I've got some great news! I have a beta reader to help with the editing! I want to say thank you to Bakerstreet Blues for being so kind to help me edit my work and also a huge thanks to Visitkarte for helping me find out more about this cancer... I know I asked a lot of questions, but seriously thank you for your help. This chapter wouldn't be possible without them. Also there is a lot going on in this chapter, please let me know if you thing Wilson will continue to be House's doctor and for how long, let me know what you think Cuddy will say about the gun. Thanks everyone and now have fun reading my new chapter!
Dear Guest,
Yes, House is truly hurt on so many levels in this story and Wilson is having a hard time understanding. He is use to having more physical relationships with emotions that don't run as deep. So finally experiencing this huge waves of emotion and feeling the need to substan from expressing it physically is really hard for him. Along with the guilt that keeps getting heavier on his shoulders, from hurting House when he was clueless he was doing it to seeing House beg him to progress their relationship and rejecting him because of House's own well being. House is of course suffering so much on levels Wilson isn't even aware of yet. Speaking of nightmare... the next chapter really fits.
Thank you for the review,
Nicole
Wilson looked down the corridor of PPTH, it was deadly silent and no one was there but him. It was dark except for a light coming out of a open door a the end of the hallway. He walked slowly looking around to see no one in sight and the rest of the rooms vacant. The closer he got the worse he felt and the brighter the light seemed to become. He looked at the doorway seeing nothing but blinding light and with a sense of dread he walked through the doorway. The light slowly subsided to see Greg in a hospital bed he reached out to see if he was sleeping or dead, but suddenly there were bars between him and his lover.
Cuddy walked in dressed in her doctors coat looking at a file then gave House a sad look. "There's nothing more we can do for him," she said looking over to a dark shadow of a man in the corner of the room which he'd just noticed.
"There was nothing you could have done for him in the first place. I told you that, I will take him now," The shadow man said with a deep voice.
Cuddy frowned, "He's not dead yet, you will have to wait you're turn."
The figure walked more into the light and it was a man in a dark hooded cloak. "I will take him, he owes me! He saved those who were promised to me, so now I will take him early."
"What will you do with him until he dies?" Cuddy asked frightened.
"That's not your concern, now leave us," Death bellowed as he walked over to House and looked down at him. Cuddy walked out hugging the file through the door he'd come in through and the black hooded figure spoke, "You have messed with my plans too many times Dr. House and now it is my turn to make you pay for what you've done."
Greg opened his eyes, "Fuck you," he said and spit on the black robe
Death hit him hard in the face. Wilson yelled as he held on to the bars but it was as if no one could hear him and as the dark figure walked back into the shadows he noticed some blood on Greg's face and that the man was out cold.
The light was suddenly off and all was dark again. He couldn't see anything.
"Where's the money?" Death's voice rang in the silence and Wilson looked toward the sound and his eyes adjusted to the darkness enough to see him.
"I'm not paying until I see him clearly," said a familiar voice that had a smoothness to it.
Dim lights came on and only six feet from Wilson he saw a bloody and bruised man laying naked on the ground. He was surprised as he saw the back rise and fall meaning that this person was alive, then he noticed the leather collar on the man with a metal chain that let to Death's hand.
The other man walked over to the beaten man.
Wilson felt his heart jump as he saw Tritter, "NO! GET AWAY FROM HIM!" he yelled as he saw Tritter bend down and let a hand rub up the mans back and then he pulled the mans hair to face him.
"Hello House, this is going to be fun, don't you think?" Tritter said and then stood back up, letting the mans face fall.
Greg's face fell and turned so that it was facing Wilson. Wilson could see the pain in it. It was the kind of pain he'd seen in terminal cancer patients, after all treatments had failed and the patient was left to slowly die in a pain no medication could really help. "Greg, come here. Please." Wilson pleaded.
"So, how long should he be good for?" Tritter asked.
The black hooded figure shrugged, "The doctors said he should live like this for another week or so, but even when he's dead the body won't go bad for a day or two and if you keep it cold you could even get longer out of it. Death is hard to predict."
Tritter smiled at the thought, "There is no changing your mind on this. You do understand that right. Once I take him I keep him, I'll contact you when he's ready to be buried."
"Put in another ten grand and you can keep him forever," Death said looking at Greg.
Tritter looked at Greg too, "Are you allowed to do that? Doesn't he have to go to one of the two destinations?"
"No, he's a true Atheist, he doesn't believe in God nor the Devil and neither of them want people who don't believe in them. And as far as the meat, he doesn't really have any family that wants him or friends. He won't be missed," the dark figure explained.
Tritter pretended to be disinterested but Wilson could see Tritter's hard on as he licked his lips. "Fine, if you don't want him I'll keep him, but not for more money. I'll be saving you the trouble by keeping him."
Death didn't budge, "Nope, you want to keep him it'll cost you, also something is worth what someone is willing to pay, not what you value it at. If that were the case he'd be worthless."
Tritter nodded, "You're a good business man. Here is the fifty thousand I promised and," he reached in his pocket and counted out ten thousand dollar bills and handed them over, "I'll keep him."
"I figured you might," the hooded figure said and looked over to Greg. "Mind if I say good-bye?"
Tritter shrugged, "Sure."
Death walked back over to Greg and bent down, "At least I made some money off your ass. You always said that once someone died that was the end, that it doesn't matter what happens to their body, if their buried, burned or donated to science. So how does that theory hold up to knowing that he's going to keep your body and fuck it whenever he wants?" he said and then laughed, "I guess I win," Death said and stood up then kicked him while walking away. His hood slid of some and Wilson recognized it was John House.
House whimpered from the kick and Tritter walked over while rubbing himself through the pants, "You hear that House? I own you, from now until eternity."
"Help me," House said looking at Wilson.
"Greg!" Wilson yelled as he saw him close his eyes and looked up to see Tritter already had his pants down and was stroking himself. "STOP! NO! Please... please don't." he said brokenly and suddenly it was dark again but he could hear Tritter grunting and laughing as House whimpered and groaned from pain.
"Please James... stop him," Greg begged.
Wilson put his arm between the bars and tried to reach out hoping to feel Greg's hand in the darkness but it was useless. "Stop hurting him!" he yelled as the sounds got louder and seemed to becoming from every direction and Greg's cries became more distressed and then it was silent all but his own cries to keep him company. A dim light grew and Wilson threw up as he saw that Tritter was zipping back up his pants with a smile as he looked at Wilson and then kicked House in his damaged thigh. "Stop... please.. oh God, make it stop!" He yelled as he heard Greg scream.
He closed his eyes and prayed it was over, but what he saw when he opened his eyes made him fall to the ground. Tritter was smiling down at a very blue, unmoving House. Wilson watched as Tritter taped his eyes open and unzipped his pants. Wilson closed his eyes screaming like he never had before when he felt something grab him and opened his eyes.
House grabbed James's shoulder and shook it hard as he said his name. He watched as James's eyes popped open, "Hey, you okay?"
Wilson pulled Greg to him as he felt some tears escape. Feeling the warmth from Greg's body comforted him like nothing else could. "You're alright, oh God... I missed you so much."
House looked confused as he was getting squeezed to death, "I've been here the whole time."
"There was nothing I could do in my dream, they were... hurting you and I could see it but I couldn't stop it," Wilson said and squeezed Greg tighter.
House was struggling to breath some as tight as James had a hold of him. "Hey, it's okay. I'm right here and I'm not going anywhere."
"You... died, in the dream you died," Wilson said as some more tears fell.
House's heart melted for his James. "It was just a bad dream babe, I'm fine," He said softly and kissed James softly on the lips. "There is nothing to be scared about, I can't die, remember? I made you a promise that I wouldn't."
Wilson nodded some, "But what if you do?"
House frowned as he looked in the brown worried eyes, "If I die, just remember one thing. I will always love you and be there for you."
"I thought you didn't believe in spirits, that after someone died that was it?" Wilson asked surprised.
"I don't, but you do," House said and kissed his cheek. "You ready to try sleeping again, it's only two in the morning."
Wilson didn't really feel like he would be able to get to sleep but he knew he needed to try, tomorrow he'd be treating Greg and he needed to be his best for it. "That dream... it just really got to me," Wilson said as he tried to make himself comfortable.
House knew what it was like to not be able to get to sleep and laid on his side facing James, and hummed the intro to Dust in the wind, "I close my eyes... only for a moment and the moments gone,"
"Are you trying to sing me to sleep?" Wilson asked with a smile.
"Yes Captain Obvious, now are you going to shut up and let me finish or should I just stop?" House said a little challenging and when Wilson didn't say anything he smiled, "Good boy. Now I have to start over," he said and started humming the intro again. He sang the song three times before he felt James completely relax in his arms and then he fell asleep holding him.
It was five minutes after four when Wilson woke up again, this time it wasn't from a bad dream but his mind was racing about the day a head and Greg's cancer. He laid in bed for a little bit just watch him sleep and trying to take reassurance in the fact that he had him there at the moment and that Greg was literally one of the strongest people he knew. He noticed the sweat on Houses face and wiped some of it off which only increased his worry now that he saw the night sweats. He got out of bed silently and started on breakfast. He made some oatmeal with a fruit and yogurt parfait, then walked into the bedroom to get his clothes so he could take a bath without disturbing Greg when he noticed the man was awake and watching him. "I was just about to take a shower, you need to use the restroom first?"
"No, you go ahead," House said as he stretched some.
"Well there is breakfast in the kitchen, you should get some while it's hot." Wilson said with a warm smile.
"You're up earlier than usual," House stated sitting on the edge of the bed while giving James a slightly worried look.
Wilson sighed, "Yeah, I guess I'm anxious some, but I'm sure everything will turn out fine."
"Come here," House said as he moved his legs a part and patted the space between them for James to sit. James sat on the edge of the bed and House rubbed his shoulders. "We're doctors, we both know that all we can do is treat and see what happens. Worrying won't make anything better, it's just going to make things harder on you." He said a he rubbed the knots out of Wilson's shoulder and neck. "I know you will do the best you can and if this is too much James, you don't have to do it," He said.
"I want to be your doctor, Greg and I know you're right about the worrying. I'll take a hot shower and maybe that will calm me down some," Wilson said as he got up, "Thanks for the back rub and for being so sweet lately."
House grimaced at the idea of being called 'sweet', "You're going to ruin my reputation spreading such lies."
Wilson smiled some as he leaned down and gave Greg a kiss, "Who are you afraid is going to overhear, the furniture?" He saw Greg roll his eyes then look at the wheelchair. Wilson pushed it closer to the bed, "You need help?" He asked a casually as he could.
"I can make it," House said not really looking back at him.
Wilson bit his lip as he looked at the wheelchair and then at Greg who had a determined look in his face. "I know you don't like letting people help you, but being stubborn and refusing help when you need it is only going to hinder you and cause you more grief while trying to fight cancer." He said and saw House look back at the wheelchair with more thought. "I'll ask again, do you need me to help you get in the wheelchair?"
House let out a heavy sigh, "I'm not going to be able to do physical therapy to help gain muscle back on my leg while I'm fighting this, am I."
Wilson swallowed as he looked at the wheelchair, "If it's bad... then probably not," he answered truthfully with a soft voice.
"I'll probably lose more weight," House said staring a hole through the wheelchair with a jutted jaw.
"We'll try our best to make sure that doesn't happen, but... yes, you could lose more weight," Wilson said looking at Greg.
House looked back at James, "I wanted to surprise you, but... I guess it doesn't matter anymore. I'd been walking some with the crutches the last three days." He looked back at the wheelchair with a deep frown, "I thought... this wheelchair thing might be just short term, but it isn't going to be. I might not ever walk again."
Wilson sat down slowly beside Greg and watched him as he tried to come up with the right words to say. "The cancer needs to be first priority but after you get through that then we'll both work our butts off trying to get that muscle back." He said with a warm smile but Greg didn't even look back at him, he just kept staring at the wheelchair with a look of despair. "Do you think you couldn't live a life worth living if you can't walk?" Wilson asked.
House looked over at James with some bitterness, "I just thought this was behind me. I got to the cane after the infarction, and I was working on the crutches before the cancer was confirmed, but it just seems like the universe is against me walking. It's not that life isn't worth living without it, it's just I don't want to have to live without being able walk, no one does, but shit happens right," he said coldly.
Wilson was stunned silent by the raw emotion he could hear in the roughness of House's voice. He couldn't see why this was effecting Greg so hard, he had cancer that he'd admitted was bad and yet he was worried about this? What was the big difference between a cane and a wheelchair, especially when your life might already be in jeopardy? "I'm not stupid enough to patronize you. Yes, there is a chance you might not walk again, but we have bigger things to worry about than that. You need to be focusing on the cancer, not walking right now."
"You don't care if I ever walk again, you never have!" House yelled with spite.
Wilson pulled back as he felt little pieces of Greg's spit hit him and the tension was thick in the room. Greg was pissed beyond any reason that Wilson could see. "Opposed to you thinking that it was everything? No, I don't think it's been worth the pain you've suffered or the addiction to pain killers. The pain changed you so much Greg... don't you see that? You're pain makes you push people away harder than you ever did before, it makes you angry and depressed; and it isn't like you even got full function back! How can limping around in so much pain be worth what it's cost you?" Wilson asked desperately wanting to know the answer to the question he'd never dared to ask.
House's teeth showed as he took some deep breaths to calm himself from Wilson's stupidity. "They all targeted me! Why do you think that was, my fucking smile?! They targeted me because I was a cripple, an easy mark! What will happen when I'm in a fucking WHEELCHAIR!"
Wilson's frustration and anger vanished as he reached out to Greg but he pulled back.
"At least with the cane I could use it a weapon, but... in a wheelchair I'm defenseless. My legs will atrophy and be useless to help me in any way." House mumbled and swallowed hard.
"Greg that won't happen again, I'm here for you. I won't let it happen," Wilson said trying his best not to let his sympathy be seen.
"You were suppose to be there then. I tried calling you after Vogler first attacked me but you didn't answer. I called six or seven times. Tritter had been beating the crap out of me and screwing me literally for months... MONTHS before you even stopped by," House said brokenly with defeat in his voice. "He's a cop... if a cop could do what he did, anyone could."
Wilson knew the rapes had effected House in many ways, but he didn't realize how fearful it had made him, because until now Greg had never shown that. "I'm sorry I wasn't there for you Greg, and I will always be sorry for that, but I'm here now and that isn't going to change. If you don't feel safe... then I'll talk to Cuddy about allowing you to carry a weapon, maybe a gun or knife."
House looked up at Wilson with less fear and worry, "You think she'd let me?"
Wilson held his hand, "Lets just say she's going to have a hell of a fight on her hands if she doesn't. You were shot in your office, and security hasn't gotten any better. You have a right to be able to defend yourself and I'm going to make sure that happens, one way or another." He said giving Greg's hand a squeeze.
House had never even thought about asking Cuddy to let him carry a gun, but then again until recently he'd never imagined a day that he would tell her what had happened to him either. "Alright, alright," he said shaking his hand free of Wilson, "I'm hungry and you still need to take a shower. That's enough hand holding for the moment."
Wilson smiled some, "You're still an ass," he said not meaning it for a minute.
"And don't you forget it," House said and got in the wheelchair then left for the kitchen without looking back.
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It was a little past six when House and Wilson pulled up to the the Hospital. Wilson looked over at House, "Well, we're here."
House nodded as he got out of the car and held on to the door, and James quickly got out his wheelchair from the trunk and brought it to him. House rolled in with James in tow behind him, "Cuddy has the scans and results," he said as he made his way to her office.
Wilson knocked before Greg could just throw the door open like he always loved to do. When the door opened Cuddy gave him a sympathetic and guilty look and Wilson hadn't realized exactly how angry he was at her until that very moment. "Did you have a good visit with your Mom yesterday," he said harshly.
Cuddy hung her head some, "James, I hated lying to you, but I was acting as his doctor and if he didn't want you to know then I couldn't tell you. You know that," she said as she moved out of the way for them to come in.
House looked up at her as he rolled in, "You don't have anything to apologize for, you were just doing your job. He knows that."
Cuddy looked to Wilson who was walking in while glaring at her and she had a feeling that James hadn't quite seen it the same way as House did. She quickly closed the door and walked over to her couch and took down a picture then opened a safe that was in the wall behind it and got out a file that she immediately handed to Wilson. "This is everything we got yesterday," she said meeting his dark eyes with her light blue ones.
Wilson looked down at the file in his heads and knew nothing would be completely the same after he opened it. He looked down at House who was watching him, "You want to look through this with me?" he asked.
"No," House said flatly, "I must have read the whole thing cover to cover six times yesterday."
Wilson took a deep breath and opened it, to see a torso scan that had four dark spots on it. One the side under the arm, one on his chest by the sternum, one in the abdomen pressing on the stomach and one on the liver. What was even more unsettling is that these scans didn't show everything that could be effected. The CT scan behind it didn't show anything more than the first so he looked at the biopsy results and from the looks of it House was right so far. He went on to the CBC report and saw what he'd been looking for ,the LDH levels were extremely elevated which made his mind go to Burkitt Lymphoma. "I need to get you a PET scan of your neck and pelvis region and biopsy the tumors we can see on the scan to make sure that is in fact what they all are. It's looking like Burkitt Lymphoma at the moment. I know it can sound scary and it is, but there have been treatments tha..."
"James, it's me, you don't have to give the spill of what it is or what the treatments for it are," House said as he watch James looking at the file.
Wilson looked at House and he felt himself wanting to crumble and take comfort in his arms but he couldn't. He was suppose to be the strong one here, he was the doctor and Greg was the patient. "I'm sorry, I was treating you like a patient because I was under the idea that you wanted me to be your doctor." He said and the looked back at the file, because it was killing him to look at Greg. "If you want me to just be a consult then I'll treat you like a doctor, otherwise let me do my job."
Both Cuddy and House were surprised by Wilson's response. Cuddy looked to House who was looking at James with a worried expression, "I was just trying.."
"I know what you were doing. You are trying to be the doctor and right now I need you to just be the patient and leave the doctoring to me alright," Wilson said still looking at the file and trying to stay in doctor mode by pretending that this was any other patient.
House waited for James to look him in the eye, but he wouldn't even glance in his direction, which some how hurt him more than he cared to admit. "Yeah," he said and looked away from James.
"Good, I'll go ahead and schedule the other PET scans and get a OR room to do the biopsy's in, and I'd like to get a Lumbar Puncture in today too." Wilson said focusing on the file.
"Don't you think that's a little much for his first day?" Cuddy said finally speaking up.
Wilson looked at her with the same sympathetic look he'd give any his patients friends or family members. "If it's Burkitt Lymphoma then the faster we confirm the diagnoses and start treatment the better. The good thing is that it's curable, but... it's fast, really fast, so the sooner we get the tests run the better. I'll go and set everything up," Wilson said and with that he left Cuddy's office.
Cuddy couldn't believe that he was just leaving House in her office but when she looked back at House he was just looking at the floor. She couldn't believe that he was treating him like this and decided if House wasn't going to say something then she would. She left her office and saw him getting on the elevator. She ran up and put her hand in just in time to get the door to open back up and got in. "You can't just leave him in my office, he isn't a dog," Cuddy said with irritation.
"If you don't want him in you're office all you have to do is tell him to get out. He can go to his office or sit in the lobby if he's in your way," Wilson said with an edge in his voice as he tried to stay in control of his emotions just a little longer.
"This isn't about him being in my HAIR, it's about him needing you and you abandoning him!" Cuddy said with contempt.
"Seriously Lisa just shut the hell up! Don't act like you don't know how, because you didn't seem to have a problem keeping quiet yesterday, about the cancer or stopping me from saying all that stuff in your office." Wilson said with emotion and as soon as the doors opened he was out and going to his office with Cuddy following.
Cuddy shut the door behind them, "You can't run away from him now! You saw what it did to him when Stacy left after the infarction, it devastated him. He needs to feel supported."
"And what the hell do you think I'm doing? Have you even looked at this," he said with his chin shaking as he threw the file at her and it spilled. "It's fucking everywhere! And it is a hard cancer to treat, that requires constant monitoring and being both cautious yet aggressive! Only 35% of patients at his stage get cured the others... either the cancer gets them or the doctor does by over or under dosing them and I can't be the one who kills him Lisa, I CAN'T be." He said as he fell into the couch. "You think that I enjoyed being cold with him or that I wouldn't like to look him in the eyes? I want to but when I do I get scared and emotional and all I want to do is hold him and have him tell me it's all going to be okay, but that's not what he needs. He needs me to be his doctor right now, he needs me to be the strong one and I can't do that while looking him in the eyes and telling him could very easily die!"
Cuddy sighed, "But Wilson you aren't treating him like any other patient. I've seen you with patients you look them in the eye, your warm and kind."
"You don't get it, I know I've made a fool out of myself. I know I've made more than the normal share of mistakes but I love him more that I've ever loved someone Lisa. Last night after he told me I was making him promise he wouldn't die, and I had a nightmare that he did and you let death take him but death was his father and sold him to Tritter and I could hear him screaming and... Never mind, the point is that he woke me up and kissed me and when I couldn't get back to sleep he sang to me until I could. I don't even see House when I look at him anymore, all I see is Greg, the man I love so much it scares me and then... then I come in this morning and see that," Wilson said pointing at the papers on the floor.
Cuddy felt for him, but House was the one who got diagnosed with cancer. He was the one whose life hung in the balance and had already been through hell. "You know what I'm hearing? I'm hearing all about you. YOU can't be the one the kills him, this is a hard cancer for YOU to treat, YOU can't handle telling him he might die, YOU'RE scared, YOU love him, YOU see him as Greg. What I'm not hearing is any thought about how he has to be feeling, how it must feel for him to see you as James while you talk to him without emotion or avoid looking him in the eyes. This isn't just about you James, it isn't even mainly about you."
Wilson sighed, "I know. He NEEDS me to be the best doctor I can be right now and to do that I am having to pull back from him when I'm treating him, but that doesn't mean I'm leaving or abandoning him. When we're home I'll do my part, I'll hold him and show him how I feel but here... it could put his treatment at risk and that's not something I can allow." He said and swallowed as he looked up at her with despair in his eyes, "But you're right, he does need a support, he needs a friend. Someone who understands the medical jargon and understands him. Someone that knows about his history, and our relationship. Right now the person he needs holding his hand isn't me, it's you Lisa. I know it's a lot to ask, but it's what he needs. I was his best friend for a long time, and it was more than buying his lunches and telling jokes. It was like a dance, having to discover when to push and when to give him space, learning to read behind the lines of his encrypted messages and trying to save him from his own depression." Wilson shrugged some, "Not that I always could. I wasn't perfect at any of those things but I tried, because he was worth it. Is worth it. You're already doing better than I ever did."
"Okay, I'll be his support but I swear if you end up bailing on him during this..." Cuddy said but was interrupted.
"I know... believe me I know. You're a really great friend to him Lisa, it's kind of hard to watch how good you are. It's like going back to a place and seeing your replacement, you kind of hope that the place misses you and that the replacement was good, but not as good as you were. Instead I look at you with him and wish I could have been that good with him when we were just friends. I'm happy for him of course, but you know you could make a mistake every so often, so you don't just make me look like a horrible friend." Wilson said with watery eyes and half a sad smile
Cuddy swallowed as she could see that it truly did hurt him to see that House and her had become so close in such a short period of time, when before he never had to share him with anyone. "Maybe later, right now he needs me to be at my best for him," she said and started to leave but stopped one step from the door, "and you weren't that bad." Cuddy said looking over her shoulder at him, "Remember the only reason he's talking to me about what happened is because you pushed until he finally opened up about it. If you hadn't done what you did, if you hadn't forced him to tell you, then Tritter would still be hurting him and we might not even have found out about the cancer until he was dead." She saw some hope in his eyes and gave a small smile, "I should check on my friend," she said and left.
