29
Bella hadn't been able to sleep. Her nerves were getting the better of her and every time she closed her eyes, flashes of the fire haunted her, the sound of her parents screaming at her and Jasper to get out, the image of them falling. It was all too much, and by the time the sun started to peek over the mountain range, she was barely hanging on.
Slipping out of her room, she quietly made her way downstairs. The house was dark, only a small light in the kitchen was on. Bella scribbled out a note and left it next to the coffee pot, knowing that either Rose or Emmett would see it. Then, pulling on her coat, she walked out of the house. The air was chilly as she began her walk, though the air was refreshing at the same time. Her room had become stifling and she needed to clear her head. Everything in her life was spiraling out of control, everything but her relationship with Edward.
She'd been so worried about him. Hell, she still was. He put on a brave face and acted like he felt better than he did, but he was in pain and it crushed her not to be able to help, to be able to really talk with him. There was so much she wanted to tell him, like how when he looked at her, she felt her heart race. Or how when he held her hand for the first time, it made her feel happy. She wanted to share her hopes and dreams, to whisper her secrets in his ear, and she wanted to hold him while they danced, feel his hands touching her, she wanted to be his wife.
But if the mass was cancerous, would she be able to? It was a thought that she tried not to have, but she couldn't stop herself. For the second time in three years, Bella was dealing with cancer. Edward didn't need the stress of caring for a sick wife, not when he had his own worries.
Without realizing where she'd been walking, Bella found herself standing outside of the hospital. She walked into the lobby, keeping her eyes on the floor as she bypassed the visitors' desk and headed to the elevator. When the doors opened on the fifth floor, she automatically walked down to Charlie's room. Unlike the last time she was there, he was laying in his bed, staring up at the ceiling. Bella paused in the doorway and took a deep breath before she walked over to his bed and took hold of his hand. Of course, he didn't react to her, not that she expected him to. For three years, he'd been a stranger to her, unable to do anything but lay there.
Sitting on the side of his bed, Bella brought his hand up to her face, placing his palm on her cheek. With her eyes closed, she imagined the conversations that she and Charlie would have.
"What's wrong with my Butterbean?" he would asked.
Bella would frown and sign, "I'm scared. Everything's out of control right now, Daddy."
Charlie would laugh and say, "It is what it is, Butterbean. Just because we don't understand the whys doesn't mean there isn't a reason. Besides, nothing is going to happen to my girl, not while I'm here to protect her."
Of course the problem was that Charlie wasn't there to protect her. He was an empty shell, lost inside of himself.
"Bella." She looked over, finding Carlisle standing in the doorway to her father's room, looking rather uncomfortable. "Um, what are you doing here?"
She shrugged her shoulders and tilted her head toward Charlie.
"He's doing good," Carlisle said, causing her to look at him. "If that helps."
She shook her head, because honestly, it didn't help.
"Does Esme know you're here?" he asked, and once again, she replied with a shake of her head. "Oh."
Bella bit her lip before she placed Charlie's hand on the bed and stood up, dragging her phone from her pocket. She typed out a quick message before holding the phone out to Carlisle, who seemed nervous about taking it from her.
"I left them a note." He shifted his eyes up to hers. "Aren't you leaving for Seattle soon?"
She nodded and pulled her phone from his hand, trying out another message, and handing it to him.
"I just needed a few minutes away from the house, away from them. I love my family, but they tend to smother me," he read, smiling wider with each word. "Yeah, Edward says we do the same to him."
Bella grinned, knowing that he felt that way.
"Are you nervous?" Carlisle asked. "About the biopsy, I mean."
She nodded, feeling her eyes fill up with tears.
"Can I ask you something?" he wondered, and she waved her hand for him to go ahead. "You've been through a lot. I mean, the fire, losing your parents like you have, the cancer, your voice." He paused. "How have stayed so . . . positive?"
Bella cocked an eyebrow at him and started typing out a message on her phone. When she handed it back to him, he read, "I'm not positive, I just hide my feelings really well."
He shifted his eyes up to hers. "Really?"
She nodded as she took her phone back and typed out a new message, giving her phone back to Carlisle when she was done. "When I found out about the first tumor, and they told us that I'd have to have surgery, I never thought I'd lose my voice. I was fifteen and suddenly, I couldn't communicate with anyone. I felt so . . . alone. I'd cry, but nobody would hear me, I'd scream but nobody would hear me. And my family tried to help. Esme made us learn sign language, Emmett is constantly watching me for any signs that I'm losing it, but I learned real quick to hide how I really feel, to protect them. I've closed myself away from everyone, Carlisle." He looked up at Bella after he read her message. "Everyone but Edward, you mean."
Bella nodded.
"Do you love him?"
Taking a deep breath, she shifted her eyes to his and nodded.
Carlisle smiled. "Good, because my brother deserves to be loved."
Bella agreed with him. She shifted her eyes to the clock, noting that it was already after eight. Sighing, she gestured to the time and tilted her head toward the door.
"I'm, um, done with my shift," he stammered. "Can I give you a ride home? Assuming, of course, that you didn't drive."
Bella smiled and nodded.
"Just give me a few minutes and I'll be ready," he murmured, before turning and walking out of Charlie's room.
Bella shifted her attention back to her father. Placing a hand on his cheek, she leaned forward and kissed his forehead, wishing more than anything she could tell him that she loved him, that she needed him.
"You little whore!"
Startled by the sound of her mother's voice, Bella snapped her attention to the other side of the bed just in time for Renee to grab her by the hair and yank her away, throwing her to the floor. Bella was barely able to react before Renee was on her once again, her palms coming into contact with her face and arms. Bella curled herself up, trying to protect herself as much she could, but the sting of her mother's slaps hurt.
"I told you to stay away from him. He's mine, you little bitch, all mine!"
"Get off her!" Carlisle yelled, wrapping his arms around Renee and pulling her off Bella. "I need help in here!"
Bella scrambled away from them, curling herself up in a corner and watching as Carlisle, two nurses, and an orderly attempted to restrain Renee. They ended up giving her a sedative, which caused her to fall sleep. The nurses and orderly managed to get Renee onto a stretcher, muttering something about restraining her.
"Bella," Carlisle said, drawing her attention to him. He walked over and knelt in front of her, bringing his hand up to her chin and turning her head to the left. "She hit you pretty hard, huh?"
She nodded, feeling her body trembling.
"Come on, let's get you home," he whispered, offering her his hand. She placed hers in his and let him lead her out of her father's room, down the hallway, and to the elevator. She could feel the eyes of the staff on her, knew they felt pity for her. Bella was used to it, but she hated it. Hated being the sick, mute daughter of the crazy woman.
Carlisle led her through the hospital and out to the parking lot, to a black Mercedes. He opened the door for her and she slipped inside, pulling her knees up in front of her. Carlisle rushed around to the driver's seat and climbed in. He didn't say anything as he started the car and drove her home, parking out front. The door to the house was opened before Bella or Carlisle were able to get out of the car, and Esme and Emmett rushed out of the house.
"Butterbean, where were you?" Esme demanded, though when Bella lifted her head to her sister, she gasped. "Oh, my God, what happened?"
"Your mother attacked her," Carlisle said.
Emmett and Esme looked from him to Bella.
"You went to see Mom and Dad alone?" Emmett asked, and Bella nodded. "Why? I would have taken you."
She just shrugged her shoulders.
"Butterbean, why didn't you just ask us to take you?" Esme demanded.
Bella gritted her teeth together and brought her hands up in front of her. "Because I can't fucking ask you. All I can do is wave my hands in front of you both like a Goddamn freak and I hate it! I just want a normal life, but I don't get to have one. Instead, I get to have cancer . . . twice!"
Before either of them could say anything else, Bella pushed her way past them and into the house, unsurprised to find Rose sitting on the couch with a cup of coffee in her hand. Unlike her brother and sister, Bella knew Rose wouldn't give her any shit about going to see her parents, or lashing out at them. Rose never pushed Bella to do anything but survive.
Wrapping her arms around her torso, she walked upstairs to her room, finding Jasper laying on her bed. His eyes were closed, but he opened his arms to her. She laid down next to him, resting her head on his chest, and allowed her tears to fall, knowing that she was letting her fears get the best of her. She just wanted to be normal, to be the woman Edward could love. Was that too much to ask?
—SW—
Half an hour later, there was a knock on Bella's bedroom door. She gave Jasper a look before motioning for him to go open it, knowing that Emmett and Esme were most likely on the other side. However, when the door opened, she was surprised to see Alice standing there.
Alice smiled at Jasper before shifting her eyes over to Bella. "He can't handle the stairs yet."
Understanding what she meant, Bella climbed off her bed and walked downstairs, finding Edward sitting in the living room. His hand was pressed against his chest and he was pale, clearly from the pain. Sighing, she walked over and sat next to him, knowing that the only reason he was there was because she'd had a breakdown.
Bella placed her hands on his face and mouthed, "I'm okay."
"No, you're not," he murmured. "Car told me about your mom. Bella, I'm so sorry she did that to you."
Bella shrugged her shoulders, unsure of how to respond.
"You don't have to do that, you know?" he said, and when she looked up at him, he added, "You don't have to pretend that you're not falling apart. I get it. I do. You're scared that they'll find out it's cancer, you're scared that the implant won't work. Hell, you're probably even scared that it will work."
Bella nodded, because she felt all of those things and more.
"I shouldn't have pushed you to do the surgery," he grumbled.
She reached over and grabbed his hand, laying his palm on her chest. He lifted his eyes up to hers.
"I love you, Bella. And no matter what happens with the biopsy, whether it comes back as cancer or not, I'm never leaving you. You and I are forever. We're going to get married and have a happy life together, the one that we both deserve," he whispered, curving his fingers around her hand and bringing it up to his lips. "I promise."
Tears flooded her eyes as she nodded and signed, "I love you."
Their moment was interrupted when Emmett walked into the living room, clearing his throat. "Butterbean, we've gotta go."
Nodding, she shifted her eyes to Edward before standing up and carefully leaning in and kissing him.
Leaving him sitting there, Bella rushed up to her bedroom and grabbed her overnight bag from next to the door and headed back downstairs. Alice and Jasper were sitting on the couch next to Edward, who looked grief-stricken. Bella worried about him, but knew that right now, she had to focus on herself. If she did have cancer again, she'd have to fight hard to overcome it and become the woman Edward deserved. He'd given her a reason to hope, and she wanted to give him the same.
Emmett and Esme were quiet on the ride to Seattle. Bella knew that they worried about her, worried about her visit to their parents, and worried about her shutting them out, but didn't like being their burden.
Four hours later, Bella had been admitted to the hospital, taken to her room, where she had changed into a gown and was now hooked up to an IV. Due to the placement of the mass, Bella was going to have to be put to sleep in order for Phil to get a sample of the mass, something she wasn't looking forward to.
She'd been in her room, staring mindless at the ceiling when the door to her room opened and Phil came walking in. He smiled as he looked from Emmett to Esme and then over to Bella, and he frowned.
"Who hit you?" he asked, walking over to her and placing his hand under her chin, tilting her head up and toward him.
"Mom," Esme said, and when Phil looked over at her, she added, "She went to see them this morning, and apparently Mom attacked her."
Phil shook his head and looked back at Bella. "Are you okay, sweetheart?"
Bella shrugged her shoulders, because in all honesty, she wasn't sure if she was okay or not.
"I know you're scared, Bella, but I'm going to take care of you. Before you know it, you'll be standing before that man of yours, saying your vows."
With a nod of her head, Bella blinked back her tears, hoping like hell Phil was right.
Thank you for all the reviews. Bella had a bit of a breakdown, didn't she? Can you blame her, though?
