A/N: Thanks to your reviews and the wonderful pushing and prodding of a couple key ladies, I give you the next chapter ;)
Disclaimer: Stephanie Meyer had an awesome dream and wrote these fantastic characters. Goes to show you should pay attention to your dreams ;)
Chapter 29
Understanding
My arms draped lazily about his neck as the snow fell gently against our skin and his heat filled my frigid limbs. My dress trailed white as the ice about us. I tilted my head back to watch the soft flurry and peered beyond to the glow of stars shining brightly overhead. The moon was full.
Jacob shifted my weight onto one strong arm, as he moved aside the door to his garage. Soon we were ascending the stairs, back into the silent shadow ridden apartment. Our smiles faded as his dark eyes met mine and without another word he carried me into his room. Light of the moon trailed from his living room windows, across the hardwood floors and onto his bed.
After he lay me to rest on the tangled sheets, he pulled off his clothes and tossed them aside. I smiled as I savored every inch of moonlit russet perfection, from his strong legs and thighs and the hard but round shape of his backside, then up still across his abdomen. His muscles clenched as he bent slightly to climb onto the soft mattress and crawl over to me. He turned to rest on his side and his warm hand ghosted over the ivory satin fabric draping my waist and slowly slid down to rest possessively on my hip.
My heart surged, even as my desire overwhelmed me with his scent, powerful and comforting as it had always been. My breath hitched when he drew me closer and slowly moved his fingers to the zipper at the back of my bodice. I could already see the dark intent in his eyes, even as the moonlight hit them and they reflected, just a moment, with an golden animal sheen.
I whispered, "Jacob…there's something I need to tell you."
His hand stilled, his lips twitching and a smile ready at his lips. "Really? It can't wait?" Before I could protest his lips met the curve of my neck and trailed hot and wet at the corner of my mouth. "That's funny," he said as he hovered over my lips, "because there's something I really need to tell you too."
As his mouth descended over mine I groaned and with Herculean effort, pulled my lips away from his, just before his conquest. "Seriously, Jake."
His brow twitched in frustration and his eyes burned even as he sighed and rested back on his side. "All right, Swan. Spill, but don't forget my turn's next."
Ignoring his devilish grin, I tried to find the courage to tell him what I hadn't had the guts to before. "I wanted to tell you what you are to me…" My breath hitched and my eyes settled upon his chin. I could not look into his eyes without tears and emotion betraying me, and I needed to be strong now.
"Honey, you don't have to tell me how you feel. I already know." Jacob's hand slid from my waist to between my breasts and came to rest over my struggling, half dead heart, now beating so furiously.
"The night Renee died…" I began and bit my lip as I struggled to recall the memories flashing through my mind quickly, echoes of a pain that was greater than I could bear even now. Eyes shut, I gasped, struggled for breath, as once again I felt the cold hands wrap about my neck, the sharp teeth sink into my skin and the venom that raged like acid, course through my being. The whole time I couldn't blank out the image of Renee's vacant eyes, her face frozen in an expression of realization and terror…
"Bella?" His warm hands coaxed life back into my skin. Slowly my eyes opened and focused on his face. All I could see were soft, amber and obsidian jewels, set within a deep russet face, pained and yet vengeful as he said. "You don't have to talk about it if you don't want to."
"No—it's alright," I offered, savored in his warmth and continued. "I left the Cullens to visit Renee. I'd promised her I would, but I wanted to get away from Edward too. Because he needed something I couldn't give him." I glanced up and Jacob's eyes were distant, filled with an expression I had not seen since I first came, filled with broken dreams and dark promises. "He went away to school in Paris. And seeing Renee seemed like a good idea. I knew I couldn't come home and face you. I—I was afraid you had imprinted already, or if you hadn't, that you would try to love me again and I'd still end up like Leah…"
His arms drew me close, fiercely, his voice husky and slightly angered. "Bells, I would never have let that happen."
For a moment I stared and wondered how I had come to be here, how I had so long denied myself Jacob, so long determined I was not worthy of him. No matter my flaws he had always loved me with a fervor I only now understood. And I knew it was true. Even if he had imprinted while loving me, he would have run, fought it til his dying breath, I realized.
My heart swelled as much as it broke for him and my hand lifted to graze his cheek, cool against his hot skin. "The last thing I talked about with Renee was you," I admitted. "When they found us in the alley and chased us, I ran too far. I lost her before realizing she must still be back there somewhere. And when I found her she was white and cold, and her eyes… I think she knew the truth then, all the things about Edward she had been suspicious of, my behavior...
He found me then, the thing that killed Renee. And he drank from me but didn't drain me completely."
Jacob's body was trembling with the same hatred burning from his eyes and I paused, my own voice wrought with emotion as I brought my hands to his face, over his chiseled chest, his straining arms. I whispered over him, kissed his chest and slowly the beast faded in his eyes, leaving the man I loved.
"I don't remember the three days after I was bit. Edward and Alice found me and helped me through the transformation. But I remember fighting with every part of my being to live, to keep my heart beating. Even when I was frozen, I saw your face. And when I opened my eyes I didn't recognize Edward or Alice. I asked for you. I found out later that Alice hadn't seen me in any of her visions in years. My future was a blank slate. Until the night I was bitten she hadn't been able to see anything. Edward was so scared of what it meant."
Tears blurred my perfect vision of him and a single, broken sob broke from my lips when his hands caressed my face, his thumbs wiping my tears away. I blinked against his brilliant white smile, how it seemed to shine in contrast to the shadowed darkness.
"Bella Swan, I've always known you were my future."
His hands began to pull aside the bodice of my dress, until my breasts were bare. He drew me to him, coiling himself over me so our chests were pressed together. And I could taste his lust on the air, his way of easing my pain and sorrow. This was his way of loving me, of healing the wounds, of telling me he forgave me and that his words weren't simply empty promises.
I moaned when he thrust his hips gently against mine and felt his hardness seek the warmest place on my body, giving me senseless, delicious friction. His breathing was ragged as he lowered the zipper of the long ivory skirt of my dress and lifted me easily to toss the fabric aside. He followed as he cradled me, hovered over me on the mattress and brought his lips to nibble and nip my neck, over the marble hard scarred tissue between my breasts, and then lower, by my abdomen.
I writhed, seeking something to hold onto and gripped his sheets. As his hands pulled down the silken fabric covering my center, his face rose to meet mine. "And if our future means we only ever have these moments…" His hands gently spread my legs as he sat back and wrapped me around his torso. The head of his cock grazed my entrance deliberately, making me pant, making me see white splotches that gave way to him.
He buried himself into me, inch by pulsating inch and groaned, "Then we'll love enough for all the lifetimes we should have shared."
I gasped as the ridge at the head of his length grazed the soft tissue deep inside of me, the place that made me cry out, half pain, half desperate lust. I felt I was on fire, from his declaration and the way he thrust in and out harder and still harder.
I held his gaze as he growled and I answered with an inhuman cry as he burst inside me, echoed by my own release. For a while we lay together, shivering from the weight and yet sighing from a lightness of being. Lifting me by the hips, his cock still half erect and thrust deeply into my core, Jacob's arms strained enough to drag me to rest on top of him. I wrapped myself, caved myself into him, and savored when he held me, traced lazy patterns over my shivering cold skin.
And we did love enough.
"Are you sure about this?" I asked Jacob while clinging to his waist. The heat of his skin against the frozen winter we were flying past made me feel more alive than I had since my death. Well, that and the passion of the werewolf hunched before me.
The motorcycle slid over the icy roads, and then slid over snow littered paths. Somehow, Jacob managed to keep the rumbling machine going, righting it with supernatural reflexes. When I'd offered to drive earlier, he'd laughed and pulling me up against him, "Not a chance in hell, Swan."
I didn't have the best track record with vehicles and crashing them, he argued. A human trait I had obviously carried over into my afterlife, I thought with a grimace.
Jacob stopped the bike so suddenly, I began to lift off my seat and clamped my arms about his waist.
In the sudden silence of the forest that surrounded us, I jumped when Jacob's chest shook slightly, his deep voice strained, his breath coming in thick clouds. "Are you trying to squeeze me to death?"
Blinking, I followed his gaze and realized I was still holding on to him too tightly.
"I mean, I like my women strong…" His hands fell over my arms and with a firm grip, helped me to pry them loose, before lifting me from behind and bringing my legs to wrap securely round his waist.
I smiled shyly into his eyes. Even here in the middle of nowhere, I could feel his desire rise to meet me, the slight bulge as I settled into his lap. Even after everything we had been through I felt eighteen when I was around Jacob. And clearly time had not dampened our ravenous need for contact, for touch.
His smile gleamed white as the early morning snow as he wrapped his arms about me and squeezed lightly. "As long as I'm stronger," he finished.
"Don't bet on that," I teased.
His eyebrow arched over his russet brow. "Hmm…I'm willing to take that bet."
Shaking my head, I couldn't help but smile, my long gossamer brown curls falling slightly into my face, still perfect despite the short ride from the Reservation. And then, in the midst of what should have been a playful, light moment, the strange feeling that had plagued me since I woke in his arms that morning, returned. A strange sickly feeling, as though something was about to change, as though the winter that had tried to take my life had returned to fully claim its possession.
"Jacob, are you sure about this?"
Some of the laughter faded from his black eye, the weight of the man I was still getting to know, replacing it. "Yeah," he said with a sigh. "I want you to know what we're fighting for." His eyes searched mine for a moment and I nodded, meeting his gaze.
"Okay. Come on, we're going for a ride." With that, Jacob lifted me off the bike, and following with a sly grin, began to strip down in front of me.
I shook my head and watched him with an exasperated, but appreciative eye. I never would have imagined I could deserve someone so perfect, so beyond the Bella Swan I remembered.
With a cock of his eyebrow, Jacob threw his pants my direction and after tossing the shirt and shoes near his bike, turned to face me once again. Trembling but a moment with the oncoming change, he grinned as his skin seemed to burst from its seams, fur sprouting over his body, his form elongating, shifting, the pop of sinew and crack of bone, and then the russet furred wolf loomed monstrously before me. Tongue out and tail wagging, he approached me and shaking my head I jumped easily on top of his back. I barely managed to wrap my arms about his neck before he crouched low and then we were tearing deep into the forest.
We ran as quickly as any Vampire, faster even until the world rushing past in a blur. Yet with my new hybrid eyes, the motion didn't nauseate me any more. For I could see every detail of winters mark upon the pack's haunt. And it was beautiful.
At last we came upon a very small, very old low eaved cabin in the woods, and the familiar and much absent form of Embry emerged from the dark open doorway. My breath hitched and I struggled to push down the anger and abhoration at the unearthly scent of the true Werewolf that rested inside.
Sliding from Jacob's back, I barely heard him shift into his human form before his arms wrapped quickly behind me, his lips speaking low against my ear. "I'm gonna stay out here with Embry a minute. Will you be okay?"
I nodded though my eyes were riveted on the shadowed entrance to the cabin that reeked of death. How could they protect such a creature who only lived to murder and kill again?!
Jacob's hands grazed mine as he pulled on his shorts and then I was walking up the worn wooden steps and moving past Embry upon the small porch. As I walked into the shadows I distantly heard the low whispers of the two pack brothers outside. The soft sound of snow lighting upon the roof, and holding my breath entered the beasts lair.
I was surprised to find what almost looked like any wilderness home, upon entering. The fireplace had been lit, though the flames did little to quench the shadows, and a pot hung over the fire. All sort of cooking utensils rested in a cupboard nearby and a small table with two chairs sat by the only window in the old building. And on the other side of the fireplace was a small, rumpled, fourpost bed. Lying upon the pillows and quilted coverlet was the pale featured, innocent looking girl I had met once before.
Her eyes were shut, and as I looked over the cabin I saw that another piece of furniture at the foot of the bed, a high board, with straps and chains hanging from it, and a large leather muzzle. The sort of thing you would picture belonging to a monster movie. The wood had been slashed and obviously replaced many times. And I wondered how anyone could allow something so horrid to exist. No wonder Caius held such a personal vendetta against the creatures. Unlike Vampires, they had no idea of their monstrosity and could do little to control it.
The scar from where her teeth had entered my flesh burned and I dared a few more steps closer. There was another chair resting beside the bed, sitting against a small drawer and lantern. When I turned my eyes back to the small teenager upon the bed, I nearly jumped to find her wide violet-blue eyes watching me. Gritting my teeth to keep the Vampire buried within me from lashing out, I focused on controlling my breathing.
Her light brows furrowed, her voice small and almost childlike. "I know you…I know your face."
She paused and I clenched my fists.
"I remember a dream. I'd never seen anyone so beautiful as you…" Then her wide eyes grew and her hand moved to clutch at the loose sweater about her chest. "You smell strange…are you, one of…them?"
I could do nothing, the rage in my heart overwhelmed me. This girl was dead already. She murdered innocent people without thought, she would continue to kill, even Embry if she was not chained. And she would make others like her. Were there already others like her? Was that the reason Caius had not already descended over Forks to finish the mission Aro had consented?
"You are…" she said with conviction. "I can smell the demon inside you."
Her voice pulled me from my thoughts. The sorrow in her eyes shocked the beast from within me for a moment.
"You're here to kill me, aren't you? Embry said that they would come and we must be ready." A soft light entered her eyes at the mention of his name, a ghost of a smile at her lips. "I only wish I'd had more time with him…I never thought anyone could love a creature like me."
Her eyes burned into mine and despite the Vampire half I felt my own heart wrench at her words, for they echoed my own thoughts.
"I know I have killed people. For a long time I didn't know. After my family was attacked, I woke up by myself in the woods. I came home wondering how I had survived. But when the full moon came I knew. I woke up in the woods again, this time covered in blood. When I found my way into town I heard about the people who had been murdered. My name was on that list… So you see I'm not surprised you're here." And then a deeper sorrow, a weariness and emptiness filled her eyes, practically screamed from her being. "Please…kill me."
For a long moment I glared at her in shock, this innocent young woman, and then thought. Though she deserved death, didn't my kind deserve death too? Was it worse to murder without knowing you did it or even the memory the morning after? Or was it worse to stalk in the shadows, to meditate on the blood that sang for you, to hunt a mother and daughter into an alley and drain one while turning the other, all the while knowing the consequences? The thought struck me so that suddenly her scent no longer overwhelmed me. Instead I beat back the demon snarling inside me and moved until I sat in the chair at her bedside.
Anna watched me with fear in her eyes, her pulse racing, hands clenched tightly upon the covers. Slowly I reached out and placed my hand over hers. She gasped at my cool touch. To my surprise, she felt strangely human, normal.
"I'm not going to kill you, Anna."
Tears filled her eyes and she gasped for air. And I waited until she was calm, her features straining with the effort to smile, and moved my hand from hers.
"But there are others who will."
She nodded quickly and with obvious relief. "I know."
Glancing towards the open doorway where the low voices of our imprints hovered nearby, I asked, "What are you going to do?"
"Embry wants me to stay here for now. He's going to protect me he says. The rest of the pack visits sometimes…"
I saw the emptiness fill her eyes again.
"But I know what they're really thinking. As much as Jacob tries, they can't accept me. The only other one who seems to try is Seth. But I've heard the others arguing before…the only reason they protect me is because of Embry."
I nodded. "Believe it or not, I haven't exactly been the pack's favorite person for while either."
Anna looked at me knowingly. "Because you're a Vampire?"
"Yeah…sometimes I think the only reason they accept me is because I'm half human still."
"How?" she asked with childlike wonder.
"It's a long story." I offered her a sad smile, struggling as another fresh wave of her scent rolled over me, putrid and suffocating. The monster still struggled beneath the chains I held it down with now, yet I clung to the sorrow in Anna's eyes and the scars upon her neck and face.
"You're Jacob's Bella, aren't you?"
I met her gaze, startled.
Anna's eyes smiled. "He talks to me about you sometimes. I never knew she was you. But I feel as if I've met you before." I saw the reluctance and fear in her eyes. For the first time she looked ancient, immortal and immemorial, ageless in the body of a teenager.
"No, we've never met before," I heard myself lying, and her expression eased immediately. I glanced towards the open doorway again. "You know that they're going to find you eventually. The pack protected me once before, but I still had to face them eventually. You will too."
Our eyes met, and Anna nodded.
"I know."
"You know they'll fight to the death for you."
I frowned, knowing the agonizing pain I felt at the very thought, the pain I knew Anna felt as keenly. She looked past me to the open door, a strange expression settling in her eyes.
And then the morning light was shadowed and I turned to the doorway only to find Jacob's face pensive and watching mine. I felt warmth fill my being as our eyes met, heat and desire and love burning and longed so desperately to feel him at my side. I forced my eyes back to Anna.
Though neither of us spoke, it was as if an understanding bound us together. For I knew her sorrow and her burden and wondered when the time came how I could help to protect this woman, barely more than a girl from the fate that approached.
