As Penny slowed down, Amy and Bernadette too dropped their pace until the three came to a stop.
"I'm just gonna pop into this store real quick." Penny said, averting her eyes from theirs. "You don't have to go in with me."
"I both want to and don't want to!" Bernadette grinned with glee.
"I so want to!" Amy did a little excited bounce on the spot.
"Ugh. Fine... but no judging, okay?" Penny pointed to her friends sternly before taking a breath and walking into the store. Bernadette and Amy followed her in, both stifling giggles.
"Can I help you?" A petite brunette approached them with a forced smile on her face. "We've got a sale on lingerie sets and teddies, and you can get half off on-"
"That's... that's not exactly what I'm looking for." Penny said quietly.
Grinning, Bernadette took a small step forward and linked her arm through Penny's. "Basically my friend here is relatively freshly single, alone and really horny and she's leaving for Switzerland in a few weeks and needs to not ruin her re-established friendship with her ex by jumping his bones."
"Bernadette!" Penny hissed, blushing a deep red.
"What? It's true!" Bernadette rolled her eyes and turned her attention once again to the sales assistant. "Anything good in that department?"
"Follow me," the sales assistant said, turning on her heel and leading them through the store.
"You know, I use an electric toothbrush. He's called Gerard." Amy said quietly, wiggling her eyebrows. "If you don't find anything good in here, we can stop by CVS and get you one too. You could call it Butler!"
"I'm sure I'll find something in here," Penny said, unsure of if she was amused or grossed out by Amy's story. "I hope I find something in here."
"I've already got my eye on a few things I could wear for Howie to distract him from thinking about his mom so much," Bernadette's grin of glee had turned into an almost sinful smirk.
Shaking her head, Penny let out a sigh. "Between the three of us, we have so many problems in the guy department."
"Wow, I wonder who it is that's hidden behind all those shopping bags?" Leonard couldn't help but chuckle as he narrowly avoided being walked into by the walking bundle of shopping bags. "Do you need a hand... or an octopus?"
"Ha, ha." Penny rolled her eyes as she leaned against the wall. She groaned when she realized she was only on the second floor. "I really thought I could do this all in one trip!"
"Here, let me take some. Sheldon can find a way to survive if his food is a few minutes late," Leonard offered, pocketing his car keys.
"Oh... umm," Penny bit her lip as she looked down at all the bags in her hands, trying to remember what was in each of them. After a few seconds of doing a mental shopping inventory, she held out the bags in her right hand to him. "Here. You can take these up, if you don't mind."
"Not at all," Leonard took a bunch of bags in each hand, surprised at just how heavy they were. "What on earth did you buy?"
Following Leonard past the out-of-order elevator to head up the stairs, Penny moved half the bags in her left hand to her now empty right hand and gave a small shrug. "Just stuff for Switzerland. It's colder there and I don't have many wintery things with me in California."
"Okay... you know its not always winter there?"
"So maybe it's not all Switzerland stuff. There's also some cute shoes and boots and some cute shirts and stuff. Oh, and loads of new stationery."
"Ooh, can I see?"
"Umm... no," Penny threw Leonard a smile when he turned his head back to give her a quizzical look. "I need to sort everything out and start packing things."
"I can help you with that if you like."
As they crossed the third floor landing, Penny nibbled nervously on her lower lip and hoped Leonard wouldn't look back again and see the blush on her cheeks. "Like I said, I need to sort everything out. There's... girl stuff there." She hoped that would put him off, though she knew there was only a slim chance that it would actually work.
"We used to date, I've seen a lot of your girl stuff. I could cope."
"Hey, you may have seen... a lot," Penny admitted, "but there are some things a woman keeps private."
"Alright. But I do still wanna see the stationery when you're done sorting things out, if that's okay," Leonard said as they reached their landing, heading over to Penny's front door.
"Sure," Penny smiled. "Thanks for helping me. You better get to picking up that food."
"I should." Leonard nodded. "Do you wanna join us? Raj is coming over too but Howard said he had other last minute plans, but I haven't told Sheldon so I just ordered the usual amount."
"That would be great."
"I'll let you know when I'm back," Leonard said, and made his way back towards the stairs once more.
"Hey, Leonard?" Penny called out, doing a quick jog to the top of the staircase so she could catch him before he went out of sight.
"Yeah?"
Smiling, Penny leaned slightly against the wall. "If you still have some spare in your office, could I take one of those lightsaber pens to Switzerland?"
Grinning, Leonard nodded his head. "Of course."
"Amy," Sheldon placed his glass of water back down and looked at Amy intently as she set about arranging her plate and water glass a comfortable distance from herself. His mother had taught him that was rude to stare when someone was about to start their meal, but he had a very important question to ask her and he needed her opinion. "Amy, do you think our babies would be intellectually superior?"
"What?" Amy almost knocked over her glass of water on her way to picking it up for a sip. Her hand froze as she waited for an answer, though her throat was now even drier than it already was from the nerves that arose whenever she and Sheldon went on a date in public.
Shrugging, Sheldon began swirling spaghetti around his fork as though he'd simply asked her if she wanted more cheese on her pasta. "Well, it's just that with minds as great as ours it would be a shame to deprive the world of our super-intelligent offspring."
"You mean like, now?" Amy still didn't dare to move her hand.
"I don't see why we should delay it." Sheldon said before finally eating his forkful of spaghetti.
"Wow." Amy shook her head, wondering if perhaps she'd started daydreaming while staring at Sheldon. That had happened a few times in the cafeteria at work. When she realized that this had actually happened, she took a long drink from her glass before setting it back down purposefully. She swallowed slowly, biding time to answer. "Sheldon... I'm..." she cleared her throat and blushed slightly. "I'm not comfortable with the idea of coitus yet. You know that."
"I don't mean coitus." Sheldon scrunched up his face in disgust like a child who'd just seen his parents kissing.
"Oh!" Amy perked up at that, and began on her food.
"I meant in vitro fertilization."
"Huh." Amy tilted her head slightly from side to side in consideration as she chewed on her food. She had not really thought about having a baby so early into her first real relationship. But Sheldon had a point: they did both have extraordinary minds. Why delay? And besides, her mother would be delighted to have a grandchild! "It's not a bad idea."
"Oh, excellent." Sheldon grinned.
"I do need a bit more time to make a decision though, if that is alright." Amy said. "This isn't something that should be rushed."
"Of course." Sheldon nodded in appreciation. "I understand."
"What gave you the idea anyway?"
"When I was paying for my groceries this woman and her very loud, annoying and stupid child were waiting behind me. For all of two minutes I was thinking, how are all children just so... eh? How was I born to a religious nut and an alcoholic and manage to end up so... wow?" Sheldon wiggled his eyebrows. "That's when it came to me. If we were born to regular-minded people... just imagine how brilliant our offspring would be!"
Amy could not help the grin on her face. "They would be amazing!"
"I am glad you agree. It's a bit like reading incredibly sub-par work and suddenly feeling inspired by an idea so much better."
"Yes, I can see that. It happened to me today. Well, I'll be able to give you a response in three to five working days. I need to consider the ramifications of going through in vitro fertilization and so forth."
"Of course. We can let that subject rest for the evening. Oh, I have my conversation cards with me, I knew those would come in handy!" Sheldon reached into his jacket pocket.
"I do have a subject to raise myself, actually."
"Go ahead."
"While coitus is definitely off the table," Amy shot her hand out to the side to demonstrate just how off the table it was, "would you consider... hand holding? And before you say anything - I know the status of our relationship is unclear, and that is fine, but I just... I think for the sake of any possible offspring we should be able to show some form of intimacy."
"Hmm." Sheldon twisted his lip. "Can I get back to you in three to five working days?"
"You may."
Spotting Sheldon the moment she walked into the Physics departmental meeting, Penny stormed over in annoyance and flicked his wrist. "Are you crazy?"
"I've told you many times, Penny," Sheldon sighed, "I'm not crazy. My mother had me tested."
"In vitro fertilization?"
"Yes - isn't is a brilliant idea? The benefits of two great minds combined into one, nurtured by said two great minds, without the disgusting and unhygienic process of coitus!"
"Sheldon!" Penny resisted the urge to smack Sheldon's wrist. "This woman is not even your girlfriend yet, how the hell do you plan on raising a child with her? You can't just impregnate a woman for the sake of intelligence!"
"Why not?"
Scoffing, Penny folded her arms. "Why not? Umm, because it's stupid, that's why. Shouldn't you have like, oh, I don't know, a functioning relationship with her? Raising a child is not just some walk in the park and I don't think either you or Amy are willing to give up your career for this ill-planned baby of yours!"
"Well..." Sheldon at least had the decency to look like what Penny had said was making sense.
"And also, do you really think your Mom would let you have a baby?"
"Actually, she would be delighted to have a grandchild!"
"Oh really? Your born-again Christian mother would be happy about a test tube baby?" Penny raised a brow, moving her hands down to her hips. When Sheldon stared at her with panic and understanding dawning on his face, Penny gave a small nod. "That's exactly what I thought."
"How do I tell Amy?"
"Don't worry. I already explained why your baby idea may not be the best thing you've come up with. Fortunately for you, Gerard... Butler means babies are a long way off for you guys." Penny laughed. Suddenly the projector being switched on caused her attention to divert away from Sheldon. She was about to groan as this signaled the meeting was minutes away from starting, but instead her face broke out into a grin as she saw Leonard was the one at the projector fiddling with some wires while the department head sat at his laptop a few feet away. Abandoning a thoughtful Sheldon, she made her way across the room to Leonard. "Hey, you!"
"Oh, hey!" Leonard grinned as he looked up. "Did you mess with the projector just to delay this meeting?"
"No," Penny said, although she had to admit she'd done it once before when they were dating. "It's just a happy co-incidence."
"Where's Amy?" Leonard asked as he scanned the room.
"She had to go print some stuff to hand out for the meeting, she should be here soon." Penny shrugged. "Hey, did you hear about Sheldon's plan?"
"No... should I be worried?"
"Oh yeah," Penny snorted. "I put a stop to it, but that guy has a seriously twisted mind."
"You didn't know that already?"
"Well, yeah, but not to this extent." Penny rolled her eyes. "If you're free around 11 I can swing by your office with some coffee and tell you about it before we go for lunch. The class I assist in is cancelled today so I have some spare time."
"I look forward to it!" Leonard chuckled. Finished with adjusting the wires, he put a hand on Penny's arm. "Sorry, I need to just make sure everything is all good from Gablehauser's laptop and then I've got an issue in the Geology department to deal with."
"That's okay, I need to go save myself a seat in the back so I don't have to suffer from Sheldon's insistence that we sit in the front together and listen to him mumble his own suggestions on what should be spoken about during the astrophysics section." With an eye roll and a smirk, Penny made her way to the back of the room, grabbing herself a large coffee on the way.
As Sheldon began making his way to the front of the room, Amy walked in with a handful of paper handouts. She smiled awkwardly at Sheldon as their paths crossed.
"Amy... it has come to my attention that we should have a talk," Sheldon said quietly, not quite making eye contact.
"Yes, I absolutely agree." Amy nodded. "I'm busy all morning, but I'll be in my office after lunch."
"Oh... I'm busy in the afternoon." Sheldon twisted his lips. "I suppose you could come to my place after work, Leonard is going to an audition so we'll have some privacy."
"That sounds like a good plan," Amy smiled. "I need to give these handouts to Gablehauser, save me a seat at the front?"
"Aren't you going to sit with Penny?" Sheldon asked, surprised.
"Penny's a big girl, she can sit by herself for one meeting. I'd like to sit with you, if that's alright."
"That is more than alright with me, Amy Farrah Fowler."
"So," Sheldon placed the two mugs of tea on the coffee table as he sat down in his spot.
"Yeah." Amy nodded awkwardly, running her tongue along her teeth to give her something to do that wasn't speaking.
"I guess I should just come right out and say it," Sheldon sighed and placed his hands on his knees matter-of-factly. "Amy, perhaps our decision to have a baby via in vitro fertilization was ill made. My mother would not be happy about the - as Penny called it - test tube baby, and if you are as career-driven as I am, which I believe you are, then neither of us would be willing to put our work on hold for this."
Amy now nodded in relief, her posture relaxing slightly. "I completely agree. We're working on a project together and that should come first. And call me old fashioned, but if I had a baby I would probably want to take some time off work. And also, my mother would also completely freak out if I told her I had a baby without even trying coitus first."
"Hmm. Our mothers are strange people, encouraging coitus! Don't they care about our hygiene and the infection risk of unprotected coitus simply for the sake of a baby that could be created without this unnecessary activity?"
"I know! Penny says it's highly enjoyable, but then again she also enjoys castrating animals so..." Amy shrugged.
"Leonard says it's enjoyable too, but he's from New Jersey so what does he know?"
"I don't understand why anybody would want to engage in coitus if they can achieve orgasm alone."
Standing up, Sheldon went to his desk to collect his laptop. "Interestingly, Leonard's mother sent me a presentation she did on a very similar topic. I'll get it up for you."
Tilting her head to the side slightly, Amy raised a brow. "Was that pun intentional?"
"What pun?"
Amy shook her head. "I think Penny has taught me far too much about things beyond the means of Gerard."
"Gerard?"
"Uh, Butler." Amy said quickly and shrugged. "Girl thing."
