And now back to Calvin and Hobbes: The Series
Written by Garfieldodie and Swing123
Pharaoh Andrew
"IT'S AN OUTRAGE!" Calvin screamed. "HOW COULD THEY DO THIS TO ME?! IT ISN'T FAIR! I'LL SUE!!"
"Calvin, settle down," Hobbes said, bored already.
"MAKE ME!"
Calvin was roaring and complaining about school again.
"I have to do a giant report on Ancient Egypt, and its due in three days! What does Miss Wormwood think I am, anyway, a walking encyclopedia?! I'm a busy man! I've got several other obligations to tend to!"
"Such as?" Hobbes asked.
"Well, those inventions aren't going to upgrade themselves! Those TV shows need to be watched! The wagon needs to be crashed at least twice this week! We have various GROSS meetings to attend! Do you know how much trouble we'll be in with the officers if we miss a single meeting?!"
"I thought we were the officers," Hobbes said.
"Exactly! That makes it worse! I'll have to demote myself! I can't stand that kind of humiliation!"
Hobbes rolled his eyes.
"You know, if you actually studied, you'd get a few things done school-wise," he said.
"ARE YOU NOT LISTENING TO ME?!" Calvin shouted.
"Calvin, people three blocks down are listening to you."
"GOOD! SPREAD THE NEWS! LIFE IS TERRIBLE!"
Hobbes sighed.
Calvin ranted and raved for a long time.
Finally, Socrates arrived at the window.
"Hey, Hobbo!" he said cheerfully. "What it is?"
Hobbes looked up from his comic book.
"Hey, Socrates," he sighed. "Calvin's got homework again."
"Ah," said Socrates, climbing inside. "I see he's tackling it in the same fashion as usual."
Hobbes nodded.
Calvin was still pacing room and ranting.
"Say, Calvin!" said Socrates.
Calvin whirled around and glared at him.
"WHAT DO YOU WANT?!"
"Why don't you study?"
"WHO HAS THE KIND OF TIME?!"
Socrates nodded in understanding.
"Yes, it'll be a good three hours before you're done ranting," he said, checking his watch.
"THANK YOU FOR UNDERSTANDING!!" Calvin hollered.
And with that, the tantrums resumed.
Finally, three hours later, Calvin settled down enough to sit at his chair and get out a piece of paper and pencil.
Hobbes and Socrates were reading comic books on the bed.
Calvin just sat there, thinking.
MTM sat nearby.
"I don't suppose you're going to study, are you?" he asked.
"No," said Calvin. "There has to be a way out of this!"
"Maybe you could just copy from the encyclopedia?" Socrates suggested.
"Nah… Miss Wormwood always prepares for stuff like that. She has every encyclopedia ever published on hand just in case."
"She takes the time to read all those?" Hobbes asked.
"She leads a very inactive lifestyle," Calvin replied.
There was a long pause as Calvin continued to stare at the sheet of paper. He racked his brain for a possible way out of the assignment.
The next day was Saturday, so Calvin had the entire day to think about it. He was sitting in the treehouse, hoping that an idea would come to him.
Hobbes arrived from down below.
"I don't suppose you're coming in for lunch, are you?" he asked.
"No," Calvin replied.
"Oh. Then can I have yours?"
Calvin just waved him off.
Hobbes grinned and ran back inside.
Calvin sighed and looked at the sky. Several clouds were floating by. He noticed that one of them was shaped a bit like a triangle. He watched it float by for a while.
Then he started to get an idea.
A grin crept across his face.
He quickly let down the rope ladder and climbed down. He ran back into the house.
Hobbes was eating Calvin's lunch when Calvin ran in.
"I'M A GENIUS!" he shouted as he ran past.
Hobbes watched him run up the stairs, shrugged, and then resumed eating.
Once upstairs, Calvin started placing a notepad and pencil into the hypercube.
"MTM!" he cried. "I need you to teleport me to Egypt!"
"…What?" MTM asked who had clearly been asleep.
Calvin scowled.
"Egypt! I need to be teleported to Egypt! It's for my report!"
There was a pause.
"So you're not going to study then?" MTM asked at last.
Calvin sighed.
"Why is everyone here so old-fashioned?!" he demanded. "I just want to do the report and have fun doing it!"
"Uh-huh, and explain to me how going to Egypt is going to help you write a three page report on Ancient Egypt."
"I'm going to study the inside of a pyramid!"
"And that's gonna help you, how?"
Calvin went to say something, but he fell short and couldn't think of a good excuse.
"Uhh… I just want to! That's all!"
MTM sighed electronically.
"Okay, fine, have it your way."
"Great! Let's go!"
"One little problem though."
"What's that?"
"I can't teleport that far."
There was a pause here.
Calvin stared at MTM for a while.
"…And…you didn't tell me this sooner…why?"
"You never asked."
Calvin groaned.
"Fine, we'll take the box."
"Who's we?" asked MTM.
"Just teleport Socrates, Andy and Sherman over here, will ya? They'll be essential to this."
"Why?"
Calvin paused.
"Just do it," he sighed.
There was a pause.
Suddenly, in a field of electricity, Socrates suddenly appeared. He was hunched over in a sitting position and looked like he had been writing something at the time of teleportation. He hovered in the air for awhile before he finally fell on the floor.
"Ow!" he cried. "What gives? I was in the middle of planning my next prank on Ca—"
Then he realized where he was and who was glaring at him.
"Oh, I mean, hi, Calvin!" he said, putting on an air of innocence.
Calvin rolled his eyes.
"Whatever. MTM, where are Andy and Sherman?"
"Half a mo," said MTM. "I wanted to get them both in one shot. Hang about. Here we go."
Another field of electricity appeared, and Andy and Sherman suddenly zapped before them.
Andy was already sitting on the floor, holding his hands as if he was holding a video game console, and Sherman was supposedly pouring formulas into beakers from the way he was positioned. He hovered in the air over Andy's head for a moment before landing on it.
"Hey!" Andy cried. "I was on the last level!"
"Now I'll never know!" Sherman whined. "What are we doing here?!"
Calvin started walking over to the closet.
"We're going to Egypt," he said. "I need to write a report on Ancient Egypt, so I thought I'd go down to one of the pyramids and decipher a bunch of hieroglyphics. Maybe they'll give me enough knowledge of life in Ancient Egypt."
Andy stared at him.
"Why don't you just study for it?" he asked.
Calvin whipped around and glared at him.
"Sorry," Andy said sarcastically. "I don't know what I was thinking."
Calvin nodded and went back to digging through the closet. Finally, he pulled out the cardboard box.
"Okay," he said. "I'll go get Hobbes."
He opened the door and yelled downstairs.
"HOBBES! FREE TUNA!" he shouted.
VOOM!
Hobbes suddenly appeared in a blur.
Calvin rolled his eyes. He was getting used to this.
"Where is it?!" Hobbes asked excitedly.
"In Egypt," said Calvin. "And that's where we're going!"
Hobbes finally realized what had happened.
"Oh great," he moaned.
He promptly tried to run away, but Calvin blocked the door. Then he tried to go out the window, but Andy blocked it. Then, Socrates snuck up behind him and managed to get him in the box.
"No! Please no!" Hobbes wailed. "I wanna live!"
Calvin and the others climbed in as well, and managed to strap Hobbes down.
"Okay, guys! Next stop, Egypt!" he cried.
Starting the box up, and armed with his inventions, Calvin flew out the window, and the box took to the sky.
Hobbes continued to moan and complain all the way into the sky.
"Do you know how long it will take to get all the way Egypt?!" he cried. "We have to cross the Atlantic Ocean! It could take a whole day!"
Sherman stared at him.
"Yeah…," he said. "But…if we go the other way over the Pacific, it may take only an hour and a half."
Calvin nodded.
"Coordinates set," he said. "We'll be there soon."
Hobbes sighed.
"Why are we doing this again?" he asked.
"Why not?" Sherman asked. "It might be interesting. You know, seeing the insides of an actual pyramid and such. You know, when I was at the university…"
"SHUT UP!" Hobbes and Socrates yelled.
Sherman scowled at them.
Calvin spoke up.
"He's got the right idea, though," he said. "Think positive. It'll make things go quicker."
"You really think so, mister?" Andy asked sarcastically.
Calvin grumbled.
"Listen to your music," he muttered.
Andy complied by pulling out his iPod and listened to it.
The box soared ever onwards towards Egypt.
Soon they had crossed the ocean, and they were flying over land.
Calvin was putting on some extra power, and then started searching for anything that looked remotely like a pyramid.
"MTM?" he asked. "Where are we now exactly?"
"We're in a box," MTM replied.
Calvin glared at him.
"Ha, ha," he said. "What's my position?"
"You're hunched over talking to me."
"STOP IT!" Hobbes shouted. "Just tell us where we are!"
"Humph. Spoilsport," MTM snorted. "We're approaching the Pyramids of Giza even as we speak."
Calvin looked down and saw a bunch of pyramids coming into view below him.
"Excellent!" he crowed excitedly. "Bringing her down, boys! Hang on!"
And suddenly, much like a rollercoaster, Calvin dipped the nose of the box down suddenly, and they plummeted downwards.
"WHOOO!" Calvin cheered.
"BANZAI!" Socrates whooped.
"YEAH!" Andy crowed.
"MOMMY!" Hobbes wailed.
Sherman just clung on tightly to Andy's shoulder.
Finally, they reached the top of the pyramid, and they slid down it like a sled. They slid down for a full minute before they finally reached the bottom, and they hit the bottom so hard they were all flung from the box and into the sand.
FOOM!
Calvin emerged from the sand and spit it out.
"We reckanize you have a chiose whenna fly, an' we thanka for flyin' Cahlfeen Airways…," he said, clearly out of it.
Everyone climbed out of the sand, moaning.
"Thank you, Calvin, for a pleasurable ride," Hobbes griped.
"No problem," Calvin said, getting the sand out of his hair.
Everyone stood up and dusted themselves off.
"Okay," said Andy. "Now what do we do?"
"We find a way inside," Calvin replied, looking the pyramid over. "MTM, scan the structure for a way in, okay?"
MTM replied by emitting a ray of green light that enveloped the entire pyramid.
There was a pause.
Finally, the light went back inside.
"There should be a secret passageway somewhere on this side," MTM announced.
"Good," said Andy. "I was not about to go all the way around this thing."
They approached the side of the pyramid and patted the wall they were facing.
Sherman gazed at it.
"So many years of history right here in this structure," he said. "So many questions still unanswered."
"Like what?" asked Socrates, running his paws across the walls of stone.
"Like how they got here, for example! Nobody really knows how they were constructed. How could they have built these without the aid of modern technology?"
"I think those giant whips had something to do with it," said Calvin.
Socrates continued running his paws across the wall, and pushing on certain stones. Finally, he put his weight against one certain stone. Suddenly, the side of the wall started to move to the side. Socrates jumped in surprise.
"Found it!" he said cheerfully.
They all ran over to the door.
"Nice to know you're good for something," Calvin said, holding the MTM.
Socrates simply grinned.
Calvin activated the MTM's flashlight and slowly entered the pyramid.
Socrates followed closely after, followed by Andy and Sherman.
Hobbes, on the other hand, started to walk the other way. Socrates had to double back and drag him inside.
"Mother…," Hobbes whimpered.
"You'll be fine, ya big baby," Socrates mumbled.
Calvin, Andy and Sherman were staring at the walls.
"Hieroglyphics! Yes!" Calvin said triumphantly. He set the MTM down and aimed the light at them. He pulled a sheet of paper and pencil out of the hypercube, and he held it up to the wall, running the pencil across the wall, leaving the impressions the hieroglyphics made.
"Resourceful little man, isn't he?" Andy said wryly.
"Indeed," Sherman replied.
After he finished, Calvin jammed the paper back into the hypercube. Then he pulled out three more flashlights and handed them to Hobbes, Andy and Socrates.
"Here," he said. "We'll get lighter hallways this way."
They all turned their flashlights on and pointed them down the dark tunnels.
"Wow," said Socrates.
"Let's go," said Calvin, picking the MTM back up. "Let's take a look around."
They started walking deeper into the pyramid.
"Shouldn't one of us stay here and keep guard at the door?" Hobbes asked nervously, not moving.
"No. Come on," said Calvin.
Hobbes didn't move.
"MTM…?" Calvin sighed wearily.
"Right," MTM replied.
MTM activated his manipulator arms, and a pair of robotic arms picked Hobbes up and carried him.
Hobbes groaned as they went deeper into the pyramid.
"How humiliating," he muttered.
A bit further into the passageway, Calvin led the group to a room. He aimed the MTM's light inside.
"Wow!" he said. "Check out all the loot!"
They all looked inside.
Lots of treasures were displayed here.
"You're not gonna take any, are you?" Hobbes asked nervously. "They might be cursed."
"Relax," said Calvin. "I'm just gonna take notes." He pulled out a sheet of paper and wrote down what he saw.
"Wow," said Andy, looking everything over. "This is…boring."
Sherman simply rolled his eyes in response.
Andy then noticed that up ahead was another passageway. Curiosity got the better of him, and he started to walk towards it. Sherman simply sat on his shoulder, silent. Aiming his flashlight down the corridor, Andy looked around and started to search for anything interesting.
"We're not going far, are we?" Sherman asked.
"Hope not," Andy replied, looking around.
Suddenly, the floor opened up under them, and they disappeared through the floor.
"Hey!" Andy cried.
Meanwhile, Calvin, Hobbes and Socrates had not noticed Andy's departure, and they finished up what they were doing, and noticing he was gone, they continued on. They were too absorbed in looking at different rooms they didn't notice they were gone.
An hour passed, and they didn't notice Andy and Sherman had vanished.
"I've almost got my whole report done!" said Calvin triumphantly. "I just need to finish the third page. I told you guys this was smarter than studying."
Hobbes and Socrates rolled their eyes.
Calvin looked around then saw another room.
"MTM, where are we in the pyramid?" Calvin asked.
"About the center," MTM replied. "We're probably near the burial tombs by now."
Calvin's eye burst open excitedly.
"Yes!" he cheered.
Before Hobbes or Socrates could stop him, Calvin shot off into the center of the pyramid. Sighing in defeat, they followed after him.
Calvin burst into the room and stared at the sight before.
"Whoa!" he gasped.
Five caskets were all lined up before him.
Hobbes and Socrates followed as Calvin ran up to them.
"What do you think is in them?" he asked excitedly.
Socrates pondered.
"I'm gonna go out on a limb and say…dead people?" he said.
Calvin glared at him.
"Well, if you're not going to be serious…," he grumbled.
"I am serious!" Socrates insisted. "It's a casket! What else do you put in caskets, the fine china?"
Calvin snorted.
"Well, we'll just have to open them up and see," he decided.
Immediately, he yanked out a crowbar and jammed it into the door on the casket.
Hobbes' eyes popped open in shock.
"What?!" he shouted. "Don't!"
Calvin stuck his tongue out at Hobbes and started trying to pry it open.
"Would you just listen to me?! What if we let out some curse?!" he wailed.
"Yeah, or at least a bunch of man-eating bugs," said Socrates.
"Man-eating bugs?" Calvin asked.
"Well, they're clearly eating the bodies inside!"
Calvin rolled his eyes.
"I wanna know what's in them!"
"Why?!"
"Because it might help my report to document a decaying mummy!"
Hobbes groaned.
"Just let it go," Socrates sighed. "Can't MTM just scan it or something?"
Calvin looked down at MTM, who was sitting on the floor. He sighed.
"Fine, you big scaredy cats, we'll just scan it," he grumbled.
Hobbes breathed a sigh of relief.
Calvin activated the scanning feature on the MTM again.
Once again, a bright green light shot out, this time engulfing the caskets. After a moment, it went away.
"Well?" Calvin asked.
"Processing," MTM replied.
There was a pause.
"Done," he finally said.
"Well?" Calvin asked excitedly. "What's in them?!"
"Dead people."
There was a long pause.
Socrates simply grinned.
Calvin glared at him.
"Shut up," he mumbled. "We speak of this no more."
"Sure," Socrates chuckled.
"Andy, you're awfully quiet. I would've expected a wry comment or two from you."
There was a pause as Calvin awaited a response. But he never got one.
"Andy?" he asked.
They looked around. Finally, they noticed he wasn't there.
They ran out of the burial tomb, but as they ran out, they didn't notice that the caskets were now rumbling.
Calvin, Hobbes and Socrates looked around the pyramid.
"Andy? Sherman?!" he shouted. "Where are you?!"
"How could we not have noticed this?" Hobbes demanded.
"Well, Andy was never the talkative one," Socrates said. "Admittedly, he's gotten better this season, but…"
"ANDY?! SHERMAN?!" Calvin shouted. "Come on, we've gotta find them!"
"Why don't we just get MTM put a trace on them?" Hobbes asked.
"What that then?" MTM asked.
"Trace. It's jargon. It means 'find him'."
"No it doesn't," MTM snorted. "You just made it up to be cool."
Calvin and Socrates snickered while Hobbes glared at MTM.
"Just find them," he growled.
"Processing," said MTM.
Deciding not to waste time standing around, Calvin, Hobbes and Socrates started walking away from the tomb.
But once they were gone, the caskets inside suddenly burst open.
BAM! BAM! BAM! BAM! BAM!
Five mummies, decaying and rotting and looking downright disgusting, suddenly burst out of the caskets, moaning and wailing.
Calvin, Hobbes and Socrates walked through the dark tunnel, the MTM lighting the way as they went.
"You can locate him any time you'd like, MTM," Calvin growled.
"Patience," MTM said, calmly. "You really can't expect someone like me to be able to find every single person you want me to at lightning quick speeds. These things take time."
"It does not!" Hobbes groaned. "You're doing this on purpose!"
MTM sighed.
"OK, OK, let's see. Andy and that small furry thing he carries around with him are about three or four chambers from us to the left."
Calvin glared at the MTM.
"Wonderful, MTM. Now how do we get to them?" He growled.
"Oh, come now, I've tracked them down. Isn't that good enough?" MTM asked.
Calvin, Hobbes and Socrates' eyes all narrowed.
"Oh very well," MTM said. "Let me see here. You're going to come to a doorway to your left in fifty feet. Take it."
Calvin, Hobbes and Socrates looked up.
"OK, here we go," Socrates said, pointing forward.
Calvin grinned.
"OK, then, here we come."
The boy and two tigers started walking towards the doorway.
Just then, Hobbes noticed something.
He looked over at Calvin and Socrates.
They were walking down the tunnel, staring straight ahead with bored expressions on their faces.
"Guys, hold up a second..." Hobbes started.
He stopped.
Calvin and Socrates looked up, and stopped.
Hobbes listened.
"What is it, Hobbo?" Socrates asked.
"I... I thought I heard something." Hobbes began.
"What?" Calvin asked.
Hobbes paused.
"Footsteps." He said, finally.
Calvin and Socrates stared at Hobbes for several long moments.
Hobbes turned and stared at them.
"What?" He asked.
"Hobbes, what sound do you suppose our feet produce when we walk?" Calvin asked, crossing his arms.
"Uhhh... Foot... steps...?" Hobbes began.
"Yes, Hobbes, footsteps." Calvin said. "Are you starting to sense a connection, here?"
Hobbes rolled his eyes.
"No, I heard eight sets of footsteps." He said.
"There's only three of us." Socrates said, raising an eyebrow.
"That's my point," Hobbes groaned. "There's only three of us, and I heard five extra sets!"
"OK, Hobbes, tell me, the total amount of people walking through this place is at four, right? Me, you, Socrates and Andy."
"Y-yes." Hobbes whimpered, looking over his shoulder into the darkness.
"Therefore, following the simple logic, there should only be four sets of footsteps. Three, right now because Andy's missing."
"That's... my... point..." Hobbes growled.
"Second of all, how are you able to count the amount of footsteps you hear in this place?" Calvin demanded. "Is it really possible to do that?"
"Yes," Socrates said.
"Whatever. Let's just continue." Calvin rolled his eyes.
And with that, they turned, and continued.
Hobbes looked over his shoulders and followed.
Their footsteps started echoing through the tunnel again.
There was a pause, then the extra footsteps started up, again.
Hobbes stopped.
The extra footsteps stopped.
Hobbes looked around, nervously.
Calvin and Socrates continued walking, calmly down the tunnel.
ZOOM!!
Suddenly, something orange shot in between the two, and reappeared in front of them.
Calvin and Socrates jumped.
Hobbes was standing in front of them.
"Ah... if it's all the same to you, I'll lead." He said.
Calvin and Socrates glared at him.
"Whatever," Calvin growled. "Just go."
They all started walking again.
The extra footsteps started up, again.
Hobbes looked over his shoulder.
He saw Calvin and Socrates staring at him, blankly.
Hobbes stopped.
Calvin and Socrates stopped.
The heavy footsteps continued. Then stopped.
By this time, Calvin and Socrates had begun to catch on, and were looking over their shoulders back into the darkness.
There was a moment of silence.
Then, Calvin slowly held the MTM up.
"MTM," He whispered.
"Hmmm?" MTM asked, calmly.
"How many people are in this pyramid?" Calvin hissed.
"Hmmm, let me see," MTM began. "Counting you, Hobbes, Socrates, Andy, that hamster and the five dead people following you down the hallway... ooooh... about ten."
There was a small pause.
"Thanks, MTM, I don't know where we'd be without you." Calvin said.
"No prob." MTM said.
There was another pause.
"RUUUUUUN!!" Calvin screamed at the top of his lungs.
ZOOM!! ZOOM!!
Calvin turned around.
Hobbes and Socrates had vanished.
Calvin grumbled to himself, and turned back to the tunnel.
Suddenly, loud moaning started ringing out throughout it.
Calvin began backing up.
Suddenly, the outline of something staggering through the darkness appeared.
It threw its neck back every now and then, making a CRACK sound, its shoulders shooting up on every crack.
Calvin stared at it with moon shaped eyes.
Then, MTM spoke.
"I guess I'll get to work on downloading that novel I was reading." He said.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUGH!!" Calvin screamed, whipping around, and running backwards towards the doorway.
The mummies followed him, groaning loudly.
Meanwhile, Andy and Sherman were on the other side of the pyramid, examining some hieroglyphics.
Well, Sherman was, anyway.
"Sherman do you know what part of this place we're in?" Andy asked, looking around the dark chamber with his flashlight.
"Relax, Andy," Sherman said. "We're somewhere near the burial chamber. Calvin will realize we're missing and use that CD player to find us."
"Well, I hope so," Andy said, quietly.
"Oh come on, Andy," Sherman said. "Surely you don't think Calvin would leave you down here?"
There was a pause.
"On... purpose..." He finished.
Andy groaned.
"Oh, relax, Andy." Sherman said, encouragingly. "They'll find us. Now, shine your light on that wall, there."
Andy obliged, and shown his flashlight on another part of the wall.
Sherman squinted at the hieroglyphics, while punching something into a tiny calculator-like machine.
"OK," He said, studying the machine in his paws. "Let me see here, curse... curse... another curse... insurance guarantee... ah, here we go. It says here that here lays the pharaoh's most loyal servants."
Andy turned and stared.
"Servants?" He asked.
"Yeah, something like that," Sherman said. "It says that they were so loyal to him that they were given a great big burial ceremony and put some of the pharaoh's treasures in with them as a reward to their loyalty."
"Cool." Andy said. "Who was the pharaoh?"
"Hmm, shine your light over here," Sherman said, pointing at another wall.
Andy did so.
The second the light uncovered the picture before them, both mouths dropped open.
Right there before them was a picture of the pharaoh.
And he looked exactly like Andy.
There was a moment of silence.
"So, Calvin's the Earth Potentate, Hobbes and Socrates are robots and you're a Pharaoh. All together an off day." Sherman said. "Time for a nice hot cup of anti-psychotic medication."
Andy rolled his eyes.
Meanwhile, Calvin was cowering inside one of the rooms in the chamber, panting, and looking over his shoulder.
"MTM, what are they doing up?" He growled at the CD player.
"Mummies always have a hard time getting up when they switch to daylight savings time." MTM replied.
"MTM!!" Calvin hissed, dangerously.
"Oh very well," MTM said. "I believe I may have regenerated them by mistake."
"What are you talking about?" Calvin demanded.
"My data extractor is a highly radioactive feature, Calvin," MTM sighed. "Kind of figured you'd notice that considering you built me."
"Wait a minute, you're telling me that you brought these things back to life?" Calvin questioned.
"That is a trivial way to put it, yes." MTM said.
"Well, how long will the radioactivity last?" Calvin asked, looking off down the hallway.
"Oh, given the fact that the radioactivity can be held inside the pyramid's tunnels, I'd say four or five years." MTM replied.
"Fat lot of help that's going to do us," Calvin growled. "How do we get out of here?"
"I'd worry more about the dead people, because if they managed to get out of the pyramid, we'd have one weird action scene." MTM said.
"Right... right..." Calvin said, looking all around. "OK, I want to know where Hobbes and Socrates are. Also, tell me how far the mummies are right now."
"Sure," MTM yawned. "Hobbes and Socrates are about two rooms down from you and the mummies are walking down that tunnel next to you right at you."
There was a pause.
"Thanks," Calvin grumbled.
"Mmm-hmmm," MTM said.
Just then, loud moaning filled the chamber, and the looming shadows of the five mummies appeared in the doorway.
"HEEEEELLLLP!!" Calvin screamed, whirling around, and bolting down another tunnel.
The mummies screeched, and staggered after him.
Andy and Sherman looked up.
"Did you hear something, Shermie?" Andy asked, nervously.
Sherman nodded.
"I heard someone screaming 'help' very loudly, followed shortly by some kind of gargling yell." He said.
There was a pause.
"Calvin," They both said in unison, nodding their heads.
"Let's go see what's wrong," Andy said. "I think I heard the scream coming from down here."
Andy and Sherman rushed off down another tunnel.
Calvin raced through the tunnel, frantically, the MTM lighting his way as he went.
"HELP!! HELP!! HELP!! HELP!! HELP!!" He screamed, repeatedly, stumbling over rocks, and entering another chamber.
"Where are the mummies?!" Calvin panted, looking back towards the tunnel.
"Right behind you," MTM said.
Calvin stared at him.
"WHAT?" He demanded.
"Well, don't you think it would be easy to track someone repeatedly screaming help, while crashing through a pyramid? A blind dog with a stuffed up nose would be able to find you." MTM said.
Calvin blinked.
"By the way, Hobbes and that other tiger are in here," MTM said.
Calvin looked up.
"What?" He asked. "Hobbes? Socrates? Where are you? Get out here, immediately!"
There was a moment of silence, then, Hobbes and Socrates suddenly appeared in front of Calvin.
"AAAUGH!!" Calvin shouted, stumbling backwards at their sudden appearance.
"Hello, Calvin," Hobbes said. "Did you beat the mummies, yet?"
Calvin glared at them.
"No, I have not beat the mummies, yet." He growled.
"Oh. Well, in that case..."
Hobbes and Socrates both whipped around, and started running off, again.
"Oh no you don't!" Calvin growled.
He grabbed their tails just in time, and yanked them back.
"We're in this together, whether you like it or not!" He said, dangerously.
Hobbes and Socrates frantically ran in place trying to get away, their feet throwing up dust and their arms outstretched.
Just then, the loud moaning of the mummies reached their ears.
They all turned and looked around.
Two shadows were approaching them from the only exit.
They began backing into the wall.
"What do we do?!" Hobbes moaned.
Calvin looked around, frantically.
"MTM, do you think you could blast the mummies away with your defense feature?" He asked, finally.
"No," MTM said.
There was a moment of silence.
"Why?" Calvin asked.
"Unless you've forgotten, radioactivity shields anything from my electric blast. These things are invincible."
"Well that's just great, MTM, you just had to use the data extractor!" Calvin growled.
MTM sighed.
"You told me to use the data extractor." He said.
"Well, why didn't you tell him it would bring the mummies to life?!" Socrates moaned.
"He didn't ask." MTM said.
Everyone groaned.
The shadows entered the room, and the figures started walking inside.
"Well, this is it, guys," Calvin said. "Trapped in a tomb with a bunch of freaks wrapped up in toilet paper about to kill us. It's been a good life!"
Hobbes and Socrates exchanged glances.
There was a pause.
"If you two try to run out on me, I'll come back as a ghost and tie your tails to an electrical socket!" Calvin growled.
Hobbes and Socrates nodded.
Just then, the figure entered, and spoke.
"Calvin? Are you here?" Andy asked, looking through the chamber.
Calvin's eyes popped open.
"Andy?" He asked, staring into the darkness.
"Yes?" Andy asked.
"Oh." Calvin said. "Hi, Andy."
"Hello, Calvin," Andy said, calmly.
There was a pause.
"Thanks a bunch for telling me it was him, MTM." Calvin hissed.
"What? You didn't think it was good for a laugh?" MTM asked.
Hobbes and Socrates snickered as Calvin glared.
"Well," Andy said, walking up to Calvin, Hobbes and Socrates. "I'd say I've had enough of this place."
"Yeah, can we go, now, Calvin?" Sherman demanded, angrily.
"No, not yet." Calvin said.
Everyone groaned.
Calvin glared at them.
"Look, just hear me out for a second. Then you'll see that everything going on right now is all MTM's fault!"
Electricity suddenly surrounded the CD player, sending a shock up Calvin's arm.
"AAUGH!!" Calvin screamed, dropping the MTM on the floor.
"Sorry, I should have that looked into." MTM said, calmly.
Calvin rubbed his sore arm and glared at him.
He then went on to explain to Andy and Sherman about the mummies and how MTM had accidently regenerated them.
The story triggered MTM to electrocute Calvin every few seconds.
"OK, so let me get this straight," Andy began. "You've just brought a bunch of people back from the dead and now they're after you?"
"Right," Calvin said.
There was a moment of silence.
"Well, if you were violently woken up from the greatest nap you've ever had what would be your first reaction? Kill the guy who woke you up!" Calvin yelled.
Hobbes, Socrates, Andy and Sherman rolled their eyes.
Just then, the loud moans rang out, again through the chamber, as the mummies got closer to them.
Calvin, Hobbes, Socrates, Andy and Sherman whipped around.
The mummies were staggering inside the chamber, groaning loudly and throwing their heads across their shoulders.
They stared at them.
"I'll start brewing some coffee, then," MTM said, calmly.
"RUUUUUN!!" Calvin screamed.
There was a mad scramble, and everyone rushed off towards another tunnel.
"OOOOOOOOOHHH!" The mummies groaned, limping after them.
"There sure are a lot of empty rooms in here!" Hobbes panted, looking around.
"Yeah, it's for the grave robbers." MTM said. "Supposedly if they escaped the mummies and all the curses they had lined up in here, they'd get lost in the place and die of starvation."
"Oh, that's just wonderful," Hobbes sighed.
Calvin, Hobbes, Socrates, Andy and Sherman squeezed themselves through a large crack in the wall, into another small empty chamber.
Without any doors.
They all looked around, frantically.
"OK, not this way, then!" Calvin said, whipping around.
They all turned back to the crack in the wall.
Too late.
"OOOOOOHH!" The mummies groaned reaching through the crack at them, grasping at nothing.
Calvin and the gang backed into the corner.
Calvin held the MTM up.
"MTM, can you transport us out of here?" He asked, calmly.
"Nope." MTM said.
"WHAT?!" Calvin growled. "Why?!"
"Low batteries," MTM replied.
"Low batteries?!" Calvin demanded. "That's always your excuse when you don't want to do something!! GATHER UP ALL THE ENERGY YOU HAVE AND DO IT!!"
"Oh very well, where to?" MTM asked.
"Anywhere!!" Andy groaned. "Just away from here!!"
"Gothchya." MTM.
ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZT!!
Suddenly, Calvin, Hobbes, Socrates, Andy, Sherman and MTM all vanished in a blast of electricity.
Then reappeared right behind the mummies.
The mummies all looked up, and stared at them.
There was a moment of silence.
Calvin glared at the MTM.
"Thanks," He growled.
"TAKE US BACK!! TAKE US BACK!!" Hobbes screamed as the mummies began advancing.
"Hmm, sorry about that. Teleportation doesn't work as well when your inside an enclosed space." MTM said.
"HEEEEELLP!!" Everyone screamed, cowering in the corner.
The mummies stepped up before the five.
Just then, they all stopped.
There was a long moment of silence.
Hobbes' eyes popped open, and he looked around the darkness.
"Are we dead?" He whimpered.
Calvin, Socrates, Andy and Sherman looked up.
The mummies were all lined up before them, staring down at them, blankly.
They stared at each other for a long moment.
"Maybe they've taken pity on us for being so pathetic?" Socrates suggested.
Just then, the mummies dropped to their knees.
Calvin, Hobbes, Socrates, Andy and Sherman stared at them.
The mummies dropped down to their stomachs, face down, and stretched their arms outward in front of them.
Calvin, Hobbes, Socrates, Andy and Sherman exchanged confused glances.
Then, Calvin took advantage of the situation.
"Yes, bow down before me, FOOLS!" He ordered, standing up, and pointed at the ground. "You're just lucky I don't throw you in the bin along with all the other classic monsters! Dracula and the wolf man should look upon you with envy that I'm even allowing you in my presence!"
Hobbes, Socrates, Andy and Sherman rolled their eyes.
The mummies remained motionless.
Feeling braver, Calvin continued.
"And furthermore your mothers all wore paper towels on Halloween!!" He declared, jabbing his fist to the sky.
Suddenly, one of the mummies' head came up, and he glared at Calvin.
It bared its yellow teeth at him and growled.
"AACK!" Calvin shouted, stumbling backwards.
"I don't think they're bowing at you, Calvin," MTM said.
The mummy's head returned to the ground.
"Well, they're being really stupid not to!" Calvin growled, standing back up. "I ought have them clean the pyramid for the rest of their death!"
"Who are they bowing to, anyway?" Hobbes asked, staring at them. "This is starting to get a little anti-climatic."
Andy cleared his throat and rolled his eyes skyward.
Calvin, Hobbes and Socrates all turned and stared at him.
"Yes, Andy?" Hobbes asked.
"Well, it turns out these people happen to be here just because they were the most loyal people to the pharaoh." Andy said.
Calvin, Hobbes and Socrates stared at Andy.
"The pharaoh looks like him." Sherman said, pointing at Andy.
Calvin rolled his eyes.
"Oh, it's one of these episodes, again." He groaned.
He marched up to the mummies.
"You morons! Idiots! Fools! Can't you tell the difference between an all powerful pharaoh and an eight year old kid with a hamster for a companion?!"
"Hey!" Andy yelled.
The mummies all looked up and stared at Calvin for a long time.
Calvin stared back at them.
"Well, not that I have any problem with you thinking that. I mean, you've been asleep for a while and your probably still groggy and..."
The mummies started standing up.
Calvin began backing up.
"Hey, Andy?" Calvin asked.
"Hmmm?" Andy asked, calmly, raising his eyebrows at Calvin.
"How about setting those pharaoh powers of yours into action?" Calvin asked as the mummies all stood up, and began staggering towards them, again.
"Oh, I might," Andy said, examining his fingernails. "But what about this fun filled field trip we're attending?"
"WE'LL LEAVE!!" Calvin shouted, backing into the wall. "JUST CALL YOUR MINIONS OFF!!"
"Sure," Andy said.
He handed Sherman to Socrates, and held his hand out.
"HALT!!" He ordered.
The mummies ignored him.
"STOP!" Andy repeated.
The mummies surrounded Calvin.
"Uh... don't continue walking?" Andy suggested, rubbing his chin.
"I don't think Andy here speaks Ancient Egyptian." MTM said, calmly.
"WELL THEN TRANSLATE IT!!" Calvin screamed, again as the mummies reached for him.
"Sure." MTM said. "Try it now, Andy."
"STOP!!" Andy screamed, stepping forward, and holding his hand out. "HALT!! CEASE!! DESIST!! DISCONTINUE!!"
The mummies stopped.
Calvin's eyes popped open.
A small grin spread across Andy's face.
"Now," He said. "Step away from him! Your pharaoh commands you!"
The mummies began backing away from Calvin, glaring at him, dangerously.
Calvin jabbed a finger at the mummies.
"HA! Take that you freaks! And what's more you..."
"Don't push your luck, Calvin," Socrates whispered.
"Right," Calvin said.
The mummies turned to Andy, and bowed, respectfully.
Andy grinned at them.
"Hey, I could get used to this." He said.
"Right, right, what are you going to do about this?" Hobbes growled.
"Uhh... I dunno." Andy said, turning to the mummies. "Hey guys, start moving your heads around in circular motions!"
The mummies obeyed.
Much to Calvin, Hobbes, Socrates and Sherman's dismay.
As the mummies moved their heads, their necks made loud, annoying cracking noises as if someone was frantically popping the air bubbles on a piece of bubble wrap.
Calvin held his ears.
"ANDY!" He screamed.
"Yeah, OK, you can knock it off, now." Andy said.
The mummies stopped.
"Andy, you have a really weird sense of humor." Hobbes said.
Andy shrugged.
"Well, this is all fine and dandy, but we still have to do something about these things," MTM said. "The radioactively being held inside this small enclosed space will be enough to keep these things alive for more than five years!"
"Hmm, good point," Andy considered. "But then it will wear off after that won't it?"
"Sure," MTM said. "But what are we going to do with them for that long?"
Andy thought for a moment.
Then, his eyes lit up with an idea.
"I've got it!" He grinned.
He turned to the mummies.
"OK, guys, listen up, so you don't screw it up!" He said.
The mummies looked up.
"I want you to play poker with each other for five years straight. Then continue your eternal nap. I'll come get you if I need you."
Calvin, Hobbes, Socrates and Sherman exchanged glances.
The mummies all looked at each other in confusion.
Andy reached into his pocket, and pulled out a deck of cards.
"Here, use these," He offered, handing it them.
The mummies took it, and stared it.
Then, the stared at each other, shrugged, and stood up.
They started walking off back towards the burial chamber.
There was a long moment of silence.
"Why are our enemies so incredibly easy to defeat in the end?" Socrates asked.
Calvin, Hobbes, Andy and Sherman all shrugged.
"Well, all I know is that I want out of this place immediately!" Andy said, turning to Calvin. "All in favor?"
Hobbes, Socrates, Andy and Sherman's hands all shot to the air.
Calvin glared at them.
"You know what the problem with you guys are?" He asked. "No sense of adventure! You have about as much patience and curiosity as a sugar ant!"
Hobbes, Socrates, Andy and Sherman all nodded.
Outside, the box was stationed right by the pyramid, hovering in the air, and apparently immune to the sand storm raging all around.
BRAZAAAP!!
Suddenly, the air around the box contracted next to the box, and Calvin, Hobbes, Socrates, Andy and Sherman all appeared.
"Took you five tries, MTM," Calvin growled. "Thanks for actually for getting us here!"
"I can't wait for people to start inserting computer chips into their brains so they can do everything I can do," MTM said. "Then I can start complaining about their claustrophobic tendencies."
"Whatever," Calvin grumbled, "Let's just get out of here."
Everyone climbed into the box, and Calvin started it up.
"The good news is that I've gotten all the information I need for my report!" Calvin grinned, as they all flew off away from the pyramid. "I'm sure to get an A, and everything will return to normal!"
"Until your next report is given, in which you'll drag us to the Bermuda Triangle." Andy said, calmly.
"Right," Calvin said, through gritted teeth. "But for right now, my report is an A plus guarantee."
Hobbes, Socrates, Andy and Sherman exchanged glances.
"D MINUS?!" Calvin screamed, angrily, staring at the paper that Miss Wormwood had handed him a few days later. "THIS KIND OF WORK DESERVES THE PULITZER PRIZE!!"
"You took up half the paper drawing mummies and pyramids." Miss Wormwood said. "Then you didn't even talk about ancient Egypt. You wrote the whole thing up reciting curses that could have been put on the treasures in the pyramids, and how a radioactive blast from something could bring a dead person back to life."
"Yeah, so?" Calvin asked.
Miss Wormwood heaved a deep sigh.
"HAVE YOU NOT HEARD OF RADIOACTIVE REGENERATION?!" Calvin demanded.
"Three years until retirement..." She said to herself, rubbing her temple, and handing out the next grade.
The End
Voice work
Pamela Segall Adlon Calvin
Tom Hanks Hobbes
Ryan Stiles Socrates
Andrew Lawrence Andy
Colin Mochrie Sherman
Norman Lovett MTM
Tom Kenny Mummies
Mary Jo Catlett Miss Wormwood
Coming up next: Robot's Day Out
