Chapter 29: Fear and Forgiveness

"Bella… Bel," a voice calls out to me. I slowly open my eyes and see Isaac and Mel standing next to my bed. A hospital bed.

"Hey sweetheart, how're you feeling?" Mel asks me.

I sit up and nod, "Refreshed I guess… That was a good sleep. How long have I been sleeping for?"

"Isaac brought you in a good 2 hours ago and he hasn't left since," Mel says as she smiles at the young boy. My eyes widen. That means it was really late! What if he got home and his father was angry? He'd get hurt because of me…

Isaac must hear my heartbeat racing and he reaches out and holds my hand trying to reassure me. I nod subtly and turn back to Mel, "Mum, what did the doctor's say?"

Mel sighs, "They did some test but they were fine… They've said that it's probably just from the trauma you've been through and they suggest you see the guidance counsellor at school. So I'll call and set up an appointment everyday just to start off."

"Great so I'm basically going crazy then…" I say quietly. Mel shakes her head quickly, "No honey you're not going crazy. This is all normal I promise you. You're just dealing with what happened pretty much…"

"Am I allowed to leave?" I ask. Mel nods, "They said you could leave as soon as you wake up. Scott's on his way to come get you now."

I pull the blankets off me and climb out of the bed noticing I don't have my sling, "I don't need the sling anymore?"

Mel smiles slightly, "No they said its crazy how fast it healed but you don't need the sling anymore."

"Thank god! I was getting sick of it," I say with a slight chuckle. I stand up and hug Mel, "I'm sorry for scaring you again."

Mel holds onto me tight, "You did give me a fright. Go home and get some more rest and I'll check on you when I get home…"

I nod and walk towards the door where Isaac is waiting and holding the door open. He walks close beside me and I feel our hands brush slightly before he grabs a hold of it. I look down at our hands and smile slightly. Isaac was definetly more confident with the bite.

"Did Derek leave?" I ask him.

Isaac nods, "He couldn't stay but he said he'd see you when you got home…"

I force a smile. That means we'd have to talk about what he kept a secret from me. I wasn't in the mood to argue with Derek but I knew that we'd have to talk about it at some stage. "Is that your ride?" Isaac asks as the blue jeep pulls up in front of us.

I nod, "Yours too. You can't walk home by yourself…"

We both get into the back of the jeep and Scott and Stiles look back at me waiting for an explanation. I sigh, "I had another blackout… The doctor's say it's from the trauma and that I should see the guidance counsellor at school so Mum's set up appointments."

Stiles starts up the jeep, "What do you mean another blackout?"

"I had one the night Lydia went missing. That's all I know… I think Derek was with me so you'd have to ask him what really happened… I think I was working on moving objects?" I say.

Isaac and Stiles look to me confused, "Moving objects?"

I sigh and look in the front of the jeep to see Stiles phone sitting on the dashboard. I hold my hand out and motion for it to float up in the air and then bring it closer to me so it falls into the palm of my hand. Stiles swerves the car slightly and Isaac watches with wide eyes.

"Scott I thought you told Stiles already?" I say confused by Stiles reaction. I thought he knew. "Sorry man, I completely forgot…" Scott says guiltily.

"How could you forget that?! That's fricken awesome as!" Stiles exclaims. I chuckle quietly as we pull up to Isaac's place. He looks out to his house and I know he's worried what's going to happen. I reach out and grab his hand and he looks back to me and smiles slightly, "I'll see you tomorrow Bella…"

I smile, "Thanks for tonight Isaac." He nods in response and shuts the door the jeep heading up to his house. Stiles drives off and Scott turns back to me, "What's going on there?"

I feel my cheeks blush, "Nothing. We're friends."

Scott looks at me disbelievingly and I turn to look out the window. Isaac and I were just friends. That's all.

"Bella wait!" I hear Scott say as I go to walk into the kitchen. I keep walking and Scott still follows me, "Bella can we talk?"

I look on the bench and see my phone with a note from the Sheriff saying they were finished with the phone as evidence. I pocket it and make a mental note to listen to all the voicemails later, "What is it Scott?"

"Are you okay? Like really okay… I know you have little moments when you're in certain parts of the house," Scott says with a worried expression.

I shake my head, "I don't know what you're talking about."

"Yes you do Bel. Don't forget I can hear your heartbeat… I hear it spike when you are walking up the stairs and walking into the kitchen and lounge-room. You're seeing what the house looked like that night aren't you?" Scott asks quietly.

I nod slowly and Scott sighs, "I can talk to mum and maybe we can paint the walls? Do something to get rid of the bad memories…"

I shake my head, "I'm dealing with them… And they're memories Scott… I don't think I can ever forget but I can learn to live with it."

I walk out of the kitchen and head for my room. Scott hadn't been here to look after me because he spent every second he could with Allison. And now he thought he could come up with something as simple as painting the walls to make everything go away… I love Scott like he's my brother but lately he hadn't been around when I needed him most. I wasn't angry with him about that… I was upset that we weren't as close like we were before this whole werewolf bite started.

"Bella…" I look over to my window and see Derek standing by it, "What did the doctor say?"

I sit down on my bed fiddling with my phone, "They said I'm blacking out because of the trauma I've been through… I have to see the guidance counsellor every day at school."

Derek nods, "Are you okay?"

I look up at him, "Why didn't you tell me about Jackson and Isaac?" I blurt out. Derek looks taken back by my sudden question.

"I- uh I don't know…" Derek says quietly.

I shake my head, "You don't know or you don't trust me?"

Derek sits down beside me, "Bella I trust you… I do, I trust you so, so much!"

"Then why keep secrets?" I ask feeling hurt and betrayed.

Derek reaches out for my hand but I pull away, "I think you should just go…"

He looks to me with a hurt expression, "Bella please just-"

I shake my head, "I'm not ready to hear your excuses Derek… Please just give me some space."

He nods curtly, "I'm sorry Bella…"

"Sorry I found out you kept secrets or sorry you didn't tell me first," I ask quietly.

He climbs half out the window before looking back at me, "I'm sorry I hurt you…" He jumps down and I rush over to the window and shut it. I sit back down on the bed with tears in my eyes. Why did he have to lie to me? Why couldn't he tell me?

I look back down to my phone again and unlock it seeing all my unread messages and missed calls. I call the number to listen to all my voicemails.

'Bella! Are you still there?! Pick up!' That was John… He must have only just missed my call that night.

'The Sheriff just called me Bella! You better be alright! I can't lose you…' I feel a tear run down my face as I hear Jackson's voice crack at the end of that message. I wipe it away as the next message starts.

'Bella… It's uh it's me Isaac. You face is all over the news… They're saying that it's your dad that has you and they're not sure if you're still alive. I mean it's been a whole 24 hours since you've been missing and I've looked up the statistics about the chances of finding you alive after this amount of time… I guess I was just calling to hear your voice again.' I let out a small sob as the beep goes off signalling the end of the message. I'm about to hang up when another message comes through.

'Hey Bel… I don't know if you've got your phone on you but I'm calling to say I'll be at the hospital soon. I don't care if anyone sees me I need to know that you're okay. When I saw you lying on the ground with no heartbeat I thought I'd lost you forever… I don't know why I'm saying this over a voicemail because I know I'm probably going to tell you when I see you but I love you Bella McCall.' I hear the window slide open again but I'm too upset to care. I feel Derek climb onto my bed and pull me into his lap. I let out another sob wracks my body. I cling to his shirt and he carefully takes the phone out of my hand and sits it on the bed.

"Ssshh its okay…" Derek says soothingly. I close my eyes slowly and breathe in and out slowly trying to calm myself down. I feel myself drifting off to sleep as Derek whispers soothingly to me.

I stretch out my arms slowly and look around the room slowly. The window was closed again and the blind was pulled down. I look to my bedside table and see another note with a daffodil tape to it. I smile slightly and pick up the note;

'I'm sorry I hurt you...'

I smell the flower and I can't help but smile even more… Damn Derek did have some moves! But he can't get off that easily! That reminds me I better tell Scott that there are two more werewolves that will be feeling the effect of the full moon tomorrow…

I climb out of bed and go to open my door when it swings open and Mel smiles, "Oh you're up! How're you feeling this morning?"

"Better… I don't feel tired like I did last night so that's good. Has Scott left?" I ask.

She nods, "Yeah he just did which means you only have like 10 minutes until Jackson gets here."

"Shit! I need to get ready!" I curse not realising I'd slept in so much. Mel chuckles as she watches me rush to my closet, "I've got another shift today so I'll see you tonight. Oh and don't forget I set up a meeting with the guidance counsellor first up."

I groan and hang my head down, "Mum really!"

"Come on Bel, these sessions will be good for you."

I sigh, "I know. Doesn't mean I have to like them though…"

Mel smiles, "Okay I've gotta go! Have fun at school and learn lots!" she calls out as she walks down the stairs. I chuckle at her before focusing on what to wear! Jackson would be here any second…

"Bella. I'm Miss Morrell and I understand this is your first session with a counsellor in a while," Miss Morrell says as I sit down in the chair across from her desk.

I nod, "Yep it's been a couple of years actually…"

She smiles and nods, "Why are you back?"

"I'm sure Melissa told you over the phone… And you've seen the news lately," I remind her.

"Yes I have seen it. By why are you here? What are you hoping to get out of this?" she asks me.

I sigh, "I don't know I guess- I'm here to keep my mum happy…"

"Your mum?" she says while looking down at a sheet. I nod, "Oh well she's my Aunt but I've started calling her mum recently…"

"Since the accident," Miss Morrell concludes.

I nod, "Yeah…"

"Have you spoken to your friends about what's happening to you?"

"I've spoken to one or two of them about some of what's happening to me…" I say with a nod and she continues, "Do you think telling them everything will help?"

I shrug, "Why so they can stare at me like I'm crazy? Or look at me like I'm going to lose it any second?"

"So you're afraid of what people will think if you tell them what's going on…" she concludes again for me.

I shake my head, "No I didn't say that-"

"But you were thinking it, weren't you?" Miss Morrell cuts me off. "Bella your friends can be very supportive if you let them. I suggest you talk to someone. That someone can be me, in here right now or it can be someone you trust…"

"Where would I even start?" I ask quietly.

"Start from the beginning…" she says like it's the simplest thing ever.

I scoff, "The beginning? So how all of this began?"

Miss Morrell nods and I chuckle dryly, "You might want to cancel your other appointments then."

She smiles slightly and says, "You're my only appointment today."

I nod, "Ah you were hoping I'd open up…"

She nods as well, "You could say that."

The bell rings for 2nd period and I sigh, "Well I wish I could stay but I better get to my next class. Chemistry is very important." I get up out of the chair but Miss Morrell stops me.

"Bella, you have a free period now and you just missed out on chemistry. Sit."

I shut my eyes and let out a breath in annoyance before sitting back down in the chair. "Do you have a boyfriend Bella?"

My eyebrows raise, "What does that have to do with anything?" She looks at me expectantly and I sigh, "Yes I do…"

She nods, "Have you talked to him about what's going on?"

I shrug, "Some of it. He knows about the blackouts I've been having…"

"Do you feel like you can trust him with the rest of it?" she asks.

I think about that for a moment… If I haven't told him everything does that make me just as bad as him when he didn't tell me about Jackson and Isaac? "Uh we just had a small fight because he kept something from me…" I say quietly.

"Do you think that happened because he knew you were keeping something from him?" she asks. Seriously what was with all of her questions?

"I don't know maybe? Are you helping me with my relationship or helping me overcome-" I stop myself from continuing. What was I trying to overcome…?

"Overcome what Bella?" she asks me.

"Fear," I whisper quietly, "Fear of my father, of what happened to me happening again…"

Miss Morrell scribbles something down quickly, "Your father is dead. You know that. You were there."

I nod looking down to my hands in my lap, "Yeah I killed him myself but that doesn't mean that everything goes away… I can still hear him. His voice in my head sometimes… And the house it's not the same anymore."

"And you're afraid of what people will think if you tell them you are hearing voices?" Miss Morrell asks.

I shrug, "Maybe… Is it normal? To feel jumpy and have the constant overwhelming, crushing fear that something terrible is about to happen again… That my father will jump out and be like surprise you didn't actually kill me…"

"It's called hyper vigilance. The persistent feeling of being under threat…" she says.

I shake my head slightly, "Does it ever get better?"

She shrugs, "That's something you'll have to answer yourself…"

I look down at my hands in my lap again, "Bella," she calls my name out softly.

I look up with a single tear falling down my face, "Yes he was your father but you don't have to let that dictate who you become…"

I nod and wipe away my tear and she smiles at me kindly, "I'll call Ms McCall and let her know I'll only need to see you once a week."

"Thank you… This session- uh it has actually made me feel a bit better already," I sniffle and carefully wipe under my eyes not wanting to leave mascara tear marks.

Miss Morrell nods and I quickly pick up my bag and head for the door. I check the time and see I only have 10 minutes before my next class. I head to the bathroom quickly to fix up my makeup. That session was different to all the ones I had when I was younger… And Miss Morrell's tactics to getting me to open up were very different. Well I guess I'm not eleven anymore and candy wouldn't work now. I walk into the bathroom and check myself in the mirror.

I roll my eyes as I see my mascara had smudged. I quickly do some touch ups and play around with my hair before the bell goes. I let out a sigh and look at myself one last time, "Yes he was my father but I don't have to let that dictate who I become…"

Author's Note: Another chapter done! Thank you for the reviews last chapter! So Bella's counselling session I used some of what Miss Morrell says to Stiles about the hypervigilance stuff so I hope that worked alright. This chapter is the day before the full moon so it's the day before Isaac gets locked in the holding cell. Also I'm not sure about the title to this chapter? If it doesn't seem right for the chapter let me know what you think it could be and I might change it :) Please review! :D