To begin, let me clear up something that quite a few of you asked in your reviews:
Yes – the person with Near in the last scene of Beauty of the Beast was L. It really was. As in, the same L who was with Light only the scene before. There are not two Ls. Only one. And he's a backstabbing little SOB.
Moving on.
To all who concluded that our next update would be on Halloween… you were wrong! :) Today's update, on 21st October, is in celebration of Apple Day! Yes, it is a real day! (Wiki it if you don't believe me!) Ryuk would like this day, non? I only found out about it recently, but as soon as I did, I was like "We HAVE to update Poison Apple then!". It's so perfect…
(Incidentally, 21st October is also Samuel Taylor Coleridge's birthday. Just, you know, FYI.)
BIG thankyou to: Star Jinin, Scripta Lexicona, shutupandsing, Lawliet's Angel, ?, xxxyuniexxx, Deus3xMachina, TheQueenofMediocrity, Feline, Jay, HyperRme, blondevil, recipe for insanity, AnotherLiar, yellowrose87, 4udball, Amy-2609, KiraXsama, Shad0wsole, tsuki aoi usagi, PhoebeGilmore, PikeNecoMico, Synonymous Brian, evangelinefyre, badwolf.5, Cween Almond, yaro, yourholiness, kitoriwitch613, L Ninja, Celeste Goodchild, Tanka, hi, riin, Jungle John, BakayaroManiac, The Sacred Pandapuff, windearth, Liviania, AccordingToMel, Ryuuzaki-chan008, K. R. Ukido, akane-nechan, xXxIchigoBeyondxXx, ObsidianEmbers, Aiko Celeste, Layalas, Lyson, Hikari Daeron, Nea Vanille, Ren, Amber, bluepup, Shakuhachi Jade, Kitsushita-Socks, daxterandboxer, CuteCherryBlossom, LawlietIsJustice, Minolta, TurtleShell, birthname, next big thing12, Opacus, Candy Apple Heart Attack, gyrfalcon122, ddz008, ClickRed, PedoBear, Albinokatzchen, Aiko Celeste, anon, rayray, Kate and Anna!
Call this chapter something of a breath of fresh air.
Ghost Factory
Such an exhibition of vanity it was – or maybe it was simply obsession – to stand before a mirror like this.
Because the way he stood before it was obsessive – self-loving and self-serving, vain and superficial, as he demanded truth of the kind that only a mirror can give.
The truth that is known as a reflection. An inverse of reality.
Light Yagami stood before that mirror, motionless. It was unscathed, smooth, not yet shattered by L's hatred of its particular truth. He'd always known that he was beautiful. He'd seen it in other mirrors a thousand times before. His mother had told him. Girls in his classes had told him. Boys in his classes had told him. Misa had told him.
L had told him.
So even if he never saw his reflection again for as long as he lived, he would always know that he was beautiful.
He did not think for even a moment that the bloodstained bandage sloping downwards over his left eye, nor the similar creamy gauze at his arm, nor indeed even the deep purples and blues and near-blacks painted across his slender chest, diminished his beauty in the slightest. They were, in contrast, marks of greater beauty still, because the latter two had been gained through his pursuit as Kira, battling with one who would put a stop to his regime, and the former…
The former was a mark of his love for L; his willingness to inflict pain upon himself to prove his love. He touched the bandage gently and smiled, because even though it hurt immensely (no longer bleeding red, but clear and white, and L had been right about prolapse), he was still happy that he'd done it.
And now, with tomorrow's aurora approaching, the last piece of his plan was to fall neatly into place. He'd already written Mello's name down, and the instant he saw Near's face, his name would be his, too, and then…
He would stand here again, before this mirror, with Near's heart in his hands – to offer as another gift to L. From there on, Kira would reign, unhindered and realized in all his glory, he'd be God of the New World he'd painstakingly crafted to match his own beauty.
With tomorrow's aurora came the Happily Ever After he'd struggled so hard to rewrite as such.
"Mirror, mirror, on the wall," Light murmured, half-laughing as he pressed his hand to the cool glass. "…Who is the fairest one of all?" He leaned up against it completely, pressing his forehead to it, and gazing right into the one glimmering brown eye of his reflection. "Me," he breathed, misting up the glass. "Not Snow White, dear mirror. Me."
L came to the bed at around two in the morning. Light was asleep on his back, looking as beautiful as he always did when he slept. L stepped up onto the mattress and crossed it, sinking down onto Light, straddling his stomach on top of the sheets. Although his weight did not awaken him, the icy aura that curled around him did after a long moment.
Light opened his one undamaged eye slowly, blinking through the darkness up at L, able to see the chalky glow of his white-as-snow skin and the inky splash of his black-as-ebony hair.
Only days ago, waking up to the sight of L looming over him like this would have terrified Light, but now he only gave a small smile.
"Hello, Sleeping Beauty," L greeted him.
"Hello, Snow White," Light replied softly.
"That nickname again, Light-kun?"
"It suits you."
"As does yours."
Light pushed himself up, grimacing at the pain in his eye, arm and chest; but adamant that he must sit up, be closer to L…
"You are very trusting of me now," L observed. "What is to say that I have not come in here to inflict harm on you? Perhaps I have come to relieve you of your other eye."
"Take it, then. I don't mind." Light grasped L's wrist, even lifting his hand up towards his right eye. "Go on, L. I won't even scream."
L smirked.
"Yes, you would. And you only offer because you know that I won't."
Light let go of his wrist again; and then leaned closer still, meaning to kiss him—
L leaned swiftly back out of his reach, avoiding the kiss. On meeting nothing, Light drew back himself, looking aside as though trying to cancel the attempted motion.
"Why are you in here really?" He asked softly.
L didn't answer him, instead looking up at the ceiling.
"This can't be comfortable for you," he said finally, more to himself. "I am very cold. Cold as death, even."
"It's alright."
L smiled at him, amused. It wasn't alright – the dead detective could see that. Light was physically restraining himself from shivering, with his back straight and his elbows locked up and his skin covered with pinpricks. He was returning the smile even so, however.
He pulled back the sheets, patting the empty side of the mattress.
"Do you… want to come in?"
L shook his head.
"No." He leaned down towards Light, pressing his hands to the headboard on either side of the younger man's head. "I want you to come with me."
Light blinked.
"To where?"
"…Just to the kitchen." L gazed at him with his dead, unreflective eyes. "Will you, Light-kun?"
"Okay."
L gave a satisfied nod and rose again, moving away and off Light.
"Thankyou," he said quietly, and curled up near the headboard as Light gripped the bedside table and shakily heaved himself up into a sitting position, stifling his gasp of pain as he swung his legs gingerly over the side of the bed. "It is kind of Light-kun to accommodate my whims when his physical state is not at its best," he went on.
"I'm fine," Light replied defensively, stopping himself from stumbling forwards by grabbing again at the table. He pulled his robe on over his pajamas, tugging it tightly around himself to warm himself up, and then putting on his socks, too.
"Ready?" L was already standing on the bed again, and, at Light's nod, padded across it and stepped neatly down to join him. "Let's go, then." He took Light's hand tightly and led him out of the room.
"L, the kitchen is… the other way," Light protested barely a minute later, as L began to lead him up the staircase he knew all too well, having been led up here by L many times before – usually with the chain jangling between them.
"I know," L replied, not looking at him. "We'll go there soon, Light-kun."
The roof of the HQ building was understandably freezing at 2am on a December morning, and L clinging to his hand wasn't helping – Light turned up the collar of his robe, immediately beginning to shiver anyway as L led him across the roof to the edge, where they'd stood many times before, beneath aurora and rain and a gray, dreary wash of a sky, to the sound of bells, even though they'd never quite decided if they had been for a wedding or a funeral…
"Do you consider this your kingdom?" L asked, letting go of Light's hand and leaning up against the bar, looking down over Tokyo, alive with a greenish glow.
"Should I?" Light replied quietly, wrapping his arms around himself to try and keep warm against the wind cut through him like razors.
L shrugged, not looking at him.
"You were born here, in this city," he pointed out. "You are fully Japanese, and have lived in Japan – here, in Tokyo – all your life. This is where you found the Death Note, this is where your first victim committed his sin and was punished by you, this is where you decided to become Kira, this is where Misa Amane followed you to… And this is where I followed you to, Light Yagami. This city… is the heart of the matter."
Light shrugged himself, rubbing his arms.
"I thought that was important," L continued. "When I had this building designed, I mean to say. I thought that Tokyo was an important factor, and that we should have a perfect, eagle-eye view of it. Regardless of whether you were Kira or not, I had already tracked Kira to the Kanto region. This city was important. Even my heirs followed…" L gave a sudden shake of his head. "I'm rambling," he apologized abruptly. "This is just meaningless small talk. Please do not feel that you are obliged to answer. The truth is… I just wanted to come up here again." L looked over his shoulder at Light. "…With you, I mean."
Light returned his gaze, but said nothing. After a while, L looked away again up at the featureless sky.
"It is exceptionally cold," he observed. "I think it's going to snow."
Light gave an agreeable nod, growing more and more uncomfortable with the wind whipping away his body heat.
"Light-kun, you don't seem very happy," L finally said, coming away from the edge of the roof to stand next to him.
"I-It's cold…" Light mumbled, unable to stop the tremor in his voice as his jaw spasmed in shivery protest. He quickly looked up as he suddenly realized what he had said, and who he had said it to.
"But it's nothing I can't handle…" He trailed off lamely, trying to play off the irony of his previous statement. As if to cement the idea, he strode forward and embraced L, suddenly assaulted with cold from both within and without. Light's body instantly seized up, and breathing became a painful ordeal as the frigid air seared his lungs.
"Why d-did you want to c-come up here anyway?"
L regarded him for a moment, watching as his lips turned a darker shade of blue, before smirking.
"For tradition's sake."
Light waited for an explanation of the cryptic answer, but got nothing as L instead gently pushed him away, grabbing hold of his hand to lead him towards the door and the warm haven it offered.
"Let's go back inside."
Light gladly allowed the strange answer to slide by unquestioned if it meant going back indoors. L now actually making for the promised destination of the kitchen. The younger man had no idea what he wanted, why he was prying Light from bed at this time of the morning to wander about the building in his particularly-dead company; and felt that he should probably exhibit more wariness than he was exhibiting right now, given L's (both living and dead) track record of cruel little whims concerning Light…
But yet L seemed drained of his malice and sullenness now – as though he had returned to his living state (only minus the very obvious "living" part). And maybe that was simply a greater cause for suspicion, but Light found himself… wanting to trust him, at least just for tonight.
So he made excuses, the way L had for him.
"I'll make some coffee," L said, on entering the kitchen.
"You sure?" Light said with a tired smile, sinking into a chair at the table. "I want it sometime this century, you know."
"Patience is a virtue, Light-kun." L went about it in his slow, delicate way, perhaps to illustrate this point; Light was grateful for the coffee when L finally brought it to him, wrapping his hands around the cup to warm them up. "You see?" L went on, settling opposite Light with a cup of coffee for himself. "Now you appreciate it more, because you had to wait."
"If you say so," Light murmured, sipping at it happily.
"How is your eye?"
Light touched at the bandage sloping down over his ruined eye.
"It's okay. I can't see out of it, and it still hurts, but the bleeding has mostly stopped now."
"So it's not okay."
"It's… better."
L gave a shake of his head.
"What an idiotic thing to do…"
"It made you be nicer to me," Light pointed out.
"I'm always nice to you, Light-kun."
"Like fun you are."
L hummed to himself for a moment, considering that.
"Well, alright, there have been times when I haven't been all that nice to you," he decided, consulting the ceiling as though there was a list scrawled there of all the times he'd tormented Light in one way or another. "Teasing you, terrorizing you, being cruel to you, depriving you of sleep, attempting to drug you, threatening to gouge out your eyes…"
"Turning the shower water to blood."
"I maintain that you imagined that."
"I did not!"
"But on further inspection, there was no trace of blood whatsoever, in either your shower or on your person." L blinked at him. "How do you explain that? I am hardly a magician, Light-kun."
"But you're great at cheating at cards – at hiding them up your sleeve."
"One could say that," L agreed primly, taking a delicate sip of his own coffee.
"Why are you being like this all of a sudden?" Light found himself asking, blurting it out almost against his will.
"Like what?"
"So… friendly!" Light stressed, putting his coffee cup down firmly. "In all the time you've been back here, the only times when you've acted like this have been when… well, when you had someone else's heart inside you! If you were capable of acting like this, then why didn't you? I… I just don't understand."
"Well, that's simple." L gave a flippant shrug. "I was sulking with you."
"L, I didn't bring you back."
"I know you didn't." L gave him a sweet little smile. "You only killed me."
"Okay, then," Light bit out. "Why have you stopped sulking with me?"
"Who said that?" L inquired innocently. "I am merely being civil. I am not completely indisposed to acting maturely, Light-kun."
Light's one working eye narrowed suspiciously.
"What do you want?"
"Nothing," L said, and he went back to his coffee quite contentedly.
Light straightened himself up irritably.
"Well, excuse me if I don't exactly buy that," he said stiffly.
"You're excused," L replied politely, not looking up.
"All I'm saying is," Light tried again, trying to keep a tight rein on his fast-unraveling patience, "that as happy as I am that you only seem to want my company as opposed to my severed head on a plate, I find it hard to swallow that you are contented to sit here with me, drinking coffee and making small talk, when your heir is dying only floors above us."
L tilted his head.
"So you did want me to know about that," he observed.
"I had considered that it wouldn't get past you."
"Which it didn't."
"Obviously not."
"I see." L linked his long fingers together thoughtfully. "So you consider my sudden change in behavior towards you to perhaps be simply a ruse to lull you into a false sense of security, since you believe that your actions towards Mello should have provoked me to seek some kind of vengeance on you." The dead detective nodded. "I agree, you are in a rather precarious position, Light-kun. However… I must impress that Mello's condition is no longer my concern. No matter what I inflict on you in repayment for what you have done to Mello, it will not help him. I've always thought revenge a rather strange business, anyway."
"You aren't above it, certainly," Light recalled bitterly.
"Well, no, but any of those petty revenges I ever exacted upon you while I was alive were simply that – petty. Balm for my bruised ego, if you will. That is different."
"Mello came here to get revenge on me."
"And look where it has landed him." L was more interested in his coffee than he was in this conversation, clearly. He didn't offer anything else in the way of this particular subject.
"…So you really do… just want to talk?" Light finally said. "To me?"
"To you, yes." L eventually looked up at him again. "You are the only friend I've ever had, Light; as well as the only lover… No, what did we agree to call it? "Partners of circumstance"? Well, no matter what you've done… you are very important to me. Even if I hate you, those ties are still there."
Light gave a silent nod, and they were both quiet for a while.
"Do you remember that story I told you?" L asked suddenly.
"What story?"
"The fairy story. My favorite." L sipped at his coffee again. "About the prince, blessed with grace and beauty, and cursed with the power to kill."
"What about it?"
L shrugged.
"Nothing. I simply wondered if you remembered it. It is quite unlike the other story."
"What other story?"
"The one about the detective shagging his suspect on a nightly basis. The conclusion of the tale was that the suspect turned out to be the murderer all along." L shot him a dry smile. "Such an ironic story."
"They're both the same story," Light said.
"How confidently you say that."
"But they are."
"Yes, they are."
"So why did you say that they were unalike?"
"In the style of their narration, they are dissimilar, even though they are the same story. In the fairy story, the prince is portrayed as a poor, pitiable character, because his beauty and goodness cause him to fall victim to the evil of his own great power. In the other story, the prince is re-imagined as a cruel and dishonest character, a villain, if you will. Any story can be rewritten in almost every way imaginable, characters changing to fit the style in which it is told." L's dead eyes glinted. "To some, Kira is a demon. To others, a God."
"…And what do you think of Kira, L?" Light asked quietly, looking at him very intently across the table. "You, I mean, as… as L Lawliet. Not as L, the great detective. Just you. I don't think you've ever told me."
"Why would I have? And besides…" L shrugged offishly. "You never asked."
"So what do you think? Light pressed.
"Well, I admit that your actions as Kira get results – there has certainly been a noticeable decrease in crime levels all throughout the world. However, as I have said before, Light-kun… You are not eradicating evil, merely repressing it. It is within our nature to be evil. If it wasn't, then we wouldn't do evil things. Additionally, there are people who do evil things because of either their mental state or because their circumstances force them into it. Therefore I find it simply arrogant of you to take the moral high-ground on a matter so… human."
"But if you believe our situation so hopeless," Light argued, "then why are you… I mean, were you a detective? You were working towards trying to stop evil too."
"No I wasn't. I don't think evil can be prevented or halted. As I have said, it is within our nature. If there is a God, then He has obviously designed us that way and gives us the freewill to choose whether or not to commit evil. If there isn't a God, then the outcome is still largely the same – it is simply how we are, and for the most part, a person can choose whether or not to murder or steal. I think, Light, that our situation is neither hopeless or hopeful. This is life. In the scale of things, both you and I are insignificant. The love you and I have shared is insignificant in the face of existence itself." L gave a small smile. "Does my opinion seem rather bleak to you?"
"A little, yes." Light twisted his fingers together on the table top. "…But you still haven't told me why you became a detective."
"Do you really want to know that?"
"Yes." Light looked at him intently. "I do."
"Curiosity," L answered simply. "The mechanism of the human mind intrigues me, and always has. I've always wondered why people do things. Why – and how. I suppose I have a sense of justice, too, but honestly…? Just pure interest, really. That's why."
"You're a seriously sick bastard, L," Light replied quietly, looking down at his coffee. "Like a little kid with an ant farm."
"Pot calling the kettle black, Light-kun."
"Don't compare us, you heartless—!" Light cut himself off abruptly; L only smiled at him.
"Yes, I certainly am heartless," he agreed pleasantly. "Maybe because I was an idiot and lost it to you."
Light took a deep breath, calming himself down again.
"That heart…" he said hesitantly. "…That last one I gave you. It was your heir's. The red-headed boy. You know. Matt. I got Ryuk to bring it for you."
He braced himself then; but L only gave a little sigh, as though impatient.
"I know that, Light-kun."
Light looked up at him warily.
"…And you took it anyway?" He asked faintly.
"It was the only way. The fact remained that you had taken my heir's heart from his corpse. If I had not taken it into my own chest, what would you have done with it? Thrown it away? That's worse, Light-kun. Far worse. Incidentally, I also know that the first heart was Misa-san's and that the second had belonged to Matsuda-san."
Light dipped his head meekly and said nothing.
"Regardless," L added drolly, "far be it from me to judge you by such actions. I appreciate that love is messy business – all this taking and giving of hearts…"
Light glanced up again, half-fascinated.
"Do you regret it?" He asked softly.
"Regret what, Light-kun?"
"…Us."
"Well, as easy as it is for me to blame both my failings and my death on our relationship, I have concluded that there is a very distinct possibility that I would have been killed even if we had never met, Light-kun. Kira and L were, of course, enemies. So when I alleviate that kind of blame from what we shared… then no. I don't regret it. You know what I was like prior to your "persuasion". I would never have known love if it wasn't for you – and honestly, I don't think I was – or am –capable of loving anyone but you."
Light smiled, his earlier anger completely washed away by these words now.
"I'm… so happy that you think that," he said.
"Of course," L went on, not really listening to him, "our relationship was very abnormal and flawed. You were my suspect – what I did was highly unprofessional and extremely stupid. Additionally, I am seven years older than you, and the basis of our relationship was founded on cruel mind games and – as you'll no doubt recall – rape. There was a lot wrong with it. Maybe it was predestined that it wouldn't end happily."
"But I—"
"Consider it, I mean. It's very strange. You raped me, so I raped you back, and was crueler still, and we ended up falling in love. That's wrong. There is nothing right about that, is there? What does that say about either us or our relationship?" L frowned. "But then again… sex is simply human nature. Our relationship was homosexual, but regardless, the entire point of sex is procreation. If humans didn't need to reproduce in that way, then sex wouldn't exist at all. I scorned the dependency and ties it forms between people, but what was I saving myself from, really? Nothing but a breeding ritual. It's merely human mindset that elevates sex to the status of "something special". No other living organism does this. So was "raping" me really such a terrible thing on your part?" He glanced at Light. "Please do not think I am excusing the act of rape itself. I am simply considering the idea of sex in accordance with the human mindset. Humans are the only creatures which have sex for pleasure instead of reproduction. We are the only things that use it as an expression of love."
"Then surely…" Light paused, as though struggling to put what he wanted to say into words. "…Surely, if we got through the rape and… still fell in love, then that can only prove how much… I mean, how strong that love is."
"Perhaps. Perhaps not." L shrugged. "It doesn't matter now, anyway."
"Of course it matters!" Light cried.
"Why do you say that? I was simply considering the… mechanism of our relationship, shall we call it? The starting point? After all these years, surely that doesn't matter any more."
"But you just said that the reasoning for things is what interests you! That your curiosity for why and how people do things is what made you want to be a detective."
"But I'm not a detective anymore, am I?" L asked by way of reply, sounding amused. He held up one of his pale, thin wrists. "…I'm just a corpse these days."
Light fell silent, dropping his gaze to the surface of the kitchen table.
"And that's my fault," he muttered, more to himself.
"It is," L agreed.
"Rem… she would have killed me, you know. If I hadn't engineered the situation to make her kill you. Even her own life didn't matter to her. She just wanted to save Misa."
"I know that. You were in a difficult position, were you not? Your life or mine. It is understandable that you would choose to save yourself. Humans are selfish like that."
"How can you be so accepting of it?!" Light snapped, angered by L's indifferent attitude. "What I did to you, it was… it was terrible."
L shrugged.
"It was. But you're human. Humans are dreadful creatures. It is likely that I, given the opportunity, would have saved my life over yours. Rem-san gave her life to save Misa-san, but Rem-san was not a human." He shook his dark head. "Let's not blame either of them, though. It is… disrespectful to speak ill of the dead."
Light gazed at him helplessly.
"You know," he said, "when you were alive… even though I loved you, I always thought you were a horrible person, L. You always seemed so cruel and self-serving. But you're not, are you? You're… you're very kind."
L looked amused.
"No, I'm not. You were right to think that about me. I was a nasty piece of work when I was alive, and I still am. It's merely your mindset, Light-kun. How often you change your mind these days. Only minutes ago you referred to me as a "seriously sick bastard". Really, you were right the first time." He shrugged. "Regardless, I seem to love you, and you seem to love me back."
"I do love you," Light pressed fiercely. "More than anything. And… I'd do anything to prove it to you."
L glanced at Light's bandaged eye.
"That's alright," he said lazily. "I think I've had quite enough of that."
"That thing you wanted… If only you'd tell me what it is, I would give it you." Light looked at him sincerely, even leaning towards him. "Whatever it is, I'll give it to you. I promise, L."
"That's very kind of you, Light-kun," L replied over his coffee; and he added nothing more.
Light opened his mouth to speak again, but his voice failed him; instead he went back to his own coffee, for lack of a better response.
"My father," he said finally, "was… so against this. You and I, I mean."
(And Light spoke so strangely of his father – remorseless, not as though he didn't care that he'd killed him, but as though he didn't accept that he had. As though he thought his father was still alive…)
"I know. He made that very obvious. Incidentally, so was Watari," L said pointedly.
"Watari didn't like me."
"No, he didn't." L gave a shrug. "He disliked you very much, Light-kun. Incidentally, I don't think your father really liked me all that much, so it's even."
"My father had a lot of respect for you," Light said firmly.
"He just didn't like the thought of me leading you astray."
"…No, he didn't."
L gave a shrug.
"That's understandable," he said amiably. "I'm several years older than you. Same gender, too. Watari's problems were largely similar, although he did have one additional issue with our relationship than your father had."
"Yeah?"
L nodded absently.
"Yes. He was pretty confident that you were Kira." L paused, considering what he'd just said. "Hm, no, that's not quite right. It was more a concern that I was pretty confident that you were Kira, was sleeping with you anyway, and thus was not trying as hard to find evidence against you as such." L gave a sad little sigh. "…He was only trying to help me, to talk some sense into me, but I didn't listen. It's my fault he died." He glanced up at Light again. "I suppose I lied earlier. I do have one regret about our relationship – Watari's death. I was aware of the danger to myself, and by that point, I didn't really care, but Watari… I never meant for him to…"
"L, I never asked Rem to kill Watari," Light said desperately. "I swear to you. I was surprised when she killed him. I didn't think she would."
L shook his head, more to himself.
"It doesn't matter now," he said again. "It can't be changed. But he objected, he argued with me, told me I was being stupid… He was right. I knew he was, even then; I just didn't listen. …That's why I didn't listen."
Light put his head in his hands wearily.
"I wish I'd never… that plan of mine, I just… I set it all up before I was even taken into custody by you, by the time I got my memories back there was nothing I could do, but…" He gripped at his hair in frustration. "Damn it, Misa… if only she'd never… Rem should never have given her that other Death Note, that's when everything started going bad…"
L said nothing, giving the impression of not having heard Light's irritated whispers.
"I was all for killing you, L!" Light snapped, slamming his hand down on the kitchen table to arrest the dead man's attention. "I couldn't wait to be rid of you, so when Misa was captured, I set everything up so that whatever happened, you'd end up dead. But that… that was before we were chained together, and by the time I got my memories back, I loved you, but… there was nothing I could do…"
"You don't have to excuse yourself, Light-kun," L said genially. "I quite understand the situation that you were in. I have said that already."
"I didn't want you dead!" Light shrieked. "But I… I'd trapped myself, and of course Rem was going to kill you, I'd set it up so that if she wanted Misa saved, she'd simply have to kill you, but… god, I… I was so pleased that everything had gone exactly as I planned it, I thought that I did want you dead, but… I didn't. I really didn't. But it was too late…"
"Light-kun, calm down—"
"It hurt so much," Light whispered, his one eye wide and almost unseeing. "The fact… that you just weren't there any more, it hurt so badly I thought I was going to die… And it was worse, because… because your death hadn't been something beyond my control. It wasn't sickness or an accident. It was my fault. I'd… I'd killed you myself. It was so awful, so lonely and frightening, but how… how could I really be deserving of the sympathy everyone gave me? That made it worse, and… well, because everyone just thought I was mourning your death because you'd been my friend, nobody knew just how much you meant to me, nobody knew how much I loved you…"
L smiled slightly.
"Yes, I suppose it was easier for me. Still, you do have a rather peculiar habit of killing the people you love – and who love you…"
Light wasn't listening; he'd sunk to the tabletop and was sobbing quietly, his face buried in his arms.
"I'd never… never regretted anything so much… in my entire life," he choked. "The moment… y-you fell still in my arms… I just… it started hurting, a-and… no matter what I did, the pain… just didn't go away…"
"That is called 'heartbreak', Light-kun," L said quietly. "And I know how it feels."
Light glanced up at him, his right eye shining with tears.
"The notebook you gave me," L went on softly. "You put the ace card in there. I'd call it a confession, but it wasn't – it was a taunt. I knew then that you were Kira. That was the same, you know. It hurt so much."
"But I hadn't died," Light said, wiping his eye.
"Hadn't you?" L gave him a sad smile.
Light suddenly found that he couldn't look at him, and quickly averted his gaze.
"I slept with Matsuda," he said, more to fill the horrible silence than anything else. "I wanted you back so badly, and Misa… she obviously wasn't…"
"Well, yes, Misa-san was decidedly more female than me."
"She let the dye in her hair grow out." Light was just talking for the sake of it now, just to have a stream of words flowing beneath the confessions. "She had black hair naturally. Black as ebony, like yours, but… it wasn't enough, so…"
"Matsuda-san and I are nothing alike, Light-kun."
"It was the hair," Light said desperately. "The black hair, just like yours."
"And the penis."
"Ryuzaki!" Light was so indignantly taken-aback by that sudden "observation" that it took him a while to realize that he'd called L by his old pseudonym.
L was actually laughing a little, shaking his head as he looked steadfastly down at what was left of his coffee.
Light's eye widened, and he put his hand to his mouth in a comical manner.
"…I just called you…"
"I know." L gave a little cough, brushing back a spike of his hair from his face as he tried to stop himself from laughing. "It must be because you were so used to yelling that name in that tone."
"I can't believe you just said that."
"I'm dead, Light-kun. I don't have to bother with social graces anymore."
"You didn't bother with them anyway."
"No, that's true…"
Light was smiling now, apparently shaken out his melancholy state by L's defunct-as-usual "sense of humor". L finished his coffee and rose from his seat, holding out his thin white hand for Light's cup – Light drained it and handed it over. L drifted away with them to the sink; pausing on his way back to the table next to the thing that had caught his eye:
The paper bag that had once held the dozen apples Light had bought for the purpose of bribing Ryuk.
L rummaged in the bag curiously, emerging with a single crimson apple.
"Last one," he said, and he bit into it without any hesitation whatsoever.
"You're just like Ryuk," Light said quietly as L came back to the kitchen table.
"Hm? Ugly?"
"No. I mean… you don't have to eat, but you can."
"So you don't think I'm ugly?"
Light blinked in surprise.
"Of course not. I've… I've never called you ugly, L."
"That's not what I said," L said through a mouthful of apple. "I said 'think'."
"Okay, I don't think you're ugly."
L smiled at him.
"Well, of course, you've always been an excellent liar," he said cheerfully; he offered his half-eaten apple over the table to Light. "Love apple, Light-kun?"
Light hesitated in taking it.
"I know I'm a corpse," L added dryly, "but as you can clearly see, I'm not rotting – nor, incidentally, am I a zombie of the horror-movie-kind. You won't become like me if you eat it."
"Oh, no, it's not that, it's just…"
"You think I poisoned it?" L was smirking now.
"No." Light practically snatched it from his hand at this. "…It's just… I don't think you ever offered me a 'love apple' while you were alive."
L shrugged.
"Better late than never," he said absently.
Light couldn't argue much with that, and bit into the apple. He ate it in silence, since his mouth was full and L wasn't talking anymore. He finished it quickly, looking up at L again as he licked some of the juice from the core.
"You should probably go back to bed," L said, somewhat abruptly.
Light shook his head.
"No, I want to sit here with you."
"Very well." L reached into the pocket of his jeans and pulled out a packet of cards. "We'll play Twenty-Ones. If you win, we can stay here all night. If I win, you go back to bed."
"What are you, my mother?"
"No, but you seem tired." Light yawned as L said it. "You see? I shouldn't really have pulled you out of bed, tonight of all nights…"
Light suddenly became very guarded, piecing two and two together.
"You know… about tomorrow, don't you? Dawn. Near."
"Of course I know." L wasn't looking at him, preoccupied with shuffling the cards. "Don't you think you should be well-rested, then?"
"Forget the cards." Light got up, suddenly very wary of L again; he pushed in his chair as L dealt him two cards anyway. "You're right, I should get some sleep."
"That is probably best." L lazily turned over his own cards; the jack of clubs and the ace of hearts. "I had twenty-one anyway."
"You're a bastard, L," Light said, and he walked out of the kitchen.
"How fickle Light-kun is," L sighed after him despairingly. "He changes his mind about me far too often…"
Light was already back under the covers by the time L followed him into the bedroom; he buried himself beneath them completely as he felt L's weight sink the mattress a little.
"And we were getting on so well," L said, his voice melodic as he pawed at Light through the sheets.
"Go away, L!" Light hissed angrily.
"Don't be like that, Light-kun."
"Tell me," Light spat, suddenly shoving the covers back, "do you toy with your heirs like this? Are you playing about with Near too?"
L tilted his head.
"Could you rephrase that, please? It just sounds a little… well, inappropriate, considering that Near is twelve years younger than me—"
"Answer the fucking question!" Light screeched.
"Oh, Light-kun, don't shout at me," L said unhappily, taking Light's shoulders. "You killed me, after all. I'm not obliged to be nice to you."
Light attempted to shrug out of his grip.
"Get off me!" He snapped. "I don't want you touching me. I hate you!"
L smiled, putting a cold finger to Light's lips.
"Ah, now… That's one lie that wasn't very convincing. You don't hate me. You love me. You love me enough to give me whatever I ask for." His fingers drifted upwards over Light's cheek and onto the bandage covering his left eye. "…Enough to do this to yourself." L's other hand came to Light's face too. "Your love for me is unfathomable. I don't think either of us even understands how much you love me. I don't mean to sound arrogant – it is simply that I know that you love me with all of your heart, Light Yagami."
Maybe he sensed that Light was about to start crying again (and maybe he was simply sick of it at this point), for L leaned down towards him and kissed him. It wasn't a comfortable kiss, really – instead a strange, contrasting, almost painful infusion of hot and cold. Light didn't care – he grabbed at L, closing his eyes and pushing upwards into it, almost desperately, one arm wrapped around L's icy, slender chest and the hand of the other sank deeply into his ebony hair.
As they broke apart, Light breathlessly whispered "I love you" – and L slipped something into Light's hand.
"I believe you," L replied quietly, pushing Light back down to the mattress. "Goodnight."
He brushed Light's hair away from his bandaged eye and then slipped from the mattress, silently leaving the room. Light shifted, getting comfortable. L was right, he was tired, and now… he felt much calmer, too.
Much happier.
He opened his hand to look at what L had given him; smiling contentedly.
A chess piece. The white king. With an 'L' on it.
He slept with it clutched in his hand.
"Hello, Sleeping Beauty," L said softly as Light's eyes fluttered open.
"Hello, Snow White." Light rubbed sleepily at his hair.
"You insist on calling me that."
"You insist on calling me that."
"But it fits you. You look so lovely when you're asleep, Light-kun."
"Just when I'm asleep?"
"Well, no. But particularly so."
"Well, 'Snow White' fits you, Ryuzaki. You're so pale, and the hair…" Light frowned, blinking up at L, who was leaning over him. "What do you want, anyway? Why did you wake me up? Did you find a new lead?"
L shook his head.
"No," he replied. "I didn't mean to wake you, actually. You should go back to sleep. You seem tired."
Light gave a wry smile.
"I wonder why that could be…"
"And Light-kun calls me a pervert," L sighed, looking up at the ceiling.
Light yawned and rolled over; patting the bed.
"Come in with me," he said sleepily. "You need to sleep too, you know."
"Mm." L merely nodded absently.
Light didn't actually expect him to get in with him – it had been an empty offer, really. So instead he simply closed his eyes and got comfortable again, sinking back beneath the skin of sleep almost immediately. His eyes opened again, however, when he felt L indeed slide in behind him, the warm presence comfortable against his back.
"I didn't expect… you to take me up on that offer," he said, rolling over to face him.
L shrugged as Light snuggled up against him.
"Maybe I won't look as beautiful as you," he murmured, "but you're right – I should sleep too…"
"Hmm." Light wrapped his arms around L's chest, resting his head against his throat; as L's hands rested on the crown of his head and at the crook of his elbow. "This is nice. Let's just… stay like this."
"For how long?"
"One hundred years," Light replied decisively. "We'll just stay here, you and I, exactly like this – let ivy and roses grow over us. The world can keep on moving, keep on changing, keep on rotting… But we'll stay the same, Ryuzaki. Here, asleep together."
"I'm afraid I couldn't do that, Light-kun," L said gravely.
"Why not?"
"I couldn't go one hundred years without cake."
Light smiled, not opening his eyes.
"Never mind, then," he sighed.
And his indifference was genuine, because the destruction of their fairyland still seemed to be a century away.
…For what's it worth, it was worth all the while—
I hope you had the time of your life.
Good Riddance (Time Of Your Life); Green Day
Narroch: What a relief, it's back... I was starting to get worried about that L/Light dialog. It has been missing for so long now it seems... (we were going to send out a search party XD) But in all seriousness, this chapter was something of a breather, what with all the blood, and death, and crazy gunfights of the last two... We (I) needed a break. And this is really something of the wrap up, the final look back at what they had, what they have been though, the small but important breath before the plunge. We decided it needed its own chapter, set aside from the action, in the quiet of the night, like how all their old jaunts were staged.
RR: Mm hmm, so… sorry if you were on the edge of your seats (ha, tchyeah right…) prior to this update, hoping for the big bust-up that is inevitably coming, but although the actual storyline of Poison Apple doesn't need this chapter, we both felt that the material in this chapter was important to the overall story we're trying to tell, so… Yeah. Sorry if this wasn't quite what you were hoping for, but it wasn't a deliberate diversion engineered specially to annoy you.
Narroch: But damn, Light was so schizo in this chapter! It was getting annoying after going over it for the millionth time. Hopefully it is believable that his somewhat unstable personality swings are due to his mental and physical deterioration, and not just our bad writing, heh heh.
RR: Honestly, even when I'm writing him, I can't decide if he needs a hug or a slap. Ha, can you imagine…? :)
Narroch: Our usual gushing and eternal gratitude for everyone who has continued to read and support this whacked out fic. Thankyou guys so much. REALLY. Thankyou. :)
RR: To all who wrongly guessed that this chapter would be posted on Halloween…
Narroch: No prizes for guessing when our next update will be... :p
RR: Aurora is but a few hours away. Light seems pretty confident… but so does Near. And L? Who knows?
Us, that's who. Nyah.
TTYS, lads and luvvies!
RR and Narroch xXx
