Lost
Punk hadn't even realised he'd fallen asleep until he was woke up the next morning by Joni who was softly tapping his shoulder to wake him up. Simple things like this showed she had grew up. When she was two she would just crawl all over him and slap his cheeks and pull his beard. But of course he didn't expect her to do that at the age she was at right now.
"Hey." He said softly, "What time is it?" He asked, turning around and looking at the clock, noticing they had slept in big time, "Shit." He tumbled out of bed, "Why didn't you wake me earlier? You have to go to school." He said to her.
"I don't feel like going to school today." She told him casually, crossing her legs in a basket, "Uncle Dean gave me breakfast and told me AJ was in hospital so I want to see her. Is she sick?" She asked.
"She's fine." Punk said, "You're going to school." He said, "Get ready."
"Uncle Dean said-"
"I don't care what Uncle Dean said, Joni!" He yelled, "Get up and get ready." He said, rushing out of the room as he heard her angry little footsteps patter along the floor, hearing the bedroom door shut tightly behind him and the lock going.
"Joni." He said, going to open up the door, "Joni, that isn't funny. Open the door." He said.
"No!" She yelled back, folding her arms on the other side of the door, "I wanna see AJ!" She said firmly.
"You can see her when you get home. You can't just take a day off school for no reason." He said, "I'm going downstairs. When I come back up you better be dressed with this door open." He said angrily, walking away downstairs and into the kitchen where his friends all were, along with Carmella.
"Thanks for waking me." He nodded, "Why'd you tell Joni she could stay off school?" Punk shoved Dean, "She's fucking locked herself in the bedroom."
But for some reason as he spoke, his friends all looked at him like he had something on his face, "What?" He shook his head. Dean stood beside Enzo whilst Seth sat at a stool in the island of the kitchen, Carmella sitting beside.
"AJ wanted me to give you this." She slid the black and white sonogram picture over the table, "She thanks you for the support you've gave her in the past twenty four hours." Carmella nodded as Punk looked at the picture, refusing to pick it up, frightened to.
"How is she?" Punk asked hesitantly.
"Like you care." Carmella laughed, "She's at my house. She didn't want to come back here." She said.
"Why not? Why the fuck are you all looking at me like I've done something wrong?" He asked, "The doctor told us she was pregnant, I was in shock, I left for some fresh air and a lie down." He shrugged.
"You probably should have stayed with her." Enzo said.
"She thinks you're mad at her." Carmella said, "And she thinks you're gonna walk away from her." She said.
"I'm not." He said, "I just needed some space. I didn't expect it." He said.
"And you think she did?" Carmella said, "She's at my house sleeping. I think you should give her a day to herself."
"Alright, first you're moaning at me for not being with her, and then you're telling me I should leave her alone?" Punk said.
"She doesn't want to see you." Carmella said, turning to Seth who just looked up at Punk.
"She..." Seth began, "She lost the baby early hours of this morning, Punk."
"What?" Punk said.
"She lost the baby." Seth said, "We're really sorry." He said as they all stood gloomily and mournful.
"But how did they..." He picked up the picture and looked at it, "How?" He said.
"They took her for a scan and everything was fine." Carmella said, "Then I seen her just after and she was upset. I stayed with her whilst she slept or at least tried to… and then it just happened." She said, "You should have been there for her." She shook her head as Punk stumbled back, running his hand through his hair.
"But she was ok-"
"Sorry, Punk." Dean mumbled, not knowing what else to say.
Punk couldn't believe it. Something he'd wished away and second guessed had actually disappeared, and he felt absolutely torn. He was sure he and AJ would have talked and it would have all made sense, and they would have adapted to whatever it was just to make their relationship work, but now there seemed like there was a huge crack. He felt so stupid. So angry with himself that he wasn't there. That he even left in the first place.
"She's at your house?" Punk looked at Carmella who nodded, watching Punk place the sonogram picture down and run out of the kitchen and house altogether.
"You alright?" Seth asked Carmella who just nodded with teary eyes.
"She doesn't deserve this." Carmella sobbed as Seth wrapped an awkward arm around her as she leaned into him.
"I know." Seth nodded.
"They'll get through it." Dean sighed, "Just seems so unfair." He said.
"Maybe we should take Joni out? Keep her busy." Enzo suggested as Dean nodded, all the while Seth still had an upset Carmella hugging into him. He eyed both Dean and Enzo who both just nodded. He didn't mind staying and comforting Carmella. It was a tragic upsetting time. It was life. The cruel side of life.
Punk ran all the way to Carmella's house. He very vaguely remembered where it was. He'd only been a handful of times, but he managed to find it, and after knocking for five minutes, he just walked on in. He wasn't going to turn back just because she didn't answer.
He looked around the downstairs area, finding her nowhere so taking to the stairs, looking in the bedrooms and not being able to spot her until he heard something, turning his head to the door which he assumed was the bathroom, shut tightly.
"AJ." He said softly, walking over and knocking on the door, listening to what sounded like soft cries, not sure if he wanted to walk in, but knowing he couldn't walk away from her now. Not when she was like this, not when she needed him more than ever.
He walked into the bathroom, his breath slightly taken away as he seen her sitting on the toilet, blood on her hands as she cried.
"It won't stop." She cried, "I don't know how it stops." She cried hysterically as Punk grabbed a cloth from over by the sink, wetting it and crouching down in front of her to wipe her hands.
"It's ok." He told her, his voice and own hands shaking. This was never a position he'd been in. He'd never lost something that could have truly made such an impact to his life. And he'd never seen then woman he loved look so mentally broken and upset, "It's ok." He soothed, drying off her hands and helping her clean up the best he could without upsetting her even more.
"I'm sorry." She cried, "I'm sorry I don't know what happened." She spoke quickly with panic.
"This wasn't your fault." He said, "It was mine."
"They said I was ok. They said everything was ok." She continued to cry as he guided her out of the bathroom.
"These things just… happen." He told her, "We're gonna go home. Ok? You need to be at home." He said as she just nodded. He couldn't stand to see her like this. He couldn't believe this was happening to them. It was always just a thing he heard happening to other people. He never ever thought of himself going through it. But he supposed that's probably what everyone felt like. He only wished he could have been there for her. He felt awful.
They eventually got home after Punk taking it slow with her and walking home together. Nothing was said the full walk there. AJ had calmed down and was no longer crying. She was sore and tired and upset. Combinations that just weren't all that great to deal with. She felt broken, and even though she only knew about their baby for a few hours, she felt like she'd lost a piece of herself.
"Go into bed. I'll bring you up a hot water bottle." He told her as she just nodded, slowly walking up the stairs as he headed away into the kitchen where Seth and Carmella still were.
"You get her here?" Carmella asked as Punk nodded.
"Yeah. She's away to bed." Punk said, opening up the cupboard and pulling out a hot water bottle, boiling the kettle and waiting patiently, trying to keep his own self together from falling apart.
"You alright, man?" Seth asked.
"Yeah." Punk said with a lump in his throat that could be heard.
"You know it's ok to be upset, right?" Seth said as Punk just nodded.
"I should have stayed with her." He shook his head.
"The doctor said it wasn't down to any problems." Carmella said, "It's just a thing that happens." She said, "Is she in pain?" She asked as Punk nodded.
"Her stomach is sore." He said, "It's still… happening." He said as Carmella nodded and looked down with sadness, "Could one of you… could one of you look after Joni tonight?" He asked.
"Yeah. I think Dean has it covered." Seth nodded, "Do you want us to stay here or? We can help you."
"With what?" Punk turned around hastily, "Sorry." He said instantly.
"It's ok." Seth understood.
"I think we just need to be alone." Punk said truthfully as Seth nodded.
"That's ok. We'll get going." Seth said as he and Carmella stood up, "Give AJ a hug from me and the guys. We'll come see her tomorrow or-"
"Yeah." Punk cut him off and nodded as Seth just followed Carmella out of the kitchen. He knew Punk was just finding it hard and refusing to let his emotions show.
He watched as the steam boiled from the kettle, running his hands through his hair and leaning back against the counter. He felt completely hopeless. How could losing something he only knew about for a few hours hurt this bad? How come he wanted to have the baby more now that she'd lost it?
He headed upstairs once he'd filled her a hot water bottle and made her a hot chocolate in hopes it would help. He knew all the materials in the world couldn't help with the emotional pain. Nothing would.
He walked into the bedroom, looking over at her lying on top of the bed covers, watching the TV yet he could tell she wasn't even paying attention. She was on another planet.
"Hey. Here you go." He said calmly, passing her the water bottle and sitting the mug of hot chocolate on her night-stand.
"Thanks." AJ said quietly, placing the hot water bottle against her stomach.
"Do you need me to get you anything else? Is there anything I can do-"
"Just stay with me." She whimpered as he nodded, sliding onto the bed beside her, lying on his side to face into her, "Why me?" She looked up at him.
"Maybe this is just a sign that… we weren't ready." He told her, "You have good health, and we have our future ahead of us." He told her, tucking a strand of her hair behind her ear.
"Are you relieved?" She had to ask as he looked horrified that she'd even ask such a thing.
"Of course I'm not. I feel like I've lost a part of my life. I feel like I've almost lost you." He said, "I'm so sorry I wasn't there." He said.
"I feel like I've lost myself." She agreed with him, "I didn't want to lose it." She said truthfully, "I thought we would have worked it out and we could have been happy-"
"We can still be happy." Punk said, "These things… they just happen, with no explanation. We'll get through it." He promised her.
"I don't know what to do or say or feel." She said, "I just feel numb." She told him as he shuffled closer to her.
"Just close your eyes. Try get some sleep." He said, wrapping his arms around her, "I got you." He said, pressing a kiss on her head, her head resting in against his chest under his chin, holding onto him tightly as she closed her eyes. Despite him leaving in the hospital, he was here now, and she could sense the sadness upon him. It was just a horrible thing. They hadn't even got a chance to adapt to it all. It had been taken from them within hours. They both felt empty.
A/N: REVIEW and let me know what you think! :(
