Chapter 28: Valentine's Day, Interlude
February 14th, 2011
Dave sat on the edge of his bed, staring at a little rectangular box in his hands. Today was Valentine's Day. Today was the day he was going to start figuring out how to fix the giant mess he'd made with Kurt.
While Melodie had been ignoring him and having her own personal troubles, while Kurt had been avoiding him and shutting off his feelings behind his hurt, while Dave himself had been moping and refusing to exist in the world anymore than he absolutely had to…something had changed. He guessed the tipping point had been yesterday, when he'd heard a knock on his door and then heard the muffled voice of Azimio Adams saying, "Dude, lemme in. We need to talk."
February 13th, 2011
Dave blinked and sat up, staring at his door in disbelief.
"Az?" He said, voice hoarse with disuse and full of shock.
"Yeah, man, lemme in."
"Go away," Dave said halfheartedly, rolling over to bury his face in his pillow. Of course, Azimio had never known when to quit.
"I ain't going anywhere until you let me in to talk to you man," he said through the door. Dave didn't respond.
"C'mon," Az said, a note of whining creeping into his tone, "Don't make me break the door down. Your mom'll be pissed, and I could throw out my shoulder or somethin'."
Dave remained silent. He didn't really think Azimio would try to break the door down. After a minute of silence, Dave rolled over, figuring Az had given up and gone away.
"Fine, I see how it's gonna be." Apparently, Dave wasn't that lucky. "You want me to ask your cousin for help? Word on the street that chick can pick any lock known to man."
Dave sighed and sat up, making a mental note to talk to his mom about Melodie's budding career as a cat burglar sometime. He reluctantly went to the door and unlocked it, returning to the bed without deigning to actually open it. Hearing the snick of the deadbolt turn, Azimio opened the door and stepped inside, closing it behind him and regarding his friend with an expression that was half-annoyed, half-guilty.
"What the hell gives, Karofsky? You haven't talked to me in weeks, man."
"Yeah, well, you never could take a hint," Dave said bitterly, voice slightly muffled by the pillow under his chin.
"Ouch. I'm hurt. Mind telling me exactly what your problem is?" At that, Dave rolled over and sat up, fixing Azimio with a fierce glare.
"Like you even have to ask? Like you didn't stand there and egg me on knowing exactly what you were doing and exactly how scared I was and exactly what was gonna happen? I dunno what surprises me more: that you had the nerve to show up here or that you even wanted to."
"Hey, hey," Azimio held up his hands in a placating gesture, "calm down, dude. First of all, we've known each other since we were kids. D'you really think there's anything you can't tell me about? Second, I had no idea Hummel was anywhere near the locker rooms, so I didn't know he was gonna overhear us and dump your ass. Third, I didn't know how scared you were because you haven't really talked to me about anything all year." He sighed, letting his hands fall heavily to his sides, and plopped down into Dave's desk chair, staring at his knees and looking thoroughly uncomfortable.
"But…yeah. I knew what I was doing. And I'm really sorry, man. It was a dick move, and if I could take it back I would just come out and tell you I already knew, and that it was cool." He chanced a look at Dave's face, to find that his friend was staring at him in wide-eyed disbelief.
"So…you do know."
"Yeah, I know."
"That I'm gay." Dave pressed, wanting to be sure all the cards were on the table. Because there was no way it could possibly be this easy. First his mom catches him making out with a guy and barely bats an eyelash, then his best friend finds out he's dating the posterchild for all things gay, and doesn't even care? That's not how it worked.
"Yes that you're gay, what the hell did you think I was talking about?" Azimio sounded slightly annoyed now. "Look, me and Mercedes Jones were hanging out at that party at Berry's house, and we saw you kissing Hummel in her back yard. What I don't get is why you didn't just tell me about it in the first place? I'm your best friend."
Dave snorted, but the sound didn't come out as bitter as he'd intended it. His head was reeling with a strange combination of regret and relief. He had a crazy urge to laugh, but he held it back and looked sideways at his best friend, suddenly appreciating that those words were more than just a convenient title they'd attached to one another.
"Yeah, Az. We are, but—and I feel like a total girl saying this, just so you know—but I don't think I really realized what that meant until just now."
Azimio leaned back, a look of mock horror on his face. "Oh man, do we gotta hug now? 'Cause I am so not ready for all that kumbaya-ya shit."
Dave laughed—actually laughed—and shook his head. "Asshole."
"Till the day I die, bro," Az said, and there was real warmth in the words. Dave caught the double meaning, and grinned again.
"So," Azimio said after a silent moment that was heavy, but not totally uncomfortable. "Hummel, huh? I guess I can see that. Kinda. Although he's so girly I'm not sure that qualifies you as actually gay." Dave snorted at that before he could stop himself.
"Trust me, Az," he said wickedly. "He's a guy in all the ways that count."
"Gross, man," Az said without heat. "Just gross. But whatever, it's only fair. I mean, you've listened to me talk about girls for how many years now?" Dave groaned.
"More than I want to think about. Anyway, you have nothing to worry about, it's not like Kurt and I are gonna be making out anytime soon." And just like that, his brief good mood was gone.
"So you like him a lot, huh?" Azimio said, gazing at his friend's face with open concern.
"Yeah," Dave huffed the word out in a sad chuckle. "I like him a whole lot."
"Ooookayyy," Azimio said slowly. "So…why don't you try and get him back?" Dave looked at his friend as if he'd lost his mind.
"Seriously, dude? I was damn lucky to get him to even look my way the first time. You think after he gave me a chance and I let him down he's gonna ever forgive me?"
"I dunno, man," he said. "I mean, you spent most of the last two years giving him crap for being gay, and he dated you after all that, right?"
"Well…yeah. But only 'cause I apologized. And he kinda got to know me. And I can't get rid of this sneaking suspicion that my demon-spawn cousin had a hand in this whole thing somewhere."
"Dude, that chick is seriously scary," Azimio concurred. "But hey…so Hummel's seen that you can be a nice guy, right? Unlike me, you're only an asshole when you're…scared, I guess. Or pissed off. Aren't most people that way?"
"Not Kurt," Dave said. "He's—" But then he stopped. No, that wasn't quite right. Kurt really could be an asshole when he was mad, or scared. Of course, on him it looked more like ice bitch, but still. He could get really mean when he felt threatened. He got mean, and he said things that weren't true, to hurt people before they could hurt him, and to throw them off. A little smile played at the corners of Dave's lips.
"Az…you're the best, dude. Now get lost. I have some thinking to do."
Azimio grunted a laugh at his friend's abrupt dismissal, but he stood and turned toward the door. Before leaving, he turned back one more time.
"So…we cool?"
"Yeah, Az," Dave said. "We're cool."
Azimio left, and Dave locked the door behind him. He fell onto his bed, staring up at the ceiling with his arms thrown haphazardly out to either side, a grin fighting to break out across his face. He hadn't felt this good in weeks. He felt lighter all of a sudden, and a little excited. Everything was suddenly thrown into sharper focus, and in his mind things were clicking into place and forming a definite plan of action.
Look out, Kurt Hummel, Dave thought, a touch giddily. I'm gonna get my boyfriend back.
February 14th, 2011
It was just providence that Azimio had come to him the day before Valentine's Day. Several very important things had clicked together in Dave's head. 1) Kurt could be a real jerk when he was scared, or angry, and he said things he didn't mean. 2) Kurt had shown on more than one occasion that he liked jocks, and Dave in particular. 3) Kurt had really never meant any of those things he'd said to him that day in the locker room. He'd been angry, he'd been lashing out, trying to hurt Dave with his words the way Dave had hurt him physically. So…maybe he and Kurt had never been as big of a long shot as he'd always thought. I mean, you know, he added grudgingly, if I hadn't been such a complete and total asshole.
And that day at school? After the football game…Kurt had been hurting then, too. He'd had every right to be, of course. But all this time, Dave had just taken everything Kurt had said at face value. He'd assumed Kurt said it was over because it was, because he really didn't want Dave anymore. What if Kurt was really just hurting and trying to hurt Dave back so Dave would leave him alone?
As soon as that thought came into his head, Dave latched onto it like a life preserver in the middle of the ocean. That has to be it, he thought. He'd seen Kurt in the halls; he wasn't doing much better than Dave, by all accounts. He went through the motions of being his fabulous self, but the spark was gone. He was miserable, even if most people didn't know him well enough to see it. So Dave's course of action now was obvious: he just had to convince Kurt he was really sorry, that he really could change. He had to show Kurt that he would never hurt him that way again, and get him to let the wall down just one more time and let Dave in again. Let him make Kurt happy again.
If he'll just give me another chance, Dave thought, I can be better for him. I can be good enough for him.
And the first step to being good enough for him, Dave knew, was going to be the hardest. He stared down at the box in his hands for a full minute, gathering courage from the strength of his conviction that Kurt Hummel was sitting somewhere, loving him and missing him and denying both feelings. Then, he sat the box aside and stood up, walked out of his room and down the hall to his parents' room, where his mother was preparing for dinner out with his dad. He knocked on the door frame to get her attention.
"Mom?" She turned from her vanity mirror, hands paused at her ear where she was putting on an earring. She looked surprised to see him.
"Hello, David. Did you need something, sweetie?"
"Um…do you have a minute? I need to talk to you about…about Kurt." His courage wavered, and his voice dropped almost to a whisper, but he'd gotten the words out. That was something. His mother fixed him with her steady hazel eyes, exactly like his own. She stopped fiddling with her earrings and stood, turning to face her son fully.
"Of course, David," she said gently. "Come sit. Your father won't be home for about an hour."
Dave nodded, joining his mother where she'd sat on the foot of her bed. Hesitantly—their family really wasn't much for displays of affection these days—she brushed his hair back from his forehead the way she had done at night when he was little. He found he missed this small gesture, and he felt a lump in his throat forming. He suddenly wasn't sure he'd be able to talk around the tight feeling in his chest.
"Mom," he choked out. "I'm…I'm…" He stopped. He couldn't go on. He took a shaky breath and let it out in a dry sob. His mother looked at him, at the miserable slump of his shoulders and his face full of pain, and she took him into her arms.
"Go on and say it, Davey," she said softly. "I love you. Just go ahead and tell me."
His courage cracked, but his mother's arms were there to hold him together.
"I'm gay," he gasped out around the lump in his throat. The only response was a tightening of arms around him. Dave broke. He cried like a child into his mother's shoulder, tears of relief from all the terror and shame that had been building in him for the last two years, maybe longer. Gina Karofsky just held her son, rocking him gently and reminding him every other breath that she loved him. All the while, she wondered to herself why she hadn't said this to him every day, when she had gotten so detached that her son had ever been left to doubt or wonder whether he could ever do anything that would make her stop loving him.
"I love you Davey. No matter what. No matter who you love. I love you."
Author's Note: Okay, so...plans change. We all know this. Originally, this story was supposed to go soooo much differently. But a combination of my muse, my beta, and some incredibly inspiring messages from you amazing people have worked to change how I see this story and how I want it to go. The good news, of course, is that Dave is no longer moping. The bad news? Sometimes love isn't as simple as we'd like it to be, and rarely is there only room in our hearts to love one person at a time.
That being said, thanks so much to my reviewers! Especially swimgleek, your messages gave me so many ideas! Also, to the people who reviewed that I couldn't reply to because you don't have an FFN account, thanks so much for reading and reviewing! I have no idea how you even found my little story, but I love you for spending some time with it.
We have a little ways to go on Valentine's Day: Kurt and Blaine's date, Dave's plan to get Kurt back-which will definitely span more than just the Valentine's Day arc of chapters-and Melodie and Sam's date as well. Then we have regionals coming up, and junior prom, and please don't throw things at him, but Blaine has something up his sleeve that's gonna throw a wrench into everyone's plans! So...stay tuned? ;D
Finally, I'm going to go ahead and say that yes, this story has been pretty inconsistent. I had literally NOTHING in mind for it when I wrote that first chapter. It was just a one-shot helping me think through that crazy, game-changing locker room kiss. Since then I've been using it to kind of stretch my legs as a writer, and I think it's really helped me in a lot of ways. That being said, I fully intend to go back and edit the whole thing, but I'm not going to do this until the entire thing is finished. I think that'll give me the best chance of maintaining some consistency in the quality of it. When I do edit it, I'll probably just leave this the way it is, and put the edit together in a PDF on my tumblr.
- The Raisin Girl
