A/N: Bodyswap chapter! Half fluff, half crackfic! I instituted POV changes, so hopefully the A doesn't disappear because those are important and make everything less confusing :) Enjoy!
Six months' post-pet, the dogs and cat were firmly integrated into the Avengers lifestyle. And at six in the morning, they could all be found in one spot - Diana's and Steve's bed. By six in the morning, Steve was already gone on his morning run and Abby, Sarge, Ivan, and Spot were curled into his side of the bed, snuggled into Diana for warmth. It was muchly appreciated by the Head of Accountability.
That particular six o'clock in the morning, everyone was facing the day in their particular ways. Which is why it was a very great surprise to Diana that one second she was peacefully asleep, face buried in a pillow, and the next second she's emptying .22's into a head-shaped target. She promptly yelped, dropped the gun, and looked around in shock. "How did I get, what time is it? FRIDAY?"
"Yes Agent Romanoff?"
"No, it's Diana. What-" Diana stopped. "That's not my voice. Why is that not my voice, that's Tasha's voice-" She put her hands on her hips. "These are not my hips either. Oh my goodness." She forced her breathing to slow. "FRIDAY?"
"Yes Agent?"
"Call Tony."
"Calling Director Stark."
A
The phone was ringing. Clint reached out and fumbled for the phone. "Laura, honey, where's the phone?" he mumbled.
"It's Agent Romanoff, sir," FRIDAY's voice replied.
"Answer," Clint muttered, eyes still closed.
"Tony!" It was a very freaked-out Natasha. "Tony! What did you do?"
"Tasha?" Clint asked, bolting upright. "What's wrong?"
"It's not Tasha, it's me! Diana!"
Clint rubbed at his face, trying to wake up. "What?" He found a very distinctive pattern of facial hair instead of single-day scruff. "What."
"I don't know! We switched bodies! What did you do!"
"No!" Clint looked in the reflection of the nearest glass wall. Tony Stark stared back at him. "Diana, it's Clint!"
"Clint? What are you doing?"
"I don't know!" he practically yelled back. "Where's Stark!" He paled. "Wait. If I'm in Stark's body, who's at the farm?"
A
"Daddy daddy daddy there's a SPIDERRRR in the TOILET!"
Tony groaned. He'd just come off a three-day-straight science bender and he was not happy. "Barton, shut your mini-me's up, it's too early for this."
"Shut them up yourself, mister," a grumpy, definitely-not-Pepper's voice replied.
Tony's eyes flew open. That was not his penthouse ceiling. He practically jumped out of the bed and stared at the pajama-clad Mrs. Barton. "Uh... what?"
"What?" Laura sat up and blinked at him. "You okay, sweetie?"
"No no, this isn't happening, where's Clint?" Tony whirled and tripped over a hiking boot. "What the-" He burst into the bathroom. Blue eyes and no beard stared at him from the mirror, as well as a large black spider. "I'm Clint!" he gasped, horrified. "This is not good! I'm the middle of nowhere!" He killed the spider, shooed the mini-Bartons out of his way, and grabbed the phone.
A
One second Rhodey is enjoying a nice flight through the pre-dawn clouds, and the next he's half an inch tall and surrounded by ants. "How in the- SCOTT!" He glanced around wildly. "Hey! This is not funny! How do you-" He pressed all the buttons on the wrist band he could find, and with a whoosh, he was big again, sticking out of a hole in the park. "Uh..." He waved at a passing homeless person. "Nothing to see here, man."
A
One second Scott is enjoying a nice conference with some sugar ants, and the next he's a hundred feet in the air, surrounded by a holographic interface. "Oh my goodness oh my goodness I'm flying," he said, waving his arms in a panic and causing the suit to drop like a stone.
"Dude!" a shocked Falcon said, from his left. "What are you doing? Actually, what am I doing?"
"Sam?" Scott asked, confused. "What's going on?"
"What do you mean Sam? I'm Pietro! How did you get me in the air without me noticing?"
"What?" He managed to stabilize his flight and stared at the Falcon. "What's going on?"
"I have no idea."
A
On the Avengers facility track, Sam missed the curve at Mach 5 and ran straight into a tree, smashing through it with a spectacular splintering sound. "WHOA!" He stopped abruptly, tripped over his own feet, and stared at the sky. "Huh. I do not remember crash landing." He rubbed at his face and felt the hair on his head. "Uh... I have hair now?" He noticed the color of a muscular bicep. "Dude. I'm white." He stood up, panicking. "Guys!" He turned towards the facility, accidentally kicked into Quicksilver gear, and overshot the facility by twenty miles. "Seriously?!"
A
Bucky didn't particularly like flying. Especially not when he changed locations mid-bench press and was suddenly flying through the air in between two giant sky scrapers. On instinct he tucked and rolled, landing with a smooth tumble on the nearest ledge. He jumped to his feet in offense mode, wondering what was going on. But the comforting feel of his metal arm was gone and- he was short. And skinny. And- he turned to look at himself in the reflective building surface. "Spidey?" he asked, in a fifteen-year-old's high octave. "This is not cool."
A
Peter found that almost being crushed by four hundred pounds of bench press was not cool, either. By the time he figured out how to control the metal arm via neural processors, his arms were shaking with the effort, and he rolled off the bench with a groan. "What the-"
"Bucky!" A frantic-looking Natasha burst into the room and knelt by him. "Bucky! You okay?"
"I'm not Bucky, I'm Peter," he said shakily. "What's going on?"
She groaned. "Peter? Okay. I'm Diana. Hi, long time no see, how's the homework?" She patted his metal arm and helped him up. "C'mon, we've got to find Steve. Something weird's going on."
"Diana?" Peter frowned. But then again, the redheaded assassin was not the type to casually pat people on the arm. "Wait, I have a metal arm now? So cool!"
A
Steve was running, not really paying attention, and then he turned the page of War and Peace. He frowned down at the book, wondering where his last two miles and his morning shower had gone. "Uh..." He put the book down. "Diana?" He stood up, and his cape rustled against his legs. Wait... He looked down at himself. Red and purple skin. He slapped a hand on his face, and felt a tiny gem in the middle of his forehead. "I'm Vision?" he asked, shocked. "FRIDAY, locate Diana."
"Mrs. Rogers is in bed, asleep," FRIDAY reported.
Steve ran for the apartment, accidentally ghosting through half the walls on the way there and scaring the daylights out of half a dozen agents, and opened the door to their bedroom. "Diana!"
She lifted her head and glared at him blearily. "Vision, what are you doing in here?"
"Diana, it's me, Steve."
"Steve?" She squinted at him. "Why are you in my room? What-" She suddenly clasped a hand to her chest, feeling the fabric of the oversized T-shirt and not a silk pajama top. "These are not my pajamas. What-" She looked at the four puppies snoozing on the bed and looked up at Steve. "Steve, it's Natasha."
He believed her. Diana's face could never look that deadly serious. "Okay. What's going on?"
"That's what I'd like to know," Natasha's voice declared, as she and Bucky burst into the room. "Natasha?"
"Diana?" Tasha asked slowly.
"Yeah. Oh thank goodness."
"Bucky, what?" Steve started.
"Not Bucky," the metal-armed man corrected. "I'm Peter."
"Peter?" Steve rubbed at his forehead. "Okay, FRIDAY, recall everyone to the conference room ASAP."
Diana, in Tasha's body, frowned at Steve closely. "Steve?" she asked cautiously.
"Yes."
She shook her head. "That's so weird."
"Tell me about it," Steve said, "I'm purple."
A
Steve, Diana, Natasha, Peter, Scott, Rhodey, Sam, Pietro, and Vision all got to the conference room at the same time, and for a moment everybody just stared at each other. "Wow," Sam said, finally. "This is really weird."
Diana huffed. "Can someone call Bucky, please?"
"I've got it," Peter said, and then paused. "No I don't, because Bucky's got my phone in my pocket which is now his pocket and I'm currently wearing sweats. Never mind."
Rhodey called Peter's cell and put it on speaker phone. "Uh, Peter?"
"Scott! No, this is Bucky," came over the speaker. "What's going on?"
"Actually this is Rhodey, and we have no idea. Come back to the facility, ASAP."
A sigh. "On my way. Is Peter there?"
"Yep."
"Good." He hung up.
FRIDAY spoke up. "Agent Barton is calling."
"Put him on, FRIDAY," Steve ordered.
Suddenly the door opened and Stark walked through the door. "Stark!" Pietro yelled. "What did you do?"
"Not Tony," Clint replied. "It's Clint."
"You!" Clint's voice aka Tony yelled over the speaker. "Body snatcher!"
"It wasn't me," Clint protested. "Wait, are you on my farm?"
"Yes! There are chickens in your house, Barton!"
"Get out of my house!" Clint screeched.
"I'm working on it!" Tony yelled back.
"Calm down!" Vision thundered, in Steve's impressive 'Cap' voice.
"Thank you," Steve said, giving him a nod. "Tony, get up here now. Clint, sit down and have a coffee."
"Have two," Tony said over the phone, "if I don't get two cups of caffeine within the first hour of awareness I get the shakes, plus I haven't slept for three days."
"Addict," Clint muttered, pouring himself a large cup of coffee, black.
Tony hung up and the conference room went quiet again.
"So," Peter said, "is that everybody?"
"Wanda!" Pietro yelled, and bolted for the door, Diana on his heels.
They entered Wanda's room and Diana went to shake her shoulder gently. "Wanda?"
"Mmghff?" Wanda mumbled.
"Wanda, wake up."
She blinked a few times, and let out a squeak. "Whoa! Why's the Black Widow in my bedroom!? Are you going to kill me? I have a taser!"
Diana sighed. "It's a long story. Weird question, but are you Wanda?"
"No... I'm Darcy. I thought I'd made more of an impression, dang. I-" She stopped abruptly. "This isn't my room."
"Nope."
"This isn't my body either."
"Nope."
Darcy grinned. "Cool."
Diana sighed. "So if you're Darcy, then Wanda must be in the city in your body, and Jane..."
Darcy's eyes widened. "Jane was awake last I checked."
FRIDAY spoke up. "Ms. Foster and Agent Hill are on their way to the facility now, Mrs. Rogers. It appears they have also switched bodies."
"Okay. That's everybody right?"
"We hope," Pietro muttered.
Darcy blushed. "Uh, can you leave? I'm in pajamas, here."
Pietro coughed. "Ahem. Yeah. I'll be, outside."
A
It took another hour, but everyone was assembled in the common area, fully dressed, caffeinated, and fed. Diana handed out name tags ten minutes into conversation so things wouldn't be ridiculously confusing, and now they were just mildly confusing.
They also had no clue about how this body swap had happened. "I can't explain it," Tony said. "None of our R&D departments were working on body swapping, or consciousness swapping, or mind remapping, or anything even vaguely related to this. And none of our enemies have this level of technology either."
"All right," Steve said, "but can we reverse it?"
"No," Peter replied, "not unless we know how we got this way in the first place, or we could risk irreversible brain damage."
"Could the mind stoneā¦"
"Not without Vision actually controlling it," Tony said.
FRIDAY spoke up. "Director Stark, Ms. Potts is calling."
Clint and Tony shared a glance. "Answer!" Tony said, at the same time Clint said, "Don't answer!"
"C'mon guys," Steve sighed. "She needs to know what's going on."
Clint groaned. "Fine, but, no saying weird stuff with my mouth, Stark."
"Answer," Tony said, ignoring him.
A holo screen popped up with Pepper's face. "Uh, Clint?" she asked uncertainly. "Where's Tony?"
"No, it's me, Pep," Tony said, sighing. "There's been an, incident."
"No, I can see you over there," Pepper said, pointing over his shoulder to where Clint was sitting.
Clint gave a half wave. "Hey, Ms. Potts. I'm actually Clint right now."
Pepper frowned. "Where's Diana? Or Steve? Any grownups around?"
Everyone burst into cackles of laughter.
"Uh, what?" Tony said, offended. "I am a total grown up!"
Diana moved into the transmission field. "Hi Pepper, it's me."
"Natasha," Pepper said, relieved. "What's going on?"
"No, it's Diana." She held up a hand. "I promise on the sisterhood of superhero keepers, not a prank. Everyone is literally body swapped right now." She panned the camera. "See our name tags?"
Pepper looked resigned. "So I guess I'll tell the board not to expect Mr. Stark at the quarterly review, then?"
"Not unless we can feed Clint the stats for the last three months," Diana said thoughtfully.
"Won't happen," Natasha chimed in. "We tried in Prague five years ago, not possible."
"I am not a business man," Clint grumbled. "No board meetings."
"Fine," Pepper said. She looked at Tony. "Please fix this."
"Don't worry, Pep," Tony promised, "we've got it under control." He blew her a kiss, which was weird on Clint's features, and closed the call. He turned to Diana. "We got this, right?"
Peter cleared his throat. "Also, I have a presentation to give at two."
Bucky swiveled to glare at him with fifteen-year-old furor. "What kind of presentation, Spidey?"
"Uh, bio-engineering applications of synthetic leaves in space."
Bucky's scowl darkened.
"It's part of my final grade," Peter said, giving Bucky his own puppy dog eyes which were highly effective. "Please do this?"
Bucky did a truly impressive eye roll. "Go find a set of comms, and print out your notes or whatever it is."
"Yes! Thank you so much!" Peter ran off to find them, and almost dented the door handle with his metal arm. "Ahem. That's got quite a grip..." He left.
Steve rolled his eyes. "All right, everyone dismissed. Let's try and keep this as under the radar as possible, so stick around the complex. I don't want anyone training without your swap-mate to spot you or you're liable to break something. Tony, Vision, go fix this."
"On it," Tony said, leading the currently-blonde Vision out.
The six women looked at each other. "Well," Diana said, "we can all do paperwork reasonably well while body swapped. Who wants to put on a chick flick and get through the filing backlog? Or at the very least, manicures?"
Darcy half-raised a hand. "Can I use Wanda's powers to manipulate snacks?"
"Yes."
"Awesome."
A
"Okay," Peter said, handing Bucky the notes and a comm, "you have to stop by my house to get the USB with the presentation on it, because the server at the college acts up sometimes, so, stop by my house, do you have the key, and grab that, and my backpack just to look authentic, and head for the college. Also, a sandwich from the fridge because I'm a teenager so I get hungry a lot."
Bucky nodded. "I'll comm you when I get to campus."
"Cool."
Bucky pointed at him. "Do not break my arm."
"Got it. Don't break my web shooters."
"Got it." Bucky headed for the door. "Wait. How do I get to the city?"
"The shuttle?" Peter suggested. "That's how I got here."
"I'll take my bike."
"I don't have a license!" Peter protested. "You'll get pulled over and I'll get stuck with the ticket."
Bucky growled but headed for the shuttle. "You owe me, Parker," he called back.
Bucky survived the shuttle ride to the city, and got to Peter's house in reasonable time. He opened the door with the key, went inside, and-
"Peter Parker where have you been?"
Bucky stared at Peter's Aunt Mae. "Uh..."
"You promised you were going to be here to let in the carpet cleaners, and then I get a call that the house is empty! Were you saving the world or did you forget? And don't lie to me. I can tell when you're lying."
"Uh, I forgot," Bucky said lamely. He held up the notes. "I have a thing, at two, class..."
Aunt Mae narrowed her eyes at him. "Next time I ask you to do something, Peter, you'd better remember, or I'll leave all the house chores up to you, mister superhero."
Bucky cleared his throat. "Yes ma'am."
"Good. Now go on or you'll be late."
Bucky grabbed the USB and high-tailed it out of there. "I just got yelled at by your aunt," he griped, once he reached the college campus.
"The carpet cleaners!" Peter yelped, nearly blowing out Bucky's eardrum. "I totally forgot!"
"Yeah, well, that's another one you owe me."
"Right. uh, Science building, to your left, and room 241. You're third on the list, so just read the notes."
Bucky looked at the notes. They still looked incomprehensible. "If you get an F don't blame me," he muttered.
Peter sighed.
A
The "fill out paperwork" club had turned into the "wine and manicure" club by the time Steve dropped in to check on them. "What happened to ending the backlog?" Steve asked, not judging, only curious.
Darcy waved a hand lazily. "Nobody can sign anything unless we're in our right minds." She snickered. "Get it? Cuz we're not in our right bodies?"
Jane rolled her eyes. "You've only had one glass of wine, Darce, calm down."
"It's the chocolate!" Darcy protested. "Wanda's body is really susceptible to sugar. I'm going to have an epic sugar crash later..."
"True," Wanda agreed, concentrating on finishing her wicked red manicure.
Diana smirked. "While I, in the meantime, can drink half a bottle of vodka and be fine, right Tasha?"
Tasha sipped at her single glass of wine. "Yep."
"We should've switched with each other," Maria mused, nodding to her fellow super-spy. "We have excellent sugar and alcohol tolerances."
"Excuse you, I drank Asgardian mead and survived," Jane said indignantly.
Diana patted her on the arm. "Have some more chocolate, and don't smudge your nails."
Steve smiled fondly. "Well, you ladies have fun." As he walked away he grabbed Pietro's arm to keep him from going into the living room. "Nope. Living room's off-limits."
"Why?" Pietro asked, confused.
Steve held a finger to his lips.
"You know," Darcy's voice floated out from the open door, "all the guys in this place are really hot, no matter who's body they're in."
"Steve's taken," Diana protested. "Hands and eyes off my man."
"But Steve in Steve's body, or Steve in Vision's body?" Wanda asked lazily. "And what about Vision in Steve's body?"
"Good question," Diana said slowly. "The metaphysical ramifications of this incident are staggering...and what will it mean for mental versus physical rights?"
"And what'll happen if we can't find a way to reverse this?" Jane continued. "How are any of us going to go out in public ever again?"
"Will Laura mind having Clint in Tony's body?" Darcy asked.
"Those poor children will need some serious therapy by the time they're grown," Maria agreed sadly.
"Somebody give me a pen," Diana demanded. "I need to start drafting the incident report before we're all sued for harassment and weird stuff in public if the boys ever get off the grounds."
There were some shuffling sounds. "Aw shoot, I smudged my pinkie," Darcy muttered.
"That's why," Steve said, dragging the speedster away.
A
Vision was starving. He'd eaten three sandwiches and was working on a fourth and fifth. "I don't understand how you survive with this metabolism," he complained to Steve. "I've been eating non-stop since the swap. How do you deal on missions?"
"A great deal of self-control and judicious use of Stark-ified protein bars," Steve replied, grinning wryly. "You've got about seven more sandwiches to go. I'd suggest putting twice the amount of ham and cheese if you don't want to be hungry again in two hours."
Vision obediently heaped on the ham and cheese.
"Good," Steve said, patting him on the shoulder. "You know, it's nice to not be hungry."
Peter walked in. "Guys, I'm starving. Is there food?"
Steve handed him a plate and waved a hand at the supplies. "Go crazy."
A
By dinner time, everyone was starving, and they'd made very little progress. "Well, we've determined by tracking brain patterns that yes, our minds have literally switched. Muscle memory and innate skills stayed the same though, so in case we have to fight, all the skills should be there. Those of us that do complex calculations might be a bit slower on the uptake, but reflex-wise we're all good." Tony put up a chart. "Dr. Cho wants everyone to document their experience for posterity, so, everybody gets to keep a journal."
Everybody groaned.
"Just voice it and FRIDAY will do it all," Tony advised. "Also, Dr. Cho wants to know if learned skills transferred, so Steve, you have to draw something, Clint, you have to go down to the range, Natasha, you've got to dance, and so on."
Steve flexed his hands thoughtfully. "I don't know about this."
"That's why it's called an experiment," Tony retorted. "C'mon guys, this is literally a once-in-a-lifetime thing. We've got to take advantage of it."
"No, what we need to do is figure out how to turn us back!" Bucky said. "I stopped having to deal with acne eighty years ago and I'd like to return to that."
"Hey!" Peter protested. "What have you been eating that gave my face acne?"
Steve sat up. "All right, save it, guys. Give everybody their skills assignment. I'm going to dig out my drawing pad."
Everyone scattered to do their thing, and Steve settled down in the living room to capture the adorable scene of three puppies and a kitten playing with a rag tied to a soft Frisbee. And Steve found that Vision's hands were not artistically inclined, and it was very hard to get shading when microscopically perfect vibranium skin refused to smudge the paper. "This is ridiculous. The skin is actually perfect. Maybe graphic art on a computer would be better."
A web shot out and snagged the paper in his lap, pulling it away. "Don't ruin it," Bucky scolded, wiping the web off the corner. "They sent me to collect this."
"Oh come on," Steve said, reaching for it, "I'm not done yet!"
"Yeah, you are," Bucky said, running out of the room with his new spidey-speed.
Steve followed him, naturally, using his new Vision-powers and melting through the walls. "Get back here!"
They chased each other through the facility, and Steve finally got Bucky in a headlock. "Give it."
"No."
"Now."
"No way."
"I'm not done yet!"
"Too bad."
There was a 'snick' of a camera shutter. They both froze and looked over. Diana was standing there holding a phone. "That was a once-in-a-lifetime image," she said, waving the Starkphone. "I had to get that picture."
"It's not even Vision and Spidey though," Bucky complained, from his headlock. "And we do this all the time," he added, flipping around and grabbing Steve in a half-Nelson.
"Yeah," Steve grunted, going intangible and making Bucky fall flat to the floor.
"Ow."
"Oh please," Steve said, helping him up. "That didn't even hurt."
"That was my nose!"
"MY NOSE!" Bucky's deep voice hollered from farther down the corridor, taking on a teenager-ish whine.
Diana smiled. "Anyways, guys. I was wondering if anyone wanted pie. Apparently, I can bake really, really well now."
"Pie!" Bucky said, heading towards the kitchen. His voice broke and he flushed to the tips of his ears. "Ignore that," he said, clearing his throat. "Nobody heard anything." He ran away.
Steve smiled at Diana. "Hi."
"Hi." She twisted her hands together awkwardly and gave him a half-smile. "I, uh, this is kind of weird. You're in Vision's body."
"And you're in Natasha's." He reached out to take her hand. "It's definitely passed weird."
There was a flash of lightning and a roll of thunder outside the windows.
"Thunder," Diana said, looking outside. "It was not stormy a second ago." Her eyes lit up. "Thor?"
Steve tapped the nearest wall comm. "Vision, Natasha, Tony, meet us outside, I think Thor's coming back."
The five of them gathered outside and Diana frowned up at the stormy clouds. "Any time now!" she called politely.
A tunnel of light and energy came down from the clouds and left a Norse stamp on the ground. Two figures appeared in the tunnel, and suddenly Lady Sif and Thor stood in front of them.
"Welcome back," Steve said. "Would you happen to know how we all swapped bodies?"
"We do not," Sif replied. "But whatever power was used, it was capable of reaching across realms to transfer minds."
"What do you mean?" Vision asked.
Thor gave a sheepish wave. "I'm not Thor. I'm Bruce. Hi guys."
"Bruce!" Diana said, running forward and wrapping her arms around him in a huge hug.
He hugged her back gently. "Hi."
She stepped back. "So, wait, if you're here, then Thor is in the middle of nowhere?"
"South Korean countryside in a doctor's clinic," Bruce admitted. "We should probably send a quinjet."
"Wait," Tony said, going pale. "Does he have the Hulk?"
Bruce nodded. "But it's okay. Heimdall's been keeping an eye on him and Thor's actually got a good rapport with him right now."
"The Hulk punches Thor in the head for fun," Steve said flatly. "I don't think that's a good thing."
Sif waved a dismissive hand. "Thor can take it."
"He just doesn't like the loud noises," Bruce said, "but now that Thor's me, they should be okay."
"Wait," Diana said, "where's Mjolnir?"
Sif rolled her eyes. "Fandral and Hogun had to cut the ground around it and transport the hammer that way. It should be coming here soon."
A beam of light and energy blasted into the ground a few feet from them, leaving a slightly smoking Mjolnir on the grass.
"Okay, so now it's here, Diana's the only one who can pick it up," Tony said. "Does that make her our resident thunder god until we get Thor back?"
"Yes," Steve said. "Vision, take Pietro and go to Vietnam to pick up Bruce. I mean, Thor."
Sif smiled slightly as Diana picked up the hammer and hooked it in her belt. "Thor has a worthy soulmate," she said. "It is nice to finally meet you, Diana."
"Likewise," Diana said, smiling at her. "Thor's told us a lot about you."
"When this mess is straightened out, you should come to Asgard," Sif offered.
"That would be amazing," Diana said.
Steve raised an eyebrow. "Are you staying, Lady Sif, or..."
"No. I must return to Asgard to figure out how to strengthen its defenses against this sort of invasion." She gave them all a nod. "I will see you all soon." She looked up at the sky. "Heimdall! Open the Bifrost!"
And she was gone.
"Well, that was cool," Natasha said, slinging an arm around Diana's shoulders. "That didn't solve a thing, though."
"Except for my Science Bro being back!" Tony said, grabbing Bruce in a half hug. "This is great!"
"It's great to be back," Bruce said, "albeit in an Asgardian's body. I'm taller though. It's nice."
A
Vision and Pietro found Dr. Bruce Banner's office in Southern Korea with relative ease. Vision knocked on the door, and they entered. It was a cluttered but clean, and an open doorway in the back led to a one-room living area. "Thor?" Pietro called.
Bruce Banner's body walked into the clinic area. "My friends!" he said, grabbing both of them in a hug.
"Yep, definitely Thor," Pietro grunted.
"How did you know it was me?" Thor asked, stepping back.
Vision sighed. "Because I am Vision and that isn't Sam, it's Pietro. We've all been body-swapped."
Thor frowned. "I see. So Bruce has been in Asgard the past two days."
"The Lady Sif brought him back," Vision informed him. "How are you dealing with the presence of the Hulk?"
Thor grinned. "We have an understanding." He tapped his temple. "The Hulk is a mighty warrior, and we respect each other. Also, meditating for half an hour after a meal creates a center of calm for both of us."
"Good," Pietro said, patting him on the back. "Good. You keep meditating. Shall we go home?"
"Yes, lets. There are no Pop-Tarts in this country."
A
"Everyone back together again," Diana said, pleased. "And for once the world isn't ending."
"No, we're just in opposite bodies," Sam said, irritated. "Every time I walk, I end up half a mile away."
"You should have seen the first time Pietro had his powers," Wanda said, giggling. "He would keep crashing into walls and trees for days."
"That's not helpful," Sam informed her.
"At least you're just running," Darcy grumbled. "I have to keep sitting on my hands so I don't accidently swoosh things around." She glanced up at the ceiling, where a blue splat proclaimed the death of a bottle of nail polish.
"Can we focus, here?" Maria asked, holding up a tablet. "We've been back tracking this strange power surge from around the time of the body-swap. It petered out somewhere in Central Europe."
"Is it artifact-y or device-y?" Diana asked. "And yes those are legit science terms." She reached over and punched a snickering Clint in the arm.
"Ow, hey!"
"Artifact-y," Maria replied, straight-faced.
"Speaking of power and energy," Thor said slowly, "can anyone else feel that?"
"Feel what?" Rhodey asked.
"There's a strange... it's as if the air is buzzing."
"Buzzing?" Scott asked.
"Are you sure it's not the Other Guy snoring?" Bruce asked.
"No. Definitely not."
Diana frowned. "It's like, a warm buzz."
"Yes," Thor said.
She nodded slowly. "I think I can feel it." She placed her hand on Mjolnir and her eyes widened. "Yep, definitely feeling it."
Thor held out a hand and Mjolnir flew into his grasp. "It's reading the energy," he said. "It is definitely not from this realm, but, it is coming from us. All of us." He walked outside of the group of chairs, and turned back to them. "Yes. All of us in one place must have amplified the energy reading."
"Well can you tell what kind of energy?" Tony asked eagerly. "Does that thing have a meter?"
Thor shook his head. "All I can tell is that it feels like... Loki."
Clint groaned and threw an arm over his eyes. "I thought he was dead, man, come on."
"He is," Jane said. She turned to Thor. "Isn't he?"
"Loki is dead," Thor confirmed. "He died with honor."
"Could it be some other guy with a bag of tricks and blue magicky energy that's not really magic but highly controlled space-time influence?" Steve asked.
They all turned to stare at him.
"What?" he asked defensively. "I pay attention."
"Go Cap," Peter said, giving him a high-five.
"It could be," Thor said.
"So are we going to Central Europe now?" Darcy asked. "Please say yes."
Diana nodded. "Everybody suit up."
A
A/N: Second half coming soon!
