I'm not getting alot of reviews lately… I can handle bad one too, don't worry but please let me now if it's good or not. I need to know if it's worth writing. Thank u.
The next few days I was just sitting in my room. I couldn't think, couldn't eat, just think about Toulouse who did't gave any sign to me after I left. I still couldn't believe I actually left him. It all seemed so absurd as if it wasn't meant to happen. But it was real. I left him and was now all alone, only my sister to comfort me. Once in a while a worried Degas would see me but that was just for a few seconds just to ask me if I was okay. My answer was always the same. I had better days. Off course I had better days. Those days when I was just waiting for him to love me. Those days before Maurice had destroyed my life. And there was still this question. Why did he had blood ons his hands the night he came in? Maybe he helped a guy who was seriously wounded? Or maybe he killed Maurice? I wanted to think of the good things but the bad ones just over did the good ones.
But deep inside of me, I missed him. I still loved him. After awhile I told my sister she could go back to Tom, that I was better. But off course that was a lie. I just didn't wanted to ruin the happiness she had found.
Next, I waited. After 2 weeks I had left I began to worry, it wasn't the first time he had drunk to much and he got unconcienced. I wanted to see him but the thought of him being happy without me and me storming in would be a little embarrissing. So when Degas came in I asked him if he had heard of Toulouse.
"I think he went to visite his mother in Albi." He said but I could see he wasn't too sure.
"Don't tell him I asked about him."
"Jane, you sho.." But I didn't let him finish his sentence.
"Promise me."
"Okay, I promise."
So nothing to worry about, he went to see his mother. Or maybe Degas was lying? I could tell he wasn't sure about it. Maybe Toulouse was ill and in a hospital? I wish I could just stop thinking about him but it was so difficult. So I told myself he was fine and I have to move with my life like he did.
Didn't he?
I started to move on with my life. Finally a day without him on my mind.
It was on a beautiful day I saw Maurice. For some reason I was glad, because that meant that Toulouse didn't harm him and that he couldn't be put in jail. But at the same time I felt scared and fragile. I wanted to face him and tell him he didn't broke me but then I would be lying and that's not the worst part. He was in the parc with his beautiful wife and children. He had lied about her. Off course if I would confront him with it he would deny it and call me crazy. She would believe him and look at me as if I was a whore that tried to get her man. So I hade myself behind a tree. As soon as he walked away I walked away but bumped into a young man.
"Hiding?"
"No, avoiding." I wanted to walk away but he was still standing in my way.
"My name is Pierre Louÿs, nice to meet you." He stretched out his hand. Not again.
"My name is none of your concerns will you please let me go?"
"Always this friendly?"
"No, only to men who can't keep their noses out of other people's business."
"Sorry to bother you." He walked away while he mumbeled something that sounded very Dutch.
"Wait! Are you Dutch?"
"I'm from Ghent that's all, I speak a few words Dutch, why?"
"Oh nothing, I'm from Antwerp."
There was a evil grin on his face.
"Low life isn't it?" I wish I didn't told him. I didn't said anything, I just walked away. He had just pushed me back into my black hole.
