Out Take Two-Edward's POV
Edward couldn't believe it. He had overslept yet again. His thoughts left him up late into the night. It was the same thing every night that usually kept him awake. His thoughts always wondered about Bella. He wished that he thought about what words escaped from his mouth before he said them. He still couldn't get out of his mind that he actually told her he didn't want her or the baby. He was a fool. He wondered if she remembered to eat and how she was feeling. He wondered if his child was active and kept her awake at night. Was she on bed rest? How was she really feeling? Was the baby okay?
Then he would sigh because none of that mattered because she had Jacob holding her hand and sharing her bed. It was clear in his mind that Jacob would for all intense and purposes be the baby's father and more than likely Bella's husband. His heart broke thinking about how much he had screwed his life up. Jane tried to tell him that there had to be more to the story, however Edward refused to think like that. He knew there was something going on between them. After all, the last time he saw her Bella had been embraced in Jacob's arms and seemed happy to see him.
He rolled out of bed and walked downstairs to his kitchen. His lap top sat on the kitchen isle. He walked over to it and turned it on before he went to the cabinet. He chose his breakfast food of choice, Fruit Loops. He stood up and logged into his email. He knew his agent had more than likely written him. He was sure Seth was angry with him because he chose to take time off after his break down. On top of that he demanded that any movie he did had nothing to do with Tanya. Seth tried to argue and plead his case saying the public loved seeing he and Tanya together. Edward said she ruined his life and refused to be associated with her any longer.
Edward scrolled down his email list and was shocked. A simple email named, "Hi," appeared. It had been from Bella. His heart sank. He sucked in a breath and clicked on it. He slowly read the letter through, and then another time. She wasn't asking for them to get together again, but she was asking to show a sincere way that he still cared and loved her and wanted the baby. Tears began to form in his eyes when she told him that she still loved him. He didn't deserve her thoughts, let alone her love. As he continued to read the email, he was too reminded of the awful way he had treated Bella. She wanted him to prove to her that he wanted her and the baby in his life and he was stable. He didn't know how, but he would. That's exactly how he told her in a responding email.
Bella,
I can't say what it means to me that you wrote me back. If I were you, I wouldn't have written me back. I know I have hurt you and caused you more pain than I can imagine. I don't know how but I promise to try and make it up to you. That's the least I can do for us and the baby.
Speaking of the baby, are you eating well? I remember you would get busy at work and sometimes forget to eat. Are you okay? Is there anything at all you can think of that you or the baby need? At any time please don't be afraid to ask. I'll make sure you get it as soon as possible, if not sooner.
I know you are super organized but I was wondering if you needed anything for the baby. Is there anything in particular that you still need? I know it is close, but please let me know. Also, this is a weird question, I know, but I was wondering if you were going to, um, well, feed the baby or use formula? What kind of bottles can I buy? I'll send you a case as soon as you let me know.
I will be sending a few packages soon of various items that I have recently collected. I hope that you will accept them and let the baby have them.
I also wanted to know if you would be okay if I bought a house or at least an apartment close to you. I want to be close to you and the baby. I want you to know that when you are ready you can depend on me.
I have a two week obligation to finish the film that I began to shoot before my dad died, so I'll be in California for that time. If you need anything you can reach me on my cell phone. When I'm finished, could I come and visit you? I would appreciate just spending time and catching up with you to make sure you are okay.
Thank you again Bella for contacting me. I hope to hear from you soon.
I love you,
Edward
PS-I'm calling my florist right after I send this to you to tell him to stop the flower deliveries. Also, the phone calls will stop too. As you said I need to stop hiding behind these things and prove to you that I'm serious about there being an us and about our baby.
Edward pressed send before he had the time to chicken out of sending his email. He knew since this was Bella's preferred method of communication he had to reply and follow her wishes. He hoped it wouldn't take too long to reply back.
Almost immediately after the email was sent, Edward placed the empty bowl into the dish washer and got dressed. He had an idea and he had to go through with it before h backed out and it had to be done before he went to see Kate.
Soon after he was dressed Edward arrived at his mother's home. She wasn't home as she was traveling with friends. Edward and Renee hadn't been close since Edward's episode with Bella. Not only did he have to make things right with the mother of his child, but he had to make things right with his own mother.
After letting himself into her home with his key, he placed them on the table in the hallway and walked up two flights of stairs to the attic. He began to sift through boxes until he found the ones he was looking for. Two small boxes caught his eye. Edward grabbed the boxes and stepped back. He gently placed them on the floor and sat beside them. He looked at them for a long time before ever opening them. He traced the tape with his hands. He decided it was time to open it.
Slowly he tore the tape and opened the box. His hands found the soft light green satin material and held it to his face. The blanket was never used. He gently placed it in the bag that he brought with him.
A smile found its way to Edward's face when he found the bear he had actually made from the Build a Bear toy store. The snow white stuffed bear wore a green shirt that was similar in color as the blanket. He had built it when he first found out about Tanya's pregnancy.
Tears built up in Edward's eyes as he found the pictures. He found ultra sound and baby pictures of Connor from the one time he had met the infant. He clenched the bear and let out a cry. He felt he had failed his son and wasn't able to protect him. He and Tanya had their issues even when they were a couple, but he never thought he'd have to save his child while he was still in the womb.
Edward continued to search the box and found one more blanket that made him smile. It was a baby blue and white afghan that Renee had knitted for him. He let out a laugh. It was the only blanket she had ever finished. It was meant for Connor, however, he hoped to pass these items onto Bella who would use them with the baby.
Soon Edward found his way down the stairs. He walked towards his bedroom and opened the door. Renee had left everything unchanged. He walked over to his desk and looked at the pictures. They were old but special to him. He picked up a picture of his father and smiled. He missed him terribly. It pained him to know his child would never know what a great man his father was. He picked up one frame that held a picture of Charlie when he was younger. The other picture was Edward at about four years old on Christmas morning with both of his parents and Jane. These pictures would be mailed along with the blankets and bear. He looked at his watch and saw that he was running late. Before he mailed these items he wanted to share his memories with Kate.
Edward drove into the familiar parking lot and sighed. He grabbed his bag and got out of his car. He walked into the office and told the receptionist he was there to speak to Kate.
Within a few minutes, a blonde haired woman appeared. "Edward, this is a surprise. Come to my office."
Edward followed the woman to her office. He entered the room before she did and sat down the familiar chair. Silence filled them until Kate looked at him.
"You didn't tell me you were stopping by today."
"We always meet on Tuesday afternoons. I just didn't schedule it today. Do you have the time?" Edward asked sitting the bag on the floor.
"I have a little while before my next meeting. Why are you here?"
Edward picked up the bag. A smile found its way to his pink lips. "I wanted to show you some things before I shipped them out." Edward reached into the bag and pulled up the silky blanket and the bear. "There were the first things I bought for Connor."
"Connor?" Kate questioned as her eye brow rose.
Edward nodded. "He was my son. These were his things that were bought for him. Although I have gathered lots of items for my new child, I thought it would be nice if Bella let me give these to the baby. They obviously aren't used and they mean a great deal to me. I even made the bear in that silly Build a Bear store."
Kate smiled. "Did they make you jump up and down and make a wish before they sewed the thing up?"
"You've been to there?"
Laughter escaped from Kate's lips. "Edward, I told you I have three children, yes I've been there! We are there so often I feel like I am a share holder."
Edward politely returned her laughter as he grabbed the other blanket. Sounds of nervous giggles left him. "This is my baby blanket from when I was an infant. It was made by my mom and is the only domestic project that I know my mother started and finished. I thought it was important to pass this along too." Edward sighed as he showed Kate pictures from his past. "This is my favorite picture of my father. Charlie was happiest when he was fishing. He looks like he is a sleep in this picture. I wanted to give it to my child. The child's grandfather is-was an important person who I think they need to learn about. The last thing was this picture of my family when I was a child. It was such a simple time. I just thought it would be nice for the baby to have."
Silence was in the air. Kate stared at the items in front of her. She looked at Edward as he pulled out one more picture. "What's that?"
Tears fell from the corner of Edward's eyes. He took a deep breath. "This was Connor. One of the nurses took this when I first held him. Tanya was sleeping. He was so perfect even though he was so young, so little and defenseless. He was also gone and so cold. I kept on pulling the blanket up on him because he was so cold. I actually thought that if I made him warm enough he'd come back and start crying." Edward stated as he began to bawl.
Kate handed Edward the box of tissues. He wiped his eyes. She looked at him. "So how are you feeling? I mean, it's plain to see you still carry a lot of love for Connor, but now that it is so soon for your other child to be born and you might have burned some bridges with Bella, how are you feeling?"
Edward finished wiping the water from his face. "I actually feel good. I mean, I doubt Bella and I will be best friends any time soon, but she reached out to me and told me I needed to do something to prove I was serious about wanting there to be an us, as in a family and not so much as a her and I ."
"What do you plan on doing to show her that you are serious?"
Edward took a deep breath as his hand ruffled his hair. "For starters, I have bought a bunch of stuff for the baby. That was a little hard, but I worked through it. I also have a necklace for Bella. It's simple and very nice. I have to finish that stupid movie-"
"The one with Tanya?"
"Yes, but we aren't in any scenes together. I shouldn't even see her, and if I do I won't talk to her."
"What if she approaches you?"
"I'm going to tell her I can't talk to or her or be around her. I'm going to tell her that everything between us is over, our 'friendship' and our professional relationship, it's all over. I don't want anything to do with her."
"Do you think you can do that?"
He thought for a moment and sighed. "Yes. If I really want Bella in my life with our child, then I need to be serious about Tanya and I need to tell her."
Kate nodded. She looked at her clock on her wall. "I'm sorry Edward, but I have to meet with someone in ten minutes, we need to wrap this up." She paused for a moment as she watched Edward place the items carefully back in his bag. She was proud of him. In just three months he had come a long way. He was serious about therapy and she saw that. "What are your plans now?"
"I'm going to finish that movie and then I think I'm going to wait for Bella to tell me what she wants. I told her I wanted to buy a house or an apartment around her. She hasn't responded to that. I'm sure she doesn't think I'll follow through. I haven't given a reason that I really still care about her since March."
Kate nodded. "Do you think you'll come back to our appointments?"
"I will if you let me. You have helped me to work through so much in such a short amount of time. I can never thank you for all that you have done for me."
"It's my job Edward. I'm glad I could help you. We've talked a lot about how you have changed. I hope you have the chance to show it to Bella."
"Me too Kate, me too."
Edward left Kate's office and drove to Seattle. He had to pick up the necklace for Bella at Tiffany's. He also wanted to do some more shopping for the baby while he was in the city. Jane was busy at work and wasn't able to meet him. He was relieved. He wanted to get his items and go back home.
Once he was back at his home, he had two boxes. One box contained all new items bought for the baby. He bought onsies of every neutral colors he could find. Some had messages about loving mommy. He bought two in different designs and colors that said, "My Daddy Loves Me." Next he packed the small diapers and wipes. Bella had told him that she chose to use organic disposable diapers. He bought several packs and put them in the box too. He had picked up several stuffed animals and blankets. Edward wrote a quick note that said:
Bella,
I hope these are all okay and you like them. If you don't like them, please let me know and I'll exchange them for something you do like. This is just the beginning of things I have. Please let me know about visiting either before or after the baby arrives.
Love,
Edward
Edward next began to pack the second box that contained the personal items. He placed Bella's necklace inside that box too. He also had two CDs which he marked them respectively. One contained songs for the baby. He had recorded classic children's songs such as "Somewhere Over the Rainbow," "Rainbow Connection," Baby Mine," and several other songs. He marked the cd that simply said, "for baby love daddy." He took a deep breath and tried not to cry. The next CD was filled with songs for Bella. He hadn't been inspired to write since they broke up, however he had arranged some popular songs for her and her special CD. He included acoustic versions of Bruno Mars' "Just the Way You Are," "All You Need Is Love" by the Beatles as well as "Home," By Daughtry. The Cd ended with a special verison of "Every Rose Has It's Thorns" by Poison. It was a chesey song, but every time he thought of the song, he remembered back to when he first say her in the bar as he sang the words to her. He marked that CD with a note that said, "For Mommy, love Daddy." He wrote another note to put inside the box.
Bella,
It's me again. These are some items I was keeping that were Connor's. Connor was my son who died. That's the first time I have told you his name. He never had the chance to use these. I wondering if it would be okay to let our baby use them? The bear and the blanket are things I first bought when I found out about him. I could never bear to get rid of them. It would make me feel good to know that these items are being used. Oh, the afghan was mine when I was an infant. Believe it or not, Renee made it for me when she was pregnant. It is special to me and I wanted to share it with our child.
There is also my favorite picture of Dad in there. He was younger and still loving his time fishing. He was so happy. The other picture is the first Christmas morning I remember. It was mom and dad as well as Jane and I. I love this picture.
I also bought you a little something. It was the least I could do for you. I treated you like a worthless piece of garbage while you were carrying the most important thing to me, our baby. Please let me know when you get this stuff.
Love you and the baby more than I could ever express,
Edward
"You are insane Masen!" Seth yelled through the phone to Edward.
Edward sighed as he sat in his trailer. "It's something I have to do."
"I don't know what has been wrong with you lately. I mean first you don't want to do any movies with Hollywood's favorite actress. I'm not saying you have to fuck her Edward, I'm just saying work with her. You two sell movies, which makes you money."
"It isn't important to me Seth."
"That's what I'm talking about. Who are you? Now you're telling me you want to take a year off? Do you know how quick your fame will be gone? Who knows if you'll even be relevant in a year?"
"I'm willing to see what happens. I have to do this Seth. I need to see if Bella wants me around. I've been talking to a real estate agent in Boston about moving there."
"Can't you just send the ex some money and hire a nanny and call it a day?"
"No I can't! It's my baby. I don't want it to be raised by some nanny. I want to help. I want to do whatever Bella will let me do. Right now I think there is some place else more important I need to be and this isn't it."
"I think you are making a mistake. What are you going to do, sit around and wait for her to call you?"
"Yes. I don't want to over step the little space that she has given me. I don't want to over step my bounds."
"Another reason to get a fucking nanny!" Seth smirked. "Plus if she's hot-"
Edward grimaced. "Please don't finish that sentence."
Seth shook his head. "I hope people want to see your ass on screen in a year and you continue to rack in the money. If you need anything at all man let me know."
"Thank you, and thank you for not making me change my mind. I'll give you a call from time to time to check in and let you know I'm still breathing."
"I'll look forward to it buddy. When is your last day shooting again?"
"Today. I should be done at eleven or so."
"Shit Masen, I didn't think you were serious when you talked to me about this a few weeks ago. Good for you man. I hope you are able to make a family or whatever shit you want man."
Edward chuckled. "I have to get back on the set, but thanks Seth, that sounded almost convincing." He was about to press the end button when his phone hung up on him automatically. His battery died. He plugged the phone in to charge and left to continue his last day of work.
True to his word, after eleven he returned to his empty trailer. He didn't need to pack too many things. He had a small box that contained the same thing he had been dragging around since March. It was a framed picture of him and Bella. He couldn't remember where the picture was taken but they were both laughing. It seemed like a life time ago. He really longed to be back in the time with her.
He gathered a dew more items before he turned on his phone. He picked up his water bottle and heard a sound alerting him to a text message and then a voice mail message. He checked the text first and scrolled through pictures of Bella and the baby, a girl. He had a daughter. Tears rolled out of his eyes and flooded his cheeks. His daughter was healthy. Bella, though tired, looked beautiful, radiant even. There was a glow to her that she had never had before.
Anxiously Edward listened to his voice mail message and began to weep again a he heard Bella tell him that he and the baby were both healthy. She named their child after his father. It was such a selfless act. Charlotte, his daughter, was healthy. Bella wanted him to call her about visiting. Edward was on cloud nine!
He quickly looked at the time when she called. It was a little less than an hour ago. He quickly scrolled to get her number and took a deep breath. He could hardly contain his excitement. It all came crashing down with one voice.
"What do you want?" Jacob snapped.
Silence met the lines at first before Edward spoke up. "I saw a picture-where is Bella? Is she okay?" He began to silently panic.
"Bella is fine. She's a little tired and is resting now. I'm glad you called so I can tell you what I think of you. You are an absolute asshole. I don't care who you are but you have humiliated Bella and treated her like a piece of trash. You should have seen how scared she was when I came home. The baby came early and Bella didn't have anyone to call. I came home early from a trip and happened to be there for her. She shouldn't have worried about who was going to help her out because it should have been you, you fucking asshole! You are a balless bastard! You left a pregnant woman who is perfect and beautiful. I will never understand why you chose not to be with her. Of course you were scared but hello, so was she! I'm glad that I was the one who is man enough to love her and take care of her and stuck around her when she really needed people around her. You are such a prick and I have no idea why you called. What can I help you with?"
Edward sat back in his chair with tears in his eyes. Jacob was right with every syllable that left his mouth. He didn't have a witty come back. He knew it would have been just as easy to hang up the phone or scream back at an irate Jacob. Instead he took a deep breath. "I wanted to know how the baby is and how Bella is doing of course."
"She's great, she's out swimming laps and running a fucking marathon! How the hell do you think she is? She just had a kid, your kid. She's resting. The baby is fine, absolutely beautiful, kind of looks like you, unfortunately. Any other questions asshole?"
Edward took the photo from the box and stared at Bella. He shook his head. "Nope, you've answered them all. Goodbye Jacob."
Jacob Black was not going to get to Edward. Edward understood why he was acting the way he was, but he wasn't going to stand in his way of getting to Bella.
Quickly, Edward dialed a number. He knew the number like the back of his hand so there was no reason to look it up. He could dial it quicker than looking for it in his phone. Quickly, his call was answered.
"Edward? Talk about timing. I really can't talk to you now. I'm getting ready to go to Boston," Renee explained coldly to her son.
"I deserve that mom. I figured you got a call about the baby and I was wondering-"
Renee huffed. "I'm serious Edward. Jane will be here to pick me up. She can't go because of some big case she's working on. I have to hurry. What do you want?"
A smile found its way to Edward' lips. "I was just wondering what time you were landing in Boston."
"Why?"
Softly chuckling, Edward politely answered his mother. "Because I just so happen am heading there too and was wondering if you wanted to coordinate our landing times."
"YOU'RE GOING TO BOSTON? TO SEE," Renee's yelling was interrupted by Edward's calm voice.
He swallowed and said quietly into the phone, "I'm going to meet my daughter and see Bella of course."
Renee paused for a moment. She sat on her bed and thought for a second. "I'm happy that you have made this decision, but don't screw it up Edward, seriously."
Edward shook his head. "I'm not running any more. Bella wanted me to prove to her that I was going to change, and I am. I'm heading to the airport as soon as I get off the phone with you. I don't have a ticket yet but that's all right. I have to book a hotel room. Do you want one?"
"A hotel room? God no. Why would you want one of those?" Renee questioned.
"I need to sleep somewhere mom."
"Bella has a pull out couch in her office. It isn't perfect, but Jane seemed to tolerate it when we were visiting. You'll stay there."
"I don't know mom. I mean I haven't asked Bella. She doesn't even know I'm going to visit her. I don't want to over step my boundaries."
"Edward Anthony Swan, you are traveling over three thousand miles to see your baby. I am almost positive that Bella would want you there."
"Well, with Jacob, it just might be a little crowded."
"Oh well son, get used to it. I have to go, but I am proud of you honey. I'll see you soon."
"Goodbye mom," Edward said hanging up the phone. He looked around his trailer, finished his bottle of water. "What am I waiting for?" he questioned himself out loud before grabbing the box and leaving.
