Talk


Oh brother I can't, I can't get through
I've been trying hard to reach you, cause I don't know what to do


(Present)

"Are you crazy?" Josh stammered. "Have you lost your mind?"

"Josh.." Donna warned softly, her fingers increasing their grip on his arm. "Calm down."

"You just threw away the White House!" He yelled ignoring his wife.

"You want it so bad?" Sam yelled. "Take it!" He peeled off his jacket and tossed it at his friend. "Take all of it you can have it! You're the one who wanted it in the first place." He yanked at his tie throwing it on the table between them before kicking his feet from his shoes.

"He's completely lost it." Josh muttered to Donna. "You've completely lost it!"

"Stop both of you..." Donna pleaded.

"He handed it to them." Josh's eyes scanned the room, his political mind searching for an answer.

"Maybe It's someone else's turn Josh!" Sam shot back. "Did you ever think of that?"

"Sam you don't mean that." Donna said softly. "It's been a hard year but-."

"Shut up Donna, for five damn minutes can you just shut-."

"Hey!" Josh's head snapped back up to face him. "Don't. I don't give a damn who you are, you don't talk to my wife-."

"Mr. President." Three heads turned towards Toby's voice. "You may want to get dressed, Sir."

His voice was thick with annoyance and full of business.

"What happened?" Sam muttered feeling his heartbeat slow in his chest.

"There's been a bombing at embassy in Lebanon, Sir." Toby sounded impatient.

"How many?" Josh asked quietly.

"Over a hundred." Toby looked back at his shoes.

Donna had pushed past her husband and was helping Sam do his tie while he wiggled his feet back into his shoes. He shot her a look of remorse before starting to the door. Lyman didn't move.

"Josh?" Sam asked tentatively. Toby paused behind the president watching the two cautiously.

"With all due respect, Mr. President, I'd like to sit this one out, Sir." The Top Senior Advisor to the President said blankly, his shoulders stiff. He'd lifted his eyes to Sam's when he finished speaking. Seaborn nodded. He closed his eyes tiredly as Toby followed Sam out the door.


Oh brother I can't believe it's true
I'm so scared about the future and I wanna talk to you
Oh I wanna talk to you


(during the first santos campaign)

"Josh?"

"Hey." He stretched out in his chair, leaning back until he could see her in the door way. For a moment they were back in the West Wing and she was his assistant. For a moment Josh's life felt balanced. "Where've you been all day?"

"Running interference for Helen." She replied tiredly slipping into his office and perching on the edge of his desk like she still did it everyday. He smiled at the gesture.

"The underwear thing?" His voice rose a little at the end. She sighed, blowing air out of her lips and sending flips of hair briefly into the air. "It'll die."

"I know." She forced a smile, letting her eyes drift over him. He let his own eyes close for a second, feeling the power of her appraisal. It felt good. "You okay?"

"Yeah." He whispered, letting an eye crack open.

"Did you eat today?" She asked suddenly.

"You missed our lunch." He accused pointing a finger in the direction of her voice.

"Did you miss lunch completely?" She shifted her body closer to his.

"I had something." He assured her. "Ronna brought me something."

"A green something?" She asked almost hopefully.

"You must be tired." Josh smiled. "Your worrying about my diet and sitting on my desk like-." He stopped.

"Old times?" Donna finished softly.

"Like it's still in your job description." He quipped, moving his body away from her, trying to separate himself from the moment.

"Joshua, did you ever actually read my job description?" She teased.

"Maybe if you'd have made note cards.." He grinned, studying the lines of the desk.

"Josh?" She whispered softly. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing." He told her in vain, before huffing and facing her head on. "Sam called."

"You talked to him?" Donna asked hopefully, but Josh only shook his head. "Are you going to call him back?"

"Donna.. I don't know if it's such a good idea for us to.."

"What Joshua? Have a conversation that could possibly lead to something more serious then vegetables?" She asked wearily.

"I.. " He swallowed hard.

"Blame me." She whispered.

"Donna.."

"Don't blame Sam, or Will or yourself.." She shook her head, fighting against the tears threatening to fall. "Blame me."

"No." His whisper was almost to soft for her to hear.

She swallowed hard turning back towards the door and taking a deep breath.

"Come on. Let's go back to the hotel." She told him decidedly. "I'm going to order you room service and put you to bed."

"It's two am. Room service is so not open."

"It is for the all mighty campaign manager." She quipped, walking towards the door.

"Donnatella?" He called softly, she turned raising her eyebrow at him. "What if we loose?"

"We're not going to loose Josh." She told him firmly.

"We're falling behind." He muttered gesturing at the mass of papers in front of him like they proved it.

"Josh stop." She held his coat up to him. "Food and sleep."

He nodded, joining her by the door and fighting with his coat. She turned and adjusted the collar for him, suddenly slipping her hand up to his cheek and meeting his eyes.

"It'll be okay."


You can take a picture of something you see
In the future where will I be?
You can climb a ladder up to the sun
Or write a song nobody has sung
Or do something that's never been done


(Present)

"Connie, Tell me something I don't know."

This was the part of the week CJ dreaded. This was the part of the show that made her want to reach through the screen and choke Chris Mathews' fat neck.

"Well Chris, all is not well in the Bartlett Brat House-."

"When are they going to stop calling it that!?" She yelled at the screen.

"It appears that Senior Presidential Advisor Josh Lyman has been left out of more and more critical White House dealings. The fighting has apparently gotten so bad that it's rumored that the Lyman's days in the residence may be numbered."

"Very Interesting, John?"

"I'd even take it a step further Chris and say that the Seaborn White House is coming apart at the seems. I wouldn't be surprised if an announcement came from the campaign with in the next few days."

"Calling it quits?" Mathew laughed.

"An end to the Bartlett Brats."

"I find that hard to believe."

CJ Cregg-Concanon starred blankly at Mathews for a second before yelling down the hallway.

"Girls! Get your shoes on we're going to the White House!"


Are you lost or incomplete?
Do you feel like a puzzle, you can't find your missing piece?
Tell me how do you feel?


(Early in the Russell v. Santos primary)

"Josh, to what do I owe the visit? Need help with the concession speech?"

"I need your list of donors. I need to check for cross-over's."

"People that gave to both campaigns?" Will Bailey made a face.

"It happens."

"Yeah." Will moved the papers around on his desk. "I'll have.. Howard get right..." He looked up absently. "Sam.."

"Huh?" Josh looked up wearily.

"Sam Seaborn, he donated to both-. At least I'm assuming he donated to you as well-."

"He.. of course he-." Josh waved his hand dismissively.

"He could have sent it all to you anyway. He already contributed to the cause, helping me lure Donna away from you.."

"What?" Lyman's stoic look betrayed him for a second.

"Donna.. he.." Bailey swallowed hard.

"What does Sam have to do with Donna leaving m- the White House?" He felt the familiar pressure on his chest, fire slipping down his body to settle in his gut. "He wasn't any where near-."

"I thought you-? He was the one who talked her into considering my offer after the first two times she turned me down."

"He.." Josh took a step back, his eyebrows furrowing into knots. "I'll.. " He rocked back on his heals and started towards the door.

"You still need the-?"

"Later."


Well I feel like they're talking in a language I don't speak
And they're talking it to me
So you take a picture of something you see
In the future where will I be?


(Present)

"They had a fight?" CJ asked bursting through the door of the residence as she was being announced.

"CJ.." Donna sighed wearily. "Not you too. God I hate that part of the Chris Mathews."

"They obviously had a fight, you can tell on the campaign side of things. It's like Josh is treading shark infested water. I asked what was about to blow and he told me nothing. He's got Charlie being the lesion with Sam despite the fact they live in the same house. Donna what the hell happened?"

"CJ my life consists of more then mediating between Sam and Josh. What makes you think I know-?"

"Is it about you?" CJ asked, stopping mid pull as she took off her scarf. "It is isn't' it? It's always about you."

"CJ!"

"On the First Campaign when Sam Josh hired you cause you were hot he almost hit him. He was always paranoid that you thought Sam was-. They didn't talk for a year because Sam told you to take a job. I just figured-."

"'Because Sam told her to take a job?'" CJ froze at Josh's voice behind her. Donna let out a little moan of frustration, turning towards her husband, standing there with Nicolas wrapped in a towel dangling from his outstretched arms. "because Sam.."

"Josh.." CJ rubbed her hand across her forehead before turning to face him. He'd pulled the toddler against his body now. CJ thought it looked like a human shield. Donna knew it was so he didn't' drop him. His eyes darted towards her as she took a step towards her husband.

"Here..." She reached her arms out and took Nick in one arm steadying him with the other.

"Don't let him drip all-." Ana's voice halted when she saw the scene, she had Annalise tossed haphazardly over her shoulder. "Ms.-"

"It's been two years Ana call me CJ." The former press secretary spit at her best friends wife.

"She can't." Josh muttered.

"What?" CJ glanced at Ana, who was taking Nick in her other arm.

"At the White House, she can't anymore than you can call the President Sam in the Oval..." He explained. "It's.. She's.." Josh dropped his head.

Ana turned towards her.

"I'm the Nanny for the first family Ms. Cregg-Concanon. I can't go around addressing the former Chief of Staff by her first name anymore then the cook can." She tossed her a tolerant smile, gave Donna a knowing glance and took the babies back towards their bedroom.

"Well now I feel like a-."

"Don't." Donna said quickly. "It's a common problem around here." She looked at Josh. "Sit."

He nodded, moving slowly towards the sofa. CJ watched how Donna didn't completely loose contact with him until he was actually seated.

"It's part of the reason that Chief of Staff's aren't supposed to marry the help." Toby's voice startled her, she turned around to find him leaning in the doorway.

"How long have you been there?" She huffed in embarrassment.

"Since you almost knocked over the Secret Service to get in the door." He said honestly, the bottom of his lip twisting into a grin.

"Why are you here in the middle of the-." Her eyes flipped back to Josh his head hung low, elbows propped on his knees. "Are you sick?" She muttered quickly. "Is that what this is about?"

Donna sat on the edge of the couch and smoothed back Josh's hair.

"He's not sick CJ." She said sweetly.

"I'm medicated." His voice was muffled by his hands.

"Okay now your scarring me." She moved her eyes back towards Toby. "What's going on?"

"Can't tell you." Toby said softly.

"Can't-. I'm the manager of this campaign you guys. Even if it's in name only-."

"You're the manager." Josh said quickly easing up his head and looking at her. "You're the-."

"Something happened. Something bad.. for the..?"

"CJ please." Donna whispered.

"It couldn't be that bad." She grinned turning her face to Toby. "I mean seriously. They know he's slept with a prostitute and they still-."

"Stop." Toby's head bobbed down to his feet. "You can't-."

"No.. No.. Not again. We promised.. " She looked at Josh, his head was now back against the couch, his fingers firmly pinching the bridge of his nose." You promised at a bar in Hartford ten years ago that there would be no more secrets!" Lyman let his hand fall away. "Tell me right now!"

"CJ you know how this works, the more people that know.." Donna whispered calmly, rolling her hand in circles from her wrist.

"You think I'm going to tell?"

"No." Josh said finally, moving his body forward in a failed effort to get to his feet." Damn it." Donna pressed her hand against his shoulder easing him back against the couch. "I think that you will want.. need to.. tell Danny and he will want to tell Charlie and..."

"The more people that know.."

"What if Danny gets side swiped?"

"He has a response." Toby told her.

"Excuse me?"

"In an envelope in his briefing folder. He has a response."

"To a question he doesn't know?"

"Yes." Toby told her finally.

"What's his response?"

"CJ.. " Josh moaned.

"What if it's the wrong question?"

"It won't be." Josh sniffed.

"Danny understood CJ." Toby told her. "We're asking you to understand."

"How many people know?" She asked.

"Seven." Toby told her.

"Seven!"

"Josh, Donna, Sam, Ana and two secret service agents."

"You don't-?"

"No."

"Wait, you said seven-."

"CJ! You already know too much." Josh pressed his eyes shut before successfully making it off of the sofa and starting to pace the room. Donna watched him intently.

"Is Sam okay?" She asked softly. Josh snorted.

"He's fine." Toby told her.

"I want Donna to answer." She told him.

"He's alright CJ." She smiled weakly.

"Josh?"

"What?"

"Are you leaving?" He halted his steps and turned to face her.

"I don't know." He sighed.

"We're going to New Hampshire in the morning." Donna whispered. "The schedule says for a few days."

"Your taking the kids?" Donna nodded. "All of the-?"

"Leo's coming too." She added.

"So are Ana and two extra secret service agents.." Josh breathed, ending his pacing next to his wife, with a sarcastic smirk. He leaned into her and kissed her cheek.


You can climb a ladder up to the sun
Or a write a song nobody has sung
Or do something that's never been done
Do something that's never been done


(Between chapters four and five of How We Got Here)

"Donna?" Will Bailey wandered into the lobby and had almost jumped when he saw her sitting there. "How are you doing?"

"What? Oh.. Will I'm fine thanks."

"What are you doing out here?" He didn't miss how her eyes had slipped towards the West Wing when he asked the question.

"I was looking for Josh." She said softly. "I must have fallen asleep in CJ's office. He was gone when I-.

"I think he went outside. He said he needed some air." He told her. "He seemed okay."

She nodded her head, knowing he must have been to stray so far from her.

"Donna.. I-." He stopped taking a deep breath. "I never meant to cause problems, between you and Josh.. between Josh and Sam.. "

"Will.."

"Here me out." He held up a hand. "It wasn't about any agenda for me. I wasn't trying to free you from your captor or.." He stopped and shook his head. "I just needed you on board. "

She smiled slowly at him.

" You were a piece of a campaign puzzle to me and I don't think that I took enough into consideration." He shook his head.

"Will.. I-. Thank you." She looked down. "It wasn't your job to take my life into consideration. It was mine and I regret the way I went about it."

She took a deep breath. "I regret the way... "

"Donna?"

"I don't regret working for you. I don't regret the decisions I made." She shook her head. "Maybe if they hadn't brought me here I would. Hell.. I know I would." Donna smiled towards the ceiling. "It was a long year, but it brought me here. Back here."

"Welcome home." Will grinned.

"Sam and Josh.. Josh and me.. that's not your fault." She assured him. "It's not. The three of us hold the blame cards there."

"But Josh and Sam.."

"Are brothers." She told him with absolute certainty. "And brothers fight. They'll be okay. Under it all they're still brothers."

"I just wanted to.." He nodded frantically and Donna smiled. Mouthing thank you again as he stood and took two steps backwards. "Congratulations Donna."

She smiled after him weakly, letting her face fall as she turned back towards the West Wing.

Standing unsteadily she made her way back home.


So you don't know were you're going, and you wanna talk
And you feel like you're going where you've been before
You tell anyone who'll listen but you feel ignored


(Present- New Hampshire)

"Josh?" Donna let the door to the bedroom slip open, he squinted against the light that trickled in. "Josh, Honey? Sam's here."

"Yeah." He said softly, pulling himself out of bed. He looked at her standing there in the doorway and smiled softly. She moved the rest of the way into the room and wrapped her arms around him.

"Be nice to him. He's here to apologies." She whispered softly in his ear. He nodded into her shoulder before pressing his head against her neck and taking a deep breath and pulling away slowly.

Sam was standing at the bottom of the stairs, moving Donna's nick-knacks around on the shelf. He turned towards him when the stairs creaked, pressing back on his heals before falling forwards again.

"Hi." He sounded like old Sam, before he had been President Seaborn.

"Hey."

"You look good."

"I don't."

"It's something that you say." Sam muttered softly.

"You ran a good campaign." He told him honestly, settling down on the edge of the couch.

"I should have resigned." He told him bluntly. "When Ainsley got sick, I should have resigned. Let Will have a shot at it. He'd have run a good election."

"I'm not sure the world was ready for President Bailey." Josh said slowly, shaking his head.

"He's a good guy Josh."

"He is." He agreed. "He makes a damn fine VP. Your lucky to have him with you for the next four years."

"What about you?" He asked softly. "Do I have you with me for the next four years?"

"You don't need me Sam. You have CJ and Charlie. You don't need me." He shook his head slowly. "I'm.. Washington's my drug Sam. It'll end up killing me."

"It should have been you." Sam said suddenly. "In the big office."

"No." He shook his head. "Even Bartlett knew it was you. I'm hot headed and inconsiderate and bullish. 'I'm not that guy."

"You are with Donna. Donna makes you that guy."

"I couldn't have had both Sam. Not the way Donna deserved." He told him suddenly.

"We never had that." Sam muttered, finding his way to the couch and picking up a coaster to spin. "Ainse and I."

"What?"

"What you and Donna have." He sniffed and looked back up at Josh. "You would have resigned. You would have stopped everything and taken her to Hawaii and.."

"It was your idea Sam, Hawaii the first time. I wouldn't have ever.."

"You were high on Washington at the time. If you'd been sober you would have." He told his friend with a smirk. "I was enabling.. it could have been rock bottom.."

"Rock bottom was realizing I had forced my best friend into something he didn't want to do." He confessed. "That was rock bottom."

"Does Donna miss it?"

"No." Josh said quickly. "She's.. got other things..."

"Yeah?"

"She's pregnant."

"Your kidding me."

"We've.."

"I thought you were going to get a-."

"Yeah she chickened out. She wasn't done."

"Yeah?"

"You've got four.. plus mine."

"I can in fact still count Sam."

"That's.."

"I know. She's due in June. We're going to come to DC. Have the baby at GW. After Nick we're too scared to do it here."

"You can stay at my place." Sam teased. "I just lost all my roommates. I hear they started a commune in New Hampshire."

"CJ's going to make a Great First Lady Sam." Josh told him. "And Charlie's been ready for COS for a while now."

"I know." Sam shook his head. "Another baby."

"Our very last believe me."

"You need to start exercising or something."

"Tell me about it."

"Seriously though.. you look good."

"It's Donna.. she's.. Donna." Sam nodded slowly. "I shouldn't have left like I did Sam."

"Hey.. I left once to remember. Same way, for the same reasons."

"Hardly.."

"I'd been betrayed. So had you." He held his hand up to stop the protest. "I am sorry Josh."

"Don't be." Josh shook his head. "It was all.. for the best."

"So.. New Hampshire huh?"

"Bartlett's were on to something let me tell you.."

"Toby likes it?"

"As much as he likes anything." Josh smirked. "I think he's thinking about running for office. Governor"

"Honestly?"

"Maybe." He smiled at him. "I think he's a little tired of living in the guest house being married to my nanny."

"That's crazy."

"Sun's coming up." Josh noticed absently.

"I should be getting back."

"You should wake up Leo."

"No.. not just so I can say goodbye." He looked out the window. "He's coming up next weekend?"

"Yeah.. Donna's got some business."

"Okay."

"We'll all be there in a few weeks for Christmas I think we'll stay through the Inauguration."

"Good. That'll be good."

"Sam?"

"Josh?"

"I'm proud of you."

Sam's head tilted to the side briefly before Josh stuck his hand out. Sam took it to shake it and was surprised when he pulled him in.

"Do good Mr. President." He told him softly as he pulled away and started back up the stairs. He could hear the wild life starting to come alive and it would only be a few hours until the children were up. He knew Donna was waiting for him upstairs, he took them with out looking back.


Nothing's really making any sense at all
Let's talk, let's ta-a-alk
Let's talk, let's ta-a-alk


A/N Sorry it's been so long. One more chapter. Just some clean up.

Hope you like it. Please Review.

Lori