A/N: I enjoy getting constructive criticism and critiques. I like to know what I'm doing wrong as much as what I am doing right, it helps me to become a better writer. What I do not like however, is rudeness. There is no reason to be impolite and anything you wish to impart is lost in the anger you provoke. And when you have never given any sort of feedback before, it's doubly insulting.
As for everyone else that has left reviews, I thank you all from the bottom of my heart. You are truly wonderful people.
Part 29
Sara's head immediately turned to the door as it slowly edged open. She was pretty sure she knew who it was but she waited until the small silhouette was fully visible before she sat up. "Linds? What's wrong?"
Lindsey hung her head as she edged into the room. She felt like such a baby but after lying in her bed for an eternity afraid to go back to sleep, she just couldn't help herself. "I had a nightmare. Can I sleep in here with you?"
"Of course you can." Sara patted the mattress beside her and cursed Ecklie as the girl climbed up onto the bed. He was the reason she had been lying there, unable to sleep, and the reason Catherine's daughter was having bad dreams. The assistant lab director, being the supreme ass that he was, had refused Catherine's request to take more time off. His excuse was that they were too short handed to spare her. The only concession he had made was letting her work half shifts for a week before returning to full duty.
Sara lay back down and the little blonde quickly snuggled up next to her. Her cast made it a little difficult to wrap her arms around the girl but she did the best she could. She might not be at her best when it came to kids but even she knew when one needed a hug. "Do you want to talk about it?"
Lindsey thought about saying no for a second. She was almost thirteen and it was embarrassing enough to have to ask to sleep with someone because of a bad dream. But Sara had never made her feel stupid, or even like a kid. The brunette had always talked to her like she an actual person, not a baby, and in her book that made the woman one of the coolest adults she knew. "I dreamed Mom got kidnapped again only this time she died."
Sara tightened her awkward hold as the girl let out a quiet sniffle. "I'm scared too, Linds. Even though I know that the guys won't let her out of their sight for a second, I'm so scared I feel like I'm going to be sick. I keep telling myself that everyone in the lab and the PD are going to be watching her like a hawk and they'll make sure she's safe but I still can't sleep." The second the blonde had walked out the door, Sara had felt the walls starting to close in on her. She had known that when the older woman went back to work she'd be a little nervous. What she hadn't expected was this near-suffocating fear that something was going to happen to Catherine.
Sara wasn't sure if it was the best idea to tell Lindsey all that but the girl was incredibly smart and would probably catch her if she tried to lie. She was a terrible liar. "Do you want to give her a call?"
"Yeah."
"Ok, grab the phone." Sara suppressed a smile as the little blonde leapt up. Lindsey might try to act like she was all grown up but she was still just a little girl who needed her mom more than she wanted to admit.
The second Linds handed her the phone, Sara dialed Catherine's number from memory. Once it began ringing she twisted it slightly and leaned toward the blonde girl.
'Willows.'
Sara smiled as Lindsey squeezed her arm at the sound of her mother's voice. "Hey Cath, how's work?"
'Believe me, you don't want to know.'
"That bad huh?" To Sara, the older woman sounded exhausted. She hoped Catherine wasn't pushing herself to hard her first night back.
'Oh yeah. How's everything there? Are you okay?'
"We're ok. We just wanted to hear your voice." Sara had been fighting the urge to call the blonde since she'd left the house. The only thing that had kept her from dialing the number was because she hadn't wanted to upset Catherine any more than the older woman already was. And she hadn't wanted to appear as needy as she felt.
'We? Lindsey should've been in bed two hours ago."
"She was. But we had trouble sleeping and wanted to call you before we went back to bed." It was hard for her to admit it about herself but Sara didn't want to leave the girl out in the cold all by herself.
'Is she all right?'
"Here, I'll let her answer that." Sara let go of the phone and sat back to give the girl some privacy with her mom.
"Hi Mom."
'Hey baby, you ok?'
"I'm fine. I had a bad dream and I just wanted to talk to you. You're not mad are you?" Her mother had pretty strict rules about bedtime and getting plenty of sleep but Lindsey didn't care if she was about to get grounded or not. All that mattered was that she could hear her mom's voice and knew that she was safe.
'Of course not. I want you to call me anytime you want or need to. Do you think you can go back to sleep now?'
"I guess. Are you coming home soon?"
'I'm going to try. I love you baby.'
"Love you to Mom. Night."
Xxx
Catherine snapped her cell phone shut and hung her head. What she wouldn't give to be at home right now. She hadn't gotten two feet from her door that afternoon before she began plotting the best way to get rid of Ecklie's body. Now she was revising her plan to make sure the jackass suffered a little before he died. There was no doubt that he didn't have a compassionate bone in his body but now she was wondering if he even had a heart, hell she wasn't even sure he was human.
Conrad Ecklie's timely demise would have to wait for another day though because if she ever wanted to get home to Sara and Lindsey, she needed to get back to work. The plan had been to come in and knock out some of the paperwork that had stacked up while she had been gone, with grave and swing both shorthanded no one had been able to get to it. Of course nothing ever went as planned. It seemed like every criminal in Vegas had gotten a wild hair up their asses and both shifts had quickly been tapped out. So Catherine had been forced to go into the field.
She'd nearly had a panic attack just getting from the front door to her Denali and had had to keep telling herself that Michael Thomas was dead and she was perfectly safe in the lab's parking lot. Catherine had been proud of herself for not letting the fear control her. Until she got to the scene. Then she wished that she had turned right back around and hid in her office until it was time for her to go home.
Domestic abuse cases had always been particularly hard on Sara and in the past Catherine had chastised her for getting too emotionally involved. But now that she knew the reasons behind the younger CSI's vehemence the blonde found herself feeling outraged on the other woman's behalf. But it wasn't the woman lying bloody and limp as a rag doll on the floor, beaten to death by her husband that drew her ire. And it wasn't the man being hauled away in handcuffs, ranting and raving about how she had asked for it. It was the pale little brunette sitting ghostly quiet in the back of a squad car as she waited to be taken to her uncertain future. The big dark soulful eyes that were much too old to be in such a tiny face had looked up at her and Catherine had immediately thought about Sara. Was this what she had looked like as a child? Covered in bruises and already world-weary at the tender age of seven?
Catherine had hurried to get away from the scrutiny of those haunted mahogany eyes that reminded her so much of Sara's. But as much as the blonde tried to block the child out of her mind while she collected evidence, she couldn't help but wonder if this girl would come through her ordeal half as strong as her lanky friend. Would she take all that had happened to her, all she had seen and endured, and become someone that fought tooth and nail to make the world a little safer? Or would she let it make her apathetic, or worse, twist her into the very thing that she feared and hated? There was no doubt that Sara Sidle had taken all the pain she had suffered and used it to fuel her drive for finding justice for victims and she could only hope that this little girl had the same strength in her tiny frame.
Sara had still been on her mind when she returned to the lab and Catherine had had to force herself not to pick up the phone. It was late and she had hoped the brunette was sound asleep. So she'd continued to log the evidence absentmindedly, her thoughts bouncing back and forth between her younger co-worker and the girl. It was actually a relief when she got the page from Doc Robbins to attend the post and she had something else to concentrate on.
Now all she had left to do was finish up the report and she could go home. By the time she got to actually leave though, her half a shift would turn out to be more like three quarters. But at lease after talking to Sara and Lindsey her mind was much more at ease and she could actually focus on the paperwork in front of her.
Xxx
Catherine crept down the short hallway and slowly opened her daughter's door. After the night she'd just had, all she wanted to do was kiss her little girl and crawl into bed. It took a moment for her eyes to adjust to the gloom within and another for her to realize that Linds wasn't under the rumpled blankets on her twin bed. As she turned to begin a search of the house her stomach tried to jump into her throat as she came face to face with her mother. "Damn it Mom you nearly gave me a heart attack. Why are you lurking around outside Lindsey's room and where is she?"
"She's in your room, in your bed, with that woman." Lily had woken up only a few minutes before Catherine got home and decided to check on her granddaughter, only to find her gone. It hadn't taken her long to figure out where she was.
"Sara mother, her name is Sara. Why do you suddenly have a problem with her? At first I thought it was me, since you are constantly watching me like you expect me to flip out or something, but now… What is going on with you?" Catherine's voice was an angry whisper, harsh sounding even to her own ears. She didn't want to wake the rest of the house but her displeasure at her mother's strange attitude made it impossible to speak in a normal tone.
"My problem is the way you and Sara are carrying on. I didn't want to believe it at first when Lindsey mentioned it, but I've seen it with my own eyes. Did you even stop to think about how this would affect your career, your life, your daughter's life? Did you stop to think about the message it might send her?" Lily had held her tongue as long as she could, but things had obviously gone too far now, she couldn't wait any longer. Lindsey should have come to her, not a woman that she'd only had regular contact with for a couple of weeks.
"What the hell are you talking about mother?"
"Please don't try to deny it. I've seen it with my own eyes. Now don't get me wrong, I have nothing against people that choose that sort of life, but sweetheart it's not for you. Getting involved with Sara will destroy everything you've worked so hard for. You know the police department isn't the most accepting of homosexuals. What am I supposed to tell Lindsey when some bigot cop decides to leave you alone at crime scene and a murderer hacks you to pieces? What am I going to tell her when you get beaten up or shot in the back by friendly fire?" Unshed tears burned the back of Lily's eyes just thinking of her granddaughter, in a little black dress, sobbing over her mother's casket. It broke her heart just as much as the thought that she could loose her oldest child.
Catherine's jaw dropped and she shook her head in utter amazement. "Did you hit your head? Because you sound like you've got a serious head trauma! Yes, Sara and I are a lot closer now. And yes, I've come to love her. But. As. A. Friend. That's all. Nothing is goingon between us. And even it if was, it wouldn't be any of your business Mom. I'm an adult, she's an adult and things have changed. People are much more accepting and tolerant nowadays. And the message I'm sending Lindsey? I've always told her that love is more important than what other people think about you and that race, religion, age and gender shouldn't matter."
Lily could see that the woman was in denial and reached up and put her hands on Catherine's shoulder's hoping to calm her daughter enough to get the blonde to listen to her. "I've seen the way the two of you look at each other. I've seen the way you touch each other. Whether you've admitted it to yourself or not, you and Sara have feelings for each other that goes beyond friendship. Even your daughter can see it, she's the one that told me that the two of you like like each other. And what about Lindsey? Do you know how devastated she's going to be when the two of you break up? Because I don't know about Sara, but you don't have the best track record when comes to dating. All I'm asking is that before you take your relationship any further with her, that you carefully consider all the consequences of your actions."
"I think you're delusional, but if it will get you off my back, fine. I'll think about what you said. As for Lindsey and how she'd feel about a hypothetical breakup to a hypothetical relationship… She'd be fine because I'd never try to keep her and Sara from spending time together, they adore one another and I can't imagine a better role model for Linds. Now you're going to do something for me." Catherine advanced on her mother and didn't stop until wall forced her to. "You are going to back the hell off and you're going to treat Sara with the respect she deserves. Because in case you forgot, she's the only reason I'm standing here talking to you right now."
Catherine waited for the older woman to nod her acceptance before she stepped away. "Good, now I've had a long day and I'm going to bed. Goodnight Mother."
As Lily watched her daughter walk away she felt a heavy weight settle on her chest. She should have waited and not been quite so confrontational. Catherine had never responded well to being cornered. She'd have to wait until her daughter calmed down and had a chance to think things through. Once they could discuss the situation rationally she was sure her oldest child would see that she was right. And if after everything was said and done and Catherine decided to pursue a relationship with Sara… Well then Lily would be forced to accept it, but that didn't mean that she had like it. It was her job after all to protect her children, and by extension, her grandchildren.
Xxx
The blonde stomped toward the master bedroom, furious with her mother. How could she suggest such a thing? There was no way her feelings for Sara had taken a romantic turn. She'd know if they had. Wouldn't she?
Catherine paused at her door, this was ridiculous. Of course she'd know, they were her feelings after all. The sudden bout of uncertainty was due entirely to her mother's insanity. It was rubbing off on her and she needed to get it under control now. If it hadn't been for the cuddling/groping incident the other morning she wouldn't even be questioning herself.
She could feel heat creeping up her cheeks at memory of waking up in the lanky brunette's arms. It didn't mean a damn thing that she had enjoyed it, she loved to snuggle, it could have been anyone and she would have felt the same way. Right? Catherine shook her head to rid herself of the questioning thoughts. There was no point in thinking about this right now. She needed to go in there, check on Sara and her daughter and get some much needed sleep.
Catherine opened the door quietly and eased in. She thought she had made it without disturbing the room's occupants until she turned around.
"Cath, is everything all right?"
Crap. The argument in the hall must have been louder than she'd thought. "Sorry, I didn't mean to wake you."
"S'ok, I wasn't really sleeping anyway." Sara could see in the dim light coming from the half opened bathroom door that the blonde didn't want to talk about whatever she and her mother had been arguing about. She'd ask Catherine about it later, when they weren't both tired and Lindsey wasn't snoozing next to her.
One close look at the brunette's face in the diffused illumination in the room told the blonde that Sara was being truthful. The brunette had been laying there in bed with her arms wrapped like a human security blanket around Lindsey, keeping a silent vigil over the girl and once again putting someone else's needs ahead of her own. Catherine sat down on the edge of the bed and reached over to brush a few errant strands of gold out of her daughter's innocent face. "How'd she do after we got off the phone?"
"She went right back to sleep." Sara shifted her gaze from the little cherub beside her to Catherine, unsure if she had made the right decision regarding the girl. "I told her she could stay in here. I hope that's okay. I mean I know how hard it can be to go back to sleep after a nightmare and she needed the rest."
The blonde could see Sara's insecure nature raising its ugly head and hurried to drive in back into the deep dark hole it belonged in. "It's fine. Actually it's more than fine. Thank you for taking care of her." Catherine pulled her hand away from her daughter and brought it to rest on the brunette's cheek. "And thank you for calling me. You don't know how much I needed to hear both your voices right then. I just wish I could have been here."
"I'm sorry Ecklie's such a class A jackass."
"Nothing you can do about it, unless you want to help me get rid of his body." Catherine grinned down at the brunette, trying to lighten the mood a bit.
"Just tell me when and where." Sara smiled back at the blonde.
"I'll let you know. I'm going to grab a quick shower then I'm coming to bed." Catherine leaned over and brushed a butterfly soft kiss on the brunette's forehead before making her way to the adjacent bathroom.
As the hot cleansing spray beat down on her back, the blonde considered her actions. Over the past couple of weeks, showing physical affection to the younger woman had become routine and she'd barely given it a thought other than to wonder once or twice at how natural it felt. Until her mother went and opened her big mouth. Now she was second guessing herself. The contact they shared had been always been comforting, for both she and Sara, but she had enjoyed it. The question now was had she taken more pleasure from the touches than was strictly proper for someone that was just a friend?
As she climbed out of the shower, she silently cursed Lily and her damn theories. She quickly dried herself and slipped on her favorite pajamas, determined to put everything out of her mind. She was about to climb into bed with Sara and Lindsey, there was no way she could be thinking about this now. Not if she wanted to get any sleep.
Catherine's hand paused on the light switch as she started out of the bathroom. It had been on when she came in and realized the brunette must have left it on for Linds. For a while after Eddie's death, the girl had been unable to sleep in the dark. It made sense that she'd ask Sara to leave it on now. They hadn't talked about the nightmare that had woken her daughter up, but considering the past few weeks, her first night back to work, it was easy to guess it that it had been about her.
The blonde pulled the door almost closed and quietly made her way to her side of the bed. She eased under the blankets and scooted as close to her daughter as she could. With Lindsey in the middle she could cuddle to her hearts content without fear of stepping over the line again. Catherine looked over the slumbering child at the woman holding her so protectively. Half-lidded brown eyes gazed back at her and she reached across the girl and laid her arm on Sara's. "Its okay sweetie, you can sleep now."
Catherine could barely make out a mumbled 'yes dear' as Sara's eyes fluttered a few times and then closed. A crooked little grin remained on the woman's lips as her breathing evened out and Morpheus finally pulled her into his domain. It did really surprise the blonde that the younger woman had stayed awake until she came to bed, even though it was obvious the brunette was exhausted. But why the hell did she have to go and do that now? Why couldn't she have already been asleep? Why did she have to look at her with those captivating chocolate orbs so full of gentle care? Because once again her mother's words were bouncing around her head again like one the super balls Lindsey had loved when she was younger.
The blonde knew that there wasn't a snowball's chance in hell that she was going to get to sleep now, not with Sara looking for all the world like a mother lion curled protectively around her cub. And why did the picture they made together have to look so damn natural? Catherine knew that the only way she was going to get any rest tonight was to resolve the issue and there was only one way she knew how to do that. Follow the evidence.
Grissom was always telling them to leave their feelings at home and concentrate on the evidence, because evidence didn't lie. But what if the only evidence you had, was your emotions? What if it was your feelings that you were trying to investigate? Where did you start? Trust? That was a no-brainer. She trusted Sara on a level that she had never thought it possible to trust someone. She didn't just trust the young woman with her life, she trusted her with Lindsey's. Next. Attraction?
That one was a little harder to pin down. Catherine had noticed the lanky brunette's beauty from the beginning, but that didn't mean she was attracted to her. Of course over the last five years she had spent so time and energy keeping the woman at arms length that she had never really let herself think about it. What about now? There was no doubt that she was drawn to the gentle soul she was still getting know, but what about physically?
Since she was being honest, Catherine admitted to herself that she really did enjoy holding the younger woman. Being allowed the sort of contact Sara shied away from with everyone but the people she trusted most, was a heady experience. But being held in the brunette's strong thin arms felt even better. She had enjoyed waking up, snuggled against the warm lithe body. There had been a definite physical reaction to the contact. And then there was bath time.
When Sara had first gotten out of the hospital, the only thing that had concerned Cath was the deep ugly bruises and the jagged lacerations marring the leggy woman's skin. Now those had almost completely faded and the brunette had healed enough that she didn't really need the blonde's assistance to bathe, but neither of them had suggested that the younger woman complete the task on her own. And the last time they had gone through the daily ritual, Catherine had definitely noticed the other woman's supple body. Had noticed it so much that she'd had to step out of the room for a few moments to get her labored breathing and erratic heart rate under control.
At the time she had told herself that it was just a memory of those three hellish days resurfacing at the sight of the elliptical red scar on Sara's shoulder. But now that she was being honest… She had to admit that it was the soft curves sheathed in milky white skin that had had her so flustered. It was obvious now that she needed to put a great big check mark next to the attraction column. But trust and desire does not love make.
Ok, so what else? Well, she thought about the younger woman constantly when they were apart, even if was just for an hour. She'd almost go so far as to say she craved being near the willowy brunette. At first it had been an almost irrational need to see for herself that Sara was all right, that she really was alive and well. Somewhere along the way that had changed. She couldn't pinpoint the exact moment, but Cath knew she just liked being around her.
Whenever Sara smiled, a real honest-to-god-gap-toothed-Sidle-smile, she couldn't help but smile in return. And just the sight of the brunette interacting with Lindsey, whether it was watching tv, doing homework or just talking about school, Catherine always got a feeling a warmth that started in her stomach and spread through her entire body. She couldn't even imagine not having the younger woman in her and her daughter's life anymore.
Looking now at Sara's face, so relaxed and vulnerable in sleep, Catherine could feel little butterflies doing aerial acrobatics in her stomach. No, she wasn't in love with the brunette. But heaven help her she was falling in that direction at Mach 5 speed.
What the hell was she supposed to do now?
TBC
