I FUCKING HATE HIS GUTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!How can he do this to me?! That BITCH won't even tell me where he is! It's been like 3 weeks and he just left! I can't believe he would do that to me. I need him HERE! I can't fucking stand JAY. Anytime you need his WORTHLESS ASS he's nowhere to be found. God I hope he's DEAD…I hope…I hope…

I NEED him to come back to me. I'm even worse when he's not around. Jay…where are you? You promised to do anything for me and you left. Jay please! Come back…come back.

I have nothing left. The drugs aren't doing it anymore. They're just not enough and without Jay I'm completely lost. I've done some really fucked up stuff since he left and when he gets back…if he comes back he's gonna hate me for it. I need something to stop the pain. The coke isn't working anymore and I keep feeling like I'm falling and everyone is just standing around waiting for that moment when I finally hit the ground. Jay why'd you leave me? I NEED YOU!...Especially tonight.

I've done something so terrible. It's completely unforgivable. Why?! I didn't mean it. I was just in so…much…pain and the drugs…weren't…helping. I didn't mean for anyone to get hurt I didn't mean for him to…Oh God please forgive me. He was in the way…I NEEDED THAT MONEY…I…he…it was an accident.

It's just that…I haven't been feeling that well…and I couldn't…keep my usual deal with Eddie to get something that would help…I just…I just wanted that money…I never meant to hurt him…I never meant…I… Oh God what have I done?!

He'll be okay…He has to be…But there was so much blood and…and…he wasn't moving when the ambulance got there…Oh GOD! PLEASE DON'T LET HIM DIE! I couldn't take it if he died…

I don't think I've stopped crying since it happened. He just looked so vulnerable and weak. He was turn…turni…turning…blue when they took him away. I think…I might have…ki…NO! HE'S FINE!!!!! HE HAS TO BE!

I just wanted that money, but he came out of nowhere…and I was in so much pain…I couldn't think straight…and he just kept talking…and he wouldn't…he wouldn't SHUT UP! I just wanted him to be quiet. I didn't think I hit him that hard.

If he would have kept talking they would've known I was there…and I couldn't let them know that. I asked him to stop talking, but he wouldn't…and the pain…oh god…I just really needed to get something stronger from Eddie. He was IN MY WAY!

I just hit him…and he hit his head on the melt thingy…I just didn't want to get caught. He wasn't even supposed to be up. I don't get what he was doing up. I mean…I…I had to leave before the cops came or they noticed I was there. I didn't want to leave him, but I had to. But I did watch what happened…just , from a distance.

He's sooooo small and fragile. I can't believe I did that to him. He's my baby brother…I just didn't want my mom and Snake to know I was taking money from them…I just…I…

GOD Jay come back to me…I need you…I really need you.

Jack…I'm so sorry…I'm sooooo SORRY!