Warning: Super Messy.
Tess's POV
I never realized how much I loved sleeping next to Matthew.
It has become so routine in my Life schedule that when he's not present, it's like the whole day is thrown off, as if someone proclaimed the night is now day.
I visited him yesterday at the hospital. He was still asleep, and I've been praying every night that he's awake now. The bachelor and bachelorette parties for the Alex's are tonight. He kind of has to be there. Then again, he might want to avoid Alexander's posse.
If I think about it, Matt seems like the stereotypical prince. Handsome, charming, cocky...That's exactly what I thought of him when I met him, the first time and the one after the plane accident. But he's so much more than that. I can't even begin to explain how.
A knock comes at the door of my room, and I lock my thoughts in my heart. I can't confess them to myself or Matt, then they go to nobody.
I open the door, and Dad's at the door. This is unusual. "Hi," I say, making it sound more like a question than a greeting. "What brings you here?"
"Matthew woke up yesterday," he says, smiling. "Rilane and Jerome are going to pick him up now. I'm assuming you want to come?"
I nod, grinning at him like I've just won a game show. "Absolutely. I'll get changed." I'm still in my track shorts and shirt from the night before.
Dad nods, and I close my door. I get changed in an indigo day dress and my boots. I love these boots. I don't know why. I mean, they're comfortable and cute, but I feel like its meaning goes much deeper. I put my hair up in a messy bun with wavy tendrils falling out like raindrops streaking the window.
I meet Jerome and Rilane at the foyer, and he swings his keys around a finger. "Ready, Princess?" he asks.
"Yep," I reply. I practically skip to the car.
"Someone's excited," Riley says, getting into the passenger seat.
I get in the backseat. "Matt blacked out, and he hasn't woken up for two days. Of course I'm excited to see him awake."
"When's the wedding again?" Jer asks, driving to the main road.
"The twenty-fifth of September," I say. "When's yours?"
Jer coughs uncomfortably, and Riley squirms in her seat. "We're not planning on getting married," Riley says.
"Yet," Jer adds. "We're trying for a long term relationship."
A long term relationship? I don't think I could handle being in just a relationship with Matthew. I want to be his, and I want him to be mine. Is that selfish?
"Jer, when are you going back to Swendway?" I ask.
"A few days after Alexandra's wedding," he replies, and Riley turns to him aghast. "But I'm coming back for Tess and Matthew's wedding."
"Babe, why didn't you tell me?" she says. "Are we going to do a long distance relationship too?"
"Riles, just relax," he says coolly. "You can visit me sometime, and I'll visit some days."
"But I'm going to miss you," Riley says, almost whining.
Their voices become a dull buzz in my ears as I zone out. It's so weird how we don't want to be separated from the ones we love. It makes me wonder if one gets annoyed with constant companionship. I find Matt's presence comforting, especially when I have nightmares. We're not habitually by each other's sides. There are other people in the palace to interact with.
We arrive at the hospital, and we get to the ER with our heads ducked and our voices low. Riley even makes the effort of putting on a vintage fedora. I put on my aviator shades, and Jer puts on a baseball cap.
We find Matt sitting on a cot, looking a bit tired yet alert. He catches sight of us, and his smile is so contagious. "Hey," he says, standing with his arms outstretched. Riley gets to him first, and she hugs her big brother almost as tight as he's embracing her. "How you doing, Riley?" he asks, kissing the top of her head.
"I'm great, Matt. You?"
"I feel alive."
That must be the best feeling.
Jerome claps a hand on Matt's back. "How are you doing, bro?"
"I look great, yeah?" Matt asks, spinning around as if he's showing off his state.
I approach Matt next, and a different emotion fills his eyes. "Hey, handsome," I say, circling my arms around his neck. He hugs me so tight his hard chest is against mine. I vaguely feel only the tips of my toes touching the ground.
"How are you, love?" he says in my hair.
"I missed sleeping next to you."
He pulls back, still not setting me down. "Nightmares?"
The worst I've ever had. I got three hours of sleep a night. "Not really," I say. "I don't remember."
Matt smiles, kissing my forehead. "I'm glad."
"I missed you, though," I say, drowning in the ocean of his eyes.
He grins, not a presumptuous one, but his genuine lopsided one. "I missed you too, love."
"Ahem," Riley interrupts. "I'd appreciate it if you could make lovey-dovey eyes at each other at home."
We check Matt out of the hospital, and Matt sits next to me in the backseat. "Matt, there are a few things coming up for the both of us," I say.
"When's the wedding again?" he asks.
"In two days, I think."
"Right, so things coming up?"
I nod. "We're having an interview thing for a gossip website."
He groans. "Really?"
"This one is special," I say. "It's a game where the interviewer asks a question, and one writes their answer down beforehand while the other writes what they think they think the answer is. Or something like that."
"So like a newlyweds game, but not we're not wed?"
"Yeah, I guess."
He nods, a small smile on his face. "Just watch me fail."
I laugh. "Okay, so a person from a Rockets Recording Studio wants to start an album with you."
He frowns, looking surprised and disbelieving at the same time. "What?"
"He went to my birthday party and he heard you sing that song you wrote. He wants to record some tracks."
He grins. "That's awesome! That's...better than awesome actually! I should have put that on the MSBL. Be a recording artist."
I laugh. "Yeah, Mom's pretty proud."
Another emotion passes over his face. "Do you want to write some songs with me."
I raise an eyebrow. "I'm not a songwriter."
"You're lying," he sings. "You're chewing your lip and fiddling with your ring."
I look down at my fingers and see that he's right. How does he notice so much? "I'm not very good," I say.
"So what? I'm not very good either."
I raise an eyebrow and smirk. "You're lying," I mock. "Your eyes won't focus on one place."
He widens his eyes and stares me down. "I'm not a good songwriter."
"You write them anyway." I shrug. "People are usually good at doing something they love."
"So I am good at kissing?" he says, wiggling his eyebrows.
I roll my eyes with a hint of a smile. "How do our conversations always revert to this topic?"
When we get to the palace, Matt grabs my hand and basically drags me to his room. "I need you to listen to something."
I nod.
Matt goes to his desk and opens a drawer, taking out a tattered Moleskine notebook. He flips through the pages and finds a certain one. He grabs a pencil and furiously scribbles something down.
"Could you get the guitar please?" he asks, still writing.
I take the classical guitar, sit on the ground and tune it for him. It's not too off-key, considering he played it on my birthday. Matt joins me on the floor and takes the guitar from me.
"I need your thoughts for this," he says. I nod and hug my knees. I love it when he sings. It's like it's just him, but at the same time it's like he's singing to you.
"The breeze is cold.
Your soul is bold.
You are a scattered mind at night,
Like a fire burning bright."
I already know he's talking about me.
"And you say you'll watch me live.
But I have nothing else to give."
My heart clenches, and I suck in a breath.
"Now tell me you'll do fine,
With my Life on the line.
I hope you know this doesn't mean goodbye."
I must be crying already.
"If I go, will you know?
If I stay, will there be a price to pay?
Because I know it will look bleak and dreary,
But promise me that you'll see clearly.
We have to know where to go from here.
Don't live with fear.
"Sleep is something I dread.
I'd rather live here than in my head.
But things will soon change.
I will live until I fade.
You'll be here, safe and sound,
While I'll be in the ground."
I bury my face in my arms, and I am indeed crying.
"Now tell me that you'll do fine,
With my Life on the line.
I hope you know this doesn't mean goodbye.
"If I go, will you know?
If I stay, how long will I have until that day?
We'll never see the end of time together.
But our infinity still means forever."
I want him to stop, but at the same time I want him to keep going. I feel so conflicted.
"Yeah, we still have infinity.
Infinite moments of serenity.
Just you wait, darling.
Wait for the moment where we're laughing.
Don't blame the universe, but blame this ugly curse.
"Don't lose hope.
Don't lose faith.
Our memories won't be erased.
We'll always have infinity.
Yeah, we still have infinity."
Matt finishes the song with a single strum, and that seems to have sucked all of the sound in the room. "How was it?" he asks.
I look up at him and wipe the tears from my face. "Um..." I laugh, embarrassed that I'm crying. "You might want to change that last chord to a G. It sounds unfinished if it ends on a C."
He laughs and writes it down in the notebook. He puts the guitar aside. "I'm not putting that on the album. I just wanted you to hear it."
Matt wipes the tears on my cheeks and kisses me softly. I nearly gasp; I don't remember the last time he kissed me like this, on my mouth. He supports my back as he lays me down. One hand is on my waist, while the other is buried in my hair.
He kisses my jaw to my neck. I gasp now, and I never want this to end. He kisses a path back to my lips, and he looks in my eyes. "I love you, you know? I'm never leaving you."
You can't guarantee that. "I love you too."
He smiles the most imperceptible smile and kisses me again. I flip us over so I'm on top. I unbutton his shirt and reveal his strong torso. I run my hands up and down his chest, tracing the muscular lines of his abdomen. I'd never guess he's sick. He looks perfectly healthy.
Meanwhile, Matt's hand goes up and down my thigh, feeling every inch of my leg. I kiss his chest, then his stomach. I can faintly hear a groan, and our mouths collide in desperation.
There's only so much skin we can allow ourselves to touch before we cross extreme boundaries.
I kiss him so hard it hurts. Words can't explain how much I love him, how much I missed him. His hands curl into my hair, the other bunching the skirts of my short dress. He kisses my neck again, this time his lips skimming over my shoulders. He whispers my name over and over, and it astounds me once more how I keep falling in love.
His heavy breath makes adrenaline surge through me. Everything seems sharper, more acute, clearer. I'm so glad that things are finally understandable between us. I remember how confused I used to be. But now? Now we're more sure than ever.
He nudges the straps of my dress off my shoulders with his nose, and soon the entire bodice is down to my waist. His hair is so messy that I almost laugh. He turns us over so I'm now beneath him.
"Beautiful," he whispers on my bare stomach. A breath lodges in my throat when he kisses my rib. I slide his shirt off, because I want to feel his scars.
"When I die," he starts, but I cut off his words with my lips.
"Please," I whisper into his mouth.
He wordlessly nods, and we kiss into oblivion.
He's my missing half. He's the part that makes me whole. I can't lose him, or I will lose a part of myself.
Too much? Not enough? Too cliche? Y'all are so different. I just felt like there was an overload of depressing crap so I thought eh I'll just load on the fluff before I depress everyone again.
Note: I start classes next Tuesday, so I'm extremely sorry if I can't update this often anymore.
QOTD: There is a book simulation where you can pick a book and be in it as yourself, and every character would be there and the plot would be the same if you didn't change anything major. What book would you choose?
Answer to previous QOTD: I don't know if I'm allowed to have a favorite line, and sometimes I think my writing is so cliche and cheesy, but sometimes my favorite words come from the nights where Matthew and Tess can't sleep. I think I like "I'm the car that keeps on going" or "Existing is not the same as living."
Thanks for the reviews!
Maria- Glad you liked that line :) Ansel Elgort is perfect. Thanks!
Theoneforever- I like that line too :P Jk but thank you soooo much! Every word? Not every word in my story makes sense, but thank you soooo much!
ReadLikeYouMeanIt- Aw "too difficult" :P Thanks! Lol Gatorade. That's the stuff. I actually like tea and coffee. Definitely water. Water is Life. Thank you so much!
Kiren- I like hiking :) I would normally do a baby gender contest, but in this case, the baby's gender is essential. I don't know if I'm making it a girl or a boy. Whatever happens happens! Thank you!
going for the win- I would probably forget the parachute :P Thanks so much!
Guest- Hahahaha I literally laughed out loud. "I look in the mirror and my ass is ginormous." Ew and old Kim XD Sounds great! Thanks so much! I'm glad SOMEONE liked the ending quotes :P
Please-and-Thankyou's- Those sound like awesome quotes!...But I was kinda asking what quotes you liked from my stories...Sorry to be selfish, but I was curious. Um, yeah. Thanks!
PokemonLuver151- *thumbs up* Thank you!
dakotamo- I don't want my story to be a carbon copy of TFiOS but sometimes I can't help it if he sounds a bit like Augustus :P Sorry. Glad you like my story! Thank you so much!
Guest- Haha okay, so I guess you're not THAT much older than I am :P I kinda like that line too :) Thanks so much!
LittleMissTori- OH MY GAWD I HAVE NEVER WANTED TO BE IN NYC SO BADLY. So pissed. So happy you like my lines :) Thanks so much!
winterprincess- Matthew realized that Gerad had familial restrictive cardiomyopathy. :P Aw I actually like those lines too. Sometimes my writing is kinda average/mediocre at best, but others it's just baaaad. Ugh. Consistency is not a trait of mine. Thank you so much!
lilythemermaid- Haha you don't have to do that! IAN SOMERHALDER YASSSS. And Dylan O'Brien...I wish you could put those heart-eyed emojis on here -_- Darn. But yeah. There's a pic where Ansel and Dylan meet and they're in the same picture. How does one photograph hold that much attractiveness and the website doesn't explode? Like, whaaat? Haha that's not an option. That's funny, O. Reeeal funny ;) LALOL
Love ya!- AcademicGirl
