Chapter 29 – Little Wing

(Title from the song "Little wing")

In the dark of the night, Cara was sitting with crossed legs on the soft grass carpet of the Foot Hills watching Kahlan, who was standing some paces away and kept on singing her special Confessors' song to call the Night Wisps. At the beginning it was really a touching show, or so most of the people would have probably thought, but certainly not Cara.

She wasn't the kind of woman to get touched by such things, or whatever other thing!

Anyway after nearly two candle marks of this chant, Cara was definitely bored and Kahlan seemed to be having a trouble with her voice, which had turned hoarse and not so pleasant to be heard. The Confessor was insisting, but it was difficult to stay concentrating while trying to ignore the rolling of eyes and the snorts coming from her sitting companion. The brunette moreover suspected that Cara was finding this show a little ridiculous and if she had dared asking the blonde, the latter would have confirmed that she could surely remove the adverb a little.

"Conf-… Kahlan, show me a bit of your renowned compassion and take a break. I'm totally sick of this whining."

Kahlan frowned and looked at the Mord-Sith with an offended glare. "The Night Wisps are here, somewhere. I must go on. They will come, I know."

"Sure…" Cara declared falsely optimistically, looking over the tree line to show the evidence of the lack of glowing dots in the way toward them. She returned her look to Kahlan, who still had her pout on. "… unless that old bastard witch saddled us with a pile of bullshit." The blonde calmly reasoned, rolling her eyes to the black starlit sky.

Kahlan couldn't completely discard this theory, but the impudent way Cara was using to explain her pessimistic ideas, was definitely bothering her. Truth be told, a very tiny corner of the Confessor's head was also amused by this genuinely irreverent way of Cara's. But this pointless sarcasm was of no help for them, not to mention that it made Kahlan feel even more ridiculous than what she already felt.

After all the time spent together, Kahlan hadn't still understood that Cara's defeatism was nothing but a way to hide her doubts or bothering.

And Cara was now feeling both doubtful and bothered. Doubtful about the nature of her own bothering tendencies. That silly inclination at listening to Kahlan's blabbing, or going along with her absurd requests, or that innate instinct at behaving as she knew the Confessor wanted her to. All these things were unhealthy for Cara and the tough Mord-sith felt that she was slowly losing the grip of her control one more time. She couldn't allow this.

She couldn't fall again.

After Shota had woken her, Cara had felt freed from the grasp Darken Rahl had placed on her. She had also sensed that the pure Mord-Sith's demeanor the tyrant had restored in her with his new training, was still intact. Unexpectedly the evil bastard had done something good for her, because Cara liked to be a Mord-Sith, comfortably protected in her fortress of coldness where nobody could reach her and harm her. Indeed - and most of all - at the moment of her awakening Cara had felt freed from another grasp which had her tied to the Mother Confessor before her capture. Somehow Rahl's re-breaking had removed the weakening feelings responsible of bringing Cara to a new lacerating kind of suffering.

She didn't want to feel that ache anymore.

But the conviction that her emotions had magically vanished was now vacillating. Little by little, traveling with Kahlan by her side was relentlessly making her sink in the same old shifting sands of addiction to the amazing brunette. The feelings had been likely only buried and the Confessor's presence was insistently drawing them out and making them emerge on the surface of the supposed indifference Cara was stubbornly carrying on.

There was something perverse in Cara's will to remain close to the Confessor instead of distancing from her, since she perfectly knew that the situation could only grow worse for her. She inwardly repeated those words almost obsessively, like some sort of mantra: she couldn't fall again; she didn't want to feel that ache anymore... But wasn't it such a blissful pleasure to feel herself slowly free-falling into the depth of the Confessor? And Kahlan's nearness, didn't it represent an irreplaceable source of an exquisite quality of pain to her? After all Cara was a Mord-Sith: a kind of woman who craves for pleasure and pain.

The blonde was perfectly aware that having feelings for her Lord Rahl's betrothed was equivalent to betraying him, and this was the last thing Cara wanted. Serving her Master was the only purpose in a true Mord-Sith's life and she had agreed at taking part to this absurd quest exclusively for this reason: protecting Richard's life. Okay, maybe her heart had skipped a beat when she heard that she was given a chance to put her child in safe place; she couldn't deny that this deed had had a part – although very small one! - in making her decision to accomplish this mission. Allowing Kahaln to follow her was an inevitable consequence – at least according to the witch's words - and Cara had been forced to surrender to this arrangement, feeling a conflict between wanting that special woman by her side and fearing the implications of their hanging around together.

The blonde had taken care of scrupulously denying all the compromising declarations her irrepressible vicious mouth had spat out during the long night spent with Richard's band after her re-training. Despite this and despite her newly acquired capacity of acting detached with Kahlan, Cara was now feeling that things were slowly and inexorably changing inside of her. It was more and more difficult to keep the charming Confessor apart from her.

And that was nothing good.

In the past ten days things had gone a little better, because Kahlan had agreed at maintaining the distance between them and - thank the Spirits! - hadn't anymore tried to sleep embraced to her. That was a proof the blonde had hardly withstood. Who did Kahlan think Cara was? A chaste novice? Truth be told the reckless Mord-Sith had done her part in teasing the other woman, and Cara's renowned incapacity at biting her tongue had brought her to dangerously play a tempting game with the bashful Confessor. Anyway the resolution of resting apart was tacitly taken after the accident of the kiss in that fucking village.

That was really one of the worst ideas Cara had ever had in her life. At the moment it had seemed logical and practical, indeed it worked perfectly fine in doing away with the meddler. And though the blonde wasn't willing to admit it, she had also wanted to prove herself that she was capable of touching the Confessor and remaining deadpan. Well, the experience demonstrated that the Mord-Sith was largely wrong and had heavily underestimated the effects this behavior would have on both the Confessor and herself.

Creator! It had been hard as hell to refrain from deepening the kiss in that compromising way Kahlan had seemingly wished her to do. But keeping the kiss shallow was the last thread of restraint Cara could allow not to be openly unfair toward her Lord Rahl. Nevertheless that bare brushing between their lips wasn't for sure enough to content Cara, whose feral instinct was screaming her to hold tight the gorgeous body before hers and stick as much tongue into Kahlan's mouth as she could. Even harder then had been to part from those tantalizing lips; kissing Kahlan longer wouldn't serve her purpose, and would likely appear an unquestionable lingering, but... Spirits! Cara was forced to realize in spite of herself that she wanted to keep on kissing the other woman all night long. And probably further...

And Kahlan… Holy crap! She incurred in one of her typical hysterical crisis after such a distressing lack of respect. At least the Confessor had the decency of not trying to deny she liked the experience. Cara had perceived it as clear as the day. The greediness in the brunette's response, that low moan Kahlan wasn't able to suppress, the confused arousal written all over her face after they parted… Cara wasn't a Confessor with the capacity of reading people, but whoever in that hall had seen how Kahlan had absolutely melted within the kiss. And this had given more credibility to the little put-on. And it made Cara feel totally wheedled.

The blonde had remained adamant in her resolve not to apologize about that episode: if Kahlan thought that she had the right to hug her in the chill of the night when she wanted, then Cara had the right to kiss the brunette if she wanted.

Sure!

Cara sighed, chastising herself for her own foolishness. Immediately after the kiss accident the blonde had done whatever she could to ease the Confessor and make her more comfortable as possible. The Mord-Sith had tried to convince the other woman that sharing a kiss was not such a big deal, but Kahlan hadn't been persuaded at all by the blonde's reasoning. How could you expect her to believe in an assertion you yourself don't believe in Cara? When the Confessor is involved in the kiss, it's not a big deal... it's a gigantic deal!

Cara had also carefully avoided of remaining alone with the brunette the following morning, and moved away from their room before the other woman awoke. Despite the Mord-Sith's scanty empathy, even an idiot would understand that Cara had flustered Kahan and the former had wanted to leave the latter the most possible time and room to digest the experience. And maybe – but Cara would rather die than admit it with anyone, especially with herself – wanting a little time for herself to gather her thoughts alone as well. But even this attempt had failed at ensuring the Mord-Sith that she had done enough to fix the Confessor and her sense of violation. Fixing Confessors isn't exactly on the top of a good Mord-Sith's list of things to do, or am I wrong Cara?

That's why Cara had finally resolved to promise Kahlan that she'd keep her hands to herself from that moment on. This last effort had seemed to achieve the goal of repairing the brunette's wounded pride, since Kahlan behaved more relaxed after hearing this pledge. And the Mord-Sith had at last released a sigh of relief, more or less consciously acknowledging how Kahlan's upset had driven her as much restless. But that was certainly because the Mother Confessor was her Lord Rahl's beloved and ensuring her in good conditions - both physical and mental - was part of a good Mord-Sith's duty. Absolutely Cara! And is, by any chance, kissing the Lord Rahl's beloved against her will, part of a good Mord-Sith's duty as well?

Heck, Cara had felt so confused that she had even risked sending the whole mission head-over-heels, because she was enraged with that imbecile irreverent soldier. A good Mord-Sith should keep herself in better control, even if provoked, don't you think Cara? Uhm yes… but a good Mord-Sith has a considerable pride needing to be taken care of, and that idiot was offending her supposed lover; thus it wasn't so misplaced her lashing out that moron after all… Sure Cara, you can bet on it! Go on with these pathetic justifications. Go on pretending that you don't care at all... pretending that you don't feel anything…

Cara loudly sighed and shut her eyes, massaging her temples: she was struggling against this trap, but it was damn hard.

She had already grabbed and was uncorking the waterskin to hand it to the dry-throated Mother Confessor, before realizing that this was exactly the umpteenth helping gesture a good Mord-Sith would never do.

Therefore she drank the water, feigning that she took the flask for herself. But this solved only the easier part of her problem, which was hiding her attentions to Kahlan. To persuade herself to stop caring for the brunette, this was a completely different kettle of fish and Cara had no idea how to deal with it.

Kahlan stepped toward her coughing and Cara couldn't help but immediately stand, hasting at handing the waterskin to the taller woman, who drank too fast, so that the water choked her.

"Slowly Confessor, slowly." Cara admonished.

Kahlan coughed louder and needed some moments to regain composure. Then she glared at Cara brandishing her definitely bad mood, before making her dry retort.

"I told you not to call me Confessor."

"There's nobody here in the range of miles..." Cara justified herself. Another thing she shouldn't have the urge to do if she was a good detached Mord-Sith as she claimed, but it occurred to her too late. The pique for having again failed her purpose of staying deadpan made her add the acid snipe. "... much less Night Wisps."

"Is it so difficult to do what you are asked, without questioning every single thing?!" The brunette spat totally annoyed, by the sarcastic and not so subtle imply of her failure from Cara.

"Why should I do what you ask me? You are not my Lord Rahl and I'm not your handmaid." Cara replied with the same annoyance, folding her arms on her chest.

Kahlan felt stricken by this last word. Handmaid.

Cara had used precisely this term – other than several others - to hurt her, after the blonde was retrained.

"Y-You told it was a lie…" Kahlan faltered upset.

"What the hell are you talking about now?" Cara sighed exasperated extending her arms; palms pointed outwards and sea-green eyes obligatorily rolling to the sky.

"When you were under Rahl's control you complained that you didn't want to be my handmaid. After Shota woke you up, you withdrew everything and claimed that you lied all the time." The Confessor knew very well that there was some truth in the assertions the Mord-Sith enunciated back then. But over the sincerity about Cara's previous loving feelings, she mostly ignored what was true and what was falsehood in the words spoken during that awful day.

"What does this matter now? It's just a word."

"It matters Cara." Kahlan snapped angered and saddened. "Because I begin to suspect that your evil version was much more sincere than what you are!"

"Well, if you liked my previous version more, why did you come to rescue me?!" She felt a heated rage rising inside of her, which reason even Cara didn't exactly know. "Why didn't you leave me there, sleeping in Agaden Reach with the witch?!" The Mord-Sith took a step closer with fists balled along her sides and a deep frown in her face.

"Because I care for you, you stupid creature!" Kahlan screamed, burning tears already stinging in her eyes. Because I wanted you back! Because I awfully missed you! Because I feel good when I'm with you… The mischievous voice from the back of her mind supplied, but it was too low and overcome by the thumping of the brunette's heart.

"I never asked you to! I don't need your caring attentions!" Cara shouted back, but it was mostly her frustration to talk. "What the hell are you doing here with me? Why aren't you with Richard, your beloved?"

The brunette remained at a loss for words. Those questions were absolutely well placed and she had asked them to herself in the past days, but she never found a good reply. Or more precisely she always gave up the attempt to find a good reply, even more so quickly every time her mind got close to a dangerous conjecture in which impossible things appeared conceivable.

"You need me." Were the only words the Confessor managed to murmur; an answer which sounded very much inadequate and incomplete to Kahlan, but she was so confused. She wasn't ready to admit more. She hadn't still realized what she truly felt. She lacked the heart and the courage to understand that the truth was exactly the opposite of this last statement.

"I don't need anyone!" Cara barked, folding again her arms around her chest, closing herself for the umpteenth time in her fortress. "Much less a hassling Confessor nagging at-"

"Stop with this stubbornness!" Kahlan screamed back completely frustrated. "You do! You need! You care!" You feel! I know you felt... Tell me you still can... The secluded voice prayed, but not from the back of her mind, rather from the bottom of her heart. "That's why you protected me and Richard and Zedd in the quest. Because you care for us! And you appreciated us caring for you! Stop denying it, it's tearing me apart!"

"And you stop presuming you know everything about me! You don't! You never did!" Again the blonde was using words Kahlan had already heard from the poisonous version of Cara before. And this drove the brunette completely crazy.

"I know more about you than you expect!" The Confessor shrieked loud, discouragement and exasperation overwhelming her. "I know you were in lo-"

"SHUT UP!" Cara suddenly jumped to her side with a raised index. She intensely looked somewhere over the trees, concentrating on something she was trying to catch and ignoring Kahlan's silly scene.

Kahlan remained silent, panting and realizing that the statement about to fall from her lips could put the word END forever on her friendship – or whatever it was that they shared - with Cara. She thanked the Spirits that something had come to stop her impulsive big mouth and turned to see what it was that Cara had glimpsed.

It took her a while, but then she saw it in the distance. A soft glow was floating toward them. The Night Wisps flew closer singing their low welcome whining to the Mother Confessor.


Cara was watching the Mother Confessor, who was chatting since some minutes with her little bright friends and wearing a wide amazing smile. As soon as those creatures had arrived, Kahlan had turned in a transport of happiness: at last her singing efforts were repaid.

Cara reasoned herself how those glowing little beings were unexpectedly humorous: they let the Mother Confessor chirping like an idiot that mushy lullaby for two hours or something, taking care of remaining concealed. Then they immediately show themselves, when the music had tuned into the interesting rhythm of a heated argument. Maybe they thought that Cara was about to hit the Mother Confessor on her head to make her silent and appeared to forestall the baleful circumstance. In very truth, Cara thought that such a circumstance wasn't a half-bad idea. Kahlan managed to be truly pestiferous sometimes!

Anyway – unlike Kahlan - the Mord-Sith hadn't still worked off the peeve for the argument and had no itch to share this sappy conversation with the Night Wisps. She'd probably just screw up the negotiation with her bad mood, so she claimed that she'd be sitting some paces aside in the darkness, delegating to the Confessor the diplomatic stuff. Waiting for her to accomplish the goal of duping the magic creatures and convince one of them to follow the women, granting them the chance to cross the Boundary.

Despite her nerves, the blonde couldn't help but think of the previous time she had been in this place. It seemed like it was ages ago and under certain point of view, that was so. Back then the Mother Confessor ordered her to run and save the pregnant Night Wisp, bringing the tiny creature here where she could give birth to her babies and spare her breed from extinction, which would consequentially mean the destruction of all the living on the earth. Cara had run like hell all night and done her best to fulfill the task, but the mother Wisp died anyway. At that moment the blonde hadn't known whether she was feeling such despair because she thought that life in the world was doomed, or because she failed Kahlan.

When she had seen the babies spreading their little wings and fly all around, singing their happiness for coming into life and lightening the night with their warm magic glow, Cara had felt something inside of her melting. She had no idea what it was… The only thing she was sure of was that she'd give whatever to have Kahlan close to her at that moment. And in every other moment of your life…

But that was before, Cara thought, brusquely shaking her head. Before things happened and changed her. But not before Kahlan left everything in her life exclusively to come to rescue you… Not before you woke up just to find her there by your bedside… waiting for you…

"Cara." Kahlan called.

The Confessor turned to the blonde and she was literally enchanting. Both because of the soft warm light coming from the Night Wisps fluttering all around her and for the beaming smile spread on her perfect face; the after-effect of the quarrel they had few minutes ago was completely faded. The brunette looked otherworldly in her beauty, to the point that Cara forgot to answer and remained awe-struck, gaping and staring with dreamy eyes, at the most captivating thing she'd ever seen in her life.

After all, she was the kind of woman to get touched by such things!

"Cara." Kahlan repeated adding sweetness to her voice; the brunette was delighted of having caught her crusty companion clearly off guard. She stretched an arm toward the blonde, who was still silent and wide- eyed. Cara didn't make a move.

"Cara, close your mouth or the midges will enter in it!" The taller woman was now slightly laughing and totally amused. The Mord-Sith at last recalled who she was and how she was expected to act, so she diligently furrowed her forehead, closed her stupid gaping mouth and growled through her clenched teeth:

"What?"

"Come on, the Night Wisps want to talk to you." And she moved her stretched hand, beckoning the blonde.

"Why? I've nothing to say more than what you have already told."

Kahlan sighed: every single comma was questioned with Cara. But even this pestering side of the Mord-Sith was something the Confessor appreciated, just because it was absolutely part of the blonde's trade mark.

"If they have to send one of them with us, they want to know everything about the mission, including who and why takes part to it." And Kahlan took a further pace toward the Mord-Sith, smiling wider and gesturing her gentle hand. The sweetest and warmest voice Cara had ever heard called just her in an inviting whisper, which made her completely shudder:

"Come here Cara."

The Mord-Sith felt a huge push coming from inside her and drawing her toward the Confessor, but fought it harshly. She stood up and almost staggered, struggling to keep herself in control. She warily stepped ahead and unconsciously moved her hand toward Kahlan, who instantly captured the limb she was offered. The Confessor pulled Cara closer and led her into the beam of light where she was standing… She tugs you out of your darkness and lights you up… Cara sensed the bristling of the small hair at the base of her neck and thought that it had to be because of the huge quantity of magic floating in that spot. She was right; only Cara hadn't comprehended the nature of the enchantment hovering over there, as it wasn't neither Confessor's nor Night Wisp's magic at play there to make her feel that way. Kahlan intertwined their fingers and the blonde felt a spark of electricity running all over her. When Kahlan squeezed the Mord-Sith's hand, the latter felt her insides knotting and more shivers running down her spine. This wasn't a good sign and Cara started to seriously worry. She took a brief glance into the brunette's shining eyes, but it turned out to be a bad idea, since those beguiling pools of emotion brought more waves of warmth to the blonde, and a fresh surge of fear about how much she was affected by this marvelous Confessor.

"They are asking you why you want to go on with this mission."

"I understand what they say, Conf-… Kahlan!" A bothered Cara replied drily. She was damn struggling to hold her heartbeat at the bay. "I don't need your stupid translation!" She snarled pretending irritation, but the attempt miserably failed, as Kahlan just softly smiled.

Cara should have considered unnerving all that silly smiling and implying things with the delicate curve of her smirk from the Confessor. Yeah, she really should have... then why was she finding Kahlan so amazingly wonderful? Why was her heart pounding so furiously? Why wasn't Cara capable of hiding her swelling emotion? She was fairly sure that she was cutting the figure of the crush-struck schoolgirl who had just been caught in the act of embarrassingly and devotedly contemplating the Mother Confessor...

Supplying justifications would just require too many words and more effort than Cara was willing to endure – not to mention that she hadn't any argument in support of her cause - so she decided to simply ignore the ridiculous situation and focused on the question she was placed.

"I'll complete this frigging mission because that damn bitch Shota, …Ouch!" Cara turned her face to the brunette, who was wearing a totally outraged pout and had her foot still heavily crushed on hers. Unexpectedly the Mord-Sith's natural predisposition at scurrility had achieved the aim of shaking Kahlan off of her angelic perfection.

"Moderate your speech, Cara! The Night Wisps are delicate creatures and their ears need regard." Kahlan admonished meaningfully tipping her head and mutely threatening more punishments if the blonde didn't behave. Cara smiled mischievously; it was always incredibly amusing to find something that ticked Kahlan off and played havoc with her ridiculous etiquette.

"Okay. That nice witch Shota ensured me that Richard, the Lord Rahl, is in danger as long as Darken holds that boy within his clutches. But if that nice witch lied to me, I'll make her sputtering her fucking bowels out of her… Ouch!"

"You were clear enough, Cara!" Kahlan interrupted the blonde, after having resoundingly slapped her nape. The Wisps whined for a little while, placing another question.

"Oh, you can bet on it!" Cara replied like a shot. "Richard will find that fucking evil bastard Rahl and flush him out from his shitty hole. And I will be there, near him to kick those fucking butts… OUCH!"

Cara turned around and cast a glaring look to Kahlan, who still had her elbow deeply plunged in the Mord-Sith's ribcage. The blonde was about to harshly retort regarding those retaliations, but was interrupted by the soft Wisps' murmuring. Her face turned thoughtful and troubled for some moments then she answered.

"Yes. I… I also want to see him… my son..." Cara swallowed hard. "I want to bring him… away from Darken… in a safe place…"

Kahlan squeezed the blonde's hand in hers, feeling her own heart clenching while hearing this declaration from Cara, who hadn't spilled a single word about her son since the day they left Agaden Reach. This Mord-Sith was completely a mystery to Kahlan, one moment acting cold and detached, doing her best to cut Kahlan out, lying her, spelling loud and clear that she didn't care for her or anyone else. And the moment after she caught the blonde staring dazed at her, having little attentions for her, following her requests and telling that she wanted to see her child and save him.

This woman was completely unpredictable, often unnerving, and almost always impossible to deal with. But for nothing in the world Kahlan would leave her hand.

The Night Wisps discussed, speaking their unique soft language and then one of them approached to Kahlan, landing on the palm of the Mother Confessor, whose other hand was still firmly interlaced with Cara's.

The brunette brought the little wing close to her face and listened as the creature talked to her: the Wisp told she was named Mae and she would follow them to join their mission. Darken Rahl represented a menace for her kind and for all the species walking on the land of the living. His evil had to be opposed and she was willing to do her part in this fight.

She and her family owed their life to the Mord-Sith Cara Mason, who helped their mother to give them birth, therefore they would return the favor helping her to save her son.


Several days of horse riding heading to the Westland ensued; in the end they reached the Boundary.

Cara had seen it before several times during her years of service under Darken Rahl, but she had never witnessed anyone crossing it. This time she was one of the few people about to take part to this extraordinary happening. Once on the other side of this magical wall, things could change forever for her.

She inhaled deeply and kicked the sides of her horse to spur it to enter into the breach between these green tremulous waves and follow the Mother Confessor, slowly riding in front of her and holding the Night Wisp in her hand.

.

A/N
the whole night wisps thing wasn't originally included in this story; it has been added exclusively because i couldn't help but having a chapter entitled 'little wing', a truly exceptional cover song from the corrs (my fav band whose lyrics i'm using for the titles of this fic).
i think it was a good idea since this one has turned out to be one of my favourite chapters.
let me know if you liked that too guys and leave a review!