Days turned into weeks, which turned to months before they slowly passed into years. For Alena they were incredibly difficult to fathom. The first six months following Sherlock's death were the absolute darkest and unbearable. Many days and nights she cried as she continued to mourn the death of the man she loved, still unwilling to believe he was gone. For her it was a long, horrible nightmare she wanted to wake up from. Sometimes as she sat in her flat she would stare out the window at Baker Street hoping that Sherlock was secretly hiding somewhere and watching over her, waiting to make his move and reveal that he was alive. Alena knew she was just kidding herself and it wouldn't happen, but some foolish part of her heart never gave up hope. John took the death hard as well and they both managed to meet up often to try and recover together by going to dinner or the cinema and talking everything out. He stayed with Emily for a few weeks before he had any courage to go back to Baker Street. Emily watched over both of them during their time of mourning and often went out of her way to make sure they were okay. It was easy for her to watch over Alena at the library since they worked together, but even though time passed Alena never seemed to go back to her old self. Emily just told herself that as time passed things would get better.

After those first six months Alena seemed to emerge from that personal darkness which had plagued her for so long. She finally had allowed herself to understand and accept that Sherlock was gone. Of course she would never truly be over his death, not when he affected her life so monumentally and was taken from her in such a way. Whenever she missed him the most Alena turned to his music to try and soothe her. Not long after the funeral Alena spent time in her flat going through Sherlock's compositions and writing the violin music into piano music she could play. It was a lengthy process for her, but she promised that she would accomplish this task. In the end she managed to get all of them written and she immediately began playing them. While they would never sound as good as they were when Sherlock played them on violin, it was a comfort hearing the music he wrote. As for the violin Mycroft allowed her to keep, it had a place of honor on a small table sitting beside the piano. The piano had never been played as frequently as she played it those first months.

Everyone around her seemed to notice the change in her after those long months, noting how she appeared more awake and outgoing. There were signs that she still remained completely attached to Sherlock's memory, one of those included the pearl and ruby ring Sherlock gave her before she left for Cambridge. Alena never removed it from her right hand unless absolutely necessary, but she would never be seen without it. The only way for someone to get her to remove it would be to chop off the finger which the ring adorned. The necklace he gave her was worn less frequently, instead on days when her attire didn't call for pearls she wore a silver necklace with a silver heart shaped locket. Inside was a photograph of Sherlock, one of the very few she had. It had been taken from a photograph of the two of them not long after they announced their relationship. Mrs. Hudson insisted on capturing an image of the happy couple. Alena wore that locket practically every day.

While Alena was willing to socialize with her friends again, one thing that was not high on her list was relationships. As a matter of fact, it wasn't on her list at all. Alena had built barriers around her healing heart, not wanting to fall in love anymore. Sherlock had been the only man she loved as much as she had, and no one could possibly be better than him. After the six months passed, Emily tried persuading Alena to go on dates with other guys. Alena hated hearing her friend say those things. After an entire year passed she decided to humor Emily by going on a casual date with one of the men Emily was friends with. While this guy had been absolutely charming and a perfect gentleman, all Alena could notice were the small detaily things about him which made him seem boring and not worthy of a second date. Alena couldn't believe that Sherlock's affect on her stemmed so deep that she began analyzing men the way he used to look at someone. Emily occasionally tried to get Alena to go out with another guy, but every time she would accept to go on the date, she always felt horrible because the thought of Sherlock always crossed her mind. As was routine, Alena would always be polite to her date and say maybe she would see them again, only she never would. She knew Emily was trying to look out for her and try to get her to emerge from her depression completely, but finally she had to address the matter with her after it was about a year and a half since Sherlock's death.

"Emily, we need to talk," Alena told her over lunch.

Emily looked at her friend, worry in her eyes. "What is it?"

Alena sighed. "We need to talk about the blind dates you keep trying to set me up on. While I know you're trying to help me, it's really not been as good as you think."

Emily swallowed a little. "Apparently. You never allow any guy to get a second date with you."

"Emily, I've tried to move on and possibly accept getting into a new relationship...but it's just not what I want. I really don't think that I should be dating right now. While the guys you introduced me to were nice, I just couldn't find a connection with them. In all honesty I really don't want to look for a relationship right now. I would appreciate it if you would stop trying to set me up with guys."

Her friend sighed. "Alena, it's been well over a year. Don't you think he would have wanted you to find someone to make you happy? After all his letter did tell you that."

Alena thought back to those words Sherlock wrote her. "Yes, I'm well aware. But I am sure that he didn't want me to do it if it was going to cause me pain. I am not over his death enough to move on and find someone else, and I'm happy being single. Please don't think that I will only be happy if I have a boyfriend."

Biting on her lower lip Emily finally nodded. "I guess I have been a little pushy when it comes to this. I never meant to make you feel like I was trying to replace Sherlock, I just wanted to see you happy again."

"In many ways I am. I just don't want to be in a relationship."

"Alright. I'll stop trying to match you with guys."

Alena smiled, relieved that Emily understood. "Thank you."


Finally three years had come to pass. Alena still was not dating, but she found happiness once more working at the library and socializing with her friends. Of course she had the occasional guy who tried to ask her on a date, always telling her how beautiful she was and all of the usual lines and stereotypical pick up lines. Alena always politely turned them down, her heart only belonged to one man even if he was dead. She didn't care. However there was one man who didn't seem to understand the meaning of the words "no" or "decline". One of her fellow librarians, Rob, had a cousin named Edward who visited every now and again. When he first saw Alena he instantly tried to ask her out only to be turned down. Every time he came back after that day, he still tried over and over.

Emily walked over to Alena one afternoon. "Not to freak you out Alena, but I thought it would be best if you knew that Rob's cousin is back."

Alena rolled her eyes. "Again? He was here like two weeks ago. There is only one reason he comes here anyway."

"I know, he's about to try and ask you out again. Of course he always says he's here to say hi to Rob, but after what three months of this, we know what he's really up to."

"I'm so glad you told me. I need to get away from this desk before he sees me. Do we have any books to be stacked?"

Emily grinned and pointed to one of the carts, filled with several books. "I was going to work on it but when I saw him arrive, I thought maybe you would like to do it instead."

Alena sighed in relief. "Emily thank God for you. I'll be upstairs if you need me."

With that she got up from her desk and quickly ran off to reshelve the books before Edward could find her. Thankfully the books ranged over a couple of floors, so she had a better chance of not being seen by this man. What scared her most about him other than his persistence was the way he behaved around her. He always looked at her with eyes that could not be trusted, as if he was looking at her lustfully. It was even worse than the look Anderson gave her the one time she visited a crime scene. Edward always tried to charm her but in a way that seemed veiled with hidden desires. It was those times when she wished Sherlock was alive to help her.

Alena managed to get through her shift without encountering Edward once much to her happiness. After work she departed from the library and stopped at a cafe to grab a quick dinner and coffee. Since her shift ended later than usual, she didn't feel like waiting to get home to cook. As she sat alone she began thinking of Sherlock, a practice she did almost every day. While she didn't cry over his death as much as she used to, she always wanted to replay her memories often to never let one slip away.

"I assume this seat is not taken," a blond man said sitting down across from her with a grin.

Alena's daydream was broken by the horrible man she had done so well to keep away from that day.

"You didn't even bother to ask, Edward," she mumbled.

"Well since we're both here having dinner, why don't we call this a date?" he offered.

She glared at him. "You see but you do not observe. While I am sitting here, I have finished my dinner already and I intend to go home. Hardly a date," she said knowing Sherlock would have said something to that affect.

Edward still smiled at her. "Why don't we order some dessert then, sweetness?"

Hearing him say that made her skin crawl. "No thank you. Please get this through your mind, I do not want to go out with you, nor will I ever. So leave me alone."

He looked stunned as if he had never been turned down before. "Are you kidding me? I'm a great guy. I can tell you that dozens of women would want to be with me."

She rolled her eyes. "I'm sure you're exaggerating. Besides, you're not my type."

Edward laughed. "Oh and frauds are?"

Alena froze up when he said that. "What did you say?"

He leaned closer. "Oh I know all about your relationship with that fake detective Sherlock Holmes. Rob told me that you dated him all those years ago. I read the papers, he was nothing more than a liar and a fraud. He probably didn't even love you, probably used you for his gain."

Her jaw dropped, appalled by what he said. "I'll have you know that Sherlock Holmes was never a fraud, and he never lied to me. He was the best man I ever knew and he loved me more than you know."

Edward rolled his eyes. "Don't you read? He made everything up! Moriarty was not a real villain!"

She glared intensely at him. "I'm a librarian, of course I read you idiot!" she snapped. "Moriarty was real, I was nearly killed by him. Sherlock saved my life. Now get this through your thick skull, I. Will. Never. Date. You. Leave me alone, or I will get a restraining order."

With that Alena grabbed her jacket and bag and stormed off to get a taxi and go home. Her anger matched that of the night when she had the unfortunate meeting with Kitty Riley. She was ready to hurt someone or break something she was so infuriated. Walking down the sidewalk she scanned her surroundings for a cab, but there wasn't one to be found.

Without warning she was grabbed from behind and dragged into an alley. Before Alena could cry out she was slammed against a brick wall and pinned between it and the body of her attacker.

"You think I'm going to let you slip away?" Edward growled. "I have been waiting for you for months, and you're not going to get away this time! What's the point in refusing me just because your stupid boyfriend is dead? He's DEAD! Get that through your own mind and move on!"

Alena tried to push him away but he wouldn't let her budge. "Let me go, right now you bastard!"

"Oh no, my dear! Not this time, I'll make you forget your ex-boyfriend! There's nothing you can do to get away from me," he told her.

She glared at him with unrelenting anger and fury. For the first time when it came to her being in a dangerous situation she wasn't scared. This time, she was pissed off.

"To quote someone far smarter than you'll ever be, 'You're an idiot', " she hissed.

Alena swiftly brought her knee up and struck him in the groin which made him cry out and loosen his grip on her. Next she stomped her heel into his foot before punching him square in the nose, breaking it. Edward collapsed to the ground groaning in agony. Alena turned to run but her ankle was grabbed by Edward causing her to fall to the ground and cutting her knee. She cried out in pain but she only turned herself toward him and with her free leg she kicked him in the gut. That was when everything changed.

Before either one of them could make their next move, Edward was dragged into the dark shadows of the alley. Alena watched in shock when she began to witness Edward being beaten up by someone else. While there was a small light further down the alley to give her a view of this fight, she could not see the face of this stranger. Edward managed to regain his footing and tried to attack this man, but it was clear that his opponent was winning. Suddenly Edward was grabbed by the throat, Alena could faintly see his face with aid from that light. He looked shocked, frightened, as if he had seen a ghost. Soon the opponent punched him once more and Edward collapsed in the alley, completely passed out. Alena slowly stood up as she watched the unknown man who rescued her. He only looked down upon Edward with his back to Alena. Suddenly he turned a little and saw her approach causing him to take off into the shadows.

"Wait!" she called. "Wait, please!"

He was gone.

She felt disappointed, wanting to thank this man for saving her life. Her mind suddenly shifted back to her injured knee. Looking down she saw that it had been cut up enough on the pavement that it had begun to bleed. A couple ribbons of blood streamed down her leg. Alena looked through her bag and found the package of tissues she always carried and began to wipe the blood off her leg quickly before she ran back to the street and hailed a taxi. Keeping the tissues firmly applied to the wound Alena hoped that it would stop bleeding by the time she arrived at her flat. Alena thought about the man who saved her life, wishing she could have seen his face. What bothered her was that he had a tall, familiar figure. She tried to think of a possible match, but the only one that continued to come back to her was Sherlock. But that was impossible. He was dead.

Once she was dropped off, Alena went into her flat where she dropped her bag and jacket and went directly into the bathroom to clean up her wound. After cleaning up the blood the wound didn't look quite as bad as she thought it might. Still she had to go through the agonizing task of using antiseptic. Applying it to piece of cotton she placed it on the wound. The sting it produced made her suck in a heated breath before she cursed aloud. She pushed through the pain and completed the task as a few tears fell, not just born from the pain but also from her anger. For a few moments she sat upon the rim of her bathtub waiting for the tears to stop.

Soon she walked out of her bathroom and into her bedroom. With each step she took her knee produced a small surge of pain through her leg, but she ignored it. After all she had been through much worse. Alena stood by her bedside about to turn on a lamp, but she paused. Something wasn't right. Straightening up once more Alena got the strangest feeling that she was not alone. Slowly she turned around to find that her feeling was correct. Standing in her bedroom she found a tall figure standing in the darkness of her flat. Once she faced the figure, it moved forward until it stood within the light streaming in from Baker Street. Alena's eyes widened and her jaw dropped. Her brain could not process what she was seeing, believing she was hallucinating. Closing her eyes and opening them again he still stood there looking at her. Alena's face went paler than usual in shock.

"Sherlock?" she whispered.

His lips formed a familiar small smile. "Hello, Alena."

That voice. His voice. Hearing it once more made her shiver, her knees felt weak as if they would fail her any moment. She wondered if she might faint, but she tried to keep it together.

"It-you-that...that was you," she said.

He nodded. "Yes. You really think I would stand by while you were being attacked? No. Although I must admit you fought very well. It was wonderful seeing that strength in you."

Alena's mind swirled with words and questions, so much so that it began to overwhelm her.

"What-How-I mean...Why-" she stuttered.

Sherlock raised his hand to stop her. "Your senses are deceiving you, or so you think. You see me here before you as you did three years ago, but because you believed me to be dead you don't believe that I am here. You recognize my voice, yet you're trying to find an explanation for this, probably that you're hallucinating. The rest of your body is faltering, you're knees are trembling while the rest of you has almost become paralyzed with shock."

Okay he's making correct deductions...that's a good thing. Means that I am probably not going insane, she thought.

"You have several questions you want answered, and I will answer them. One at a time," he told her.

Swallowing she tried to calm her brain and focus. "How? How is it you..."

"Short version, I faked my death. The long version is too long to go into right now," he replied.

Her brow furrowed a little. "Why?"

He sighed. "Moriarty left me no choice. He had snipers waiting to kill those closest to me. If I hadn't jumped, they would have killed Mrs. Hudson, John and Lestrade. He never said if he had someone after you, but I wouldn't have taken that chance. I needed the world to believe I was dead in order to get his men away from everyone. It also gave me the chance to try and go after them so I could keep them away from you and the others."

"Where...?"

"I travelled. Mycroft was helpful in that respect. I did leave England for a while, but I did come back often because I could not stay that far away from you for long. I had moments where I feared your safety so I needed to be near you to be sure you were okay. When I was gone, Mycroft's surveillance was focused on you. Yes, I didn't like asking him for help, but when it came to you...I would do anything. You might be surprised to know that there were occasions when I visited the library, in disguise of course, just to watch you and be near you. There were times when I truly wanted to reveal myself to you, but if I had it might attract attention and Moriarty's men might come back. I couldn't risk it."

Alena's eyes were brimming with tears. "Why didn't you..."

"Tell you? As I said, I needed everyone to believe I was dead. If I had warned you, you wouldn't have mourned me like the others, which might have brought about suspicion. Believe me it pained me to send you to Cambridge and to make you so upset. There were times that I felt as if I had been shot, or even part of me had been ripped out. Being away from you all this time was unbearable. But I never stopped loving you."

Wiping a tear away she felt like her body was building up with emotion, as if she might explode. Too many emotions were affecting her all at once.

"I...I don't...I don't know what to say," she confessed.

Sherlock took a few steps toward her. "That you hate me for all of the pain I put you through, you don't understand why I wouldn't trust you enough to keep my secret, you are furious with me for deceiving you. Go ahead, Alena. It's perfectly understandable if you say those things, I deserve it."

Alena raised her eyebrows and her eyes widened. "What?"

"I know you're angry and you are having a difficult time believing this, probably enough that you don't want to take me back as your boyfriend. I can take your anger, I expected that you might yell at me. Go ahead, Alena. Say those things to me. Tell me how you really feel," he demanded in that arrogant tone she remembered all too well.

"NO!" she cried out.

Sherlock stopped, realizing that what he expected her to say probably wasn't what she wanted to say at all. She was so different from other women.

Alena's knees finally failed her completely and she collapsed on the floor. "I won't say those things," she whispered.

Sherlock knew her one knee was injured, she might have even caused it to bleed a little when she collapsed. He walked up to her and slipped his hands under her shoulders and helped her to stand before setting her down on the bed.

"I'm sorry, Alena. I shouldn't have said those things. You have no idea how much I have wanted to see you before tonight and I didn't know how you would respond. This is not the 'darling, I'm back' I had in mind. You deserved to know everything, and I told you the truth. I know it doesn't heal the pain from all of these years. I want you to know that I still love you as much as I did before my 'suicide' and I would love nothing more than to be with you again. To prove to you how sincere I am, I'm going to do something that I have never done before in my life."

Sherlock descended to his knees before her, causing Alena's brow to furrow in confusion. He reached out and took her hands in his own with a firm grip.

"I kneel before you Alena, begging you to forgive me. I owe you a thousand apologies for deceiving you for the past three years and for causing you so much pain. I promise you that in all this time my love for you has never faltered, nor have I desired anything else than to be right here with you again. You mean far more to me than this world offers. I love you, Alena Van Buren. I beg your forgiveness. However if you tell me to leave you at once, I will do it without a fight. You have every right to hate me...I just hope you won't leave me."

Alena's jaw dropped when she heard him say these things...and on his knees! Sherlock never begged anyone for anything before, now here he was on his knees humbling himself before her and wanting her forgiveness. He always had been above everything, proud and arrogant...but in order to prove his love for her he brought himself down several levels to make her the one above him. For a few moments all she could do was stare into his eyes completely dumbfounded by what she just witnessed. His pleading eyes seemed to be brimming with tears, something Alena had never seen and it broke her heart to see this side of him. Without a second thought she grabbed his shirt collar and brought her lips crashing against his own.

Sherlock's hands flew to her face, holding it as he kissed her back with unrestrained passion. The amount of space between their bodies bothered her immensely, Alena closed that gap by sliding off the bed and kneeling on the floor with him before throwing her arms around him and clutching him to her. Sherlock's hands left her face before he wrapped his arms around her tightly.

"Alena, your knee," he began when he managed to surface for air.

She never even thought of it. "Damn my knee! I don't give a damn about anything except you right now," she whispered raggedly before she began kissing him deeply again.

Still concerned about her injury, Sherlock held tight to her as he stood up bringing her with him before he laid her down onto the bed. Alena clung to him as he hovered over her body, greedy for his kisses and his embrace. Three long, miserable years without him and her love and desire for him never went away. Apparently the same was true for Sherlock as well, he never kissed her so violently or passionately. Neither of them could count how many minutes passed by as they continued to kiss, but it was Sherlock who brought it to a halt when he rolled to his side pulling Alena along with him with one arm secured around her waist and his other hand on the back of her head and holding her to his chest. Both of them needed a moment to relax as they breathed heavily, completely overcome by the extreme emotions skyrocketing through them. Alena nuzzled his chest as she snuggled closer to his body. Just lying together in each other's arms was beyond perfect.

"I'm so glad you're back," she whispered.

"And I'm so happy you took me back," he replied as he stroked her hair. "I couldn't bear the thought of losing my beautiful girlfriend."

She propped herself up on one elbow to look into his eyes. "You never did lose me."

"Even though I was gone for three years, technically dead?"

She shook her head. "Never. Did you ever break up with me?"

"No."

"Did I ever break up with you?"

"No."

Alena smiled. "Then our relationship never quite ended. It was just on an...unusual hiatus."

Sherlock smiled back at her and stroked her cheek. "All these years and you never stopped loving me."

"Of course not. You were the best thing that ever happened to me, and no one could replace that. I hope you're not mad when I confess...I reluctantly went on dates."

He laughed a little. "Not at all. Emily?"

She sighed and nodded. "Emily. She tried setting me up, but as nice as those men were, they were rather...boring."

Sherlock laughed. "Is that right?"

"I just did it to humour her, but no one could possibly be better than you."

He smiled. "Then that means I made the right choice."

Alena tilted her head a little. "What choice?"

Sherlock sat up a little and looked in her eyes. "You. I made the right choice by choosing you to be my girlfriend. You proved your loyalty to me even though I gave you the choice to move on. You found the strength to live your life just as I wanted you to, and even though I was gone, you still love me even now. I couldn't ask for a better woman in my life, nor could I ask for a more beautiful one either. In three years your beauty has only increased."

She smiled and began to caress his face, gently running her fingertips over those handsome cheekbones of his. "I love you, Sherlock Holmes. Please don't leave me again."

He smiled. "I don't intend to my love. And I love you too, Alena Van Buren."

Both of them leaned in and kissed once more which led to many more kisses as the lovers embraced.

"Stay with me," she whispered.

"I'm not leaving you tonight," he replied. "How can I possibly leave you now?"

She smiled. "I've missed you."

"I missed you too, darling."


Hey everyone! Surprise! I finished this chapter early and decided not to keep you guys waiting after that last chapter (I'm so sorry it was so heartbreaking but I wanted to follow the story and make it seem as realistic with the emotions as I could!) I hope this one makes up for it! I am not quite finished with this story yet, so I promise there will be more chapters to come! Thank you so much to everyone who commented! You guys certainly made my day and as always I love hearing from my readers, it really motivates me so please keep reviewing! Thank you also to those who are now following and who have favorited my story! You guys are awesome! :)