"Raikoba! Raikoba get your fucking ass out of hiding!"

Thunder rumbled loudly as I travelled through the mountain pass, my tiredness and frustration getting the better of me. I had been wondering for weeks, a time which I now knew meant we were in the Shippuuden timeline- meaning soon it would be time for Sasori to die. But I had bigger things to worry about, such as finding Raikoba and taking her down.

"I swear to God or Jashin or whatever fucking deity exists that I am going to kill you!"

"Kill me, huh? Now that I'd like to see."

I turned around to find Masashi Kishimoto standing there looking at me with evil in his eye.

"Why don't you drop the form, Raikoba?" I sneered at him/her. But Masashi only raised an eyebrow.

"Why would I do that? I'm quite comfortable in this form- or perhaps you would prefer a more familiar form?" With a sadistic grin she changed into Fugaku Uchiha, which didn't faze me at all.

"Nice try- but you're going to have to do better than that."

"Is that so?" she smirked, and changed once again- and this time it definitely fazed me.

She had changed into Janet- my last foster mum, the only one to be kind to me.

"You're her?" I asked, trying to keep the emotions out of my voice. "But how?"

"Clones," purred Raikoba. "Trust me; it's easy for a demon to maintain contact with clones on the other side of the world. So are you going to kill me or not?"

She moved so quick I couldn't see her until she kicked me in the solar plexus, knocking me back into the rock face. I could have sworn I heard something crack, and it was impossible to regain my breath.

"Poor girl, out of it already- you are weak my daughter, so weak. Do you really think you could kill me? Where else did you think you got your special sort of immortality from? Your human mother?" She laughed wickedly. "If you're going to come after me on your own then you're no better than your younger brother."

I was pretty sure a rib had punctured my lung, so speaking was almost an impossibility.

"Well it's not like anyone else would have helped," I replied, wincing in pain.

"Really? As I recall Madara agreed to help you- and Itachi wasn't far from doing so, you just let your temper get in the way of the goal." Raikoba didn't bother attacking again; she knew I couldn't do anything. "Plus did you really think you could beat me? I am more powerful than all of the Bijuu!"

I resisted the urge to say 'egotistical much?', and not just because every breath was like being stabbed by a kunai.

"Why don't you just go home?" Raikoba said cruelly. "Go home and give up- you can give up playing Shinobi because if it wasn't for the fact you were a girl you would be pathetic!"

Sexist bitch.

With that, Raikoba disappeared in a mini whirlwind, leaving me to consider how long it would take me to pass out. Apparently, not all that long.

-XxX-

Floating in darkness is over clichéd, but surprisingly quite soothing compared to having a hole in your lung. Note patronizing tone.

"Am I dead?" I asked whatever was out there- previous fanfiction experiences teaching me there was always something with you in the darkness.

As suspected someone appeared, and I was half-surprised to see Parvulus. I mean, I'd kinda forgotten about said bloody, fairy-outfit wearing, blond skeleton kid thing.

"It is good to see you again," said Parvulus. "And once again you are both dead and not dead- but in a good way, people will only view you as dying and time will pass normally."

"Yay?"

I really had no idea how to react to this whole thing- first I get my butt kicked in one move and then I find myself talking to a bloody skeleton. What great stories I'll have to tell my kids…okay, now I need to get rid of those mental images- curse you Deidara!

"Not yay- you must kill Raikoba before she destroys the Shinobi world!"

"But, she's immortal- I can't kill her!"

Parvulus raised a glass orb in her hand which showed an image of Kyuubi.

"What do you see in the Orbis?"

Bet you can't guess what that is Latin for (A/N: In case you're wondering why Latin? It's because it's a dead language ;) Bad pun, I know).

"I see a grumpy old fox," I replied.

"And how can you kill the Kyuubi?"

"Um, you can't, can you? It's got really good healing powers."

"Do you remember when Jiraiya pushed Naruto off a cliff?"

I thought back to that part of the anime and laughed,

"Yeah."

"Do you remember what the Kyuubi said?"

I ran through their conversation in my mind before it hit me.

"If Naruto dies the Kyuubi dies!" I declared happily. "So all we have to do is seal Raikoba in someone and then kill that someone."

"Like who?"

"Madara of course! Then we'd be killing two birds with one stone!"

"We?" Parvulus tilted its head to the side. "I thought you were working alone."

With those dramatic last words, Parvulus disappeared and I was slowly brought back to the land of colours, aka the land of the living.

Really slowly.

-XxX-

Opening my eyes, I found a familiar face leaning over me

"Oh, crap."