A/N: At the top to prevent me screaming to death … maybe. This one's for Scary Scarecrows as an apology for, well, Jason Todd and for L.D Eddy who puts up with my insane ramblings on a daily basis and gave me this wonderful gift of Jonathan Crane being a misanthropist. I have found a taste for torturing Jonathan Crane alongside Edward and neither escape this chapter without some sort of passive trauma. Thanks for the advice, Scary. Last Will and Testament updated to include clauses about my stuff being contaminated with fear gas. I mean, he gets the last laugh but Jonny's ... unpredictable when provoked. I'm sorry, Doctor Crane (I'm really not), You deserve better (nah, you don't), please don't kill me (that one's heartfelt! Truly!). I don't want to be on Scarecrow's shit-list but this was too funny for me to leave alone. Doctor Crane does not put up with a lot of things but most notably … this.


Jonathan Crane was a master psychologist - which helped when dealing with his insane peers. Normal people were just too easy for him to toy with at this point. Rogues were a little harder and a little more fun. The most easy to manipulate just happened to consider him his best friend - Jonathan himself considered Edward Nigma to be an annoying (but interesting) ball of pride, self-loathing, ego, and avante-garde narcissism. He could be fascinated by Edward; on occasion he even needed The Riddler - no. Not in that way. Anyone who even suggested that would get tortured to death by their own nightmares slowly over the course of weeks and do not tell Edward, ever, that he needed that egotistical maniac.

Right now, he needed Edward's help to access some very volatile chemicals for an experimental batch of Fear Gas. Edward had accepted presumably because Jonathan had posed the problem as one that could possibly stump even him and Edward did not take well to criticism on his skills - as Jonathan inherently knew.

Riddler really was easy to manipulate when you knew which buttons to press.

Unfortunately for Jonathan, inviting Edward to help him steal these chemicals also invited his favourite lackey along to be their driver and busy-person. Personally, Jonathan had nothing against Dead Switch - he knew (and was rather amused by) her small fear of him - and she had every right to fear him. Everyone should fear him.

The heist had, surprisingly, gone off without a hitch. It was their attitudes whilst on the heist that had upset Scarecrow. Edward seemed determined to show off during the whole thing and like a childish game of oneupmanship, Dead Switch had attempted to keep up. She was no Edward - but gradually, infuriatingly, the flirting had begun to get on his last nerve. Jonathan remembered why he hated working with Edward when Dead Switch was involved - there would be too much overt activity that he would pick up on.

A glance here, a touch there - to a psychologist like Crane it meant something. It would always mean something.

While he was happy - surprised? Curious? Nauseated? - Edward had finally faced his feelings, now was not the time to be indulging in them; especially while on a heist with him. Jonathan held no truck with flirting like you were a goddamn teenager in the middle of business. Perhaps as a psychologist he should have seen this coming. Perhaps he had inwardly hoped that they could be professional for one night.

By the time the three got into the car with their prize, Jonathan had hit his limit of acceptable niceties when Edward leaned over and whispered something - a riddle no doubt - into Dead Switch's ear which caused a blush and a filthy laugh. His hand was resting on her thigh, fingers digging into the flesh.

Children.

Well, he had what he needed now. There was really no reason to put up with this any longer.

He slid the burlap down his face - not that he needed it for his own product, Jonathan could no longer feel fear - and pulled the pin on one of his very special concoctions. He dumped it into the footwell and waited.

Edward was - unsurprisingly - the first to note that something was amiss. 'Jonathan why are you wearing your mask?'

He remained silent, eyes locked on Edward as he waited for the first signs.

Dead Switch was the next to pick up on it. She coughed at a bitter taste in the air and begun to look uneasy. 'Can you smell that?'

Jonathan got out of the car with his chemicals as Edward paled. The man was a genius but painfully slow on the uptake. 'Jon?' He croaked.

Behind the burlap, Scarecrow grinned. He wasn't going to tell Edward what he had done - why ruin the suspense? - but Edward knew, all the same, what was happening.

He made his way to the driver's seat as Dead Switch began to hyperventilate. In an instant the door was open. He took the keys, shut it, and then locked them both inside. True, they could have opened it from the inside but by now the gas should be working. He was tempted to stay - Jonathan had never experimented with such a quantity of gas in such a confined space - but he had a feeling the lovely shrieks that even now looked like they were going to burst forth were going to attract some attention. Best to be far away when that happened. Jonathan tapped on the glass, nevertheless, to get things started. There was a whimper from Edward.

'Once you learn to behave properly in the presence of others, I expect an apology. Until then - Scream.'

It began as he walked away and for a moment he basked in how lovely it sounded. Really. They should know better than to act like love-struck fools around him.