Ryan's eyes fluttered open. Right away he saw the ceiling of the hospital room and the soft beeping of the machines around him. He was hooked up to oxygen and he couldn't see out of his right eye at all. His slim fingers twitched for a second and he knew he couldn't move his right arm. Dully he felt pinpricks as though it had gone to sleep. Trying to lift it, his arm felt as though it weighed thirty pounds. Looking around another horrible ache filled his head. He tried to open his mouth but no words came out.

What happened?

He remembered earlier Pam had gone off to her baby shower at the office. Ryan's younger brother Steve had come over and decided to stay with him. Steve and him hadn't been that close since things feel apart with his mother, but lately he had been a huge help. He remembered not feeling very well, but forced Pam to go. He wanted her to take her mind off things even if it was just for an hour. He wanted her to enjoy her day and for once think about the baby before him.

He remembered mostly laying in bed, Steve sitting up in the chair beside him as they watched hockey on TV. He remembered faintly thinking about how badly he just wanted to feel better. To just wake up one day and feel perfectly normal. To speed on down to the office, burst through the front door and scoop Pam up in his arms and leave. He wanted to really marry her, the only reason he had decided to make her happy that day in the park and say he would was because deep in the back of his heart he really wanted to. He knew with him dying that would never be a reality. He would never widow her and set her hopes up. Pam deserved a big wedding. A day in which everyone fussed over her and her groom didn't have to come down the ail walking with a cane or a wheelchair. He wanted to see his daughter be born, the baby he had dreamed of and watched within the blink of an eye grow. He wanted to have more children with Pam, make her happy and do whatever it took to make sure they would be together. He dreamed just the night before of them living low to middle class but happy. Ryan had given up his dreams of New York and stayed at Dunder Mifflin. That Pam had finally fought her way to a sales position beside him and both were happy. In this dream he saw their baby, them both juggling work and parenthood. He dreamed of seeing her beautiful face always giggling up at him. Right before he awoke from this dream an odd image came into his head. He saw himself with lighter hair sitting beside Pam and Michael in what appeared to be a small room. Both were wearing wedding bands and laughing with their boss.

But instead he woke up feeling horrible, and now he was here.

He knew his mother had came over, and he felt grateful for that. Their relationship hadn't been the best since his father had died and for so many years he had tried to make her proud. He hoped she would be supportive with Pam and maybe someday tell his daughter a little bit about himself.

He knew something was wrong, the pain was getting worse.

They lied…they said eighteen months.

He had done the chemotherapy, he had done the radiation, the drugs, the needles, and testing. He had suffered through it all while Pam stayed by his side telling him not to give up. He went through the last couple of months slowly becoming a faint image of the young man he once was. He had began to loose his vision and his ability to walk. He had felt sick and terrible, embarrassed and depressed. He wished the last couple of months he could have been there for Pam. This pregnancy was supposed to be all about her. He had wanted to take lamaze class with her. Instead she took them with her mother while every other woman there had boyfriends and husbands helping them. He had wanted to hold her hair back whenever she had morning sickness, but instead she was rubbing his shoulders while he threw up. He remembered laying in bed and looking at the tiny print up of the baby. Staring at it and wishing to God he could just see her…just once.

That's when his eyes drifted over to the glasses in window that faced the nurse's desk and corridor. He saw Pam and Dr. Marks talking. He couldn't hear anything. Pam looked upset and was waving her hands around…then she stopped.

Ryan's heart skipped a beat as Pam's face before she hunched over and then brought up her hands. He tried to focus on what it was, his good eye strained to see before it widened.

Blood.

Right away two nurses rushed behind the desk and ran towards Pam helping her. Ryan began to struggle, hating himself for the heavy numb feeling that kept him from jumping out of bed.

"PAM!"

He yelled in his weak and cracked voice.

Right away Pam turned, her face pale and scared. Two of the nurses were leading her away. She stared at Ryan as he screamed for her.

"PAM!"

Dr. Marks ran in.

"Ryan please calm down!"

Ryan shook his head side to side, struggling to lift himself up. There were so many things connected to his arms and chest. He gritted his teeth and tried to move but his right arm and leg were dead. Dr. Marks came over, leaning over and pressing him back in the bed.

"Ryan please you're upsetting yourself!"

Ryan tried to look again and saw Pam was gone now, his voice sounded squeaked and uneven as he yelled.

"Where did you take her! What's happening?! PAM! PAM!"

That's when he began to seize, his body jerked up and down as his eyes began rolling back in his head. Blood gurgled up in his throat.

Right away a nurse came in with a syringe, Dr. Marks held him down.

"Shhhh, it's all right Ryan just rest."

Ryan tried to fight, but the needle was injected and seconds later blackness.

At that exact time Pam now dressed in a hospital gown sat on a hospital blood screaming. Two nurses were helping her and all ready the bed's sheet's were soaked with blood.

"She's miscarrying! Page Dr. Andrews!"

Pam threw her head back as the horrible cramps came again, she felt as if she couldn't breath.

"NO!"

A young looking doctor then burst in, snapping gloves on before running over to her.

"We need an emergency C-section stat! Get her prepped now!"

Pam snapped her eyes shut as she screamed out in pain. Seconds later, much like Ryan she past out.

When she opened her eyes she was in the delivery room. She felt completely numb from the waist down and she heard beeping. Laying there her scared eyes shifted back and forth before she saw her mother's face. It was masked slightly by the scrubs she was wearing.

"Mom?"

She said weakly.

Her mother's eyes smiled as she squeezed her hand.

"It's all right honey, you're doing just fine."

Pam tried to look, but saw a small screen dividing her upper half from her lower half. She saw the young doctor in his scrubs with three other nurses working, she also saw a lot of blood.

"Mom?"

Pam's voice was filled with panic.

"It's okay honey, everything is going to be okay."

Pam overheard the doctor saying something about internal bleeding. Right away her heart began to race.

"Is my baby okay?"

"You're baby is fine, their just getting it early."

"No, too soon! It's too soon!"

"It's fine honey, this is the only way okay?"

Pam just laid there, her hair behind a hairnet. A silent tear rolled down her face. She honestly didn't know what she would do if anything happen to her baby. This along with Ryan were the two things that had kept her going. Then it filled her head…Ryan?

"Where's Ryan mom?"

"He's downstairs honey, the doctors are with him."

He should be here, he wanted to be here.

Pam thought, another tear rolled down her face. She felt so cold now, in fact freezing.

That's when an off suction noise filled the room. Pam froze, her mouth opened but no words came out. That's when the doctor lifted her tiny baby up. It looked lifeless and blue. Pam saw it for just a second before one of the nurses quickly took it and rushed out of the room. Pam tried to lift her head, her voice filled with panic.

"Where are you taking her?"

The doctor looked down.

"She's just having a little trouble breathing, we're just helping her.

Pam laid back as a silent tear rolled down her eye.

A few hours later she was stitched up and looked over. The delivery had been a success even though they were forced to take the baby early. As Pam got settled in her room they explained to her that the baby's lungs weren't fully developed and that Ginger wasn't breathing right. They told her that happened most of the time with babies who came early and that they would keep her upstairs until she seemed all right. Pam sat there not being able to say a word. She prayed to God her baby was okay, she didn't think she could take if anything was wrong with her.

Injecting her with something to make her rest, Pam slowly drifted off to sleep before muttering for Ryan.

The next day she woke up to her mother sitting beside her. Holding her hand she kept smiling telling her how proud she was of her. Asking for Ryan, Pam noticed an odd and worried look across her eyes before she quickly changed the subject.

"I've seen the baby, she's so beautiful. They have her in an incubator. She's just four pounds but the doctors said she seems fine."

Pam smiled, she couldn't believe she was a mother.

"Really?"

"The doctor's said she might have to stay here for a couple of weeks, just to be safe…but other then that she seems fine."

"Can I see her?"

"Of course you can, I have a nursing coming right now."

"Dad here?"

"He's home making calls, you wouldn't believe how proud he is."

"How's Ryan? Does he know? Has he seen her?"

Pam's mother stared at her and before she could speak one of the nurses came in with a wheelchair. Minutes later Pam was wheeled over to the nursery with her mother. There she got to see her daughter. Her mother was right, she was tiny. Sitting there, feeling tears blur her vision she smiled just staring down at her. She was perfect.

"She's okay?"

"In a couple of weeks I'm sure she'll be breathing on her own."

Pam touched the plastic that divided her from her and her daughter and smiled. Sliding her hand in the small hole opening she touched her baby's little arm and laughed.

Ryan and her were parents now…there had to be hope.

She kept asking for Ryan but they told her he was asleep and that she needed her rest. After getting settled back in her room, the doctor promised her she could see Ginger again. By then her father had come by, smiling ear to ear.

Kissing her on the head, her father smiled before Pam looked up at them.

"I want to go see Ryan, he hasn't see the baby yet has he?"

Pam's parent's exchanged a look.

That's when she knew something was wrong on her parent's faces. They stood at the edge of her bed while Pam felt slightly out of sorts and sore.

"Pam honey…something happened last night."

Pam froze, looking at the two of them. Right away her heart leaped into her throat.

"What?"

Her father looked down at his feet before shuffling them and sighing.

"Ryan had a really bad seizer, the doctors tried everything they could but he slipped into a coma. The doctor's said his brain waves aren't responding…and…"

Pam felt as though a bucket of cold water had been thrown on her. Sitting up in bed, still too sore to move she saw the spring sunshine wash against her parent's faces who now looked ten times older.

"What?"

Pam's mother seemed on the verge of tears.

"His family was downstairs with him earlier. Their more then likely talking to the doctors…they wanted to see you and the baby but we told them you needed your rest."

"What are you guys telling me?"

Pam felt as though she was in a dream, none of this could be real.

"He's not waking up honey, the tumors were making his body shut down. He was bleeding from the brain and that made him go into the coma. He's brain-dead honey…only a machine is keeping him alive."

Pam opened her mouth and a faint helpless moan escaped. No, this couldn't be happening. Ryan said he would be around to see their baby be born. The doctors said eighteen months…she wasn't ready for this. She wasn't ready for any of it. Sitting there, her face crumpled before she looked over at her parents.

"HE'LL WAKE UP! HE HAS TO! I KNOW HE WILL! STOP LOOKING AT ME LIKE THAT!"

Pam cried, covering her face with her hands she began to sob. Pam's mother went to her side to comfort her.

"I'm so sorry honey, I know how much he wanted to see the baby…but you have to understand, the doctors are talking to his family about the life-support."

Pam blinked a few of her tears away.

"What?"

Pam's father stepped forward, almost ashamed.

"Pam honey…the only thing keeping Ryan alive right now is a machine. His father doesn't want him to suffer if there's no change of him waking up."

Pam right away knew what they meant and was outraged.

"NO! They can't do that! His family doesn't care about him! They weren't there for him this entire time! I'm his family! That fucking bitch of a mother of his can't kill him! NO!"

"Pam honey…

"NO! Not Ryan! He'll wake up! He has to!"

"Honey, even if he did wakeup…which he won't. Would you really want him like that? Like a vegetable? Being blind? Not being able to hear or speak? Or move? That's not how you want him to live do you?"

Pam was crying now against her mother.

"He was fine yesterday!"

"I know honey, but maybe it was just his time. Maybe he sent Ginger here early for you because he knew this would happen?"

Pam shook her head crying against her mother.

"Please no mom! Please don't let them kill him!"

A few hours later she was wheeled down in a wheelchair to his room. His mother sat in a chair beside him. The first things that stuck Pam was now odd it all seemed. Ryan had barley any hair left, he looked like a corpse and so very thin. Tubes and wires were sticking out of him and some thing going into his mouth and hooked up to a machine kept him breathing.

Ryan's mother looked very tried, she sat beside him drinking a coffee. Her eyes blank.

Pam thanked the nurse softly before she left them alone. Pam wheeled over, her stomach still killing her. Ryan's mother looked up.

"So I heard I have a granddaughter?"

Pam slowly nodded.

"Ginger."

Ryan's mother faintly smiled before looking at her son.

"That's a good name."

"How is she?"

"She's in the nursery, the doctor's said she had trouble breathing but their keeping a close eye on her."

Pam stared at Ryan and felt tears coming again, her inside shook just looking at him.

"I'm sorry"

Pam was caught off guard by this and turned.

"What?"

"I'm sorry, for everything…I should of known how much you two cared about each other."

Pam just sat there, not being able to say anything.

"We're going to see in a few weeks…then we're taking him off. I know you don't want to hear this but…the doctor's have said…

Pam shook her head, her heart hurt.

"I know."

It stuck Pam, legally Ryan and Pam weren't nothing at all. She really didn't have any say at all. Looking at him her heart ached. She just wanted him to open his eyes, just once.

She wanted him to look at her so she could tell him how much she loved him. She wanted him to see their little girl who she beyond worried about and feared being so early might have harmed her. She wanted him to put his arms around her, kiss her lips and tell her everything would be okay. She wanted to take him home and fix everything.

Instead the morning after their daughter's birth she learned in just a few weeks his family would take him off life support.

Wheeling her chair over, Pam lifted Ryan's hand, still so warm and pressed it up against her cheek, remembering that overcast and gray morning after the clinic that he ran after her in the parking-lot. Her face crumpling she watched the tubes and machines breath for Ryan, tears running down her face.

"Please Ryan, you have to wake up…please…"

Three days later Pam was released from the hospital. The day before a few of her friends and mostly everyone from the office came with flowers. It was suspiring and nice to see everyone, but behind all of their eyes Pam saw pity. The only person who wasn't there was Jim.

Michael right away wanted to see the baby but Pam explained that with Ginger being so early she was being taken care of upstairs and nobody would be able to see her until she started breathing the right away. Meredith made a face.

"You haven't even held her yet?"

Pam tried to keep her smile before shaking her head.

"I have photos through, my photo took these last night…"

Passing them around everyone smiled and commented on how cute she was. Of course Dwight said she looked like an alien before Angela elbowed him in the side. Michael gazed at the photo with proud eyes before smiling.

"She's going to be a little hottie."

Before everyone left Pam was a little caught off guard when Kelly and Michael both hugged her tight from the hospital bed. Both looked as though they were holding back tears.

"Hang in there."

Leaving, she was all alone with Toby who shuffled his feet for a second and tried to smile.

"They all know about Ryan, you're mother called the office the other day. I'm so sorry."

Pam held back from crying and nodded.

"Yeah, thanks."

"Is there anything any of us can do?"

"No, but thanks Toby."

Toby walked closer, hands in his pockets.

"Do you know Sasha was early?"

"Really?"

"Yeah by six weeks…I'm sure you know how terrifying it was."

Pam smiled before sniffling in her tears.

"Yeah."

"But look at her now, she's a healthy happy little girl."

"She's lucky to have you as a dad."

"Yeah well…it's tough not doing it completely with someone else, but trust me…Ginger is going to be the best thing for you."

Pam nodded before sighing.

"Thanks Toby."

Toby smiled before patting her leg.

"Take care Pam."

Leaving, Pam sat there alone and silently cried.

Now discharged from the hospital Pam had called Toby and explained she needed time off from work, he told her of course and that Michael would just get someone to fill in until she was ready.

That night when she arrived back to her apartment it seemed so empty. She saw her baby shower gifts were still stacked around the living room. Sitting down on the couch, Pam reached over and took the framed photograph Jim had gotten her of Ryan and her during the basketball game when he first started working at the office. Sighing, Pam's fingertips danced across the glass before there was a knock on the door.

Answering it she saw it was Jim, his face was serious and hurt.

Both stared at each other for a second before Pam broke down completely and Jim held her in his arms.

"I'm so sorry."

He whispered against her. Pam cried as hard as she could, knowing that her life was falling apart.

So for the next three weeks Pam did the only thing she could do.

She kept going forward. She spent nearly ten hours a day at the hospital. Half of it up in the nursery with Ginger. Just sitting there watching her sleep and wiggle before crying with Jim sitting beside her. The doctor's said things were looking up and all ready Ginger was gaining weight. Pam looked at Ginger as though she was glass, she was scared to death she was going to fall apart.

Still Jim cheered her up, always making her laugh whenever he pointed out something cute Ginger did, which really was mostly nothing. Both would watch her in complete awe as Jim would mention how much the baby looked like Ryan. Pam would sit there, watching her baby and day dreaming of taking her home completely healthy with Ryan. Both carrying her into their apartment and into a finished beautiful nursery.

The other half of the day Pam would spend downstairs with Ryan. He still wasn't responding and brain-dead. Yet, Pam would sit with him for hours as exhausted as she was. Sometimes her mother or brothers would be there, mostly just her. Jim knew she needed to be alone for this part and always told her to call him if she needed anything.

Pam would often sit beside him, saying nothing and just thinking. She would watch the nurses feed him through a tube and bend back and forth his limbs. She would often gently stroke his face while softly humming. She would read to him, and often just hold his hand. Nearly every night she would beg him to just wake up and look at her.

But he stayed the same.

Time past and Pam began to see she was barley ever leaving the hospital at all. The times she was home her parents were there helping out. Her father was trying to finish the nursery while her mother forced her to get some sleep and have a little something to eat. Both knew their daughter was pushing herself too hard, but hoped in the back of their minds it would soon be all over.

Finally Pam was able to hold her daughter.

It was almost three weeks later and the doctor's told her the baby was responding well and breathing on her own. Pam nearly cried when she sat down holding her and touching her tiny little hands. Crying, she bent down and kissed her.

"Hi Ginger, I'm your mommy."

The doctor's said in another week she could take her home.

Pam feared this, because that's when she knew reality would set in. She was a mother, and now she knew Ryan would never wake up. She was alone.

One morning Ryan's mother came and spoke to her. Pam felt as though a billion bricks were crashing down on her heart. Taking a deep breath she nodded.

Enough was enough, it was time to let go.

So that morning Pam was able to bring the baby downstairs for the first time. Entering the room, the blinds were drawn taking away most of the sunlight. Ryan laid in the bed as the machines went up and down and kept beeping. Sighing, Pam sat on the edge of the bed as Ginger faintly cried and wiggled in her arms.

"Ryan?"

She stared down at him before smiling back in the bundle that was wrapped in the blanket.

"Ryan I wanted you to meet our daughter. I named her Ginger just like you wanted."

Pam felt tears slipping down her face as she went on, looking at his sleeping face.

"I know you can't see her, but believe me…she's beautiful."

Pam sat there for a few minutes more before getting up and leaving, she knew this was the hardest thing she would ever have to do.

An hour later Ryan's brothers, a few cousins, and his mother stood outside of the room. Some were crying, some like his mother had no emotion left in their eyes at all. Pam was allowed to be the one to be with him when it happened. Sitting beside him, holding his hand she watched as the nurses removed his breathing tubes slowly and clicked off the machines. Pam waited watching the screens as his heart rate slowly began to drop. Squeezing his hand she fought back the tears, really not knowing how on earth she was going to do this. Scared, she felt herself tremble before getting up and sliding in beside him on the bed. By then his heart rate was gone, the screen flat. Pam wrapped her arms around his thin body, still so warm and closed her eyes as she nuzzled up against him.

She knew he had fought as much as he could, she knew how strong he had tried to be, and she knew there was a reason he wanted this baby so much. Maybe he just wanted her to be happy…maybe he wanted her to live.

"I love you Ryan…"

She whispered.

And Ryan, who had been floating somewhere in some abyss found himself back to where he was before he woke up. He was back in his tutor style home, sitting on his sofa alone. The fireplace was cracking and he heard birds chirp outside in the trees. Sitting there he looked around and found himself for once without any pain. Sitting there he looked up at the old grandfather clock and decided to wait.

He would wait until he would see Pam again.

Sitting back, he smiled.

He knew he had made things right this time. She would be okay, and their baby would be happy.