Day 10 of being Home.
10:05 pm
Pissed off. Lonely and devastated about sum up my feelings as of late.
Five days I haven't see one sign of that fucking alien. No green skin or violent screaming.
I still wonder if there's any hope for us. It's beginning to feel as if I ruined everything. Did I?
That sounds like something I would do. I usually mess things up.
Now it's just a pity party isn't it? Damn it.
Day 11
2:34 am
Can't sleep. Kept dreaming of his eyes. Those claws in my skin. The whisper of my name over and over again on lips like crushed mint.
The yearning for him grows. I feel more and more like I'm falling apart.
But, kept whole because even if he doesn't love me back…I know he's alive.
That's enough to make this worthwhile.
Day 12
6:08 pm
Found a picture of him under my pillow. I must've put it there when I was going delusional after he 'died'.
I need to see him now. I'm going over to his house.
Wish me luck.
7:57 pm
The lowest of the low. The bastard wouldn't even open the door. I can't break in either because he changed all the locks.
Damn it, Zim!
Who knew love would hurt this much?
Maybe I'm better off without him?
I can live without that smug arrogant Irken. After all I lived before him. I can do it now.
Those words are so heavy with lies.
Day 13
12:15 pm
I can't think straight. It was like it was after he died, with me feeling utterly insane all over again. I can't stand it an—
Day 15
Zim came to me. TO ME!
He crawled in my window when I wasn't paying attention and yanked my up by my hand, pulling me to him for a brutal kiss, before cursing my name and throwing me back on the bed.
Those wide eyes, seemed more brilliant than ever before and the sight of him, for the first time in days was so refreshing I felt reinvigorated and renewed once more.
All at once my heart was pumping, blood swirling in my veins. Adrenaline zoomed, making everything more vibrant, more real. Reality was Zim.
In that arrogant voice he whispered to me all he knew about love. The random stuff, 'that that horrible Googley thing' told him.
Chemical reactions. Interpersonal and personal love. Sexual attraction, reproduction. It all meant nothing to him. He didn't understand any of it.
What did I mean that I loved him?
I stood up, shakily of course and I told him…I told him all the times I cried for him, about him.
The way I laughed at all his antics, the unusual fluttery feeling in the pit of my stomach. The suffocation of him not being around, the way it was unusually dreary.
How he knew me better than anyone would ever want to, in all the years I would live I'd never cared for anyone the way I did him.
I murmured the obsession that had blossomed into passion one foggy night what felt like a hundred years ago. Lifted his chin, stared deep into those wonderful mauve eyes that if given enough time, I could be hypnotized by.
I willingly told him all about the selfish need I had to make him mine, to unfold all the secrets he harbored. Shoved out into the blinding light, for all to see my extreme emotional attachment to his laughter, and all the quirks that made him entirely different from anyone else in the entire universe.
Pushing him back onto the bed, I made it no secret that I felt the most uncontrollable things for him. Things that had come into play when he'd kissed me that day after skool. I nibbled an antenna, words of adoration came too.
I tortured him with the ideas of our life together. I made him remember the times of our past; the ticking seconds that used to drag and flash with our battles. Our hatred that was our only defining point. The war that shaped both of us far into the present.
I told him, I wanted to make him remember only me for the rest of his life. That in a moment of blinding passion I would be the only face, name to explode into his mind.
Recounted him with tales of what the future could hold for us…us together in his living room, watching TV and just talking. Protecting him from the rain. The normalcy of it all was something I thirsted for with such desperation it was a physical thing and the light that was illuminating from the extremely expressing eyes of the Irken let me know he felt it too.
Together I drove us over the brink and he gasped my name as I wanted.
He flipped me over, to my shock and delight to take charge. Tilting his head, he frowned and said it was all so familiar. Very familiar to what Jemna stood for. Kribliss, Verd'ika.
I was almost to tired to move, but my eyes stayed open because I want-no needed to hear this.
Those antenna fell flat against his skull as Zim leaned down to bite my chin. A small drop of blood trickled down to my neck and he licked it away with that delicious serrated tongue.
In loud words, the obvious Zim style, he demanded my eternal devotion. My loyalty. If I was to be bonded to him, I had to sleep lots less and clean a lot more. My living area would be spotless. I was to train every day, get stronger. There was to be no, mushy-gushy lurve stuff. Not under his room. It was gross. Apparently spread germs. The occasional kissing would maybe, possibly be aloud…
Blinking at him, the evening sun falling behind him, the dust motes swirling in that empty room and an alien straddling me, I didn't give a shit what he wanted from me. I would do it all. Everything and anything to have him with me.
