With trembling knees and a tingling in her chest Tori slowly ascended the stairs, taking slow and steady breaths to calm her racing heart. Breathe in, breathe out. In and out, Tori. In and out. It wasn't that hard. But just the sheer thought of seeing Jade was driving her insane. What if she didn't even want to see her? What if she didn't know that Cat had called her? Oh God, what if… what if Jade hated her now? Tori's hand tightened on the banister as she stopped at the top of the stairs, taking in another deep breath. Bullshit. It wasn't her fault. She didn't do anything wrong. Neither did Jade. They didn't do anything forbidden. With that thought in mind, Tori took the remaining steps towards Jade's apartment, towards the door she camped out in front of half of the night. But this time, the door stood open. But instead of Jade, Cat was standing in the doorway, sending her a weak smile.

"Hey Tori."

The look on Cat's face suddenly made her want to burst into tears. What was that in her eyes? Pity? No, she wouldn't cry… yet. In and out, Tori. Just breathe slowly. "Hey," she muttered, lips forming the best smile she could manage right now, which was almost nothing more than a slight twitch of her lips. Cat reached out to touch her arm and pulled her into the apartment. "How are you feeling?"

"Fine." Both of them knew it was a lie but neither Tori nor Cat dared to acknowledge that out loud. While Cat closed the door, Tori took a good look around the room, pictures scattered around everywhere. Pictures of Jade and Aiden and a couple of other people, and of… and of Amelia. Mostly Amelia. Tori swallowed. "I um, should probably clean up a bit," Cat said quietly, her big brown eyes darting across the room, "Jade is in the hall."

Tori glanced to where Cat was pointing then back at the redhead. "In the hall?"

"Yeah, she's been sitting there the entire time. I don't know… I don't know why."

She should go there now. Talk to her. That's what she wanted. She wanted to talk to Jade, she wanted to understand what had happened, she wanted Jade to explain it to her. So why didn't she move? She tore her eyes away from the doorway that led to the little hall and watched Cat lean down to pick up the pictures, one by one. "I'll… I'll just help you with that real quick."

Everything was better than to have her heart crushed again and even though she knew she actually came here to talk to Jade, Tori kneeled down and picked up the pictures, just to prolong the inevitable. "You… don't have to. I'll manage."

"No, no, just… let me help you." Tori tried to hide her desperation in her voice but Cat seemed to notice. The redhead shuffled over to her and laid a hand on her shoulder, making Tori instantly stop and look up at her. "It will be okay," she assured softly but Tori had a hard time believing her words. What if it wouldn't be okay? How could Cat say that if she couldn't give her a guarantee for it? So Tori ignored her and bent her head, continuing to collect the photos. But after some minutes there wasn't anything to clean up anymore and Tori found herself standing on her feet, Cat putting her jacket on and getting ready to leave. The redhead's lips formed a small smile as she turned to Tori.

"I'm going to leave you two alone now," she said and gave Tori's arm a squeeze before she slowly walked to the door, "If you need anything… just call."

"Thanks, Cat." And then she was gone, letting the door fall into the lock behind her and leaving Tori in the quiet apartment. Now was the time, Tori thought and hesitantly looked at the doorway that would lead her to the woman who took over her whole life. The fact that Jade was still there, in the hall, even though she must have heard that she was here already, only made Tori even more anxious. Why didn't she just come out here? Taking in another deep breath to brace herself for what was to come, Tori slowly walked towards the doorway. God, why was she feeling like her execution was just waiting for her there in the hall? Calm down, Tori. Just calm down. Easier said than done, especially when she caught sight of Jade, sitting on the floor, her head leaning against the wall and eyes fixed on a photograph in her hands.

Everything would be fine, Tori. Everything would be fine.

With a lack of anything better to say, Tori let out a simple "Hi," but Jade's eyes didn't lift to meet hers as she quietly responded. "You and Cat didn't have to clean up. I made the mess, I should be the one to take care of it."

Tori swallowed thickly, her throat suddenly so dry, and slowly sank to the floor next to Jade, gaze fixed on the pale woman. Her eyes were all red, face paler than usual and Tori could follow the path her tears took down her cheeks. Guilt bubbled up inside of her at the thought that she probably had been part of the reason for those tears. Rolling her lips in and running her tongue over them, Tori turned her head and her eyes fell on hazel ones, staring back at her from the picture in Jade's hands. A sad smile graced her face as Tori reached out and slowly plucked it out of her hands, a little surprised when Jade's fingers easily let go and let Tori have it. Her eyes ran over every part of her; her eyes, her nose, her bright smile, the bangs of her shoulder-length blonde hair messily falling into her face. "She was so beautiful," she couldn't help but say, her eyes not leaving the picture. And she was. Her beauty was radiant, the happiness she must have felt in the moment the photo was taken only intensifying it. Tori suddenly wished she could have met her, could have gotten to know her and could have experienced why Jade was so fascinated by her, why Jade's love for her was so… infinite.

"She was. Breathtaking to me."

They were quiet for a moment and Tori eventually tore her eyes away from Amelia and placed the picture next to her, a sigh from Jade following shortly thereafter. "I'm so sorry for doing this to you." When Tori turned to look at Jade, desperate blue eyes were already fixed on her. "I tried so hard… not to hurt you but then I… I… I didn't know what I was doing until it was already too late. My brain shut off and I couldn't-"

A loud sob hindered her from continuing and stray tears slipped from her eyes. "I couldn't handle it anymore and… and… and I-"

"You couldn't handle what anymore?"

"You!" Tori's lips parted but couldn't form any words as she looked into Jade's crying face, eyes pleading with her. "Please forgive me," she sobbed, her hand gently wrapping around Tori's forearm and tears falling harder, faster. "I need you to forgive me."

With the feeling of heavy tears in her own eyes, Tori reached out and pulled Jade into her, her arms tightly wrapping around the shaking woman. "There's nothing to forgive," she murmured and rested her chin on top of Jade's head, "Everything is fine."

"I don't want this. I can't, I can't do this, Tori. I can't."

Tori's heart broke all over again, which she didn't even think was possible. With all her might she tried to keep the sob in her chest from breaking out, but as much as she tried, she couldn't stop her tears from falling. "I know. I know that. It's okay."

Jade's body was shaking with hiccups and tears and Tori felt her neck and collarbone getting wetter and wetter, the top of her shirt probably soaked already, but she didn't care and just pulled the other woman closer. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry," she whimpered into her collarbone but who was she really apologizing to? To her? Or to Amelia? "I'm sorry, I'm so, so sorry."

Maybe to both of them.

"It's okay," Tori whispered against dark hair, "Don't cry."

Tori held her. She held her and held her and held her, all the while trying to ignore the piercing pain Jade's sobs caused by stabbing into her heart.

Again and again.

After what felt like hours of crying and sitting in the hall, Tori finally managed not only to calm down Jade, but also her own inner war. Tears seemed to be all used up, for which Tori was thankful. She couldn't bear to see Jade cry anymore. After a while of sitting on the floor, Tori had managed to talk Jade into moving to the living room where they now sat next to each other on the sofa, a decent distance between them as Tori looked at Jade's face, and Jade looked at her coffee table. Eventually, after sitting in silence for far too long, Jade began to talk. "Nothing of this is your fault." She smiled a bitter smile and looked down, fingers picking at her nails. "I have a great talent for making people feel like they are the ones who screwed up. Make them feel miserable. That's my specialty."

"Huh." Tori nodded and switched her gaze from Jade to the coffee table. "Can't argue with that."

Another silence stretched through the room until once again, Jade's voice broke through it.

"Are you in love with me, Tori?"

Tori's eyes widened and snapped towards Jade who was now staring at the blank TV screen. Where was the point in lying? Jade had kissed her, she had very eagerly kissed back… It really wasn't that hard to figure out. So Tori swallowed before quietly admitting it. Instead of shock or… even anger, Jade showed nothing as she simply nodded but still didn't look at her. "I see," was all she said before she grew quiet again. Tori shifted, clamping her hands together.

"Why did you kiss me?" A muscle in Jade's cheek twitched but nothing else happened. "Are you in lo-"

"No!" She spit out, all too quickly, snapped her head to Tori and unwillingly showed the swirling turmoil in her eyes. The brunette bit her lip, nodded and looked at her hands, nails leaving deep crescents in her skin. She shouldn't have expected anything else. Of course there wouldn't be a big declaration of love and everything would be good. Tori knew that. That didn't stop her heart from squeezing in on itself though. "I'm sorry, that… that came out pretty bad, didn't it?"

Tori didn't answer and didn't look up, even when Jade's hand hesitantly found her own, her thumb gently running over her skin and stopping her nails from digging into her skin even further. "I care about you a lot," she said, softly, "As a friend."

"That doesn't explain why you kissed me."

Her eyes peered up at the other woman in a timid glance when the thumb on her skin stopped moving and fell on a surprised and uncomfortable-looking face. "I, um… yeah. No, it doesn't. You're right." She stopped and Tori waited, waited for an explanation, preferably one that made sense, but nothing came.

"Well then? Why did you?"

"I… I don't know. I just… It just happened."

Tori's eyes fell shut. She knew she was lying. There had to be a reason. But she was just… way too exhausted, mentally and even physically, to start a life-long discussion with Jade, when she knew the outcome would probably just hurt her more. Tori wasn't up for that. She wasn't up for anything right now. "Okay," she tiredly breathed out and opened her eyes. "What now?"

The look that appeared on Jade's face sent a twinge through her. What was she going to say now? "I think… I think we shouldn't see each other for a while."

Tori didn't know what it was that crept to her face, a sad smile or already a grimace, but she definitely knew from the burning in her eyes that tears would soon come. Her mouth released a gush of air. "Right. Could have figured that out by myself."

"It's better that way… for you."

No. No, she did not just say that. "It's better for you, Jade. Don't put everything on me. It's okay if you don't want to see me but at least have the courage and tell the truth!"

"Tori-"

"No!" She ripped her hand from under Jade's and shot up from her seat. "I get it that you love Lia and that that kiss hurt you, but you kissed me, okay? It wasn't the other way around, I didn't jump on you! If I did, I would have at least given you an explanation, I wouldn't have said 'Oh, well it just happened'! To put the blame on me now and wanting to punish me is-"

"Whoa, hey, hey, hey! I didn't blame you. And I don't want to punish you either."

"Yeah, well, not seeing you is punishment for me!"

They both grew quiet after the heaviness of Tori's statement plunged down on them like a bag of cement, neither one really knowing what to say or do, neither woman knowing how to treat the other one. Tori bit the inside of her cheek and looked to the floor, she looked at the coffee table, to the side, anywhere to avoid meeting Jade's vibrant eyes which were steadily fixed on her. "Fine then." Tori cursed herself for wanting to slap that calm tone out of Jade's voice. "What do you suggest?"

If only she knew. Her life took on a whole new level of 'complicated' and Tori just couldn't seem to figure out how to handle it. She didn't even know what she wanted to happen now. Hell, she didn't know anything anymore. "I don't know."

Out of the corner of her eye, Tori saw Jade nod slowly. Then, she sighed. "I didn't want to hurt you, Tori."

With a shrug of her shoulders, Tori mumbled "Okay."

"Okay?"

Jade's eyebrow cocked up when Tori looked back at her. "What do you want me to say, Jade?"

"I want to hear what you want."

What she wanted? She wanted her. That was all she ever wanted, all she ever would want. But there was nothing she could do to get what she wanted. So with nothing coming to her mind and nothing to say, Tori swallowed her tears and quietly forced out "On second thought, I think distance would be the best idea."

She didn't wait for a reaction. She didn't wait for an objection because she knew that it wouldn't come. After all, this was what Jade secretly wanted and even if it killed her, Tori would give Jade what she wanted.

It was simple. Tori Vega would do anything for Jade West.