28 Atonement

In the morning of the wilderness, the air smelled sweet and the sun seemed particularly bright and welcoming. The shadows were soft, dappled patterns scattered across just-opening carpets of wildflowers interspersed with clumps of grass and great swaths of sweet-smelling, thick, soft mosses. Luminescent flowers and lichen that gave their colors to the night were dark now, all grays and pale greens, not at all betraying their truths.

It was enough to keep Lightning from worrying too much about her feathered companion, but she still did – where could he have gone, she wondered, or what could have happened to him? Had he gone and gotten himself hurt once again? Had he been swallowed up by the chaos?

Caius was silent behind her, having not spoken a word since Yusnaan's courtyard, following as she walked the trails into the Jagd Woods and the village near its heart.

Cardesia stood beneath the awning of her apothecary, busily grinding a rainbow assortment of herbs into a paste she mixed with water at regular intervals, too intent to notice the pair approach. The air smelled like wildflowers and natural medicines, sweet and thick. As Lightning stopped a short distance away, Cardesia swept her bangs out of her eyes, coughed into her elbow, and kept on working.

Lightning said, "Cardesia? Do you have a moment?"

"Mmm?" The woman looked up, not at all startled, and smiled at her. "Oh, hello there. Of course I do, just give me one minute to finish this up here..."

Caius moved to stand beside her, out of the path that circled the village, and looked up into the branches overhead while Lightning waited patiently for the other woman to finish her work. Eventually, Cardesia set the bowl of paste over a small fire and turned to her, brushing her hands off on a nearby towel.

Before she could speak, Lightning dug the ingredients out of her sling, careful not to disturb the flower Caius had given her, and handed them over to the brunette. Cardesia's eyes widened slightly; she took the ingredients as though they were made of sugar glass, her hands delicate on the little bundles.

"Oh, you brought them," she murmured. She laid the bundles out and slowly unwrapped them. Her expression began to crumble. "Oh, thank you so much. I need to make this up, right away. Must be extra careful with these, you know, they're too important." Her eyes met Lightning's. "It will lose its potency within an hour of me making it. Do you think you can take it to Taleb? It will break the curse that's befallen him."

"Curse?" Lightning stared at her as she began working right then. "I thought he was sick."

"He... he isn't. Just as I'm not." Every movement deft and calculated, Cardesia peeled off husks around herbs and carefully sliced them up. "Taleb and I knew each other a long time ago. Like I said before, we grew up together, and we called ourselves the Three Musketeers. We were inseparable." For a moment, her movements slowed; she shook her head and cleared her throat. "Truly, truly inseparable."

"One and one make two, not three." Lightning frowned. "Who was the third?"

For a long time, the brunette was silent. Lightning said nothing, did nothing, did not push her to respond, and just watched her continue her work. Only after she had begun mixing up the herbs, using a pestle to turn them into a fine powder she mixed with a paste made from mushrooms plucked from the woods, did she speak again.

"A boy who would become my best friend, the one I fell in love with." She looked up and smiled softly. "We were going to spend the rest of our lives together. What I didn't know was that Taleb also cared for me, and he became jealous when he found out."

A sinking feeling in her gut told her the result. "And killed him."

"In a fit of jealous rage, or maybe grief, not that it matters anymore. Murdered him. Death by strangulation, as I recall." The smile weakened a little. "Soon after, both Taleb and I fell very ill, like from a curse. From what those in Poltae have said, it may have been from the chaos. It wasn't that long afterward before the chaos came and the world began to decay." As she took a breath, she suddenly began coughing again, having to turn away and bend over at the waist. Lightning came to her side, but knew it to be pointless even before she moved. There was nothing anyone could do for this woman anymore.

Cardesia finally straightened again, and Lightning spotted a bit of pink at the corner of her lips before she hurriedly wiped it away with the back of her hand.

"He's been expecting me to poison him all these years and enact some sort of revenge, something conjured up in his head, no doubt." She went back to work, looking sidelong at Lightning. "You look confused."

"Well... I am, yeah." Lightning glanced at Caius, but his expression was dark; she shivered and looked away. "I mean, you could exact revenge for your lover's murder. No doubt you loved him very much, and if Taleb's expecting you to kill him, maybe that's because you were going to."

Her gray eyes were soft. "Once upon a time, as a fool, yes. I would feed him a poison that would kill him slowly and painfully. Count on an apothecary to know exactly how, right?" Raising one hand, she tapped her fingertip against her chin. "But it's been hundreds of years. I got sick before I could do it, and since then, I began to think. I realized that killing him would change nothing, and it'd leave me hollow. So I just..." Lowering the hand, she glanced at Caius, then back at Lightning. "...forgave him, instead."

The warrioress wasn't sure how to respond to that, not really able to understand how this woman, whose love had been murdered in cold blood by a man who was now dying not very far away, could possibly forgive him of such a horrible crime. There were few things more awful than murder. How could Cardesia do it? How was she able to reach out a hand of kindness instead of vengeance?

"But I don't... understand. You loved him." Lightning waved a hand, aimless, not sure what to say, what to think, or even what to do. "It may have been centuries ago, but the pain has to still be there."

"Oh, yes, it still hurts a little, knowing I won't ever seen him again." She bowed her head, but only briefly. "But it hurts a lot less than it did because I let go of my hatred and bitterness over what Taleb did. By releasing that burden, I got my life back, and now I'm going to give Taleb back his."

"But..." Lightning deflated. She didn't know what else to say.

"He probably won't understand it." Cardesia worked a few moments in silence. "He'll have to live knowing he's forgiven. Believe me, it's a tough burden to bear. He hates himself for what he did. I don't think he's ever forgiven himself, actually. He's shut himself up in that village, joining the Children of Etro and trying to atone for what he did, but he never forgave himself. If I forgive him, and he finds out, he'll probably go mad before he gets right again." She chuckled. "I wish I could tell him myself. Instead, I'll do it by proxy. Give me a few more minutes here and I'll have it all finished up for you to take to him."

Stunned, Lightning turned her back, staring without seeing. Long ago, she had forgiven Snow for taking Serah away, for being the relentless and obnoxious optimist he had always been, for being the type of person she just couldn't stand and being unable to deal with that knowledge. Yet she had not forgiven herself, not yet, for not believing her dear sister when she'd shown her brand and expressed her desire to stay with Snow in marriage.

She didn't understand, at the time, that Serah had not wanted her sister to be her foundation of strength, but Snow, the one whom her heart and soul so adored.

As a woman who had never been in love, and didn't plan to ever be, she still didn't fully understand it. Yeul was right. It wasn't something she could understand.

As she didn't understand this idea of forgiving such a horrible thing as murder.

When she looked around for her companion, Caius had disappeared, but she could sense the fringes of his chaos brushing her heart – he was close, but out of sight, though he could probably still see her, as she doubted he would leave her alone for long or go very far.

"All done!" Cardesia sounded cheerful; Lightning turned to see her triumphantly wiping off her hands and smiling wide. "Once I seal it up, you'll need to get it to Taleb as soon as possible. Too late, and it'll lose its effectiveness. I don't want to make you get more..." She coughed and cleared her throat. "Well, make you run all over to get those ingredients again. If you would please?"

Lightning stared at Cardesia's hands as she filled a vial with a bluish liquid containing flecks of black and capped it with a stopper that fit tightly. She took the vial in her own hands, the glass cool even through her gloves, and held it up to the light to inspect its many facets of color and shifting light patterns.

Then the woman said, very softly, "You don't know what this means to me, Lightning. If he goes to the new world with the rest of us, I will find him again and tell him myself. I might die before the end comes, but... just knowing the past is behind us is... it's enough." Her smile was wide, soft, and real.

Lightning looked into her eyes and realized the forgiveness was not faked. These were not just words. They were feelings made into words that came straight from the heart, from the soul, and they clung to the vial like an aura she could actually feel against her skin.

"Cardesia, I..." She squeezed the vial between her fingers. "I wish I had your strength."

"Oh, it's not a question of strength." Tipping her head, she cleared her throat and ran her fingers through her hair. "It's more a question of when you want to stop hurting, you know? When do you want to stop having whatever-it-is gnaw away at your soul? That's the real question."

Lightning stared at the vial. "Alright."

"Now, go and get that to him. Time's wasting." She chuckled. "Meanwhile, I'm going to keep working here, but as a doctor for our chocobos." A rustle of grass came to her; she looked up to see Cardesia turn her back and go back to work on the paste over the fire.

Lightning turned away and tucked the vial into her sling, pointing her feet in the direction of Poltae. As she began to walk, she heard a crackle of static in her ear. "I caught most of that," Hope said, his voice coming through with a bit of static, but mostly clear. "So, Cardesia is giving a potion to Taleb, the man who murdered her lover, as an act of true forgiveness. I wish I could've been so forgiving of Snow, when my mother died. Though, of course, that hadn't really been his fault, though I couldn't accept it at the time."

"I guess I don't quite get it," she murmured, glancing back at Cardesia as she walked.

There was a long pause. "I do. Refusing to forgive Snow had been an enormous burden. It weighed me down and turned me into a monster. Only when I released that pain and let him be forgiven was I really able to be free again, and in turn, him. It really is a relief, Light, like she said it was."

"Well, I don't have any murders to forgive," she muttered as she walked.

Hope sounded hesitant when he said, "But... you do, Light. I'm not saying that you should, but Caius is responsible for your sister's death, as well as so many others, and the suffering of the world."

Lightning looked at the grass as she walked across it. "Hope, what he did was horrible, orders of magnitude worse than anything Taleb did. He didn't just kill a single lover, but probably thousands. He ruined a lot of lives and took my sister away. That isn't something that's so easily forgiven."

"I understand." Hope sighed. "Maybe once you're in the new world and everything's okay, or in fifty years, you will be able to. Maybe you'll have your heart back then."

"Yeah, maybe, or I might not ever be able to. Let's just drop it, okay?"

"Alright, sorry. Didn't mean to reopen wounds or anything." There was a pause. "Anyway, I noticed you don't have Odin with you anymore. I've been tracking across the whole area, but I haven't found him anywhere. If he is in the area, he doesn't seem to be in a form my sensors can pick up."

Her blood chilled. "I hope he didn't fall back into the chaos. I couldn't bear it."

"I understand. Odin was always your most faithful companion. He kept you safe when you needed it in Valhalla, isn't that right? And he followed you wherever you went during our journey to save Cocoon." He chuckled quietly. "Just like Alexander did for me. I wonder what all happened to our Eidolons. If Odin was able to manifest without Etro, maybe the others can, too."

"That would be good. There might come a time when we need their help again." She heard static come into the line and hoped it wasn't a chaos beast manifesting nearby. "I'm starting to get noise on the line. Keep in touch when you can, but I'll probably drop out again for a while."

"Because Caius is nearby, no doubt. It's amazing a human being can carry around that much chaos, and even more so that it isn't hurting you at all." There was a pause; the noise increased slightly. "Look, I'll reiterate that I don't like him being so close to you all the time, but... if he really is keeping you safe, then I'll trust him to."

She blinked. "You mean, in your stead?"

"Well, sort of. I mean, I can't exactly watch you when he's nearby, so I have to trust both of you – you, to not get hurt when I can't watch out for you, and him, to keep you safe."

"Wait..." She stopped. "What?"

"Light, I know what I said before, but when I'm up here alone, I get a lot of time to think. My instruments do most of the work, which frees up my mind. I've come to realize that, even if I don't like him and haven't forgotten what he did to us, the fact is that I already tried to change your mind about him and failed. You know I trust you, Light. I know you'll do what's best regarding him and the world. Just be careful."

As she stared into the distance, absorbing his words, she realized the fringes of her companion's chaos had become stronger, and there was enough static on the line to be distracting. "I will. Let me know if you find Odin anywhere. I'm getting worried." She continued forward, Hope's reply mostly drowned out by static.

Caius fell in step behind her as she passed him leaning against the cliff. The glimpse she got of his expression was one as cold and unreadable as the stone towering over her.

"Where did you run off to?" she muttered, not intending to sound accusatory, but it came out that way.

"I needed to think," was his too-curt reply.

Lightning knew better than to pursue the matter when he spoke like that, so she kept walking without slowing. As before, the rocky chasm that split the earth was deadly silent, though she caught a glimpse of monkey-like creatures squabbling over something in the distance while an individual creature looked on while tugging idly on its tail. None of them paid the pair any heed.

As they reached Poltae, Lightning went straight to the clinic, shouldering her way through the nurses that stood near the door, and over to Taleb's side. He lay pale-faced on the cot, eyes squeezed shut, squirming, muttering something under his breath. Overall, he looked worse than the last time – in a few short days, he had degraded even further.

"Taleb? Hey, I brought something from Cardesia for you."

Instantly, the man's eyes flew open. They focused on her. "Cardesia, you said? At last! I can finally be free of this existence, this trap of a body." Though his words were strong, his voice was weak; he reached out with one hand, but his fingers were unsteady. Lightning took the vial out and pulled the stopper. The scent was sweet and mild with a tinge of something that reminded her of wet earth.

"Here," she said, and held it out to him. "This will make it better."

"At last," he muttered, and made another attempt to grab the vial. This time, he managed to do it, craning his neck to turn his head up. "I finally get to leave this place." Without wasting another second, he tipped the entire thing back and drained it in one gulp, swallowing it eagerly.

Lightning gaped at him a moment. Was he so eager to die that there was no hesitation? He'd had many long centuries to consider it, and yet he had still decided that death was to be his final atonement for his crimes.

She waited to see what would happen, too curious to leave.

The vial clattered to the ground; Taleb made a face, looking relieved yet oddly desperate, as though silently pleading for the potion – or the poison, as he expected – to take effect. For a minute or so, he lay panting, making a soft sound in his throat as though gagging, fingers curling and uncurling. A look of confusion overcame him; frowning, he laid his fingers on his throat, then on his chest. The color came back into his skin.

"Wh..." Taleb slowly sat up, the hood of his robes falling away from his face. He was handsome, she saw, the sort of face she could imagine someone would love from afar. "Why... why am I still alive?" Looking at her with sea-blue eyes, his tone became one of accusation. "What did you give me? Did Cardesia not mix up a poison that would end both of our suffering? What happened? Why aren't I dead?"

Lightning breathed deep. "She cured you, Taleb. Forgave you."

Taleb's mouth fell open; the hand on his chest gripped the robes, fingers digging into the fabric until it gathered into folds. His breath still came rapidly, but not as shallow as it had just minutes before. While his skin still looked a little pale, the color had mostly returned to it, and his eyes were clear.

"How could she?" When he spoke, his voice was very small. "Look at what I did. I know she told you. I killed the love of her life because I got jealous. She told me she would end it. Why didn't she? Why forgive me? What have I done to be forgiven?" His demands had gotten louder, the small space making them seem even more so; she gave him a glare, and he shrank back from it.

"Cardesia chose to forgive you. I don't understand it myself, but she did. Maybe you do deserve death, or you were just trying to run away. It doesn't matter now."

For a very long time, he was silent, staring at the ground, though his eyes flitted back up to hers several times. "Or maybe it's a very slow-acting poison," he muttered, though he didn't sound at all convinced. "But then, I wouldn't be able to sit up, would I? Why would she do that?" Leaning forward, he buried his face in both hands. "Now I'll have to face her in the new world and look her in the eye knowing I don't deserve to live."

"Now, Taleb," said a voice behind her; she turned her head to see the old nurse from before walking forward and prodding his shoulder, encouraging him to lean back again. "You can't make that judgment. Everyone deserves a second chance, and no one is too broken that they're beyond salvation. Not even you." When he still refused to sit back, she grabbed both shoulders and forced him. He grunted, but didn't fight it. "Now, lay back down and gather up your strength. You'll be back to work in no time."

"Back groveling at everyone's feet, you mean, begging for atonement." Looking rather like a child, he crossed his arms tight to his chest and glared at the ceiling. "It would've been better–"

"That's enough out of you." The nurse spoke very firmly now. "Lay down and get your rest. The world will end soon enough, and you'll be able to face up to Cardesia in the new one, I'm sure. Then you can work it all out, if there's anything more to work out. Now hush up and lie still."

Lightning moved away, leaving the nurses to their work, and looked around, but Caius was nowhere to be found in the dim interior of the clinic. Only when she moved back outside, into a flood of golden sunlight, did she find him, standing out in the open and staring into the distance. Following his gaze, she found that he was staring at the broken spires of Etro's ruined temple. Though they were gray and dull, they still glimmered in the sunlight – it seemed some of their original beauty was still intact, even now.

The dirt and gravel crunched underfoot as she approached to stand at his side. He did not acknowledge her, though he knew she was there. "You wanna go back there?" she said.

He hesitated before looking at her., but turned away too soon for her liking, and she felt an unexpected twinge of some unknown feeling when he did. The fringes of his unease brushed across her heart; she brought both hands in front of her to fiddle with each other, trying to distract herself. "I need to stay longer when next you leave."

A frown creased her brow. "I thought you did spend a long time there."

The worn armor creaked quietly as he took a deep breath and let it out in near silence before speaking. "You are gone for only a few minutes when you leave, and when you return, I am right back with you. I actually spend very little time in that temple anymore." He looked sidelong at her, eyes thick with feeling, though the stoicism that had turned his features to stone was at complete odds with both them and the uncertain tone of his voice.

"So you... prefer to be out here?" she ventured quietly.

His eyes remained on hers. "Yes."

Lightning didn't know what to say to that and looked over at the broken spires again. So many battles had been fought there during their long war. How strange was it that she stood now at his side, without concern for what he might do, in the place where the beach had once existed.

"Well, good, then," she said. "That is exactly what's supposed to happen, you know." Her gaze drifted back to his; he met it at the same moment. "Now that we're done here, let's go back to the desert for a while."

The breeze stirred his hair. "And after that?"

"And then, I don't know." She shrugged. "I have to burn some hours before I get back to the Ark. Then I can talk to Hope and we can try to get all this straightened out." She looked down at one hand, watching the fabric shimmer in the sunlight as she curled and uncurled her fingers. "Ruffian would be the best place to go next. Maybe Fang has something we can do out there, and I want to see how Vanille's doing."

When her companion said nothing, she took it as an acknowledgment and used some of her strength to travel into the Historia Crux, flooded with chaos, the matrix of what was left of time and space, and carry herself swiftly to the burning sands of Ruffian.


After the solemnity of the grand cathedral, Vanille found Ruffian's rowdiness to be a pleasant change akin to going back to her village on Gran Pulse before the war. During the night hours, people got loud at the bar and went digging for treasures swallowed up by the dunes, had the most unbelievably random dance contests in the front lobby, and went out to the oasis to poke around in its precious waters for even more treasures. Fang assured her this was all completely normal; Vanille absolutely reveled in it.

And it was even better now that she was out of those ridiculous robes. She wore instead a top that bared her midriff and protected her shoulders, made of red cotton edged in gold embroidery and held in place with leather strips and silver clasps. Over a pair of small shorts in case of any incidents was a skirt that went to mid-thigh made of soft brown leather covered in gray fur that felt soft to the touch. Coupled with brown sandles and an assortment of beaded jewelry handmade by Ruffian locals – or plundered from the ruins, judging by some of the more archaic styles – she almost felt like her old self again. Almost.

After spending an hour or two amongst the ridiculousness, she had gone to bed feeling pleasantly exhausted and woken up after sunrise much refreshed. Fang was nowhere to be found in the main lobby, so Vanille suspected she was probably resting in her makeshift office.

Ruffian was quiet in the morning. The stone had dissipated all heat, and now her surroundings were cool, the shadows deep but welcoming rather than frightening. She saw no one she knew here and not many people overall, except for a bandit busy in the corner with a broom, trying to sweep around a rock that stuck out of the ground. She wandered into the bar, following the warm scents of breakfast and lulled by the low hum of the fans that stirred the air. Unlike the glass-shattering and shot contests of the previous night, the bar was almost completely silent except for the bartender humming to himself as he cleaned the counter.

Looking around, she finally spotted someone familiar – Noel, half-sprawled out on a table, his clothing changed into something light and airy that would protect him from the boiling sun, his back to her, arms splayed out. His hair had been trimmed, his skin scrubbed of years of city-grime, and he almost looked... normal.

She walked over to him and bent low. She smelled no alcohol – it seemed he had decided to put his head down and ended up falling asleep instead.

"Noel?" Taking his shoulder, she shook it gently. "Wake up." Though he stirred, it was only to curl up tighter and groan softly. She bent down to his ear. "Hey, Noel! Wake up!"

"Buh?" Nearly cracking her in the jaw, he suddenly sat straight up, but the movement upset his balance on the chair and caused it to scoot aside. He caught himself halfway through the act of falling by bracing himself between the chair back and the table, stopping with one foot having shot aside. After the initial panicked confusion wore off, he looked up at her and said, "Uh, Vanille? That you?"

Managing a small smile, she said, "Yep, it's me. How are you feeling?"

"Uh..." Noel groggily closed his eyes and shook his head. Pulling himself back onto the chair with one hand, he used the other to rub at his eyes. "I think I'm okay. Uh, what happened?"

"You tell me, I found you here."

"Here?" Voice cracking as he said the word, he looked quickly around, becoming more awake. "I don't remember falling asleep. One minute I was listening to some guys throw back some shots behind me–" Here, he gestured with one hand to his right. "–and the next, you're wakin' me up." Pause. "From a nice dream, too."

"Is that so?" She rested a hand on her hip. "What about?"

Only when his gaze wavered, then fell to the ground, did she realize it may have been best not to ask. "I think I was dreaming about Yeul," he whispered, and that was all he said – and all he needed to say – about that. The next thing out of his mouth, to her amusement, was an uneasy query. "I don't think I got drunk, did I? Though that might explain the weird dreams. I mean, it wasn't just Yeul..."

"Oh?" She tipped her head. "And what else was in there, Noel Kreiss?"

"Oh, things." He waved his hands and nearly slid off the chair again. This finally give him a hint. "Well, guess I'll rest either in the grave or in the new world. No time for restin' now." Rising, he stretched his arms, the threads of his tunic and pants shimmering dully in the dim morning light. It was the garb of a bandit, it seemed, though modified to fit Noel's unique, outdoorsy style – bands of leather bearing random doodles of embroidery closing the fabric around his arms, a leather belt studded with beads around his hips, loose pants tucked into brown boots cut to let the air pass across the skin freely. The ensemble was effective and practical, perfectly suited to someone line him. "I'm glad you're okay," he said after a moment, and smiled.

Vanille folded her arms and watched him stretch a bit longer before looking all around the room. Unlike the cathedral, she did not feel the constant weight of chaos here or the voices of those trapped inside. While she could smell it, faint and acrid in her nostrils, it didn't feel at all oppressive. The world was drenched in chaos, but she was happy to find that it hardly mattered to her while she was here.

Her sandals made soft tapping sounds on the bare bedrock that made up the floor of the bar as she walked to the opening to look at the sky. Oh, how she had missed the sky.

The scent of a powerful chaos emission came to her nostrils; she turned her head toward it. In the distance, she saw two figures, one distinctly feminine and the other tall and masculine, making their way across the burning sands. In an instant, she knew who they were – the Liberator and Destroyer – and smiled a little, hurrying across the loose sands to meet them when they entered the main atrium.

She knew that Caius and Lightning had warred on the shores of Valhalla five centuries ago, caught in the throes of a war that ended only when she fell into crystal stasis. Back then, she had feared Caius, like so many others, having heard his name and knowing of his exploits throughout history, knew him as a powerful warrior who could rend the earth and level mountains with a thought. To see him walking alongside the woman who would guide them to the new world, cloaking her in the fringes of his darkness, was strange.

Lightning's expression betrayed preoccupation, though she seemed to be making an effort to hide it. Caius had no expression at all, except his apparently default one of absolute focus.

"Hey, Lightning!" she called out; the woman's eyes suddenly jumped to hers as the preoccupied look slithered away.

"Vanille," she said, and smiled slightly. "Good to see you."

She hurried forward, examining her comrade's face. Though it still seemed a little hollow, she no longer felt as though she gazed into the face of a doll. Had something changed in her journey to bring that part of her back, or had it been some trick of the chaos? Or perhaps it had been her own imagination, her own disconnection from reality, that had summoned such thoughts.

"You're well?" Lightning continued, looking her up and down.

"Oh, yes, yes, don't worry about me." Smiling wider, she reached out and shyly patted Lightning's shoulder. Her eyes flitted to Caius, but he only gazed back without any change in expression. She refocused on Lightning. "How is everything? Did you make any major breakthroughs?"

Lightning's blue eyes were serious as the slight smile faded away. "I had to go save Snow, as you know. Thing is, what I didn't tell anyone was..." She looked down at her hand as she raised it and curled the fingers tightly into a fist. "He... had turned into a Cie'th, and now he's miraculously a man again."

Vanille stared at her in silence, absorbing her words. She didn't have to voice her thoughts – Lightning had become a Cie'th with the others in Orphan's Cradle, and only the intervention of Etro had saved them from their fates. But with Etro gone, who or what, then, had saved Snow?

"I don't know what did it." The rosehaired woman spoke as if responding to her thoughts. "Caius says he felt a power he didn't recognize, but that's our only hint."

"Another mystery, huh?" Vanille folded her hands and tipped her head. "Snow was saved, but by what?"

"And whatever it is, I wish it'd help us," she muttered.

"Maybe it can't for some reason," Vanille said. "Reversing Snow's fate might be the most it can do for now."

"I wonder if he's right." Lightning's brow furrowed. "I wonder if it was Serah."

Caius shifted his weight, but still said nothing. Vanille couldn't help looking in his direction, finding the weight of his chaos and his silent, intimidating presence somewhat distressing. Obviously, if he was still at Lightning's side, then she had found no reason to send him away, so he was hardly a threat, but though her mind knew better, her heart beat a little faster, unease prickling across her skin.

"Well, I guess we'll find out." She offered another small smile. "Anyway, it's good to see you. Sazh is around here somewhere, and Fang's off resting, no doubt. Still sleeping off her pain." She rested her hands on her hips. "Noel is here, over in the bar, if you want to see him, though."

"I would," she said, and nodded. "Would you lead the way to him, please?"

Vanille smiled and returned to the bar, where Noel stood beside the table and stared outside. At their approach, he looked at Lightning with warmth in his eyes, but they chilled the instant he saw Caius. Vanille said nothing as she came forward, and neither did the dark warrior at her heels. The knot of chaos that Caius carried with him felt as though it had tightened, but she could sense little else.

"Lightning," he said. "I'm glad to see you were able to get Vanille out of the cathedral."

"Don't thank me too much," she said. "Sazh was the one who convinced her. Caius destroyed the clavis, so there's no chance they'll be able to use it again, or even try to."

"I'll still have to help those poor people trapped in there," she murmured, "but there'll have to be another way."

Noel frowned. "You defied Bhunivelze's wishes?"

Lightning snorted. "That ritual was intended to destroy everyone inside the chaos so that we wouldn't remember them or care about them. Everyone, including Dajh and..." Dread crept across her features for a moment. "...and that might have included Serah, even."

"He promised to give her back, didn't he?" the younger man said. "Why would he let her be destroyed?"

Lightning said nothing.

"And you've still got him with you." Noel looked at Caius directly now. "I would have thought you'd release him by now, but here he is, still at your side. Is there some reason you keep parading him around?" His voice sharpened suddenly, and his eyes narrowed. "It's not enough knowing what he did and being able to keep it in the back of my mind. Now you have to drag him everywhere with you as a constant reminder?"

Lightning looked him in the eye. "You were fine when we went into the ruins. Did something change your mind?"

"I had something to occupy it," he growled at her.

Vanille watched out of the corner of her eye as the subject of the conversation visibly shrunk back from the trio, as though attempting to become little more than a shadow.

"Noel, you've made your thoughts clear enough before, and I thought you were past them. What triggered this?"

He looked away from her. "I had a dream."

Lightning frowned and looked down at the floor a moment, then said, "About Yeul?"

When his deep blue eyes shot back to hers, Vanille took an uncertain half-step back, fully expecting him to pounce or lash out in response, but instead his gaze turned hollow, and he huffed before striding out. Lightning pursued him, and Vanille turned to do the same, but hesitated when she saw that Caius had not moved to follow.

"Um..." She looked at him. "Are you coming along? You stay with her, right?"

His eyes were cold. "I am the last thing he needs right now."

Swallowing and trying to calm her trembling heart, she hurried after Lightning. A short distance from the entrance to the bar, she had caught up with him, apparently headed aimlessly into the deep desert, and now Noel found fit to respond to her mostly by nearly shouting.

"–and I had to deal with it for five centuries. Every time I see him, I can't help remembering Serah limp in my arms, or seeing Etro's seal break open the sky and the world come crashing down. You don't know what it's like! While you slept the years away, the rest of us had to suffer!"

"Is that why you tried to go to the temple and Caius had to pull you out? Are you that desperate to see her?"

"You don't get it! A world without her is none at all!"

Vanille stopped just beyond the threshold and studied the grains between her feet.

Lightning sounded irritated when she spoke. "I keep getting told that. I can't possibly understand this kind of love because I've never experienced it myself. The pain of separation, of loss, or crippling grief. I lost Serah, but I am starting to understand it isn't the same." A deep sigh escaped her. "But if this is what it means to fall in love and be forced to say goodbye, then I never want to know love."

"No, it's... it's not like that. It hurts, yeah, like nothing I've ever known, but it's worth it."

"How?" Lightning demanded. "How, when you feel like someone ripped out your heart? How, when it grieves your soul just to think of the one whom it so adores?"

Noel groaned in exasperation. "I can't explain it to you because you've never been in love."

Lightning kicked a pebble. "I know that!"

Vanille looked up sharply at her tone. She sounded both exasperated and helpless, as though something dear to her lay just beyond her grasp. All she had to compare the grief and the pain to was losing her sister, but those around her were also right. Serah was very dear to her, but she was not a lover. She was not a piece of her soul, her sun and sky and stars, infinitely and impossibly precious to her heart.

Knowing Lightning's fierceness and fiery heart, she could imagine what she would feel to be separated from a lover.

Perhaps she had been blessed to only have her sister taken.

"But that isn't all of it. I wish it was, but Yeul isn't the whole thing." When she looked up, it was in time to see Noel scuff the sand with one foot. "I grew up with Caius. He mentored me and helped shape me into what I am, even if I was trying not to be like him. I despise him for what he did, for how callously he destroyed our futures and ended up locking Yeul up inside that prison in the wilderness, but... that isn't all."

"It isn't?" Lightning sounded confused. "Then–"

"It's him, too." Now Noel's voice had gone softer, solemn. Miserable. "After everything he's done, after what he put us through and..." Taking a deep breath, he rubbed a hand across his face. Vanille moved closer to hear him better as his voice grew even softer. "I still love him. He's still like a brother to me, or even the father I barely had. I just can't hate him enough to stop loving him."

Vanille moved closer, with slow, steady steps, reaching out a hand of understanding to his shoulder.

Lightning said, gently, "He needs to know that, Noel."

"No, he doesn't." Noel shook his head. "If I can help it, I never want to see him again."

"Are you saying that out of spite, or are you just so upset over Yeul that you can't think straight?" Lightning tapped the underside of his chin with her curled index finger, forcing him to look up at her. "I understand why you feel the way you do, but your soul won't ever find complete salvation unless you release that pain, you know that. You're so close right now. Don't blow this chance because of your anger."

Noel's anger flickered, a flame dancing in the wind, bowing before the words that cut to his heart, before it went dark, and he looked at the ground again. "I'm not ready," he murmured.

Vanille rubbed his shoulder. Noel made no attempt to resist her attempt to comfort him. "If it's too much right now, then face it later," she said. "I'm sure you'll get another chance."

"I'm not ready to forgive him." But he sounded much less vitriolic now.

"Neither am I, Noel, if I'm being honest. And I may not ever be." Lightning folded her arms. "But it's not about that. If you don't stop hating yourself for what happened, you won't make it to the new world. I know you don't want to go without her, but don't you think she'd tell you to live a happy life anyway?"

Noel looked to be on the verge of a breakdown; Vanille laid her other hand on his arm. "Yes. She would."

"I can't make you do anything," she murmured, "so I'll leave it up to you."

He said nothing, staring at the sand.

Lightning let the silence sit between the three of them for a good while; Vanille withdrew her hands despite her enjoyment of the earthy roughness of the fabric and looked at the other woman expectantly. "I only came to tell all of you that Snow will be fine," she said at last. "I managed to save him."

Vanille started to add that Snow had become a Cie'th, but come back, when Lightning did not speak for a time, but held her tongue. The omission had to be for a reason.

"Yeah, good." Noel sighed. "Hope you don't mind, but, uh, I kind of want to just... stay here."

"Noel," she said, "Caius is going to be with me wherever I go. You staying here, curled up in the dark and waiting for the end, isn't going to change that fact."

"I won't be 'curled up in the dark'," he muttered. "I'm going to help, however I can. But it hurts when I see him. It hurts so much. His face haunted my nightmares, Lightning. You don't understand." But instead of lashing out at her, he only looked away into the distance, at the rolling dunes and the shimmering oasis. "You remember what he said. They won't let him die, and my Yeul is chained to the chaos as well. Even if I do see her again, it'll only be–" Then, suddenly, his gaze sharpened. "You know what, I am going to see her again. I might even find a way to save her. That will be my atonement for what I did."

Lightning nodded, looking pleased. "That's better. Change the future."

"Yeah, yeah, I know. But that's from those days when we all thought a little fighting and talking could save us. Oh, man, but we were fools, both of us."

The pleased look vanished. "Noel, I sent the two of you out on that suicide mission. You had nothing to do with it."

He sighed. "Okay. Now I'm sick of the blame game."

Vanille chuckled. Lightning looked amused. "Alright. Get back inside. I have to burn daylight before I need to go back to the Ark and talk to Hope about what's going on." She patted his shoulder. "You gonna be alright?"

Noel blew through his lips. "Yeah, sure. Fine."

Vanille nudged him with an elbow. "You can do it. I believe in you."

"You barely know me," he muttered to her, but nonetheless flashed her a genuine half-smile.

Vanille stayed beside him as Lightning went back inside Ruffian, curious to know if Caius had overhead any of that, but knowing better than to go after her. Lightning would be able to deal with him, she knew, no matter how he chose to respond to it, and it was not hers to be concerned with.

Hope. Remembering Lightning's words, she wondered, not for the first time, how he was doing. Lightning had not really said what he was up to, and she was desperately curious, not that she knew why, or understood why... or accepted any explanations as to why.

"Something troubles your mind, my lady," Cecil had said to her once. "I recognize that look in your eyes."

Of course he did. It had been reflected in his own.

"Hey, Noel? Remember that bit about occupying your mind?" When he nodded, she smiled. "Come on. Let's go back inside and see if there's anything these rascals can set us up doing. I need something to do."


After spending many hours tracing routes through Luxerion and the Wildlands, visiting the various people who had made their homes there, all too soon the sky had begun to lighten, and the stars began to fade into the milky peach tones of the approaching dawn. It caught them when they stood on the southernmost hill, overlooking the massive moor that made up the central expanse of the wilderness. Aryas Village, a quaint little place of low-slung huts and sheep pens, bore a large clock with hands shaped out of what appeared to be ivory. Right now, it read 5:55, only minutes to spare before it was time for her to go.

Caius had been quiet most of the day, speaking only when spoken to, unwilling to relent when Lightning asked that he tell her what troubled him. Too much occupied his mind for him to trust his tongue.

"It's beautiful," she murmured beside him, robes fluttering in the wind off the moor, the chill in the air indicative of the early-morning dew that clung to shoots and leaves. She had saved many souls today, performing mundane tasks ranging from checking clocks to providing ingredients for a meal prepared here in this village, one the cook with the curious accent had called "the Nora Special" and caused Lightning to smile.

They had not found Odin, but she had managed to bottle up her growing concern to focus on her tasks.

Not sure how else to use up the remaining minutes, Caius stood in silence beside her and stared over the landscape. It was wild, beautiful, sweet with the scent of earth and life, and soon, it would be dead.

"You haven't talked much all day, you know."

He looked at her.

"Did you overhear anything Noel said in Ruffian?"

Ancient beads clicked together when he shook his head. "No. Did he speak of me?"

"Could say that," she said. "You upset him."

"Merely by existing, right?"

"Yeah. But he'll get over it eventually." She frowned, murmuring, "Come on, Odin, where are you?"

"While you are resting in the Ark, I will try again to find him for you. It is not right for you to be separated from your Eidolon like this." He brought one hand up to rest on his hip, then looked sidelong at her. "Is there anything else you can think to do before you return, so you do not waste any time?"

"Oh, I'm sure there's something." She sighed. "But, when I go to the Ark, I don't do much else except sleep. Here, I can just look around. I want to waste a few minutes and engrave this place in my memory."

"It is beautiful," he said, still looking at her.

As though sensing his gaze, she met it and raised an eyebrow. "Are you gonna talk to me?"

He felt his lips quirk at her words. "I have been, have I not?"

"I mean, tell me what's bothering you."

"Lightning," he sighed, "enough about that. Please."

Both eyebrows went up, but he saw the fervor go out of her eyes. Understanding replaced it. "Then let's talk about the plan for the remaining days. I should have collected enough eradia today to extend our time to at least another day, so by tomorrow, when next you see me, we'll be up to ten." She raised a hand, fingers splayed, and tugged on her pinkie with the other hand. "Provided everything goes well, I'll be up to thirteen in no time, and then Bhunivelze will wake up and shape a new world. We need to get those people out of the chaos, and I want to find Odin."

Caius nodded. "What will you do, then, should he not return your sister?"

"I'll fight him, and destroy him if I must." She said it with such matter-of-factness that he almost found it amusing. It was simple to her – give Serah back, or die. "It'll be easier with you around. That's assuming you're still with me."

"I swore to be, until you need me no more," he reminded her.

Her eyes searched his. "That's true."

Without meaning to, he looked over at the clock. The time was drawing near; the eastern sky had developed the pale hint of dawn. Soon, she would vanish, taken by a golden shimmer of light, and he would have to go to the temple to be with the girls who so desperately awaited his return. He did not wish to admit to his reluctance to do so, but the dark, dank halls of the ruined temple made him sick. After the end of the world, he would be left with this landscape, warped beyond recognition, to rule instead.

It would be better than the temple that still bore the scars of their war and her pain and his foolishness, and he would be glad of the day it was finally swept away.

"Caius?" she murmured, her voice nearly drowned by the wind.

He looked at her, into her eyes, wishing he could look away, while knowing that he could not. "Hmm?"

"If I somehow set off Bhunivelze, things could get rough." She tucked wayward strands of hair behind her ear. "If that happens, I need you with me. I don't think it'll come to that just yet, though, but I expected, at the end of days, if he does not do as I ask, or if my suspicions are true, I must fight him."

He met her expression firmly. "You do not have to be concerned, Lightning. I shall not leave your side, even should you need to fight Bhunivelze. Only when the chaos comes will we be apart again."

She sighed. "I understand. Thank you, Caius."

"It is what I am supposed to do," he said, but dipped his chin. "But, you are welcome."

For a long time, she looked out over the moor, the wind tousling her hair and causing her robes to flare out behind her, grass rippling around her feet. Caius gazed at her, hoping she would not notice, and wished he could etch her into his memory. This powerful warrioress had faced him without fear and dared best him, over and over, making him work for the end he sought until he had despaired.

If anyone deserved to go on to the new world, it was certainly her.

Chimes noting the hour rang out; Caius felt his heart tighten when he saw the glow wreath her in golden light and wished he could think of something appropriate to say, but what was there left to tell her anymore?

There were so few days remaining. They were halfway to the end.

"Find me again when I return," she said, and then the golden glow swallowed her up.

Caius continued to stare blankly at the spot she had vacated for some time, heedless of the rising sun and fading stars, watching the imprint in the grass from her feet slowly disappear as the wind batted the blades. It was time for him to return to where he belonged, wile away the minutes or the hours until she returned, and then he would take up his duty once more until the final bell tolled and the end came.

I only wish that I could do more. He could follow her everywhere at her heels, help wherever he could, watch as she mended hearts in preparation for the end. He could watch her receive Serah into open arms, and watch Snow take her up in his arms and laugh joyously. But he could never–

He silenced those thoughts, something he had become skilled at over the past five centuries.

When next he took solid form, it was inside the temple's gran receiving hall that doubled as the throne room, the dark crystal throne of Etro still suspended in midair as it had always been. No longer did it radiate light as it had done while the goddess had lived, or when Lightning's crystal statue had perched atop it for nearly five hundred years. Once she had vanished, so too had the last light.

There was no reason for him to stand here in solid form, really, not when there was no one else here who could make use of his ability to do so. Yeul received him in the chaos, as she herself had no solid form, and he heard her in the form of endless whispers all around him, endlessly cycling through the air, waiting for him.

But he stood rooted to the spot, and stared at the floor.

Cold air brushed across his exposed skin; he peered sidelong to see Yeul, the one from the War of Transgression, appear a few feet away, cloaked in shadows, but her eyes were clear and focused. There was love in the those eyes, a look he had become well accustomed to.

"Welcome home, my Guardian," she whispered, and smiled.

Though he tried to return it, the only thing that came out was a twist of his lips that barely bore a resemblance to a facsimile of a smile. Annoyed that his body had betrayed him, he watched her smile falter before it fell away into her usual stoic expression, and her large green eyes bored into him in silence.

"Is there something you need of me?" he murmured.

The girl's expression crumbled slightly, and again he cursed himself, knowing the tone to be too accusatory, too stern. "Nothing but your presence," she said, her voice very gentle. "You have returned to us, and it seems as though you wish to stay longer this time. We are gladdened by this."

Yeul heard him wherever he went, through the chaos, so even his conversations with Lightning were not exempt from her watchful eye. "I will continue to perform my duty to you," he assured her. "Now, and into forever, as I gave in my oath to you in ancient times. That will never change."

The girl smiled again. Caius looked at the crystal throne again, felt something brush across his armor, and moved his arm out of reach, sensing Yeul's heart suddenly prickle with emotion before it melded into the chaos and he could no longer separate her uniqueness from the others.


Alright, I admit it. I'm not terribly happy with how this chapter turned out, but at least it's finally done. Been planning Noel's scene and the ending to Cardesia's quest for a long time. I do assure you, though, you won't want to miss the next chapter. No joke. As I'm quite excited for it, expect it to show up by next Saturday, with Sunday evening being the latest. Stay tuned, and please don't forget to review! (even though, honestly, I do know this chapter wasn't quite up to snuff)