TWENTY-NINE
Their last dinner for the foreseeable future goes about as smoothly as these things are wont to do:
Maria inadvertently consumes some of Yukine's extra-spicy curry, and is thusly rendered incapable of speaking for a brief period; Shirabe and Kirika get into an argument of whether they should have black trimmings or yellow ones at their wedding (which results in Maria tearing up even more); Chris has a little too much to drink—perfectly understandable, given the aggravation that the twin terrors tend to cause—and ends up mistaking the salt for the sugar with rather comical spluttering; and Elfnein watches on, wide-eyed at the disaster all around her.
Except for Tsubasa, of course. Tsubasa Kazanari remains in full control of all her mental faculties.
"It is practically a tradition for dinner to become hectic when we bid each other farewell," she confides to Elfnein over Kirika's furious defense of the color black. "I am not certain how I have managed to survive this long." She winks.
Maria slaps her wrist, even though her attention is focused on helping Yukine mop up the sopping mess of coffee.
Part of her fears that Elfnein will be put off by this—it is, admittedly, a rather strange experience for those not accustomed to it.
Fortunately, Elfnein cracks a smile and murmurs, barely audible over the commotion, "I'll miss them when they leave."
It makes her hands freeze, fork and knife held in a tight grip.
She remembers how empty the house became when everyone left. They left, taking life itself away with them, leaving her behind in a mausoleum full of old, bitter ghosts.
Young Tsubasa Kazanari, watching from the doorway as her favorite uncle left her alone with no one but her distant father and even more distant grandfather for company.
The estate, as marked in official records, has the capacity for a grand total of twenty-nine people. The head has a private room, and the others fill the many, many rooms spiraling outwards from the master bedroom.
Of course it feels desolate when only three occupy its halls.
She had been so alone.
So lonely.
"I can ask them to stay," she manages to offer, heart squeezed in the vice grip of emotions she had thought were long buried.
Elfnein stares at her, frowning in puzzlement.
Clearing her throat, she appends, "The house has more than enough room for them."
(That is not at all what she wanted to say.)
(But she does not want to taint such a joyful occasion.)
"M-Mrs. Tsubasa!" Elfnein nearly yelps. Her expression has turned to one of panic.
"P-pardon?"
"What about Tsubasa?" Kirika asks, attention drawn to them by Elfnein's exclamation. "Uh… Tsubasa… are you crying?"
What?
"No!" But when she blinks, she realizes that yes, yes she is crying.
Her face heats up and she blinks rapidly, furiously willing the tears to stop.
"Dear?" Maria murmurs, laying cool hands on Tsubasa's cheeks, forcing her to meet Maria's concerned gaze.
The table falls into painful silence.
She can hear her own ragged breathing, and the bated breaths of their guests.
"Tsubasa, Tsubasa, it's okay—it's okay, darling, everything is okay. Everyone, do you mind giving us some time, please?"
At the question, directed towards everyone else, she closes her eyes in profound shame.
"No, no, Tsubasa," Maria whispers, squeezing Tsubasa's cheeks and keeping her tone tender, "don't worry about it. It's okay. I'm here, alright? "
There is the sound of chair legs scraping against the wooden floor, Maria's hands leaving her for too long a moment, and then Maria's embrace engulfs her.
She listens to Maria's heartbeat, regulates her breathing to match it, and slowly her sobbing tapers off. Her limp arms encircle Maria's waist.
Maria asks, "Better?"
She takes a deep breath.
Holds it.
Lets it go.
Only then does she answer, "No."
Because now her ears burn with shame.
"Oh, Tsubasa. It's not your fault. You didn't do anything wrong."
Rationally, she knows she did not—emotions are independent creatures that resist control; she cannot possibly expect to be cool and collected every moment of her life. Irrationally—paradoxically, in fact—her chest constricts with distressing embarrassment, with resentment towards herself.
"Tsubasa, breathe."
She takes another shuddering breath, and another, and another.
"I think—I think," she pulls away from Maria's arms to explain, "I mean, I thought it had ceased to matter. But I remember how lonely—" her voice breaks.
Maria's eyes shimmer with angry tears.
"I cannot bear the thought of subjecting Elfnein to that loneliness. Why, why did we have to come here? I could have—any other place in the city—why here, of all places we could have chosen?"
"Because we didn't want the past to dictate our present," Maria tells her without a shred of doubt, expression alight with resolution. "And it won't, Tsubasa. We're not condemning anyone to loneliness here, because we're together, we're here for each other, and that makes all the difference in the world!"
Despite herself, Maria's conviction makes her smile.
Maria smiles, as well.
"There you go. It's not hopeless, is it?"
"No, it is not," she says, and she even believes it.
"And we're not feeling bad because we have feelings—right? Because we're not swords, you know," Maria peers intently at her.
Well.
"Tsubasa."
She nods meekly.
Maria softens, brushing Tsubasa's cheek with the pads of her fingers. "Good," Maria murmurs. "We've come too far to fail now—you have come too far to let him continue hurting you like this."
Indeed.
"Correct," she affirms with as much resolution as Maria had demonstrated earlier.
"Are you ready to call the others back in, or do you want to wait a few more minutes?"
She wipes away the last traces of her tears, stating, "Let them come in."
"Okay."
Maria leaves her in the dining room.
For a brief moment, she feels her uncertainty creep back, but she murmurs, "Not now, anxiety, my old friend. I have not the time for you." She stands, clasping her hands behind her back. "There is something I must do."
In the next moment, all have returned, and Elfnein peers up at her with anxious concern—they all do, except for Maria, who smiles reassuringly at her.
She tells them, "I am fine. Honestly. I simply… well, it struck me how empty the house would feel without everyone here—but I know better."
She meets Elfnein's gaze.
"We will never be alone so long as we have each other."
a/n: I'm staying late on campus today, so I had some time on my hands... Honestly it wasn't supposed to turn out like this, lol, but it happened so I decided to do a double update today and post something happier tomorrow. I'm not sure how this turned out-I'm squinting at it, wondering if I over- or under- did some parts; I'm a bad judge of my own work.
Please review!
