swept away by unreasonable guilt until there was no truth but the man's words and no sound but his voice full of hatred. He stared at the kunai which in his own opinion was beckoning asking him seductively to pick it up and bury it in his body.

Jiro stared at the blonde who had fallen on his knees and he knew just a little bit of push and he would kill the hokage and have the village to himself. It was perfect. He was perfect.

"Go ahead. If you cared for the village as much as you claimed, do it. It is the only way to show that you are worthy and to honor those whose blood bathed you."

The other man continued staring at the kunai.

"Die demon! Die and free us from your bane existence!"

The next thing Naruto knew, warm liquid stream in his hands. He looked up and his eyes widened in surprise.

The same thing could be said to Jiro who had his kunai deep into his chest. Even at death's door, he smiled, tasting his sweet victory. He may not get the hokage title but at least he damaged his most hated person.

Naruto's hands trembled like never before as he saw victory in the dying man's eyes. "You exactly proved my point. Thank you."

"No. It was out of anger," he explained immediately.

"You definitely love death and destruction. Get rid of yourself before you'll kill anyone else."

"You're wrong. Definitely wrong," Naruto said but even Jiro's dead and empty eyes told him he would never believed the blonde found himself defeated.

"Naruto?"

The blonde looked over his shoulder and saw Shino.

"I killed them," he said quietly and remorsefully as he looked at his blood-tainted hands.

With these hands, I can never hold anyone.

"Sorry about that, Naruto," his friend said as he took in the situation. "He had been acting strange lately yet I didn't know it was him who had planned the ambush if I didn't torture it out from my opponent. I still haven't known about his motive though."

Naruto smiled, as if nothing happened because hiding was his best defense mechanism. "Don't worry. I will send word back so somebody can investigate him. For the meantime please dispose Taro's body." Naruto looked at his fallen subordinate.

Shino nodded just in time for the rest of the group to arrive. He signaled for his remaining subordinate to dispose Jiro's body too.

"Naruto, are you okay?" Sasuke asked and reached out to wipe away the blood on Naruto's face but the blonde beat him to it.

I don't want your hands to be tainted with my crimes, he thought. He stared at Sasuke's team and said, "You go ahead. We'll follow you after this."

"But Naruto-sama-"

"Are you questioning my order?" he demanded coldly, surprising everyone.

Sasuke then knew he was in his complete serious hokage mode. For a brief moment he wondered what had happened between Jiro and his blonde before he bowed and said, "Excuse my member's insolence."Hiko immediately bowed and followed his captain's suit. After that, Sasuke signaled his team to depart.

"Don't dispose them together," the rokudaime almost snapped when Shino and the other ninja almost did. In his own opinion, it would be rude to Taro to be disposed together with his killer. No not killer, he reminded himself, because he was the one who killed him. But still he didn't like the idea of Taro and Jiro being burned together.

Naruto approached and hunkered down in front of Taro's corpse. Against rules, he took away the man's porcelain mask.

I'm sorry for everything, he said silently. And instead of replacing the mask back, he kept it in his robe and then he watched in silent suffering and guilt as Taro's corpse burned into nothing.

- SasuNaru is love -

When the night fell and enveloped the whole place, Naruto dropped his grinning mask and gloomily stared at the darkness outside as he stood by the window of his room. It was nothing compared to the one that was inside him, constantly changing, forever growing and getting darker.

He stared at the porcelain mask he clenched tightly and felt another wave of guilt crashing like tsunami. He had been a fool… a blind fool. He didn't know that Taro was suffering everyday and he had no way to apologize and to thank him for all his efforts and for his love, despite that it was and always would be unrequited. He wondered if there were other villagers like Taro, silently suffering because of him or of his mere presence. He then remembered some villagers who even now were condemning him in silence for Kyuubi's attack. He was a monster in their eyes because in truth, he really was.

Jiro was right. He brought nothing but sorrow and death to any villagers. His existence was bane. He didn't deserve anything especially when he was bathed in blood. Everything he touched would be destroyed by his tainted and wicked hands. He had to face the consequences of his actions and those of his tenant even if Kyuubi believed and told him otherwise.

"Naruto…"

"Don't come near me," he snapped to Sasuke who had stepped inside his room. Don't come because I had tainted you enough.

But the blonde wasn't the only one who was stubborn. Sasuke turned him around and felt himself broken when he saw empty blue eyes.

"Please," Naruto muttered weakly, half-heartedly struggling in Sasuke's hold. "Let me go."

You know I can't. Never.

"What happened back there?" Sasuke asked worriedly.

"Nothing, I had just learned the truth."

The dark-haired ninja frowned. Truth? What did that damned traitor told him?

"Unlike anyone, I was never innocent," the blonde said because he wanted to say it. "I am bathed with blood and my soul is swathe with inerasable crimes. I am worse than shit. I-"

"Shut up!" Sasuke growled and his gripped on the blonde's shoulder tightened painfully. He didn't like it when his wife would look down on himself. It just hurt. It fucking hurt especially when he knew Naruto the most.

"This is the truth. I am not worthy. I am a curse."

"Not worthy?" he echoed. "If you are not worthy then why do you have people who cared for and respected you? If you aren't then why 10 of your subordinates fancied themselves in love with you and 29 silently loved you? If you aren't innocent, why are the village children always attracted to you like moths to a flame? Why do you have Yuuzuki, Akemi and Miki?" he asked and in every question he posed he slammed Naruto against the wall, hoping pain would put some senses in him. Unfortunately, there was no flame or even embers of it in those haunted blue eyes. Those pools which always burned and swirled with emotions were now abyss of nothing.

Don't slip away from me. Don't you dare leave me.

Disgusted and frustrated he stepped away from Naruto and watched as the latter slipped towards the floor, too emotionally tired to remain standing.

"Cut the fucking crap," Sasuke snapped. His anger towards Jiro and Naruto's insults were the only thing that kept fear and panic at bay. Even if his dobe wouldn't say anything, he knew how much he wanted to die because the blonde was silently screaming and pleading for it believing it was the only way to atone for all the crimes he and Kyuubi committed.

"If you want to die so much then let me kill you," Sasuke stated. Knowing he killed his wife was better than just finding him dead because the blonde committed suicide. He preferred to see his life slipping away as his blood flowed in his hands rather than seeing nothing at all. He wanted all of Naruto even the memories of him dying.

Let your blood taint me. Let me carry the burden of your death.

Naruto who had been staring at the polished floor closed his eyes in agony. Sasuke's voice was emotionless and the blonde could imagine his calm and grim face but he knew that beneath all of those, he was silently crying and desperately calling for him.

I'm sorry everyone.

Could I no longer save you?

Sasuke approached Naruto and was about to plunge his kunai into his heart when he felt arms wrapping around his neck and the next thing he knew, his blonde was already pressed against him, crying. At that moment, he knew his plan- reverse psychology worked and he felt relieve.

Naruto cried. He told himself all his victims would curse him more but he didn't care. He was selfish. Besides, he could repay his debts and atone for his crimes when death comes for him so until then he wanted to remain the sun of the people who needed him. Most importantly, even if he didn't want to admit it, he wanted to be with Sasuke until the latter no longer need him.

"I'm sorry for being selfish", he whispered to all those who wished for his existence to vanish. Let me stay with him longer.

The dark-haired ninja held him tight. "No," he said," you aren't". In truth, Sasuke was the selfish one between them. In order to keep his darkness which hovered over him like an oscillating blade, he needed Naruto. He had to keep him alive even if in doing so the blonde would suffer.

Stay because I need you. I always do.


Hmm... I'm still off. So who got confused? I'm sure you thought this chapter is a fluff. Tsk tsk you put your guard down. -winks-

Next chapter summary: In the end, Sasuke realized that the greatest threat to Naruto wasn't the villagers or his guilt but Kyuubi.