Summary:

What if Coin convinced Haymitch, Plutarch and the tributes to save Peeta instead of Katniss during the Quarter Quell? What would happen?

" But Katniss… This is Peeta! You know him… He wouldn't do that! "

" Oh yeah, I know him. I do. He totally would. "

She laughed and turned away from Haymitch.


Chapter 29: But you're always here

Peeta tried to wrap his mind around what happened, how they all got back from the tributes' center, and how the three girls were with them, in the hovercraft, heading towards District 13. He slid a hand through his sweaty blond hair and his gaze focused on Katniss, Gale still talking to her. She was seating, and Cressida was applying a bandage on her elbow, where her IV used to be. The boy wondered what they gave her, what kind of medicine, or drugs.

Grey eyes met blue ones, and the two of them stared at each other for a while. Peeta felt this rush of relief run through his veins as his face broke into a smile, he didn't fail her this time, she was finally going to reunite with her family. Katniss suddenly got up, pushing Gale away, and walked towards the blond, her hands turning into fists.

" How dare you being there?! " she yelled, getting closer to Peeta. " Do you even care about any of these people?! "

The blond froze, still on the floor, as he looked at Katniss in disbelief. He knew she didn't trust him, but hearing these words coming directly from her mouth was worse than he ever expected it to be. A pain expanded through his chest as the girl kept walking in his direction, Gale coming after her and setting a hand on her shoulder.

" What are you even doing here?! " she groaned, throwing her best friend's hand away. " Please don't tell me you came to save me, you've never been able to do so! "

Gale caught Katniss in his arms, " Calm down Catnip, it's okay, " he told her in a calm voice. " It's okay. "

Finnick let go of Annie and kneeled in front of Peeta, waving a hand in front of the blond's eyes. No reaction came, as tears gathered then slid on his cheeks. Johanna laughed in the back, and Finnick shot her a death glare, to which she just rolled her eyes. Peeta sniffed, his stare dropping to the floor. The older boy shook his forearm gently, and put a hand under his chin, forcing his friend to look up. Behind Finnick's shoulder, Peeta saw Gale hugging Katniss, that apparently started crying too, which sent a pain spreading through his whole being.

" Hey, Peeta, look at me, " Finnick begged, his voice trembling. " Peeta, please. "

The blond gave a weak nod, " I'm sorry, it's fine, " he stated, weeping tears away from his face. " Everything's fine, we got them. "

His friend closed his eyes, biting his lower lip, frowning, and Peeta didn't remember seeing the boy wearing that sort of expression before. He managed a smile, and settled a hand on Finnick's shoulder, making him open his eyes again.

" Don't worry about me, " Peeta whispered. " Go find Annie, and please enjoy every single moment you spend with her. "

Finnick nodded vividly, " I will Peeta, I will. "

The blond left and Peeta stayed on the floor, staring blankly in front of him as he heard Katniss and Gale talk. He tried not to listen to their conversation, but his ears caught every single word they were exchanging.

" You shouldn't blame Peeta, he did a lot for the revolution, " Gale told Katniss, sliding his fingers through her black hair. " He's on our side. "

Katniss snorted, " I don't know how you can believe in a guy like him Gale, he's no good, " she answered, her voice full of anger. " You shouldn't trust him, and I tell you that because I know him. "

Gale sighed, " Catnip, come on, at least try not to be rude to him, " he said. " Just let the boy live. "

" Why should I be the one that has to be nice to him? He doesn't deserve that! " she growled back, shaking her head. " I just don't want to see him ever again. "

Peeta got up, his real leg shaking under him, and walked towards the piloting boot, then sat on the available seat, where Gale should be seconding. Boggs looked at him, and curved an eyebrow, wondering what the blond was doing there.

" You shouldn't be here, " he stated, his gaze focusing on the sky again.

Peeta rolled his eyes, " I know, I shouldn't be anywhere actually. But I can't listen to her any longer, " he said.

" You're talking about Katniss. " Coin's secondhand sighed. " She might be shocked. Don't worry, our doctors will check her as soon as we arrive in 13. We'll find out what they did to her. "

Peeta smiled sadly, " I don't think it will change anything, " he breathed out. " She will still look at me that way, and there's nothing medicine could change about that. "

Boggs didn't reply anything, and Peeta was allowed to stay next to him for the rest of the flight.

The hovercraft got down the garage, and everyone exited it. The blond waited until there was nobody left, not willing to see Katniss again. His eyes opened wide when he realized they'd have to see each other at each meal, since they shared the same table, and sighed in desperation. He finally got up, put his hands in his pockets and left the plane. Every squad member was still there, Coin standing in front of them with a slight smile at the corner of her mouth.

" There he is, " she sighed when she saw Peeta. " I wanted to congratulate you soldiers. This mission is a full success, and we're taking care of the girls in that moment, " she announced. " The next mission will be the most dangerous and important one, but we'll talk about it tomorrow. "

Boggs cleared his throat, " You're now free for the day, please enjoy it, " he said, smiling.

Peeta moved out of the garage, headed towards an elevator and tapped on the last level's button. He walked until he reached the bench, and sat on it. Katniss was in the hospital, doctors looking for any kind of medicine in her system, searching for any trace of torture or hijacking, but the blond knew they would find almost nothing. Maybe some bruises, but nothing internal. Prim came to his mind, and he smiled, at least the little girl would finally be happy, having her sister back to her side. The only one that wasn't feeling good, was him only, and he didn't want to focus on that, he wanted to see all the great aspects of the girls' come back.

He stayed on the bench for minutes, trying to collect himself before deciding to try to see Prim, and borrow her notebook again to fill it with drawings. This way, he could think about something else than Katniss' attitude towards him. Peeta couldn't even blame her for that, it wasn't her fault, it was Snow's fault, but still, it made him upset. As he reached the level where the Everdeen's room was located, he saw Haymitch, sitting in front of their door.

" Oh, Peeta! I was waiting for you, " he said, getting up with trouble.

Peeta curved an eyebrow at him, " How did you know I'd come here? "

" Primrose wanted me to give you this, " he said, handing the heavy book to the blond. " She said that you would need it, " he added, scratching his neck awkwardly. " What did she mean by that anyway? "

" You haven't seen Katniss, have you? " Peeta asked, in a low voice.

Haymitch smiled, shaking his head, " No I didn't, why? "

" You'll find out soon enough. Thanks for the book, " Peeta answered, walking back to the elevator.

He finally got into his room, and locked the door behind him. Getting his pens and erasers out, he started drawing things that matched Prim's notes. Reading them helped him a lot, and he had to pause when a sentence caught his eyes.

" Peeta Mellark just lied for Katniss, I'm sure he does it for her sake, I believe in him. "

The blond never expected Primrose to trust him so soon in the Hunger Games, to understand that all he did was just trying to keep Katniss alive. He rubbed the handwriting with his fingertips and sighed before getting back to his drawings. Hours passed, and his hand refused to stop moving on the smooth material of Prim's notebook, and he kept flipping pages, skipping those that weren't marked. His stomach growled, and he looked down at his bracelet, it was already lunchtime, and he spent more than four hours in his room, drawing. Closing the book, he left and headed towards the cafeteria, not really willing to go there.

He took his tray and looked over his table, Katniss was here, apparently out of hospital, eating her rice, one of Gale's arms around her neck. Nausea built up inside of his belly, but he made his way, seating next to Prim.

" Oh Peeta! " the girl screamed, pulling him in a tight hug. " I'm so glad you're back! "

Katniss looked at them, " Prim, " she warned her sister, her tone menacing and low. " Keep on eating. "

Prim's hold around Peeta lightened, " I'm sorry… " she whispered, returning to her plate.

Tension was palpable, and Peeta felt unwanted as Katniss' mother tried to catch his gaze. He looked at her, curving an eyebrow and she mouthed a "thank you" before leaving the table with her tray. The blond bowed his head lightly and started cutting his soya, his stare focused on his plate. He didn't want to look at Katniss, even thought he really wanted to. It was so difficult, so different from what he had imagined.

" Did Haymitch give you my notebook? " Prim whispered, not looking at Peeta.

He gave a slight nod, " Yes, and I started filling it already, " he answered.

" Good, " the girl sighed, chewing on some rice. " I'll show it to Katniss once you're done. "

The blond froze, " Thank you, " he breathed out. " A lot. "

Under the table, sure that Katniss couldn't see a thing, Primrose squeezed Peeta's thigh, making the boy smile. He was more than happy to have her by his side, always cheering him up, no matter what. Pulling his glass of water to his mouth, Peeta's eyes met Katniss' grey ones, judgmental and burning with something the boy didn't want to know a thing about. He shook his head, putting down his glass. All he wanted was to see Katniss happy, no matter if it was with someone else, or far away from him. He tried to hold onto this thought, and kept eating silently.

" Gale, I missed you so much… " Katniss sighed, her head falling in the crook of the boy's neck. " I thought about you everyday when I was in the Capitol. "

Her best friend smiled, " I did just the same Catnip, just the same, " he said, caressing her cheek with his fingers.

" We have to catch up on all these months we've been apart, " the girl stated, taking some soya in her mouth. " There's a lot of things I want to do, " she continued. " Especially with you. "

Peeta choke on his rice, and did his best not to spit it all out. Closing his eyes, he settled down his fork and knife. He eyed his plate then looked at the ceiling for a while. Prim looked at the boy, biting her lower lip, wanting to do something for him. She brushed his forearm with her hand and offered him a comforting smile. He gave a weak nod, and took a sip of water, trying to calm down. This wasn't Katniss' fault, he kept reminding himself, this wasn't her fault.

" Do you think I can come in your room? " she asked Gale, nudging the side of his neck.

Gale giggled, stopping eating, " I don't think they'll check anyway, " he answered.

Katniss looked at her sister, " Don't touch him! " she groaned. " We already talked about that, " she added.

" Excuse me, " Prim said, sliding her chair further from the blond.

This was more than Peeta could take, so he excused himself and left the table. He threw his tray away and ran towards the elevator, pushing the button of the last level repeatedly, willing for the machine to move already. The doors closed, but an arm stopped them, and the boy rolled his eyes, growling.

" Peeta, where are you going? " Finnick asked, sliding in the elevator. " You left so fast! "

The blond sighed, " I'm heading to our bench, I need to stay away from them. "

" Did Katniss say something again? " his friend asked, frowning. " Even Gale told her she was too rough with you. "

Peeta shook his head slightly, " Not to me directly, " he replied. " But it still hurts. "

Finnick didn't say anything more as the elevator moved up, stopping at the highest level, where both of them sat on the bench. Peeta wanted to disappear, he did what he wanted to do, save Katniss, and the future was all blurry now that it was done.

" I'm really sorry for what's happening, " Finnick said, patting the shorter boy's back. " I just wish I could do something for you. "

Peeta looked up at his friend, " There is nothing we can do, unfortunately, " he sighed. " I'll just let her go, she'll be happy with Gale and her family, it's more than enough. "

Finnick bit the inside of his cheeks and pushed Peeta, " Come on man! Be selfish for once! " he groaned.

Peeta's eyes widened, " I have been selfish Finnick, but from now on, it's different! ", he shouted.

" Yeah, because you saved her! " Finnick yelled back. " Are you just going to give up?! "

Peeta laughed sadly, " What else can I do? If I try to talk to her, it'll make her hate me even more. It's time for me to let go Finnick, " he replied. " It will be better for the both of us. "

Finnick got up the bench, his friend following him with his eyes. Suddenly, he hit the wall once, twice and again, and again, Peeta screamed, telling him to stop. He got up and held the older boy by his waist. He pulled him back, Finnick kicking in the air, and forced him to sit down once he calmed down.

" Why are you doing this?! " Peeta asked, worried, a hand rubbing his friend's back.

Finnick was crying, " Because this isn't fair! " he whined, hiding his face in his hands. " What did Snow do to her?! I swear I'll kill him with my own hands Peeta! " he shouted, his voice revolving in the hallway. " I swear I will! "

Peeta stared at his friend, eyes wide open, breath erratic. He knew how much Finnick cared about him, and was thankful for that affection. But still, he couldn't accept that much concern, the man finally found the love of his life again, but was crying because of someone else's misery.

" You! You deserve to be happy Peeta! " he moaned, his shoulders shaking. " After all you did, after all you've been through, this shouldn't be happening! You should have your part of happiness too! "

Peeta smiled and forced the man to look up at him, " Finnick, it's okay. I know what I have to do now, " he whispered. " We'll go to the Capitol and execute President Snow, then we'll all lead our lives, " he stated.

" Don't lie to me Peeta! I know you're not okay with the situation. So stop putting these walls between you and the rest of the world, it's no use! " Finnick groaned, weeping tears away from his face. " I can see you Peeta, and I know how you feel, it's too late. "

The younger boy's hand fell flat on the bench between their legs, his mouth falling open with words he couldn't form conveniently. He didn't have a choice, he had to be strong, the fight was not over, the war hadn't been won yet. A lot of bad things happened for sure, but it still wasn't a reason to give up, not because of Katniss' behavior. They had her in 13, safe and miles away from Snow, but the man was still breathing. And Peeta was willing to change that.

" I can't be selfish, not when he's still alive, " Peeta stated, his voice firm. " I'm not telling you I'll be fine, not when Katniss is like that, but I am still standing. "

Finnick groaned, looking at his bloody fingers, " You don't have to be strong for us Peeta, " he sighed. " It's okay if you cry, and if you're sad too. "

" Thank you Finnick, I'll go back to my drawings, " Peeta said, patting the man's shoulder. " You should find Prim for your wounds. "

He got up and entered the elevator, the doors closing silently. Just like he told his friend, he drowned completely into filling Prim's notebook, his pen moving angrily over the pages. After finishing about ten sketches, his fist bumped into his desk, and he started crying, which made him even more upset about himself. Closing the book to keep it dry and clean, he laid his forehead on it, and wailed loudly, gritting his teeth.

Katniss didn't need him anymore, she didn't want him alive anymore. She despised him and looked at him as if he was doomed, and nothing could hurt more than that, not even a bullet in the stomach. He settled a hand over his uniform, on top of his scar, and gripped the grey material, his cries louder than before. Physical pain could be helped with medicine, but what could you do with a broken heart?

" Will you stay with me? "

Hearing this exact sentence in his head, he threw what was on his desk on the floor, screaming. He didn't need to remember that, all these sweet words that sounded like promises, he didn't want them anymore. They were useless now that the Capitol changed her. His mouth was trembling, just like his fingers, and he tried to get a grip on himself, he could handle this.

After a while, he collected Prim's notebook and put it back on top of his desk, letting out a shallow breath. He also took a pen and an eraser before seeking out the page where he drew his last sketch. It was when Seneca Crane announced that two victors from the same District could be crowned. Peeta remembered how hope crept in his mind when he heard these words, lying down next to the river. He drew for hours, stoping at the moment when Katniss found him, wounded and bleeding to death.

" I'm glad Katniss found Peeta, she looks happy to see that he's alive. I think she realized that he just wanted to help her from the beginning. I'm really glad, he's a good person. "

Peeta smiled, and remained drawing, deciding to picture the moment when Katniss threw the rocks around him away, slowly discovering his body, then the cut on his leg. At that moment, he really wished she would have moved on, and go away, because it would have made everything easier for her. She wouldn't have had to take care of him and be in that cave for days.

His hand ended up hurting badly, but he refused to stop drawing, refused to acknowledge the fact that he had to go to the canteen again. Hungry, he pushed the notebook away and stretched his arms over his head, yawning. He pulled down his pen and left his room, choosing the stairs for once. He took his tray, a plate full of spinaches and eggs waiting to be eaten on it.

" Peeta, I'm glad you came early, " Prim said, rushing to his side. " I haven't seen Katniss at all this afternoon, I wonder if she's okay… "

Peeta tilted his head to the right, " I think she talked about spending it in Gale's room, don't worry, " he told the girl.

" How are you feeling? " she asked, eyeing her plate. " I know it must be hard for you, but I want to know. "

The blond swallowed a spoon of vegetables, " This is difficult for me, but I'm glad she's here with us, " he replied, using his free hand to pat the girl's head. " Somehow, I just want her to find happiness. "

" You really are a good guy, " she giggled.

Peeta shook his head no, and started eating again, realizing the banana was once again on their trays. He pointed at his and Prim started laughing, nodding. He thought that focusing on the good things would help the hurt going away, but he wasn't fooling himself, it wouldn't last like the pain.

" Prim, I told you to stay away from him, " Katniss said, seating in front of them. " How many times do I have to tell you that you can't talk to him? " she asked, frowning.

Primrose lifted her shoulders slightly, " I don't see how that's a bad thing, " she mumbled.

Katniss' eyes widened and she slammed her fist on the table, " You can not trust him, " she groaned, articulating every syllable.

Peeta's hands started trembling, " I'm the one that started talking, so please don't blame her, " he announced.

Katniss looked startled for a moment, her mouth opening and closing without any word coming out. The blond looked at her right in the eyes, and thought that maybe hearing his voice reminded her of some things. He knew it wasn't much, but just the fact that she didn't immediately scream at him was pleasurable.

" You think that any word coming out of your filthy mouth makes sense to me Mellark? " Katniss asked, an evil smile on her mouth. " Then you're fooling yourself. Don't think you can talk to me again. "

She didn't even use his name, it felt as if they never met, never got to know each other. Peeta swallowed with difficulty, his throat thickening as Gale sat next to Katniss, the girl instantly pulling down her angry mask and smiling at her best friend. The blond knew that now that she hated him, she was finally able to give some importance to her feelings, and somehow it made him feel better. She could build a family of her own, have children and a husband. He laughed silently, taking a piece of egg in his spoon.

" What's so funny Mellark? " Katniss asked, her voice cold as ice. " Could it be me? " she added, frowning.

Peeta shook his head, " No, no. Please don't mind me, " he replied.

The boy knew he shouldn't get in her game and spit nasty things to her face. It wasn't her fault, he reminded himself again, she couldn't do anything about that, he told himself. He wondered for a moment, would Katniss act the same if she was in his shoes? No answer came, and he thought it was better, because it was useless to imagine that kind of situation.

" I wish I could, but you're always here, " Katniss mumbled, putting some of her black hair behind her ears. " You keep coming back, again and again, " she added. " Why are you here? "

Peeta decided not to answer anything, trying not to think about the meaning behind her words. She wanted him out of her sight, out of her life, and he wished he could want the same thing. No matter how mean she could be to him, how indifferent or how hateful, he couldn't bring himself to want to get away. He wasn't ready to let her go yet.

" Why are you here anyway? " Katniss asked again, her voice harassing Peeta. " Why aren't you dead?! "

This time, Peeta's body was faster than his mouth, and he got up, throwing his tray towards her, spinaches flying in the girl's face and hair. His eyes widened and he covered his mouth with his hands, trembling from head to toes. The blond clenched his teeth, closed his eyes, breathing through his nose loudly.

He opened his eyes, " You can spit on my back all you want, but don't ask me why I'm still alive! " he yelled, getting people's attention. " You have no idea how many times I wished I was dead! "

His chest was heaving rapidly, tears gathering in his eyes. Katniss froze in front of him, a hand in her black curls, her mouth opened wide. It seemed like she didn't find anything to answer to that.


NDA: here's the 29th chapter!

I had a bad week, so I drowned myself in writing.

It really is painful to write this kind of chapter, I promise, it hurts.

Hope you liked it,

bisous.