I probably could've gotten the show real cheap about 50 years ago...


Sequel to 'Posion', chapter 14. Not necessary to read but it adds context.

The Doctor was steaming, quite literally in this manner. He stood in the TARDIS kitchen with a kettle and a box of tea frowning irritably. It couldn't be that hard, even the humans were able to make it large quantities. Since he and Susan had stopped on Earth he had become quite partial to the heavenly beverage known as tea but he could never seem to make it properly himself. It hadn't been a problem before; either he or Susan just ran up to the café up the street and got a few cups whenever they desired it. But now with Barbara and Chatterton onboard, they insisted on having fresh brewed tea and not the manufactured swill the TARDIS produced. How needy these humans were.

The Doctor frowned. Susan and the others were sitting in the lounge waiting for their tea and the Doctor would never want to disappoint his granddaughter. So all he had to do was get the tea properly made and Susan would smile at him. He grabbed the kettle and pulled back once he realized how hot it was, cursing in a few languages, he grabbed a hot pad. Right now he-

"Here you pour it in these mugs, there, steady as she goes." Had he not been holding a boiling kettle of water the Doctor would have snapped at Barbara's nosiness. Hadn't he told her to remain in the lounge with the others? She seemed to sense his foul mood as he poured the hot water and smiled fondly.

"Oh don't worry, I excused myself to the restroom and thought I'd check up on you. I know how men are with cooking and alien men are no exception. Now put a little more in the cups Doctor, you want a good tall- no stop that's enough, here let's dump a bit out now." She grimaced a little as the water overflowed in one of the cups. As he grabbed a towel she walked over to the sink a poured a little out.

"I don't need you here you know, I am perfectly capable of making tea for a couple of humans." He sneered straightening his coat as he heard her chuckle lightly.

"Which is why I see four brown, sticky cups in the sink, it's alright to admit Doctor. My granddad was just like you, couldn't make a proper cuppa unless my grandmum was around. Just let me show you ok?" She said complacently bringing the moderately full mug back over to him, seeing his frowning face she rolled her eyes. "Ok if not for me and Ian do it for Susan, I wouldn't want my worst enemy drinking poorly made tea much less my granddaughter." He roughly pushed the box her way and she smiled.

"See that wasn't so hard was it? Now you take the bags and set them in the cups like so. The key is to get the temperature just right and to let the tea steep just long enough, for Earl Grey it's between 3 and 5 minutes depending on how strong you like it. And there you go, let it steep and prepare the sugar or milk and you're all set. While we wait we can clean up real quick." Barbara set the mugs down and began bustling about the kitchen mopping up the messes he'd made and putting away the ingredients. He just stared down as the boiling water slowly began to turn a deep brown color and did it ever smell good.

"Where did you learn how to do this hmm? The directions on the box were not very clear, so how do you know?" He asked pouring out a little bit of sugar and milk. Barbara shrugged, bringing a finger to her lips as she considered the question.

"It's just something you pick up and then pass on, I learned from my mum who learned from my grandmum and so on. The art of making a good cup of tea isn't something you can really learn from reading directions, it's something that needs to be learned and practiced and later taught. You keep working at it and soon you'll have it down easy." She said with a smile as she washed her hands while he mulled over her words.

He had greatly underestimated the making of tea, he had tried to break it down to a science and wondered why it tasted so awful when it was really made of something less calculating. Perhaps maybe he'd underestimated the intelligence of these humans and their inventions, they really were quite clever and it seemed he still had a great deal to learn from them.

"Yes well," he huffed tugging on his jacket looking for his footing. "I appreciate your help but Ian and Susan must wonder where you've gone off too so if you're quite finished I'm about to finish up."

"Right of course," she replied with a light eye roll which he chose to ignore. "I'll be curious to see how your first attempt comes out, it's the greatest feeling when you bring a good cup to your lips for your first sip and you realize that's your own doing." She then exited the kitchen leaving the Doctor alone. He pulled out a tray and gently set the tea and condiments on it before frowning thoughtfully at his own cup. The first sip eh? Best to make sure it was alright before he took it out to everyone; one could never really trust Earth women after all.

The Doctor brought the cup up, took a deep breath and-


The Doctor sighed with pleasure at the first sip, the best part of every cup as Barbara had said a very long time ago and he usually thought of that every time he held his own mug. And how right she had been, all those smooth and rich tastes that existed in that first sip only existed because he knew how to correctly make tea. Heavenly, simply heavenly, he only wished he'd been able to properly thank Barbara for her help that day. He made hundreds of thousands of cups since that day but he'd always remembered her patience and care when helping him, the best sweetener to any cup.

"Doctor, where's the tea?" Right duty called, picking up a fully stocked tray he vacated the kitchen leaving it empty but still terribly warm.


Wow I thought this one would never get out. I wrote this awhile ago and as I wrote it I realized that I should probably explain how the Doctor found tea in the first place so I wrote Poison a good while after this one though it technically comes first. I had actually planned on posting this a few weeks back but then with the 8th Doctor minisode I posted Adoption instead so this is finally here after so long. I quite like it, I like seeing the interaction between the Doctor in Barbara, right at the very start when he starts to care for humanity. And yes there are people who can't make tea, I cannot, no matter how hard it try. It's very distressing actually.