Shut Out

EPOV:

Ever since Bella's birthday she's shut everyone out. I was so shocked when she began screaming that I called Carlisle and told him what was going on. He had told me he'd be there soon and I quickly dressed Bella and myself while I waited for Carlisle. He arrived within an hour of our conversation and by that time Bella had stopped screaming, but she was crying uncontrollably and Carlisle had to give her a sedative.

On the way home she rode with Carlisle while I drove my car home. Carlisle wanted a chance to talk to her in private about what happened. Unfortunately he was unable to get any information out of her. I love Bella and I only wish I knew what happened that made her scream like that. It was a scream of pure terror and I didn't understand what had scared her so badly.

Once we got home I tucked Bella in and crawled into bed next to her. She made an effort to stay away from me so I left her alone no matter how much it was killing me inside. When I woke up the next morning Bella was asleep, but I could tell by the way she was moving around restlessly that she wasn't sleeping well. I didn't know what to do, on the one hand I wanted to get up and go to the bathroom and maybe make myself presentable, but on the other hand Bella needed me and I wanted to be there when she woke up, so I decided to stay.

I watch as my beautiful Bella writhed under the sheets and began to whimper as a tear began to form. Suddenly the tear broke free of her eyelashes and began to fall down her cheek, followed by another and another until she was crying in her sleep. "No, don't! Please…" whimpers Bella as she cries. "Don't…mommy…no…"

I didn't know what to do. Bella was crying, she was obviously dreaming of something terrible, probably the rape, and I didn't know what to do, so I did the only thing I could think of. I wrapped my arms around Bella, curling my body around hers and whispered words of comfort and love into her ear. When that didn't work I began to hum her lullaby and she quieted down and stopped moving, instead she rolled over and cuddled up to me.

The next thing I knew I was waking up and my arms were empty. When I realize this I quickly sit up and look around frantically searching for Bella. I find her sitting on the couch reading a book, fully dressed and looking ready for the day, but her eyes told me a different story. Her eyes held more shadows than ever.

Wanting to help her I get up and walk over to the couch and sit next to her. "Good morning, Love. Did you sleep well?" I ask. Bella looks up at me for a short moment before turning back to her book.

"I'm sorry, Edward," whispers Bella with a hint of finality. I knew that was all I was going to get out of her without pushing it, and pushing her usually ended in tears.

"You have nothing to apologize for, Love," I say as I reach out and gently touch her arm. She flinches away from me and I knew exactly what was wrong. She was reliving the rape, our actions last night had brought it all up and now she was scared. "I'm the one who should apologize. I should have known that if we tried to have sex that it would only bring up unpleasant memories. You should talk to someone about it. Carlisle loves you very much Bella and if you told him not to tell me anything he'd honor that."

Bella doesn't say anything, but I had a feeling she'd talk to Carlisle. That was fine by me as long as she got help from someone. I loved her and I only wanted the best for her. "I'm going to go get ready for the day. Would you like to do anything?" I ask. Bella shakes her head and I sigh heavily. "Okay. I love you Bella, please remember that."

With that said I grab some clothes and go to the bathroom. Once there I turn on the water and while I waited for it to warm up I go to the bathroom and get undressed. The water was warm when I stepped into it and began to shower. As I washed my hair I began to think about Bella. She'd told me about the rape more than once, but when she told me she always seemed detached in a way.

Last night she was forced to face it head on and it was all because I couldn't see the signs! I let my selfish wants and needs to take over my reasoning and I hurt the one closest to me. Bella was my reason for living and she was broken. What was I supposed to do? I decided to talk to Emmett about it. He was dating Rosalie who was also raped. Emmett might know what to do.

With a sigh I get out of the shower and dry off before getting dressed and going back to my room to check on Bella only to find that she wasn't there. Figuring that she probably went downstairs I go down to the kitchen. When I get there I find Esme placing a plate in front of Bella. "Good morning dear, would you like some breakfast?" asks Esme. I nod and take a seat next to Bella.

"How do you want your eggs?" asks Esme.

"Scrambled," I say as I watch Bella eat. Esme gets to work making my eggs and I pour myself a cup of coffee.

"Did you sleep well?" asks Esme. I shrug my shoulders and wait while Esme makes my breakfast. "How's work been? You haven't said much."

"It's hectic now that Carlisle's bought out that sanitarium in Seattle and we began caring for them until he can find someone better," I say.

"So I've heard. What about Marny? How's she been? She's one of yours isn't she?" asks Esme.

"Much better. She's getting things under control now," I say as Esme places my plate in front of me. I sigh heavily and begin to eat my breakfast.

"Who's Marny?" asks Bella. Was that jealousy I was hearing?

"She's a new patient of ours. She had the same cell as you in Seattle. She also has schizophrenia," I explain.

"How old is she?" asks Bella. There was definitely jealousy there.

"Fifteen," I say.

"Is she pretty?" asks Bella.

"Are you jealous?" I ask teasingly causing Bella to blush.

"Of course not! I'm just curious," says Bella defensively.

"Well since you asked…she's a beautiful girl, but she's nothing compared to you," I say truthfully. Marny was a very good looking girl, but when I looked at her I couldn't see her face, not really anyway. I only saw Bella.

"That's good," says Bella before going back to her food.

"Carlisle said that after you ate he needed you to go to the sanitarium. Mark couldn't work today.

"Okay, Bella would you like to come?" I ask. Bella seemed to think about it while she ate. I go back to eating while I ate and soon Bella nods.

"I want to meet Marny," says Bella. So after breakfast we go out to the Volvo and I begin the drive to Port Angeles.

"So what would you like to talk about?' I ask.

"I'm sorry I screamed last night…" murmurs Bella.

"It's not your fault Love," I say. "I should have known better."

"No! I shouldn't have gotten scared," says Bella quickly.

"It's really not your fault Love. Like I said I work in a sanitarium for a living and I'm taking classes to become a psychiatrist. I know all about your condition and yet I keep messing up," I say sadly. Bella sighs heavily.

"Edward, I knew what I was getting myself into last night. I thought I could do it and then I kept getting more and more nervous," says Bella.

"You should have told me you were nervous so I could try to help you," I say.

"I thought it was just nerves from having sex with you and then I discovered it wasn't, but by the time that happened I screamed," says Bella.

"I love you Bella, and I want you to be able to talk to me about stuff. If I can't even make you feel comfortable enough for that then I must be doing something wrong as your boyfriend," I say.

"No! Edward you're the perfect boyfriend, it's me," insists Bella. Great now I made her feel bad.

"I didn't say that to make you feel bad, Love," I say.

"I know," whispers Bella looking down at her hands. I reach over and take her hand in mine.

"Why don't we listen to music," I suggest causing a small smile to grace Bella's face. She nods and turns on my CD player. Claire De Lune begins to play.

"I love you, Edward," says Bella.

End Chapter

A/N: Holy crap it's done! I'm so sorry for making you all wait just for this crappy chapter. Please feel free to give me ideas. If I use them I'll give you credit. Also I updated my profile, just a touch, if you are curious about where the word lemon came from you can look. People always asked me why it's called a lemon so my friend did a little research and told me. I dunno what else I posted, but I know I posted that. Well I'm off to work on my other stories. ^^ sayonara =]