A/N: Thank you to everyone who read and reviewed, and many more thanks to Sally Jetson for the beta.
Danny had never known contentment such as the way he felt with Lindsay's body entwined around his like the classical Greek statues. They lay together in silence, save their raging breaths, their arms and legs circling each other's sweat covered body as if afraid to ever let go.
Pulling back, his eyes traced the contours of her face whose pleasant glow was accentuated by the moonlight that streamed through the half-opened blinds. In darkness or light, Danny thought she could never be any more beautiful than the way she was now; tangled with him like the lifeline that she was. With Lindsay's body against his chest, Danny shivered slightly as a steady breeze flowed into the room through the open window opposite the door. Managing to part from her for a moment, he pulled a thin sheet over their exposed bodies before settling back into her arms. Wrapping his own around his love, a smile fluttered across his face as he felt her snuggle into his chest.
"I love you Lindsay," he whispered without a second thought. It never needed one. His heart was hers and he never wanted it back.
Lifting her head gently, Lindsay gave him a heart-melting smile. "I love you too," she whispered before replacing her head against his chest. With her eyes closed, she shivered as Danny's lips met the skin of her neck, gently kissing and sucking like there was nothing else he'd rather do. Pulling back, Danny smiled boyishly at the mark he'd left, the thrill running through him like the first time he'd ever written his name on his baseball bat; the first he'd ever owned.
Wordlessly, Lindsay placed a hand on his chest, above his heart. She could feel the rapid beat beneath her skin, the sensation travelling up her arm and across her body, settling around her heart as though they were resonating together as one. She leaned closer, replacing her hands with her lips, to place gentle kisses against his chest. They were one, in every way short of marriage. She knew he was as much a part of her as she was a part of him. Their relationship was symbiotic; each unable to imagine life without the other. To her the thought was frightening, exhilarating and welcoming all at the same time.
Feeling his fingers slow to a stop, Lindsay knew he was succumbing to sleep, verified by his yawn through half-lidded eyes. "You all worn out, cowboy?" She felt the rumble through his chest as he chuckled.
"You're amazing," Danny replied with another yawn. Tightening his embrace, he simply held her in silence, marvelling at how perfectly their bodies fit, as though each was made for the other.
'That was corny,' he thought to himself, suppressing the chuckle that threatened to escape.
Silence ensued as their breathing slowly calmed, their bodies overwhelmed by exhaustion. Together they fell into a peaceful slumber, the contentment visible on their faces, mirroring each other in sleep.
Standing in his place beside Lindsay, Danny's eyes remained glued to the coffin, plain and undecorated, made from wood on the verge of rotting. There was nowhere else to set his gaze save the grass that surrounded them. Everywhere around him, he could feel the stares boring into his skin. Their eyes showed anguish, anger and blame. He had no strength to look up. He noticed even Lindsay had deserted his side, favouring her father's embrace to his, never even once acknowledging his presence.
He stood alone.
Circled by the looks of condemnation, it drove off any glimmer of strength he had left. The coffin creaked as it descended into the ground before falling abruptly to the bottom with a loud thud; the minister's words slowly drowning in its noise. As the hole was filled, it seemed the world had stopped to bare witness to his agony. The murmuring began as the guests around him whispered to each other, fingers pointing at him, looks of disgust appearing here and there. He couldn't bear to watch them, instead his gaze fluttered to their feet, but even they seemed to mock him in criticism.
Tentatively, Danny stepped back. He could feel them, hear them, but he could not watch them, his resolve dwindling down to nothingness. The voices followed him, like a pack of wolves circling an innocent boy. Yet it was different. He wasn't innocent – was he? Danny turned to his left where Lindsay stood, Caroline's and Jim's arms wrapped around her, protecting her from him. They conveyed everything that needn't be said. He watched them whisper into her ears, her eyes widening in understanding before she stepped free from their arms, gliding her way towards him. He read her face, searching for the ounce of security he desperately needed to cling to at that moment, but found nothing. Her face was apathetic. Standing before him, she took his hands in hers; they were cold, ice cold. As her fingers stroked the skin on the back of his hand, Danny finally found his voice in the midst of all the fear and confusion.
"You said no one would blame me."
"But they do." Her voice echoed the emptiness he saw in her eyes. "It's your fault Danny, I can see that now."
"Wh…What do you mean?" Chills ran through his spine. Whatever warmth they once shared was gone. What remained was a distant cold, a whimper of what it used to be.
Lindsay smiled, but like everything else about her, there was nothing behind it. "This would never have happened if you hadn't seduced me Danny."
"But I…I didn't!" replied Danny, his heart began to beat rapidly, his hands beginning to tremble.
Lindsay nodded, her eyes glued to his without as much as a blink. "Yes you did Danny. You seduced me; you made me sleep with you. And now, it's over."
His eyes frantically searched her visage for some kind of joke, some contrast to the emptiness of the person that stood before him. "You c…can't. Lindsay I love you." His voice trembled down to a whimper.
"But I don't love you."
His eyes widened as the familiar prickle behind his eyes returned, but he resisted. "You don't mean that."
"I've never loved you Danny. You were just a great lay."
"You don't mean that." His voice dwindled to nothing more than a whisper as he fell to his knees. His resolve broke, the floodgates collapsed as the tears flowed freely from his eyes. "Please don't go."
"Goodbye Danny." Her words echoed in his mind, plaguing his very essence, mocking his very being. Through the tears he could see her retreat, slowly slipping into the throng of people that advanced towards him. He scrambled to his feet, tripping over a headstone in the process, landing on the dirt. He could still see her, slipping back and forth between the bodies as they drew closer.
"Goodbye Danny." The words echoed in his mind once again.
His eyes clenched in pain and he called out her name one last time.
"Lindsay!" Danny sat up, his chest heaved as he struggled to control his rapid breathing. He could feel the rivulets slide down the side of his face; his entire body was covered in sweat. Instinctively his hands flew to Lindsay's side of the bed, alarmed that it was empty. His eyes searched for her frantically, his sight blurred without his glasses so that all he could make out were plays of moonlight against various objects scattered throughout the room. His heartbeat raised once again, his senses on overdrive. He jumped as the door creaked open but instantly relaxed as he heard her voice.
"Danny?"
"Lindsay?" He was still breathing hard from the nightmare.
Closing the door, she slipped out of her robe and climbed in beside him. "Baby what's wrong?"
He shook his head and turned to her. His eyes still revealing the hurricane he had just gone through. "N…Nothing. Just a nightmare."
Lindsay cradled his face with her hands as her eyes sought his. She could see the unshed tears, the pain and the fear through his eyes.
"Was it the same one?"
At Danny's nod, she guided him down to his pillow, his eyes never leaving her. "I'm right here," she whispered. Lying down beside him, she wrapped her arms around him as best she could, letting her warmth seep into his body. She was there with him; he needed to know that, consciously and subconsciously.
"You left me," he muttered simply.
Running one hand through his hair, she leaned in to place a soft kiss against his forehead and then his lips. "It was just a nightmare Dan, I'm right here."
"You said you never loved me," he choked out. His eyes, still trained on hers, continued to grasp at the love she gave. Her eyes radiated life, nothing like the deep emptiness he had seen in his dreams. He shut his eyes, hoping that when he re-opened them, she would still be there, that his mind wasn't simply playing tricks on him again. He was sick of it. As he opened his eyes, he saw her leaning on her elbows, gazing down at him with an almost annoyed look. "What?"
"Did you believe her?" She needed him to see past his clouded mind into her eyes. There was no chance in hell that she would ever utter those words to him.
"I, I don't know. At first I didn't, and then…"
She held him at arm's length, their gaze met again. "Look at me, what do you see?"
Danny pondered on his answer for a moment, his previous state of unrest somehow dissipating by the second. "Really dark blobs and some light ones somewhere over there," he replied with a grin. His arms waved around in the general direction of the window.
Taking a deep breath, Lindsay whacked him on the head before climbing over to get his glasses that were lying on the side table. Handing them to him, she cocked an eyebrow as he grinned at her. "Better?"
Danny nodded and rubbed the offended spot on his head. "Yeah you didn't have to hit me. What was that for anyway?"
"For being a smartass that's what." Lindsay rolled her eyes, but even by moonlight she doubted that Danny saw it. "You know for someone who's just had a nightmare, you seem rather normal."
"What'dya mean normal?"
"Cocky, Annoying…Horny" She counted them off with her fingers, leaving Danny with a bemused look. "Hmm?"
Danny shrugged in response, "It just kinda…went away with you here."
Lindsay smiled as she snuggled closer, feeling his heartbeat slowly calm. "I'm not going anywhere Danny, no matter what anyone says."
Wrapping his arms around her, Danny smiled into her hair, savouring her sweet and spicy scent. "I love you, Lindsay."
"I love you too, baby."
Still spooned against each other, they laid in companionable silence. Making sure Lindsay was sound asleep; he silently extracted himself from her arms. He leaned in to place a kiss to her forehead before walking around to find some clothes. Rooting through the items of clothing littering the floor, he found a pair of sweat pants and a cotton t-shirt and slipped them on before making his way downstairs to the kitchen.
Flipping on the lights, Danny puttered about to make himself a cup of coffee. He collected the items with ease as though it was his own home, aware of where everything was. It was partially the CSI in him, making a mental note every time Caroline took out a mug or handed him a plate. That and ever since he had cooked dinner for the Monroe's the first time he had been here, Caroline had declared him welcomed to her kitchen at any time. With a steaming mug in hand, Danny pulled out a stool and perched himself next to the kitchen counter. Letting out a breath, he eyes stared into the mug, the swirling hot liquid resembling his current state of mind. His thoughts continued to swirl but somewhere along the line, his fear had moved beyond mere insecurity, leaving him more afraid of what it all meant than anything else.
Danny knew that he was a stranger to commitment, and this whole ordeal was un-chartered territory for him. He had admitted that to himself a thousand times before now, yet he found himself still repeating the thought, as though using it for an excuse for his behaviour. In part it was true, yet there was more of him that was afraid of admitting a fact that had passed through his mind on more than one occasion. The fact was and still remained that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with Lindsay. But was he ready? Was he even contemplating asking Lindsay to marry him? He chuckled as a memory that seemed so distant fluttered by, the encounter with his boss growing clearer by the second as he continued to ponder the words they exchanged. He'd argued that love would never come to him and yet here he was sitting in the kitchen of his girlfriend's parents contemplating asking her to marry him. It was a good thing he had never bet on it. He had been wrong about love, so naturally he was probably wrong about marriage too. But the thought didn't quell his fear. Marriages around him broke-down to pieces; he had cases of spouse abuse and murder and all of it did nothing to help him. There was still one more beacon of hope in his heart; his own parents who had been together for the better part of 50 years. He knew better than anyone how much they loved each other, how much they loved him. It struck him that they had never actually met Lindsay. He had told them about her of course, bringing his mother to tears when he had spoken the words that he had never uttered to any other woman but herself; he loved her.
Smiling at the thought, he gingerly took a sip at his coffee, surprised that it had turned cold. His eyes flickered to the newspaper that laid open to his left, a picture of a father holding a baby in his arms. Maybe one day that would be him, cradling his own child. The thought didn't scare him as much as he thought it would. His smile widened.
A part of him felt guilty for his pretence earlier in the bedroom; it had been easy enough for him to ease Lindsay's mind from his nightmare. He couldn't talk to her, not when his thoughts were still scattered, unable to make heads or tails of his feelings. He didn't want her to worry so much. He chuckled at the game of pass the parcel that had become a routine of passing the worry back and forth. He wondered what would happen if they were to lose contact with each other. He knew that he'd be a right mess without her; would she be one without him?
Danny's thoughts were interrupted as the kitchen light brightened, leaving him blinking for a moment before turning to see Caroline standing at the doorway, her hand on the dimmer. He offered her a sheepish smile before turning back to his coffee.
"There's always something wrong when someone in this house is awake before me," she said softly. "What's wrong dear?"
"Don't worry about it," replied Danny. "I couldn't sleep, that's all."
Caroline nodded as she moved into the kitchen, puttering about with dishes and other items. "Your coffee still warm?" She didn't turn to him as she continued to store the dry dishes.
Danny shook his head, "Gotten cold."
Finally she turned to him, her brows raised. "How long have you been down here?"
Shrugging, Danny swirled his drink with the spoon. "A few hours I guess."
Without a word, she walked over to the counter and took his cup from him. The cup was still fairly full considering the fact he'd been down here a while. Moving to warm his cup, Caroline turned back to Danny as she waited. "Anything you want to talk about?"
"No, not really." He didn't make eye contact, his gaze locked on his fiddling fingers.
There was no doubt that there was an air of nervousness around him, and as a mother, Caroline didn't skip a beat in noticing it. "What's wrong Danny? You can talk to me."
"You're her mom, I can't." His face showed more confusion and there was an air of pleading in his voice, as though trying to coax Caroline into making him talk.
"So what? Then don't think of me as Lindsay's mother. I'm just here to help Danny," Caroline gently pushed, her voice warm and welcoming.
Danny remained silent as he pondered the offer. A fraction of him wanted to talk, to share his thoughts, to get an insight into what on earth was going on in his mind, but there was a part of him that refused to open up. That part had usually won, leaving him a victim to the issue of trust. But maybe it was time to shed light on that particular fear. As much as he knew Lindsay loved him, a fraction of his mind questioned how long she was willing to put up with his current state. She had noticed the difference in his mood, his action and his speech, and it was only a matter of time before it would drive her away. He couldn't let that happen; he needed her too much.
With a sigh, he took the plunge. "I keep getting these nightmares, and I don't know why." Danny looked up, jumping slightly to see Caroline perched across from him with an understanding smile.
"What happens?"
Losing eye contact again, Danny fought with himself for a moment, trying to find the exact words. "I lose her," he whispered.
"How?" Caroline now had no doubt that he really loved her if even the mere thought of losing her could reduce him to this.
"She leaves," Danny replied, his voice laden with sadness which thickened his accent.
Caroline stood up and moved to retrieve Danny's coffee, grabbing a cup for herself along the way. Returning to her seat, she placed his cup between his hands, grasping one of them tightly. "You really love her don't you?" It was more of an understanding than a question. At Danny's nod, she squeezed his hand, causing him to finally look up at her. "Then she deserves every ounce of the love you have to give Danny."
Danny gave her a weary smile which soon turned to frustration as he ran his fingers through his hair. "Then why do I keep getting these stupid nightmares?"
Caroline gave his hand another comforting squeeze. "I think…it's so you realise how much you love her yourself."
"I know how much I love her!" His response was quick, the words escaping his mouth without a second thought. He knew how much he loved her; there was no question of that. Was there?
"Do you?"
His eyes turned confident like a boy convincing his parents of a truth. "Yes I do."
"How much do you love her?" she questioned.
His gaze turned into a glare as if she didn't believe him. How could she not? Before he could think otherwise, the words stumbled from his mouth, "Enough that I want to spend the rest of my life with her!" His eyes widened in shock at the perceptive smile that had crept onto Caroline's face.
In light of her smile, the man before her continued to stumble over his words. "Maybe now you know," whispered Caroline.
Nodding absentmindedly, Danny gulped as his eyes searched Caroline's face for any notion of anger. "I…I don't think I'm ready for that yet," he stuttered, a blush quickly forming on his cheeks, giving away his nervousness. "I came here for Lindsay, and instead I'm sitting here moping like an ass. She's going to realise one day what an idiot I really am."
Caroline could see that Danny was losing the battle he had started with himself. There was no argument. Their love was there for them to share, whatever insecurity he had. "If I know my daughter half as well as I know I do, I'd say she's already figured that out and fallen for you all over again, Danny."
"Huh?" That confused him; his mind was already filled with images of her, and the accompanying fluttering from his stomach did nothing to keep his head level. "What do you mean by that?"
"Mother-daughter secret my dear." Getting off the stool, she rounded the table, pulling him off his chair and into a brief hug. "It's still early. Why don't you go upstairs and try to get some sleep? Lindsay's going to worry if she wakes up alone."
"Yeah, thanks." Danny walked to the door, turning back just as he reached it. With a genuine smile he said, "Thanks Caroline, for everything."
"Anytime dear." Caroline had to agree with her daughter when she had told her that Danny's smile was infectious. With his smile mirrored on her face, she set about with the day's chores as she heard him bound up the stairs. On the day she had given birth to Lindsay, she had made a promise to herself that no man would ever deserve her daughter. That promise had lain unbroken until today.
XXXXXX
Stepping into the room, Danny flinched as the door creaked slightly. His eyes set on nothing but the woman lying sweetly in her bed, he quietly padded his way to his side of the bed, taking a breath before stripping down and sliding in under the covers.
A contented sigh left his lips as Lindsay's body fitted perfectly against his, his arms wrapped around her as if protecting a precious treasure. With her back spooned up against his chest, Danny buried his face in her hair which cascaded down over her shoulders like a waterfall. A finger traced the surface of her arm, down her waist and over her hips, and with each curve he marvelled as how he could ever deserve someone as beautiful as her, as passionate, as pure, as loving. Whatever the reason, he was done questioning. He was going to embrace it and come hell or high water, he wasn't letting go, ever.
XXXXXX
In his place by her side, Danny stood silent, his eyes trailing the casket as it was slowly lowered into the ground. The scene was every bit similar to him yet different. Gone was the rotten coffin that was unceremoniously dropped into the hole, replaced by a casket that was covered by flowers of sorts, each holding the giver's memories and prayers.
As his gaze swept across the crowd, he sighed in relief. There were no looks of blame and anger, only the sadness that was reflected in the watery eyes of Stan's friends and family. He had no duty in this procession save the support he was meant to give to the woman beside him. That was his part to play.
With her back straight and her head held high, Lindsay stood with every ounce of strength she could muster. But it simply wasn't enough. Before her, her friend and pseudo-brother laid still in his casket, his body lowered to the ground, bit by bit, taunting her to relive every memory of him that she could before the time was up. She remembered playing in the fields with him; the rides he gave her through the long summer days. His smile had been contagious, just like Danny's. His blue eyes had always chased away every inch of her nightmares, just like Danny's. There were similarities, but their differences set them apart. He had helped her realise the life she would be throwing away without Danny. He had helped shape the life she led today, the same life that had led her to Danny, and for that, there were no words that could describe her gratefulness for everything he had done. A tear escaped her eye, sliding down her cheek.
Brushing back the tear with his finger, Danny pulled her to him, her head resting against the comfort of his chest before the tears began to flow with no restraint. His arms encircled her body as his chin came to rest gently against her head.
Through her tears, he held her.
A/N: Thoughts? Suggestions? Please review and tell me what you thought.
