CHAPTER28

The Last Assignment of the Year

Brace yourself reader; there is a lot of jumping around between plots and characters in this chapter.

Breakfast that morning at Beach World was a jamboree of anger and confusion. As usual. But this time all the anger and confusion was directed at Lupita Culebra and Dean Thomas, now completely revealed.

"Ith it twue?" Marcus Flint shouted over all the commotion.

Dean and his girlfriend looked at one another, and then Dean announced, "Yes, it's all true, and there is nothing you all can do about it! We are in love!"

"Well that is it Culebra, our friendship is finished!" Pansy Parkinson pointed her finger accusingly at the Slytherin chaser, who raised an eyebrow. "From no on, you and I are worst enemies!"

"Yah!" Millicent Bullstrode added. "None of us will ever speak to you again, or that friend Schmo of yours!"

The Slytherin snobs turned and stomped away, swinging their giant thonged buttocks.

"Finally. At least something good came from all this!" Schmo breathed, trying to cheer her friend up.

"Oh brother," Hermione muttered, watching Seamus tell off his beast friend for the scandal.

Ginny shouted, "Everyone, don't you see? This is proof that Slytherin and Gryffindor can finally be frie—" she was silenced by fifty fruits and spit-balls Wingarduim Leviosa-ed her way.

"Everyone shut up and simmer down!" the teacher who spoke was not the headmaster, surprisingly, but the wacky old History of magic teacher, Professor Willers. "Put a sock in it and finish eating. You've all got classes to catch up on. Need I reminder you all that we've only three students in this school still maintaining strait-As here, and one doesn't even count because he's a teacher's pet."

Hermione and Charlie Buffit beamed. If Malfoy had been there, he'd have scowled and sent one last avocado at Ginny. But he wasn't. Currently, he and his two thugs were flying (or in Crabbe and Goyle's cases, hovering with great difficulty) across the ocean on brooms, to find the other Death Eaters, their abandoned water carpet below them being torn apart by sharks.

Later, Gryffindor and Slytherin students were arguing and throwing paper broomsticks around the dimly lit Divination cave, as class began start.

"Everybody, Peeeace!" Professor Sunrise, back in the act after attending potion-rehab, held up his pointer and middle finger in a V to quiet the class. "Today we will learn how to interpret daydreams, like the ones you normally have when I'm teaching…"

Montague, in the back of the cave against the wall, passed a small piece of parchment to Patrick Damien. "Ambush at Flint's tree-house with Butterbeer cans," Montague whispered. "Spread the word."

"Professor Sunrise!" It was McGonnagal. She and Snape entered the cave. "May we borrow Montague for a moment?"

"That's cool," The hippie teacher replied.

Montague followed the two other teachers out of the cave. Once they had him alone, he spoke quickly. "Whatever it is, it's Flint's fault—"

Snape cut him off. "After you destroyed the Devil's Snare, what became of the Black Cauldron?"

"Oh! That. It's at our tree-house, Patrick thought it'd make a nice pot for his cactus." Montague now lodged with Patrick Damien and a few other Slytherins. "Do you need it, or something?"

"Yes, it is exceptionally crucial."

"Ok, I'll be back in two seconds." Montague spoke literally, as he had already leaned to aparated (illegally) years ago from his older brothers.

Even later, the Order of the Phoenix was meeting in the Black's kitchen once again. The student spies however were not with them. Only adults this time. Snape dumped the small cauldron in the middle of the table.

"I've reviewed the entire recipe, and true to Black's word, it'd take about a week or so to concoct."

"I knew it!" Moody pounded the table. "The communists were behind it all along!"

Snape ignored him and went on. "Most of the necessary ingredients can be up-rooted either at that accursedly sunny island, or back at Hogwarts. However, seeing as Mr. Malfoy and his cronies have flown the coop and no doubt told the Dark Lord everything we know about them, we can assume that chaos will be upon us very shortly. So I suggest we get started on this stat."

"Well you heard the creep, no time to lose!" Sirius said from the mirror, which sat on a counter next to the wall. "What're the ingredients again?"

--

"Let me see if I have this right." Lavender Brown said in the jungle at Herbology class. "Our lesson today is to get some leaves for a potion that'll keep Harry alive so he can kill the You-Know-Who, and the only place to get these this off of are our adult mandrakes?"

"That's about the size of it." the friendly badger replied, front paws behind his back. "Now the way you will go about doing this is to first find a bush of green and purple leaves that are shaped like pears, like this here. Can I have a volunteer? Anyone?"

"I'll do it!" Neville energetically walked over to one of the few teachers who'd treated him decently all year.

"Teacher's pet," Pansy Parkinson muttered.

"Where's Malfoy and those two stupid guys?" Morgana Schmo asked Fluff.

"Yah, where's my Draco?" Pansy wined.

Apparently Malfoy hadn't bothered to contact his witch, and Hermione, knowing it was best to keep the Death Eater supporters knowing as little as possible, said quickly "I heard someone say they all got called back home the other night, Crabbe's mum's got a…. something…"

"She's got laryngitis," Ron finished. "She might die."

Fluff heard them but continued his lesson. "You first put your headphones on," there was another mad dash for the CDs, "to protect you from the scream, as you'll remember. To get them to let you take some of their leaves, you each need one of these black boxes." He handed everyone a tiny black cardboard box the size of an earring case. "Do not open them what-so-ever. Now you grip the bottom of the bush's trunk with your human hands like so."

Neville happily demonstrated.

"…and you yank 'em out of the ground,"

The next moment poor Neville was being pummeled by the adult mandrake.

"Give it the box, Neville!"

Neville, whose face was in the ground, tossed up the little box. The mandrake snatched it greedily. Neville was soon able to chop off some leaves, not to mention breathe again, while the human-plant admired his prize like it was a magic ring of power. Shrugging, the rest of the class began to search the jungle for more adult mandrakes. The entire time, Seamus refused to speak to his friend and looked at Dean only to glare at him or cast a spitball. Pansy and her friends brainstormed different rumors to spread about Dean and Culebra. Harry wondered if he should say anything.

"Hey Harry," Ron said, trying to change the subject, "I have Weird Sisters music, from their Disco years! How about you?"

"Oh, mine's that sponge thing again."

By the end of the hour, Professor Fluff's wheelbarrow was chalk-full of adult mandrake leaves.

"What was in those boxes we gave them?" Parvati asked as she and Lavender helped wheel the leaves back to Snape's cave, before leaving class.

"A pound of gold each." Fluff replied. "Only thing an adult mandrake loves more than making life hell for people is money." The badger shook his head. "Pathetic. But, they're only vegetables."

"Yeah." Ron said. "Us mammals are much smarter than that!"

They reached the cave. "Here's the leaves Severus," Fluff said. "I've got the other stuff I owe you too- here's the mouse blood and the Dim petals."

"Thank you Max." Snape said dully.

"Professor Dumbledore's sending an owl to Hogwarts with a copy of the ingredient list, and a note explaining all of the situations that have come up lately." Fluff said. "I only hope we can finish this thing in time. Nothing would make me happier than to see You-Know-Who getting his just deserts."

"I couldn't agree with you more!" Snape said, as if sweet revenge was just what he could use right now.

Hermione, standing but a few yards away from it all, muttered "Hmm," again and scratched something down in her detective notebook.

--

At last, at long last, Hedwig was finally given her own paragraph! The entire fan-fiction, she had been snubbed and cast aside, being mentioned only briefly and doing nothing more important than getting attacked with Pig by Crookshanks. But now she was soaring through the clouds, delivering that important letter to the castle. What she had forgotten though was that at Beach World it was warm and sunny yes, but back in England it was now January. Hedwig really didn't mind the cold; her feathers were thick, and she was after all a snow owl. She was simply startled to fly away from a beach and suddenly find herself adorned with icicles. She flew on, suspecting nothing, not at all prepared for the catastrophe that awaited her.

Yes, that paragraph was quite pointless, but you can't say Hedwig didn't deserve it.

--

"Well that was my lesson for today." Argus Filch grumbled to his half-sleeping class.

"All we did was read from our stupid books and watch the new paint on the wall dry," Justin Finch-Fleachly grumbled back, without pulling his head up from his desk.

"Paint can be a very dark art! It can get in yer' eye and give ya lead poisoning."

"Can we have another Quidditch match?" Hannah Abbot asked.

"Whatev—"

"Who's winning the House Cup so far?" asked Susan Bones.

"Good question," Ernie McMillan put in. "We're all goody-goodies, and the Ravenclaws are all nerds. Is it possible for one of us to beat the other?"

"How come we keep on losing to those Slytherins and Gryffindors who are always breaking rules and going where they're not supposed to?" Susan wanted to know.

Filch shrugged. "I don't know and I don't--wait, Burpgood, what're you doing here? This is sixth-year class, wake up!" He smacked the snoring boy with his ruler. "Your class left an hour ago!"

Kenny Burpgood blinked awake, then suddenly sat up. "What's out the window?"

"Where?" asked Justin.

"There," Kenny walked up and pressed his face to the window. "It looks like a— uuuuuuuuhhhhh…."

He backed away in a wavering voice as a dementor glided up to the glass. The whole class was staring at it now too. They all drew back against the opposite wall, huddling in a small crowd like cold penguins. The dementor slowly pushed opened the window, and stuck its head in. With a corpsey skeletal finger, it lifted its hood to reveal its black hole of a mouth, which was already sucking the happiness from the room. Leaning in at Kenny's face, it pulled a small gold tube from its sleeve, applied lipstick to its mouth, and puckered up.

Kenny turned white and passed out while Susan Bones slammed the wooden shutter, knocking the dementor backwards. She, Earnie, and Filch pressed themselves against the door while human attackers pounded it from the outside with hexes. Red and purple glitter seeped through the cracks.

A hundred different screams echoed through the castle, and windows were slammed shut before the dementors could get inside. People in black robes rode around on Nimbus 2001 brooms, laughing wickedly and apparently shouting orders to the dementors.

"Oh my god," Hannah Abbot cried. "They've killed Kenny!"

"No," Justin Finch-Fleachly felt Kenny's wrist. "He's just resting."

Filch, Susan, and Earnie were still holding the window.

"Ten points ta whoever performs the best locking charm!" Filch shouted.

Justin flicked his wand. "Schketele schlos!"

His hex missed by some feet. When the gold sparkles had cleared, Filch had the brass lock of a treasure chest over his mouth. He frowned with his eyes. Still holding the window, he reached out to his mop (which had been sitting upside down against the wall—this, Filch had discovered decades ago, was a much cheaper and less time-consuming way to dry the mop's strings. He always forgot that this resulted in another puddle, which he the caretaker would have to mop up again. Sometimes he just threw a rug or dragged a table over it and hoped no one would notice). Grumbling at the new puddle under the mop, Filch caught it by some of its strings and brought it up like a baton. Justin's eyes widened. Filch turned around, and stuck the mop through the handles of the shutters, barring them shut.

Cho and Marietta, skating on the parts of the lake that were still frozen, looked up and gasped. They ran back into the castle screaming. Draco Malfoy landed in front of them with his broom and attempted a scary face, pulling his cheeks back to reveal his gums and barred teeth. The two girls froze and stared, unimpressed. They pushed a surprised Draco off his broom. Then they continued to scream until they were inside the castle. Flitwick, Grubbly-Plank, Sprout, Firenze, Tralawney, and the nameless arithmacy teacher rounded up all the students by the Grand Staircase for a roll call, and to shut everyone up.

The arithmacy teacher glanced out the door before shutting and locking it, getting a look at the attackers on the brooms.

"Death Eaters!" he muttered under his breath.

"Send some owls for help!" Kenny Burpgood shouted over all of the racket outside.

"We've already sent ours," first year Hufflepuff Eric Idle said, sliding down the banister of the grand staircase with his Ravenclaw friend Terry Jones to join the rest of the school.

Dobby came stumbling over to Professor Grubbly-Plank. "The sooty birdie must give a message to Hogwarts!"

The teacher could only look back at the elf in hopeless confusion. To answer all her questions though, Hedwig came flying in weakly from the Great Hall, covered in soot; she'd obviously been forced to enter through a fireplace. She dropped the envelope into Grubbly-Plank's hand, then collapsed to the stone floor. Stepping over the owl, Grubbly-Plank tore opened the envelope and glanced at the strange list. Her attention soon switched to the other sheet of paper from the envelope, the letter.

Meanwhile, everyone else began yelling that Hedwig fly back to Beach World immediately and get Dumbledore to save them. Flitwick quickly scribbled down a note. Before he gave it to the owl, Grubbly-Plank added something to the letter. After some owl kibbles and some help up the fireplace, Hedwig was flying back up the chimney again and on her way back to the beach.

--

Hagrid's Care of Magical Creatures class had begun. He stood near the water with a pink conch shell horn, while the students chattered amongst themselves about how Harry Potter would save all their hides by the end of the year, if it was right for Dean to be dating a Slytherin, and whether or not young Charlie Buffit's claim of seeing a Vampire on campus two nights ago was true.

"Now ya gotter' be really quiet while I summon this Loch Ness monster."

"Doesn't the Loch Ness Monster live in Loch Ness?" Hermione said testily, tired of everyone else's ignorance.

"Now look here." Hagrid said to the class. "The Loch Ness Monster call goes like this."

He attempted blowing into the conch, which resulted in a sound something between spitting raspberries and a fart. Giggling and heckling erupted from his class. Nearly Headless Nick and his cousin Dick floated over to see. Nick held Sirius's mirror.

"I say, it seems Hagrid is trying to summon something deadly," Nick said.

"Maybe he'll lose a limb like the other teacher did!" said Dick.

"Well let's watch then. Does that sound good Sirius?" Nick looked down at Harry's little mirror, which Harry had left with the pile of schoolbags on the beach.

An approving bark sounded from the mirror.

Hagrid continued to blow.

"Sho far, sho good," Dick commented as the ghosts took a seat on a rock next to Ethan the merman.

"All right, now I'll try this one last time." Hagrid promised for the seventh time.

He took another blow at the conch and…

ZOOM!

Hedwig came crashing into his head, hooting madly. As Hagrid batted and shook her out of his beard, Morgana Schmo unfolded her arms and took the parchment from the owl's beak.

"It's for Profesor Dumbledore," Schmo said. "What th… they're attacking Hogawarts? And there's something about a potion here…"

A tabby cat leapt over with a yowl and bit the paper away in mid-leap, landing in the sand. She transformed into McGonnagal, who read the paper quickly.

"So soon?" she wondered aloud.

With everyone staring in confusion, she aparated away to Dumbledore's office. Half a second later an announcement from the headmaster came over the loudspeakers.

"ATTENTION HOGWARTS STUDENTS; OUR BELOVED CASTLE IS UNDER ATTACK BY DEATH EATERS AND DEMENTORS! BEFORE DOING ANYTHING ELSE, WE MUST ALL FIND INGREDIENTS FOR A POTION TO PROTECT HARRY POTTER! PROFESSOR SNAPE HAS THE DETAILS. AND HARRY, DO WHATEVER YOU CAN IN THE MEANTIME TO RESIST BEING THE HERO OF HOGWARTS AGAIN! WE MUST NOT FAIL!"

Oh no Harry thought as everyone headed for Snape's cave.

"Come on Harry!" Ron yelled running past.

He knew Dumbledore was right. But resisting saving the school, even for the sixth time, was as difficult as breaking a chocolate addiction. Luckily, and at the same time unluckily, a certain something else broke his train of thought. There was a weak rumbling, and the sound of something rising slowly from the water.

It was the ice-cream truck. It crawled up the shore, covered in seaweed, with a large crustacean clinging to the rearview mirror. It pushed through the sand towards Harry while it played that dreadful movie jingle. It sounded as if the music box had been damaged from the seawater. Everyone else was gone. Harry was on his own. He swore the loudest, nastiest curse ever uttered in parsletongue.

Suddenly, a large green scaly tail shot out of the ocean and smacked the truck out of the way! Harry heard the driver yelling as the truck twirled over the jungle island and out of sight. His rescuer was one of the water basilisks, the male who Harry'd met on the Hogwarts rock.

"You need to watch your mouth, boy!" The friendly giant snake hissed.

And then Harry, putting all thoughts and reasoning about not being a hero aside, got an idea.

"Water Basalisk," he asked, "Could you get a few of your friends? We need some help…"