Chapter 28: Minor Victories for the Soul

While Aila and Kestin were being examined and treated by the healers after their ordeal with the smugglers, Avarik shouted various orders at his crew. Not only did he order the removal of the smugglers' lifeless bodies from his ship, but he also ordered a small contingent of clones to repair the doorways to his quarters. By the time Aila was cleared from medical there was little evidence of the previous struggle that had taken place in her and Avarik's quarters.

Although Kestin was coming out of her state of shock, the healers kept her in the ship's medical ward overnight to continue her recovery. Aila had felt bad for her friend's state since Kestin had been injured trying to save her. After being cleared by the healers and assured her unborn child was all right, Aila had tried to personally thank the woman who had made all that possible. Aila did manage to get a short show of gratitude out, but this was pre-empted by Avarik's own show of gratitude before scooping Aila up into his arms and taking her back to their quarters. When Aila tried to protest leaving Kestin's side, Avarik gently stated, "Kestin needs her rest, and you should be taking care of yourself, my goddess."

"I'm fine, and the baby is fine. We are safe." Aila continued to protest, though she did shiver slightly as she recalled what had almost happened.

"I intend to keep it that way, my goddess." Avarik answered back. For a moment it seemed like he would lean forward and capture Aila's lips in a tender kiss, but like he had done on the smugglers' freighter, he hesitated and pulled himself away from her.

"What's wrong?" Aila asked as worry lined her brow at the guilt she was feeling emanating from her husband and the strained expression on his face.

Avarik seemed resolute not to reveal his troubles as he forced a smile before answering her. "Nothing, my goddess. As long as you are with me, I am fine."

Aila did not believe Avarik's comment. He had now avoided kissing her twice and that was not like his usual self. She wanted to question him about it, but since he had started to carry her back to their quarters she decided to wait until they had some privacy rather than speak in front of the star destroyer crew.


"Now, will you tell me what is bothering you?" Aila asked once Avarik had set her down in the middle of their bed.

"Why do you keep asking that?" Avarik sat at the edge of the bet, but avoided Aila's gaze. He trailed his eyes across the room, searching for any sign of his wife's previous struggle that his crew had failed to clean up. The only thing that appeared out of place was the cylindrical hilt of his old lightsaber that lay forgotten on the floor rather than the high shelf it usually rested upon. Avarik called the fallen Jedi lightsaber to his hand seeming to examine it as he moved it from hand to hand.

Aila rolled her eyes at her husband's stubbornness. "Because I have been married to you long enough to know when you are hiding things from me." To press her husband for an answer, Aila inched closer to his side.

Avarik ignored Aila's comment as he continued to turn his old saber in his hands. "You used this?" Avarik glanced over his shoulder at Aila as he held the saber out to her."

Aila shrugged her shoulders, "It did not do me a lot of good, but it was the only thing I could find to defend myself with since you were away. It was ripped out of my hands just before I contacted you. Perhaps you should show me how to use it properly?"

"A Lady of the Sith should have no need to use a Jedi weapon. I will make sure you have no need for it again." Avarik answered automatically as he used the Force to guide the lightsaber to its usual resting place.

"What about a Jedi's lady? You know I will never align myself with the Sith?" Aila answered back, refusing to have Avarik title her with his Sith persona.

Avarik sighed as he cast another glance over his shoulder at Aila before turning to stare at the floor. "Why must you always fight me on this? You watched the Jedi turn against us over the years, Sidious never did."

Aila gave a derisive snort of laughter as she wrapped her arms around her husband from behind. "Sidious played us both for fools. He used our problems with the Jedi Order against us and he continues to do that now. I will admit that the Jedi Council did some things to us… to you… that they shouldn't have. However, joining the dark side is not an answer to that. I only hope that one day you will see that."

Avarik shook his head. "I do not understand why you cannot see that I had to choose a side, the Jedi or the Sith. Really my choice was the Jedi or you, and my choice was easy. The Sith let me be with you."

"Only temporarily for when it suited him. I am sure Sidious had a hand in this smuggler attack just as he did the bounty hunter incident on Coruscant." Aila coaxed her husband into looking beyond his own beliefs and rationalizations.

Avarik's shoulders tensed at Aila's words and there was no hiding his irritation as he responded to her. "I told you that the evidence proved that Anakin was behind that assassination attempt. You have to forget what you know about the Jedi. I might have been one once, but now that they have shown their true loyalty, I cannot follow them anymore. I am tired of fighting this with you!"

Sensing irritation, helplessness, and sadness emanating from her husband over their Force bond, Aila decided that for now this argument would need to be put aside. She would never give up on convincing her husband of the Sith's true intentions, but after her many conversations with Qui-Gon she also knew she would sometimes have to concede a temporary reprieve. At least she had got her husband to think about why he joined the Sith. Hopefully at a later date she could help pull away some of the darkness that ensnared him.

However, although Aila was deciding to relinquish this one argument for now, there was still more she wished to discuss with her husband and his accusations towards her helped provide an opening. Leaning close into her husband's ear Aila whispered, "Is that why you will not kiss me?"

Once again Avarik's shoulders tensed at Aila's words, but instead of anger a wave of guilt washed over his Force bond to Aila. "No, it is just, I did not…"

With a light smile, Aila filled in the blanks to her husband's incomplete sentence. "Does this have to do with our argument before you left for Murkhana?"

Avarik did not speak, but simply nodded in response.

"I was only angry with you because you forced a kiss I was not willing to give. I know you do not agree with me, but my feelings concerning your missions against the Jedi are very different from yours. That does not mean I do not love you, but I also cannot condone your actions with my usual affection."

"I am sorry." Avarik whispered. "I should never have forced you. I know better. I never wanted to hurt you, my goddess."

"I know." Aila murmured, placing a light kiss on her husband's cheek. "And because I love you, I will forgive you." Avarik's heart soared at Aila's words, and he slowly turned his head towards hers as Aila continued to speak. "I only ask that you do not betray my love, and let me make my own decisions for when I show it."

There may have been more to Aila's little speech, but it was forgotten once Avarik captured her lips with his. His previous kiss had been demanding and greedy, but now his lips tenderly teased Aila's open. The pressure of her husband's lips was welcome after the brutality of the smuggler's.

Turning in Aila's embrace, Avarik scooped her back up and returned her to the center of their bed where he joined her side. Momentarily pulling his lips from hers and running his left hand down her cheek, Avarik voiced the concern that had haunted him since she had contacted him on Murkhana. "I was afraid I would lose you."

"I am always afraid I will lose you." Aila replied back before kissing him once more, keeping to herself that her biggest fear was losing him to the dark side.

"I rushed home when I found out you were in trouble. I did not even finish my mission."

As Avarik leaned in for yet another kiss, his fingers entwining in Aila's hair, Aila pushed her hands up into her husband's broad shoulders, stalling him momentarily. "You did not finish your mission?"

Avarik shook his head. "No, the Jedi got away, but you are far more important."

Aila's heart fluttered in her chest and a wave of excitement washed over her as she lunged herself into her husband's embrace. Perhaps Avarik's reasons for letting the Jedi go were a bit selfish, but she could not help but think that his love for her had won out against the dark wishes of his Sith Master. In a convoluted way, she felt the trauma of the smuggler incident was worth it if it played a role in saving innocent Jedi and Obi-Wan's soul.