Chapter 29
There was awkward silence, and Tony wasn't sure he should break it. Tim still hadn't actually looked at him.
"Was there something you needed?" Tony asked, finally.
"Well..." Tim might as well be shouting out how little he wanted to be there.
"You don't have to talk to me if you don't want to, Tim."
"It's not..."
Tim walked over and sat at the table. Then, he was silent again.
"What is it?"
"I'm...I'm afraid to look at you."
"Why?"
"Because I'm afraid that I'll have another flashback and I don't want to."
"You haven't felt that way about everyone else. Why am I so special?"
"I remember you leaving. I asked you for help and you left me there."
"Help with a report. If I had known they were going to...come after you, I would have..."
"Part of me knows that, but I don't remember enough of you to know for sure."
Tony grimaced.
"Tim... I can't tell you how many times I've wished that I'd stayed, but even on that night, you weren't mad at me. You were just tired and wanted to go home. We were all tired and wanted to go home. You just hadn't quite finished."
Tim still wasn't looking at him.
"All I remember is that you left me there alone."
"But that doesn't change what actually happened! Look, I feel terrible about it. I beat myself up about it for months, but I didn't do this to you! I didn't. I didn't want it to happen. I didn't want you to go through that. All I did was go home."
Tim stared at the table and traced the grooves with his finger.
"I don't know how to...see that, how to get through the awful stuff...and I'd do almost anything to not see it again."
"I wish I could make you not ever see it again, but I can't. I don't know how."
"I don't, either."
"Tim... I'm really sorry. I'm sorry that I didn't stay. I'm sorry that you got taken. I'm sorry that you went through Hell for so long. I'm sorry that you can't get away from it, now. If I could do something to stop it, I would."
There was a long silence. Then, Tim lifted his head and looked at Tony. His eyes were tearing up, but he was actually making eye contact.
"Thanks," he whispered.
"Is there anything I can do?"
Tim took a deep, shaky breath and then let it out slowly.
"I don't know. Don't let them...take me again. Ever."
"I won't," Tony said, and he knew it wasn't just words. He really meant it. If there was any way in the world that he could keep this from happening to Tim again, he would do it. No matter what it would take.
To his surprise, Tim raised an eyebrow for a moment...and almost looked like his old self.
"I can almost believe that you mean it," he said.
"I do mean it."
"Okay." Another slow deep breath. "I don't know what else is going to happen today. Dr. ...Ducky says that I get a day off."
"Sounds good to me. You deserve that."
"Thanks. I just don't know what to do with it."
Tony wasn't sure where the words came from. He had intended to say that he didn't know, but he was sure Tim would think of something good. That wasn't what came out.
"Do you remember Ziva?"
"The name. It's familiar. More than Bishop was."
"She was on our team for eight years. She's...in Israel right now. She left her number...if you wanted to talk to her. You guys were really close when she was here. She wasn't sure how long she'd be there, but she said that she'd like to talk to you, if it would help you. ...and she left before all this happened...so she wouldn't have that... association."
"Oh."
"You don't have to," Tony said quickly. "It's just an idea. If you want her number."
"We weren't dating, were we?"
Tony couldn't help it. The question was so surprising that he laughed.
"No! Not at all. You were just friends."
"Oh."
Tony furrowed his brow and then, an idea came into his mind.
"Are you and... and Kelly Hoopes... you know?"
"Not really."
"Not really?"
"I started to ask her out once...before everything melted down. She wasn't sure. I wasn't sure. I like her. She's a friend, but I had wondered if it could be more. I just didn't want to have that be another issue."
"Oh. No. No girlfriends unless you were really keeping them a secret from everyone."
"Would I have–?"
"Maybe for a while, but not everyone and not for the amount of time you would have had to be doing it. Heck, you just told me that you were thinking of asking someone out and you barely remember me."
"Yeah, I guess I did."
"So...do you like her?"
"Yes."
"A lot?"
"Yes. ...but I don't know how much of it is because she saved my life."
"How?" Tony suddenly realized that he had no idea how Tim had got away or anything like that. He wasn't going to prod on that side of it, but how he had come to the attention of the Hoopes family should be safe enough...he hoped.
"I was tangled in tree branches in a canal. She was checking the canal for debris after a storm. She started to pull the junk out and I was there. Kelly said that she was shocked to see me, but she pulled me out of the canal as quickly as she could and her family took me in right away. When they found out I couldn't remember anything, they just let me stay there for as long as I wanted to. I could have been anyone. I could have been a criminal, and they still let me stay with them. They're really good people."
"Sounds like it, but really, Tim, I can't imagine anyone thinking that you were a criminal. You just aren't the type. You don't look it."
"It wasn't so easy for me to see it," Tim said. "I'd look in the mirror and not even recognize myself. It didn't seem like a reach to think that I could be a criminal. What normal person goes through what I did?"
Then, Tim took a shaky breath and closed his eyes, and Tony was afraid that Tim would be having another flashback. For a few seconds, all Tim did was breathe.
"Tim?"
Then, he opened his eyes, clenched his teeth for a second and let out a loud breath.
"I didn't think it could be normal," Tim whispered.
"You're not normal," Tony said. "You're way too smart to be normal."
Tim gave a shaky smile.
"I hate...every time I remember. It's like I'm back there again. Sometimes, I can remember that I'm not. Sometimes, I can't."
Tony wasn't sure what to say, if anything, to help Tim feel better. He was surprised that Tim was persisting in talking to him, and he wondered why. Still, he felt like he should be doing something more to help. He just didn't know what that was.
"I wish I could help," he said, finally.
Tim actually laughed.
"I wish you could, too."
Tony cast around for something, anything, that might help.
"Hey...do you want to watch a movie?"
"What?"
"That's what I do when I need to escape."
"I don't know if I want to...get lost in a fantasy world."
"Okay. But if you ever do want to..."
"You're the one to ask," Tim said, and his smile seemed a little more solid.
"That's right."
Tim got up and headed out of the kitchen. Then, he stopped.
"Tony?"
"Yeah?"
"Why are you here?"
Tony thought about giving Tim the runaround, about hiding the fact that they thought he might still be in danger...but he knew that the old Tim wouldn't want coddling, and he didn't think this Tim would care for being lied to. Not when he was still on iffy ground with his old life as it was.
"Right now, we're being careful."
"You think they could still come after me?"
"We don't know. We don't know how many are left. We don't know who they are. We just know that we don't want to take any chances. ...and we won't let you disappear again, Tim. I promise."
Tim looked at him for a long moment, and Tony wondered what he was thinking. He couldn't tell.
"Okay," Tim said, after a few silent seconds.
Then, he left the kitchen.
Tony leaned back and sighed quietly. He hoped that had helped. He had to admit that he himself felt a bit better about things. Tim didn't seem mad at him anymore which was a relief.
It was just a matter of keeping everything clicking over while Tim figured himself out. Tony decided that Vance would have to step over his dead body to get Tim to remember more today. He could see that Tim was shaky still, but he could also see that the time away was helping. If it was helping, then, he was getting it. No matter what.
x.x.x.x.x.x.x
"Two days."
"Two days?! Are you insane? We can't just do it in two days!"
"The longer we wait, the more time they have to stop us. We've been planning for years. It's time to implement the plan. We have to make a start, and NCIS is the first step. We can't ignore that."
"He's been back for at least a full day. He's been at NCIS. He must have been talking."
"How much does he really know?"
"I don't know. That's the problem! We don't know how much he heard, how much they started talking around him. We don't know if he was able to put things together based on the questions they asked. He withstood months of torture and never broke once! This isn't a normal guy we had."
"All the more reason to move fast before they have time to prepare. Get the message out to everyone. We move in two days. Your only job is to make sure that the charges go off in the right places. We want them moving out of the right exits. Towards us."
"What about him?"
"He dies. That was always the plan, and I see no reason for that to change. Even if we don't get anyone for certain, we get him."
There was a moment of silence.
"Are you listening?"
"Yeah, I hear you. I'll send out the word."
"And the charges?"
"They've been in place for two months."
"Check them if you can."
"Right."
There was a click, signaling the end of the conversation. They hadn't been able to get someone who could have access to the secure areas of the building. Vetting was too good. But they had got someone who was in maintenance. Because he was still new, he had very little access to most of the building, but who would think about restricting access to the exits? He shook his head. Terrorists had the wrong approach. They wanted to make a big splash, a huge event that everyone could see. Real change wouldn't come that way. Real change would come with unmistakable messages. They didn't need to destroy the building to send the message. People were the key. Buildings were lifeless structures that could be rebuilt. People bled.
And they would bleed. They would bleed until the message was heard. One federal agency at a time. If a few were lost in the fight, that was fine. They could be replaced with others who saw the need to remove the detritus from the country.
Sometimes, the only language that could be understood was blood.
x.x.x.x.x.x.x
"No, Leon. I won't," Gibbs said.
"Look, I understand that..."
"No, you don't. If you did you'd never try to get Tim back here without at least a day to deal with things. Tim has given you more than you could have expected. It's unlikely that anything else he could tell you would help."
"Unlikely, but not for certain, Gibbs."
"I'm not letting you bring him back and force him into another flashback when I think it's going to be a useless exercise. I don't care what your reasons are. Tim is getting a single day to recover."
"You know that every day counts in something like this," Vance said, leaning across his desk. "I want to give McGee some time to recover, but..."
"Then, do it. Tell the people who are pressing for more that they can't have more right now. When Ducky took him for a checkup yesterday, the doctor was worried about depression. Depression, amnesia, possible deficiencies from being nearly starved to death... No matter what, he's going to need a lot of therapy from all this. Leon, you're not going to punish him for trying to help before he's ready."
Vance sighed.
"Give him a day. Tomorrow, we can see how he feels about things, but I don't want to even ask him today. If I ask, he'll think he has to do more than he can. We don't want to lose him again."
"You know they want more."
"They can't have it. Not yet. I doubt he can tell us more that will be of any use anyway."
"I question that myself. After what you told me, it seems as though his only interactions were with the people who are either dead or in custody. I'll see what I can do, but I can probably get you today. I may not be able to do more than that."
"Okay."
Gibbs got to his feet and left the office. Ellie was standing anxiously by the balcony.
"Gibbs, what's going to happen, now?" she asked, as soon as he appeared.
He raised an eyebrow.
"I mean... Tim is back now, but he's not really back. We're kind of going back and forth on this stuff. Are they going to hit us or not? Did they give up or not?"
"What do you think?"
"About what?"
"About them. You have what Tim told us. You have what we figured out. This is your area."
"Not exactly."
"Close enough. What do you think?"
Ellie shrugged and bounced on her heels a couple of times.
"I don't think they're giving up. They've put way too much time into this to give up. If there's even one of them left, at least of the leaders, this isn't over. They're going to try to implement their plan, but they're also smart enough to know that it can't be exactly what they'd planned before. If they really want to take out federal law enforcement, one agency at a time, then, they're determined to do that. They're going to want to get us. The problem is that we don't have any history of these people. We don't know why they feel this way, and that affects what their approach would be."
"See what you can figure out from the people we have identified."
"They're still not talking."
"So don't talk to them."
Ellie nodded. "Look at who they are, where they came from." She started for the stairs and then paused and looked back with a hopeful expression.
Gibbs suppressed a smile.
"There's a conference room that's empty."
Ellie did smile. "Thanks, Gibbs."
She went down to the bullpen to grab all the materials they had so far. He knew she liked being able to see everything spread out in front of her at once. Even if he couldn't let her do that all the time, it was worth it this time.
His gut was telling him that they were going to need whatever edge they could get.
