Disclaimer: Ranma ½ and its characters do not belong to me.
AN: I warned you at the end of the last chapter. However, this is a longer chapter to make sure I didn't leave you on a horrible cliffhanger, or at least not on the most horrible of cliffhangers. Have fun reading!
No more pussyfooting around: a Ranma ½ fanfic
By Indygodusk
Chapter 29: Deep Thoughts and Hot Tea
Turning out the light, she tucked P-chan into bed with her after bestowing a quick kiss on his snout. It wasn't anything unusual, but the quick kiss suddenly reminded her of her slightly swollen lips, and how they'd gotten that way, and of the small purple mark now hidden by the collar of her shirt. For a second, Akane desperately wanted to talk to someone about this.
She briefly considered telling P-chan, who she'd used as a confidant before, but as much as she wanted to talk about what had just happened, she didn't know what to say. Where would she even start? It was all too big. If Akane once again tossed and turned all night, at least this time it wasn't because of nightmares.
The next day was a school day and unfortunately for Ranma, Akane used that to her advantage by avoiding being alone with him for most of the day. Once again. But the conversation they needed to have was a private one, not one in front of family or schoolmates. That meant he had to wait for his chance. Weren't women supposed to like talking?
When he saw her in history class, Akane blushed and looked away quickly. But then she stole a glance back at him from beneath her lashes. Ranma felt his own cheeks heat. He spent most of the period trying not to stare at Akane as his mind kept reliving memories of the night before. Consequently he bombed the history quiz, but he couldn't really bring himself to care.
After all, he'd kissed Akane last night!
After school, she dodged him again at the gates, making sure she was sandwiched between Yuka and Sayuri as they walked away. Ranma let her go, but he was running out of patience. He wouldn't put up with this for much longer.
Luckily, Akane had promised Kasumi that she'd help chop vegetables for tonight's dinner. That meant he just had to go home and she'd be forced to eventually come to him. Akane had finally managed to master evenly sliced vegetables after Kasumi started playing sleepy-sounding music in the kitchen. Kasumi also made sure Akane's work station had little to no visual distractions. It seemed like the music and isolation was just enough to slow down Akane's thoughts so she would listen to instructions and focus on one task at a time.
Of course, Ranma still wouldn't trust Akane to actually combine food together into an actual meal that required cooking, at least not outside the handful of dishes she had proven herself adequate in. He may love the girl, but that didn't mean he had any illusions about her cooking skills. When they got married, he planned on either doing most of the cooking secretly by himself, or eating a lot of takeout. They couldn't count on Kasumi remaining single and at home forever. Ranma also figured that once he got established as a Sensei, he could take on a couple of advanced apprentices at the dojo and make them do the cooking for everyone.
When Ranma got back to the house, he tossed his backpack into his room and then went out into the backyard to practice a mix of tai chi and a few other styles. It forced him to relax and slow down his racing mind, which was stuck on a cycle of kissed Akane, kissed Akane, tee hee!
Taking a break to sit, breathe, and cycle his energy from the soles of his feet to his crown, Ranma finally calmed down enough to realize that his preoccupation on their kiss had caused him to forget the events immediately preceding it. Akane had a scar. Akane had been hurt. And Ranma had failed to protect her. He had failed to even realize she'd been hurt.
Ranma wanted to keep Akane safe. He wanted to wrap her in his arms gently and growl at anyone who dared to even come close. It hurt that he hadn't been able to comfort her when it happened, or to help her as she healed. But now that he knew she'd been injured, he wanted to give her whatever he could to make her feel better. If only he knew what that was, and if only she would accept it.
On the other hand, Ranma's thoughts were as far from gentle as you could get. He wanted to rage. He'd love to destroy something, preferably someone, over this. When Ranma found out who had hurt his Akane that badly, they were dead. He would first break every limb in their body so they couldn't move, and then rip out their intestines through their bellybutton ever so slowly, using pressure points to deny them the refuge of unconsciousness. The bastard would scream for hours, and Ranma would end up with sleeves of crusted blood, but it still wouldn't be enough to make up for hurting Akane like that. Maybe he wouldn't let the attacker die, maybe he'd force the idiot who thought they could hurt Akane to live as an incontinent cripple for the rest of their miserable life.
The viciousness of his plans should disturb Ranma. He prided himself on being an amazing Martial Artist without being a cruel fighter. But something animalistic was urging him to permanently end anything that hurt Akane, and he couldn't find a strong enough reason to disagree. Maybe it was the cat fist side of his personality influencing him, but Ranma just didn't care. He just had to find out what had happened to give Akane that scar and make it go away forever.
Ranma knew the what, he just needed the who and when. He didn't really care about why. It only mattered if it would help him make sure this never happened again.
Figuring out when might be easiest, he decided after a few minutes of mental struggling. To start, he needed a general time frame. When could the attack have happened?
The last time he'd seen Akane naked had been last fall (and the fact that it had happened more than once without him even trying made him a very, very lucky man). Shampoo had snuck into the bath with Akane for some reason, and he'd heard Akane scream. The image of the two of them naked had admittedly sent him down some perverted mental paths for a moment, but then reality, and his possessiveness, had reasserted itself and he had helped to get rid of the amazon.
Ranma could still vividly feel his fingers slipping so easily along Akane's wet flesh as he had tried to untangle the fighters. He remembered clearly that both of Akane's sides had been smooth and sleekly muscled then. She'd had no scars.
Some nights he'd wake up overheated from unremembered dreams with just a flash of that moment in his mind. He'd try to focus on the sound of her gasp and the expression in her eyes when his fingers slid across the miles of her pale skin moistened by the bath, but the dreams would always prove too elusive to revisit. Nevertheless, he always had trouble controlling his reactions to Akane after dreams like that.
Ranma cleared his throat. In fact, he had better focus on something else now or he would have an unwanted physical reaction here in the yard, especially with the added visuals from last night. Ranma shifted position and forced his thoughts to get back on topic. So Akane must have been hurt some time after that scene in the bath. It could have happened Okinawa, or with Gosunkugi's demon possessed girlfriend, or during one of those winter months when she was almost never around. Darn it, why did she have to be so secretive?
But wait, he'd noticed her favoring her side during the events with the demon-possessed girlfriend. He'd assumed it had to do with girls having periods, and after that horrifying conversation with the school nurse, had promptly ignored and suppressed his reaction to any girl rubbing or clutching at her stomach or side. If it wasn't cramps though, it could have been the wound. That means that it could have been the squirrel demon, but if it was, Ranma had already taken all of the revenge possible for that. The demon was gone and the host was innocent.
Of course, the stupid thing had said some crazy stuff to Ranma about bad things happening to Akane. Had she been threatening, or had she discovered that Akane had already gotten hurt and was hinting at something? This was maddening. Ranma would try to do some sniffing around to see if anyone at school knew anything, but really, the best thing would be to get the truth from Akane. Maybe if he came at her with his suspicions, it would make her give up her secrets. Decided on a plan, Ranma allowed his mind to go back to dwelling on their kiss the night before.
Their first kiss had been nothing like he'd ever imagined it would be. It had been so much more complicated and so much more amazing. He hadn't realized how strong his reaction to kissing Akane would be. He'd always thought himself to have superb control over his body and mind, but that hadn't been the case last night. Impulse and emotion had ruled him. It had been a shock how hard it was to stop kissing and touching her once he'd gotten started.
Of course, he would have stopped if Akane had pushed at him or said no even once, no matter what they'd been doing. But she hadn't ever said no. In fact, part of him wondered if they would have stopped at all if their fathers hadn't made such a racket getting home. Even then, it had taken more strength than he expected to step back from her body. And what a body it was. Of course, it wasn't just her body, it was the passionate, strong woman inside of it that made kissing her so exciting. Dropping his eyes to half-mast, Ranma let himself sit and daydream in the afternoon sunlight.
Ukyo was smart and savvy. She was hardworking and loyal. She was even pretty when she put in a little bit of effort, which admittedly wasn't often. But she'd never been a quitter.
Nevertheless, Ukyo did not want to do this anymore. She didn't think she could. She loved Ranma Saotome, she always would, but she might have to finally accept that he was not going to love her the way she needed, at least not any time soon. He cared about her as a friend, but she wanted more.
Ever since she'd stopped going to high school to concentrate on her business, her time with him had become smaller and smaller. She had hoped that Ranma would miss her presence and realize that he needed her. That Ukyo was as important to Ranma as Ranma had always been to Ukyo. But it hadn't worked out that way. He'd even snuck off on some private trip with Akane a few months back, despite her and the Chinese contingent's attempts to waylay him.
What also scared her was the fact that it wasn't just him forgetting about her. Sometimes, she'd go days at a time without thinking about Ranma even once. Out of sight was starting to be out of mind. It felt like a betrayal. She was the devoted, sane, nice, cute fiancée whom he had to love, right? But instead, both of them seemed to be drifting apart without any drama except that which she forced upon them.
Perhaps she needed to let Ranma go, as radical and gut-wrenching as the idea felt. It had been percolating in her mind more and more this last year. Maybe she could find some other strategy to grow her honor and happiness, to make her family's name shine. Did she really need a boy for that? Yet each time he came by one of her restaurants, her heart lifted, the world brightened, and the squeak of stools at the bar in front of the grill became birdsong. But then he'd leave, and the only thing remaining would be dim lighting, a few crumbs from his free food, and a longer line of customers from where she'd gotten behind by focusing on Ranma.
Most of the time Ukyo was proud of the woman staring back at her from the polished surface of her spatula. Dare she even say that she was mostly content with her life? Except when Ranma was there and she caught glimpses of herself reflected off glass and metal surfaces, that desperate face begging for attention was a stranger.
Ukyo did not want to be that girl. Ukyo didn't like her. She had started to wonder if acting this way was really going to help restore her family honor, or if it was just going to make things worse.
As an experiment, Ukyo tried to imagine having a daughter. It made her smile, until she thought about telling her daughter about what her mother had done to get the affections of Ranma Saotome. The thought made her cringe. In secret, Ukyo had been forced to acknowledge that she wasn't proud of the person she became when she was trying to force Ranma's love. Either she was trying to pretend to be some super sweet ideal of the perfect fiancée and perfect friend, or she was acting underhanded, petty, and enraged. She had done some dishonorable things to get Ranma, and with nothing to show for it.
If he ever did ask Ukyo to marry him, he would quickly discover that he'd married a lie. Ranma probably didn't even know the real Ukyo. How could he? She rarely let herself act real around him. But the more she acted natural, the more he treated her like a distant friend instead of a girlfriend and future wife. Ukyo was a blunt person. She didn't like feeling or acting this way, but she didn't know how to stop.
When she let herself feel it, she was disgusted with herself. She wanted to be brave. She wanted to be proud of herself.
Two days ago, Ranma had stopped by at lunch for some free food and to chat. She'd had to nag him ahead of time to get him to promise to come over. It was telling, that he never stopped by to chat unless food was involved. She tried to remember an exception, but the only things that popped up were when he needed help with a fight or when she specifically asked for help. He might have asked her a few times for advice, but that didn't count because those times were almost always about Akane.
Of course, their conversation this time kept drifting back to Akane too, despite Ukyo's best efforts. At first, she'd been grateful that Akane hadn't been able to come because that meant she got Ranma to herself. But considering that he kept bringing Akane up and seemed really distracted, Ukyo still felt like a third wheel. In fact, it would have been better if Akane had actually been there, because then maybe Ranma would be focusing on the now instead of keeping his eye on the door just in case Akane and her friend changed their minds and decided to come over.
Of course, that didn't keep him from inhaling three of her okonomiyaki specials. Sure, it was flattering that Ranma liked her food, but Ukyo was more than just okonomiyaki. Had he ever asked about how she learned to work as a miko or about her art? Did he even remember those parts of her?
After Ranma left, Ukyo had found a note written on the back of a folded up receipt. One of her regular patrons had wrapped it around the tip. The note had sported a lot of exclamation marks and underlined words in sparkly purple ink. Nevertheless, it forced her to ask questions of herself that she'd been avoiding. For the rest of the afternoon, a line from the note kept popping into Ukyo's head. It asked her to take a hard look at herself and realize that she deserved better than a boy who didn't even bother to look past a fake smile.
Wiping off the counter, Ukyo wished she could wipe her own troubles away so easily. Ukyo liked Akane, and had some (few) things in common with Shampoo, but Ukyo could never get truly close to either girl with the specter of Ranma hanging between them. It was hard enough making and keeping friends with her schedule so busy, especially ones who knew how to fight. She'd had fun hanging out with Akane a few times, but Ranma was always this huge thing they had to tiptoe around to avoid fighting.
Every time she had tried to force Ranma to be honest about what he was thinking, to admit who he really liked and wanted to marry, he had wiggled out of answering. Well, perhaps refusal to answer was damning all on its own, Ukyo thought, pounding her fist down on the counter angrily. She did deserve better.
"I want to see you be brave," she whispered out loud to the currently empty shop. It was something her mother used to say when things seemed too tough. It was the almost the last thing she'd said besides, "I love you," before passing away. Firming her lips, Ukyo dropped the rag back into the bucket and undid the ties holding her sleeves back. She flipped the open sign to closed, flicked off the grill, turned out the lights, and locked up her shop.
Today was the day Ukyo Kuonji reclaimed her pride and sense of self.
Saying a small prayer for strength, she started jogging over to the Tendo Dojo to confront one Ranma Saotome. This time, she left her fighting spatula at home. She was going to be rational and get answers once and for all, and if those answers deserved a beating, she'd deliver it later after she'd had time to plan out a brutally thorough punishment.
Too soon, she was rushing through the gate of the Tendo Dojo. After taking a deep breath, she knocked on the door. Kasumi answered and directed Ukyo to the back porch. Before releasing her, Kasumi gave Ukyo a tea tray with two cups and a gentle smile. Ukyo did her best to return it, though she knew it was a pale imitation at best.
Ranma was sitting on the porch with his back to the house, looking meditatively at the koi swimming in the pond. It looked like he was thinking deeply about something, something that brought color to his cheeks and hooded his eyes. Ukyo hoped that she was on his mind, but knew the likelihood of that was slim. Afternoon sunlight burnished his hair with reddish highlights and emphasized the ripples of muscles on his arms and back. The image belonged on the wall of a museum, with a glass case and million dollar price tag. For a second, he was so beautiful that Ukyo couldn't breathe.
Turning, he smiled a nice smile at Ukyo, but the intensity faded from his eyes as he cleared his throat. Then he said something in greeting. Those changes only confirmed that it hadn't been her that he had been thinking about.
"Hey Ukyo, I just saw you on Saturday, did ya need something?" he asked. The question hurt. It assumed that there was no need for him to see her too often.
Dropping a hand to her pocket, she clutched the note in her fist until the folds bit into her fingers. Then she forced herself to breathe in and exhale slowly. Setting the tea tray down next to Ranma with her other hand, she released the note, set her mouth on autopilot, and got herself under control. She could do this.
After a fortifying sip of Kasumi's superior tea, Ukyo turned to squarely face Ranma and asked, "Will you ever love me?" Darn it, she'd meant to say marry, not love, but if this was to be an honest conversation, perhaps it was just as well that she let her heart ask the questions it needed to someday be whole, one way or another.
Ranma choked on his sip of tea and turned bright red. "U-Ukyo," he stuttered, putting his teacup down with a clatter.
"Well?" she demanded bluntly.
"Ucchan," he said helplessly, "you're my friend."
"But not your best friend?" she prodded.
Ranma bit his lip, opened and closed his mouth awkwardly, but ultimately said nothing.
Blowing out a hard breath, Ukyo refused to give up. He would give her a verbal answer, one way or another. Glaring at Ranma she forced herself to ask in a low, gravelly voice, "I deserve to know if you love me, if you will ever marry me, or if you have been just stringing me along all these years for free food."
"No!" he exclaimed, turning towards her and rising up to his knees. "You are my friend Ucchan! I will always care about you, even if you never make me an okonomiyaki ever again."
"Care, but what about love? Are you ever going to marry me?" Ukyo demanded again, fighting the tears that wanted to rise to her eyes, hoping desperately against hope.
Ranma sat back on his heels, looked into her eyes, took a breath, and finally said softly but firmly, "no."
"I- I'm sorry, what did you say?" she asked faintly.
"No," he repeated, "I won't ever marry you. You are my friend, but that is all we'll ever be." Sighing, he looked down and whispered, "I'm sorry, Ukyo."
Blowing out a shuddering breath, Ukyo focused on the hot feel of the teacup cradled between her fingers, making sure she didn't tighten her hand too much. She did not want to break the cup. If she just focused on that, she might be able to keep herself from hyperventilating or shattering into pieces. She had that much self-control.
You are a Kuonji, she reminded herself. Do not dishonor yourself or your family now. She had wanted answers and now she had them. She should leave.
"Then who do you love," she asked in an anguished whisper, unable to keep the question bottled up inside. Stupid, why did you ask that when you know your name will never be the answer to that question? Will knowing really help anything?
Ranma looked into her eyes, and then he suddenly focused on something behind her. His face shifted towards excitement and his lips tilted into the start of a smile. "Akane," he breathed.
Standing abruptly, Ukyo took a shaky step backwards as Ranma's gaze refocused on her. "I see," she grated out, "I should have known. How long?"
At her words, he flushed and stuttered "I-I didn't-", but then he stopped. Sighed. As Akane's steps came closer, he glanced down and then back up at Ukyo through those unfairly long lashes.
"From the beginning," he stated quietly but with conviction, a strangely intense glitter to his eyes that she'd never seen before. Ukyo could guess what it meant though. But it wasn't meant for her, so she never wanted to see it again. She hated it.
"I see," she rasped out again as Akane finally reached their side. Ukyo had to get out of here before she threw up, passed out, or gave into a berserker rage and twisted Ranma's head off with her toes so the agony lasted longer.
"It seems like a day for friends," Akane said with forced cheerfulness and a strangely awkward glance and blush towards Ranma. "Both Ukyo and P-chan have decided to visit. You're welcome to stay for dinner, Ukyo, if you'd like."
Ranma started at her words, glaring at the pig nestled against Akane's bosom. Akane seemed oblivious to the tension between Ukyo and Ranma, as well as to Ranma's glare at P-chan. Akane was oblivious to a lot of things. Just like Ukyo had allowed herself to miss all of the clues shouting that she'd never had a chance, that she'd wasted years and tears on this boy for nothing.
Ukyo let the hand holding her teacup drop oh so carefully to rest unobtrusively against her side. "I have to go," she said hollowly. Although she hated Akane in that moment, she hated Ranma and men who took advantage of a woman's feelings even more.
Maybe it was time for everyone to stop being so oblivious. After all, why should she be the only one having a horrible day? Ukyo paused by Akane's side, looked into her eyes, and dumped the remains of her hot tea onto the pig snuggled against Akane's chest.
A naked Ryoga dropped out of Akane's arms and onto his back at their feet. Even Akane can't stay oblivious to that, Ukyo thought vindictively. "I'd say good luck to Ranma and Ryoga… but I wouldn't really mean it," Ukyo said into the piercing silence.
"Akane, I'm sorry," she added. It was only polite. Let them see her exit as graceful and strong. They didn't need to know about her feelings of heartache and defeat. Perhaps she would be grateful for Ranma's honesty and her freedom one day in the future, but that day was not today. Turning on her heel, Ukyo left. However, she made sure to carefully place the uncracked teacup on the table next to the front door on her way out.
The people in the garden remained frozen until the click of the closing front door sounded quietly in the backyard. Ranma felt bad about Ukyo, but relieved that the truth was finally out there and she seemed to be accepting it. Hopefully she'd forgive him and still be his friend. However, he'd have to worry about it later. Most of his attention was focused on the tableau in front of him.
He was fiercely glad that Akane was finally going to stop cuddling up to P-chan and realize that her pig was really Ryoga. Ranma had hinted at his identity often enough over the years, but she just never got it. Admittedly, Ryoga had made his piggy self more scarce this last year, but P-chan still popped up occasionally. Sometimes, Ranma felt like he kept doing it just because he knew it was guaranteed to drive Ranma crazy. Well, it was about time he got caught out.
Underneath Ranma's blaze of satisfaction, however, lurked fear. Akane was going to be pissed, and if he was really unlucky, he might be included in that anger. She had to realize that he'd been trying to tell her all along though, right?
Akane looked up from the ground and blinked hard several times. She didn't seem to care that Ryoga was naked, just that he was human. "Ryoga… is P-chan," she said hesitantly, staring blankly into thin air. "P-chan is, has always been… Ryoga, a Jusenkyo cursed Ryoga."
Akane glanced down as Ryoga scrambled to his feet, hunched over, and placed his hands over his genitals. "A-Akane, I can explain! I was going to tell you, but I was too embarrassed. This is all really Ranma's fault, I swear!"
"You bastard, don't blame this on me," Ranma growled before turning frantically to face Akane. He would not let Ryoga throw him under the bus. "I've always tried to get him to stop comin' round as a pig, and I tried giving you hints, but he made me swear not to tell anyone about his curse before I knew what he was gonna do with it! It was a matter of honor!"
Akane's voice shook as she looked back and forth between them, "And of course, Ryoga's embarrassment and Ranma's promise were more important to both of you than the abuse and violation of my trust and my honor." Both boys blanched. "I thought you were my friends. I trusted you. But obviously you have absolutely no respect for me or my privacy. A friend wouldn't do this. But after all, if I was too stupid to figure it out after almost three years, then it must be my fault, not yours, right?" Akane's hands curled into fists. Her skin had turned a blotchy scarlet, and unshed tears glistened in her eyes. "I may be an idiot, but I can learn from my mistakes."
Each word Akane spoke felt like a body blow. Ranma had never thought about it like that. He'd thought she'd be mad at Ryoga, and maybe at him, but not hurt and violated. He felt sick. "Akane, I'm sorry," Ranma pled earnestly. He didn't know what else to say in the face of her reaction.
"I'm sorry, too," Ryoga said, hunching over even more as a dark miasma started to form around him, "really, really sorry."
Akane breathed in harshly. "Yes, I can see that you're sorry. Sorry you got caught," she ended her words shouting. Swiping her swimming eyes brutally to prevent any escaping tears, Akane ground out, "Ranma, you can just forget about that talk we were going to have after last night. I'm done with you. Done."
Turning, she glared and said, "As for you Ryoga, I never want to see you or your pig again! But you better get ahold of yourself right now. A true martial artist is in control of his ki, instead of letting it out like a toddler with a tantrum every time things don't go his way. Leave before you destroy my house and hurt my sister with your lack of self-control and your selfishness."
Looking up, Ranma saw that Kasumi had walked out onto the porch. She'd probably come to investigate the shouting. Looking upset, Kasumi stood with one hand held over her mouth.
Practically frothing at the mouth, Akane growled and then bit back whatever else she wanted to say, closing her mouth with a click. She stomped away towards the house. Then, pivoting quickly, she ran back and kicked Ryoga in the balls so hard he soared up over the fence and out of sight with a tortured scream.
Ranma did nothing to defend himself as she stalked over and slugged him across the face. He knew he deserved that and worse. The punch made him stagger, but he kept his feet. "I'm sorry," he repeated helplessly.
"How could you," Akane whispered, ignoring his words. "You were my best friend, my fiancé," she searched his eyes for some answer that he desperately wanted to give her. But whatever she wanted, she didn't seem to find it. Telegraphing her punch worse than she'd done in years, she pulled back her arm again and hit him hard on his other cheek, knocking him across the yard and into the pond as she screamed, "I HATE YOU!" Then she ran past Kasumi and back into the house.
Ranko slowly stood up in the pond, feeling a hundred years old. The cold breeze bit savagely through her wet clothes. Looking up, she saw Kasumi glancing back and forth between the dripping Ranko and where Akane had run into the house. "I did not know either," Kasumi said slowly before meeting Ranko's eyes disapprovingly. "Your animosity and teasing of P-chan make sense now, of course, but letting this situation with your fiancée go on unresolved for almost three years... there was no honor in that," she said sorrowfully before turning and striding into the house after Akane.
Wading out of the pond, Ranko went over to the discarded tea tray and picked up the still-warm teapot. She lifted it up to pour over her head, but hesitated. Everything's falling apart. Staring at the tea pot for a moment, Ranko suddenly exploded into movement, screaming out an epithet as she hurled it to shatter into a thousand pieces against the wall. Then the redhead jumped up onto the fence and started running. Ranko had no destination. She just needed to run until the physical pain in her body eclipsed the pain in her heart.
Several hours later, Ranko realized that she was in too good of shape to tire herself out just by running. Detouring into the nearest park as she passed by, she veered off the path and threw herself down onto her back on the ground, narrowly missing a bush. Sweat had soaked through her clothes, and Ranko realized with a new surge of depression that the fingernail scratches on her back must be gone, since they weren't stinging at all. It seemed there was no chance of getting any more kisses or passion marks from Akane any time soon either.
Ranma felt horrible and so sorry. In trying to be honorable, she'd allowed Akane to be dishonored. The older Ranma got, the more she realized how frustratingly complex life was. Things weren't as black and white as she'd once believed.
Sometimes, there were only two bad choices and you had to try and chose the one with the least bad option. Well, Ranma had made a choice, and it had been the wrong one. That was now glaringly obvious.
Ranko wished she could go back in time to fix things. Though just when she'd need to go to start to fix things was a separate problem, considering how many mistakes she'd made over the years. If she could go back, would she fix this, or would she keep Akane from getting killed even temporarily at Jusendo instead? Or maybe she'd stop herself from getting the sex-changing curse. Heck, why not go back even further and avoid the cat fist? But it was all moot, since she didn't know how to time travel anyways.
Akane hated Ranma now. What was she going to do? Ranko had said sorry, what else was there? She didn't know, but if she kept telling Akane sorry, Akane had to eventually forgive her, didn't she?
As Ranko stared up at the red-tinged clouds above her head, she wondered if she should just spend the night here on her back. It seemed as good a plan as any. Maybe she'd get lucky and some lowlife would try to attack the seemingly lonely girl in the park at night and she'd get to beat the pervert up.
A few minutes later, Ranko vaguely noticed a man and a woman walking down the trail towards her bush. The woman had roan red hair, slightly darker than Ranko's own. The man was younger, but looked related. Unfortunately, they chose to stop on the path right next to Ranko's bush to talk. She couldn't see them anymore, but their voices came through clearly to disturb her sanctuary. Jerks. Why couldn't they leave her alone to wallow in peace?
The young man's voice suddenly broke through Ranma's annoyance. "But I said I was sorry and she's still mad at me. I don't know what to else to do!" Ranko felt her ears perk up. This could be useful after all.
"Are you asking for my advice?" the woman asked in a comfortable alto.
"Yes, please," he replied desperately. "I'm at my wits end here."
"Well, saying sorry is a good first step," the woman replied slowly, "but try listening to her too. Make sure you both know what you are arguing or sorry about. It helps to ask questions and resist talking about yourself too much. Ask her how she feels, what she needs, if there is anything you can do to make things better. Be honest with her, and then maybe ask if she has any questions for you."
She paused for a second and took what sounded like a sip of some liquid. "I've learned that it is often best to try not to justify my actions unless the other person asks me to, though that one is much easier said than done. Resolving an argument can bring you closer together, can even strengthen a relationship, but only if you communicate honestly with each other about your feelings."
The man grumbled in displeasure, "That sounds like humbling myself and being weak and emotional. I can't see Uncle doing that."
She sighed in exasperation. "Then you don't know his character as well as you think you do. Where do you think I learned all of this? From our marriage. The closer you are to someone, the easier it is to think of hurtful things to say that will win you points in an argument. But having a relationship isn't about winning points or about pride, it's about being with the other half of your soul. Too much pride will ruin a relationship, as will too much silence. You need to decide what is more important to you, your pride or your relationship."
"I'll think about it," he replied noncommittally, clearly still hung up on the thought of humbling himself before his girl. "But we'd better be getting back. It's getting dark. Let me just toss the rest of this."
A second later, Ranko was hit in the head by a paper cup, which then splashed her face with lukewarm liquid. It was gross, but just warm enough to turn Ranma back into a man. Mixed blessings, Ranma thought as he scrubbed sticky wet droplets off his face with the edge of his shirt. Blech.
When Ranma looked back up, he realized that they were gone. Sitting up, he crossed his arms over his knees and rested his chin on them. Even if the guy wouldn't use the relationship advice, Ranma would. Tomorrow, he'd apologize again and then he'd try to ask questions and listen to what Akane had to say. If she wouldn't talk to him, he'd try again the next day, and the next, until she finally gave in and forgave him.
Besides, he was forgetting something important. He still had to figure out how Akane had gotten that scar on her side. Although he had a few guesses, he needed more information to nail it down. It was important that he figure it out soon, so something like that could never happen again. Ranma couldn't let her start avoiding him, because whatever hurt her the first time might come back.
It also made him miserable to be avoided. There would be no repeat of this winter. He wouldn't put up with it.
Standing up and dusting himself off, Ranma made his way back home. The house was dark, with only a lamp left lit by the front door. Ranma appreciated the light, since it made him feel like he was still welcome here despite what had just happened that afternoon.
Padding into the kitchen, he grabbed a riceball from the fridge to munch on. Then he peaked into the backyard. The shattered teapot hadn't been cleaned up, though the tea tray was gone. Ranma winced. That was a bad sign.
Getting out the broom and dustpan, Ranma did his best to clean up the broken shards using only moonlight as his guide. Although almost March, the nights were still cold, and his breath steamed in the air and fogged his eyesight. He'd have to come back in the morning when it was brighter and make sure he'd gotten all of the shards.
Once back inside, Ranma went up to the bathroom and washed up perfunctorily before slipping into his room. His pop lay on his back snoring on the other side of the room. Slipping into his pajamas, Ranma lay down on his futon and tried to fall asleep.
However, he was having trouble. Considering how wonderfully the day had started, this end was horribly frustrating. His mind kept flitting between planning scenarios and apologies to get Akane to forgive him, to anger over the fact that it had taken something like this to make her figure out P-chan, to fear that she would get hurt while avoiding him and then conceal it again. Despite his efforts to quiet his mind, Ranma tossed and turned all night.
On Tuesday, Ranma got up with a great sense of purpose. Despite that, Akane spent the entire day ignoring him, avoiding him, and walking away from him whenever he started talking. It was infuriating, but he forced himself to breathe deeply and keep his temper. He didn't sleep well that night either.
Wednesday repeated the pattern from the day before. Ranma destroyed several dummies in training that night. He also seemed to be losing his appetite. At dinner, he didn't even try to take away the last of the fish from his pops. His sleep was plagued with nightmares, but nothing he could recall clearly the next morning.
On Thursday, Ranma finally managed to trick Akane into answering a question about school. Once she'd cracked, he kept at her relentlessly for the rest of the day. Akane got annoyed, huffed and rolled her eyes at his antics, but she reacted and was slowly thawing. Although she'd only talk in short phrases, the important thing was that she wasn't ignoring him completely.
After school, he managed to herd away her friends and get her alone on the walk home. "So Akane," he started nervously, "I wanted to say sorry again." He wiped sweaty palms along his pants. Akane wasn't looking at him, but she wasn't stomping away in the opposite direction either, so maybe she'd finally be willing to talk. "I had two bad options to choose from, and I made a choice. I realize that it was the wrong choice. I was wrong."
Akane still hadn't looked up from the ground, but she'd turned her head more towards him and seemed to be listening. Ranma bit his tongue to stop all of the explanations bubbling up from his chest. You're supposed to get her talking, ask her questions, not babble on justifying yourself, remember?
"How are you feeling?" Ranma blurted out softly, desperately. Akane's head snapped up in surprise. As her eyes searched his face, Ranma tried to keep his concern and caring in the forefront of his mind. He really did want to know.
Akane looked down at the ground again, and for a moment he thought he'd botched it somehow, but then she started talking slowly. "I feel angry and hurt." Twining her fingers in the straps of her bookbag, Akane huffed out a breath. "I feel stupid. I feel like P-chan died, even though Ryoga's still living somewhere, probably under a slimy rock," she growled.
Turning towards Ranma, she said fiercely, "Did you know that I let him sleep in my bed? I got changed in front of him. I told him my secrets and my fears, things even my sisters and best friends don't know. After all, he was just a pig… just my pet pig and I loved him." She sniffed but shed no tears. Perhaps she didn't have any left after the last few days. "Now I look back and realize that I was sleeping with a boy all of those times, that I was holding a boy, not a pig, in my lap and against my chest, that I got naked in front of him, that a boy knows and can repeat all of my secrets. Considering how often I kissed P-chan, should I could him as my first kiss? As my first hundred kisses?"
A growl escaped Ranma's chest. If she kept talking like this, he was going to have to kill Ryoga himself. Ranma was, for the first time, angry at himself, instead of just angry at Akane and Ryoga. He could have stopped this earlier, but instead, he'd let Ryoga get away with doing all of that to Akane. Ranma had never really thought it through.
Hearing her lay it out like that made him feel insane. He wanted to break something, he wanted to let Akane hit him again, and he wanted to stop listening to this. But he didn't have a choice. If Akane had suffered this, was feeling this, the least he could do was listen.
"He makes me feel unsure, weak and vulnerable. I hate that." She started walking a little faster, "Sure, maybe P-chan closed his eyes sometimes, or passed out, or chose not to repeat my secrets. But you know what? Those were all choices he made, not me. I had no choice in this. I trusted him and his friendship. Yet Ryoga lied to me for years and stole my privacy. He didn't even seem to have any real guilt about it, because he just kept on doing it until he got caught. Even when confronted about it, his first instinct was to blame you instead of taking responsibility for what he did to me. In fact, when I think about it, it almost seems more about him having power over you than about not embarrassing himself by having me know his stupid secret."
Akane paused for a moment and then added, "Plus, the idea that you knew and didn't tell me makes me wonder what other secrets you are keeping from me, and if I can even trust you anymore."
Ranma flinched. It had taken all of his control to not go chase Ryoga down and beat him to a pulp after hearing what Akane was saying, or to not let someone else beat him to a pulp. But hearing Akane doubt her trust in him made Ranma feel like she'd just cut open his chest and spit on his heart. He had to fix this. Somehow.
"I feel more violated now than by anything that happened in Oki-," Akane cut herself off and took a ragged breath. It made Ranma frown and open his mouth to ask just what she was talking about, but she cut him off before he could. "What I'm trying to say is that my whole idea of who P-chan is, or who even Ryoga is, has been destroyed. I mourn that, and then I feel stupid for it all over again. I mean, knowing his self-esteem issues, I can kind of see why he didn't tell me at first, but keeping up the lie for so long… I have a lot of trouble forgiving that. On top of that, I don't know why I didn't realize the truth sooner. I feel so stupid."
Akane released her bag and let it jerk back and forth at her side. "I think I just try to think the best of everyone and don't want to see the bad. Well, except for with you I guess," she sent him a tense little smile, "you're the exception to a lot of things." Then she snorted, "And maybe, stupidly, because you seemed jealous and paid more attention to me when P-chan was around. For some reason I wanted that. Like I said, stupid." She blew out a breath.
Ranma winced and rubbed at the ache in his chest. "I'm sorry." He forced himself to keep speaking around the uncomfortable lump in his throat, "But you know what? You were right. I was jealous. I was jealous that you hugged him like that, and that you were nice to him when it seemed like you could barely stand me." He swallowed before finishing, "You do have my attention though, Akane, all of my attention. Whenever you want it, and probably even when you don't, it's yours. It's always been yours."
"Oh," Akane breathed, wide-eyed.
The moment stretched like taffy. Ranma took a step closer to Akane. Their arms brushed. Keeping eye contact, he slowly leaned down as Akane hesitantly began rising up onto her toes.
And then Kasumi turned the corner with her arms full of groceries. They sprung apart. Akane hurried forward and took a bag from her sister. After that, the conversation turned to what they were having for dinner. Ranma didn't participate much, he just helped carry bags.
He wasn't sure if he'd been forgiven, but he did feel like he might actually sleep tonight. It might take some time, but his relationship with Akane was on the mend. At least he had that.
That night, Ranma was brushing his teeth before bed when he looked up in the mirror and saw Akane hovering behind him in the doorway. Quickly spitting out his toothpaste, he turned to face her. "Did you need to use the bathroom?" he asked.
Akane twisted her fingers in the hem of her shirt. "No," she took a deep, fortifying breath. "I need to ask you one more question before I can sleep tonight."
Ranma tried not to look too stupid as he wiped foam off his chin and lips. It probably wasn't a question about if he'd give her a goodnight kiss, but Ranma wanted to be prepared for anything, just in case. He could dream.
"I need to know if you are keeping any other big secrets from me, Ranma. You mean too much to me and… I want to trust you, to let you in, but I don't think I can take another revelation like that." Akane looked so small and vulnerable as she stood in the doorway with her fingers hidden within her shirt. It sent a pang through Ranma's heart even as his spirits soared hearing her say that he meant a lot to her.
"No Akane, of course not. You can trust me, I promise!" Then, taking a risk, Ranma dropped his toothbrush in the sink, stepped forward, and pulled her against his chest in a hug. He made sure to keep his grip loose, letting her know she could pull away at any time.
Yet instead of pulling away, Akane tucked her head against his shoulder, slid her arms around his back, and squeezed hard. Ranma allowed his arms to tighten around her gratefully as he dipped his head and buried his nose in her hair. Breathing in her scent, he allowed his arms to rub up and down her warm back. At first the hug was meant to soothe Akane, but it did just as much if not more for Ranma to touch and hold her in his arms. It was perfect. She was perfect.
But they were hugging in an open doorway and anyone could walk by and see. All too soon, they regretfully began separating. Daring once last time, Ranma leaned forward and dropped a kiss on Akane's forehead. Then he finally let her go and stepped back.
"Goodnight, Akane," he whispered.
"Goodnight, Ranma," she whispered back with a small, secretive smile. Then she turned and disappeared into her room, closing the door softly.
Retrieving his toothbrush, Ranma finished up. Then he went to bed, hiding his face in his pillow to keep his beaming smile hidden from his pops. He was sure he'd have good dreams tonight.
Several hours later, Ranma woke up with a gasp. He clearly remembered his dream this time. He wished he didn't.
Akane had been lying on her back in a green clearing, and at first he thought this was going to be one of those fun dreams. But as he got closer, he realized that her face was pale, her body cold, and her chest barely rising and falling with each slow breath. He watched as another Ranma ran up and used Ki to manipulate the knotted collar of spiritual energy around her neck and reinforce the threadbare knots remaining there. As he watched, a blob of light was pushed from the Ranma's body down the cord and into Akane's. The Ranma's body looked dimmer after that.
Then suddenly he was in the Tendo bathroom again. Akane was standing in the doorway looking up at him with those big, liquid brown eyes. "I need to know if you are keeping any other big secrets from me, Ranma. Are you?"
The dream froze. Cat fist Ranma slunk out from behind Akane and hopped up onto the counter. "You… are an idiot," he drawled in disgust. Then he kicked Ranma hard in the chest, sending him crashing into the wall. That's when Ranma woke up.
Needless to say, he didn't sleep very well after that.
TBC
AN: I was going to stop it after Ukyo's scene, or maybe after Ranma threw the teapot, but then I decided that that was kind of mean after the last chapter. If you listen to music while reading, I found The Civil Wars very apropos for much of this chapter.
The conversation overheard in the park was inspired by Cordelia Naismith Vorkosigan in Barrayar by Lois McMaster Bujold. I didn't want to plagiarize though, so I made sure not to glance at that scene before I wrote up the woman's advice. Because of that, it is a lot less eloquent and well-written. Ah well. I went and reread Cordelia's Honor last week just for fun. I appreciate it so much more now that I am older and a mother myself.
Speaking of which, I plan on having this story completely done by September if not earlier, dear readers, because after that I won't be writing much for a while. My second child, a baby girl, is due that month. I hope and pray I'll make my writing goal. If I keep up this schedule of updating once a week, it shouldn't be a problem based on my outline. The birth of my little boy a few years ago is the reason this story got derailed for so long in the first place. But we are on the downward slope now, with everything gaining momentum, so I think it will happen.
Thanks for reading and giving me so many great comments!
