I don't own Glee or any of that whole shebang ya know…
Chapter 29
QPOV
"Quinn! Quinn! Quinn!"
"Huh?" I asked, spinning around.
"Calm. Down," Sam said, placing his hands on my shoulders.
"But I can't!" I wrested away from him and started pacing back and forth again. He stood and rubbed his forehead while I glanced every three seconds at the choir room door.
"Quinn, you've performed how many times in your life, and you're nervous about this?"
I shook my head rapidly, clenching and unclenching my fists. "You don't understand, this one is important. I have to get it right!"
"And you think this isn't important for me, too?" He snapped, causing me to pause in my pacing. I guess I hadn't really thought about the fact that this might mean something to the blond boy also. I'd spent the entire day nervously wringing my hands or bouncing my foot, counting the seconds until Glee Club, not giving a thought to anything else.
"What does it mean to you, then?" I asked curiously, walking slowly towards him. Our eyes locked for a few brief moments before he turned away.
"It doesn't matter. Just drop it."
"No, really, Sam, what's going-"
"I said drop it, Quinn."
"Fine," I said with pursed lips.
"Now, let's just go in there and do what we need to do."
"Yeah. Let's do what we need to do." I took a deep breath and walked into the choir room, finding my way to the seat beside Rachel, as Sam sat on the other side of me.
"Hey Rach," I breathed, my lungs finally expelling the air I felt that I had been holding in all day.
"Hello there, my little lion," She said, interlocking her arm with mine and sending tingles through my skin.
Why was I even nervous in the first place? This was Rachel we were talking about. She was always there, and she wouldn't want me to be nervous for this…
"What's up, guys!" Mr. Schue said, walking into the room and dropping his messenger bag on the piano. "So who's up for a little –" He did a small dance "– performance?"
Sam grabbed my hand and raised it above our heads, and I looked at the floor, a blush creeping up my neck.
"Come on," he whispered in my ear, "you can do this. Look into the eyes of whoever you are singing for, and sing it to them. Show them how much you love 'em."
"I never said a thing about love," I said through gritted teeth as I stood up and grabbed his hand, dragging him to the front of the room.
I shut my eyes for a moment once we were at the front, taking in one deep breath and letting it out slowly. When I opened them, Rachel's chocolate ones were staring right at me. My stomach flip flopped, and I grinned before hearing the piano start playing.
I'm an angel with a shotgun, shotgun, shotgun
Angel with a shotgun, shotgun, shotgun,
Sam sang softly, looking at me. I nodded, and he started the verse.
Get out your guns
Battle's begun
Are you a saint or sinner?
If love's a fight
Then I shall die
With my heart on the trigger
They say before you start a war
You better know what you're fightin' for
Well baby you are all that I adore
If love is what you need
A soldier I will be
We exchanged a look and I sang the chorus, feeling the music course through my veins like fire.
I'm an angel with a shotgun,
Fightin' till the war's won
I don't care if heaven won't take me back
Sam took the next part of the chorus, until our voices melded together after "I have."
I'll throw away my faith, babe
Just to keep you safe,
Don't you know you're everything I have
And I,
Want to live not just survive,
Tonight
I started the next verse, my eyes searching for those brown ones.
Sometimes to win
You've got to sin
Don't mean I'm not a believer
And major talk
We'll sing along
Yeah they still say I'm a dreamer
They say before you start a war
You better know what you're fightin' for
Well baby you are all that I adore
If love is what ya need
A soldier I will be
Sam joined in with me for the chorus, and we both knew that we meant every word of the lyrics.
I'm an angel with a shotgun,
Fightin' till the war's won
I don't care if heaven won't take me back
I'll throw away my faith, babe
Just to keep you safe,
Don't you know you're everything I have
And I,
Want to live not just survive,
Tonight,
Ohhh,
Oh,
Oh whoa,
I'm an angel with a shotgun,
Fightin' till the war's won
I don't care if heaven won't take me back
I'll throw away my faith, babe
Just to keep you safe,
Don't you know you're everything I have
And I,
Want to live not just survive,
And I,
Gonna hide, hide, hide my way
We both knelt down on either sides of the room, somewhat in front of whomever we were singing to, and placed our hands over our hearts.
Softly, we sang,
Before you start a war,
You better know what you're fightin' for
Well baby you are all that I adore
If love is what you need,
A soldier I will
Be
Sam and I looked at each other, and we could see the triumphant sparkle in each other's eyes as we panted a little for breath. I stood up and grabbed Rachel's hand as I sat down beside her, brushing a small kiss across her knuckles; my heart sped up by about a hundred beats per minute. She looked at me like I was the best thing in the world, and the entire day of anticipation was worth it in that moment. Rachel leaned forward a bit, and it seemed like she was going to kiss me, but she turned her head at the last second and kissed my cheek, still leaving me with rapid-fire bursts of color in my head.
"That was amazing," she whispered. I turned and kissed the side of her head, whispering back, "It was for you."
I left it at that.
….
"Go, Quinn, shoo!" She said, pushing me out the door.
"Why do I have to leave?" I whined, spinning around and trying to get back into the Berry house.
"Because, I have to set up the house, and I don't want you trying to interfere," she said, sticking her tongue out and succeeding in pushing me out onto the steps. "Go buy something to wear or something. Or hang out with Britts. Or both."
"Why not Santana?" I asked, wondering why she didn't include both parties in that duo.
"Because," she said, pointing to the black Cadillac pulling up on the street behind me, "Santana's coming to help me."
"Oh God," I muttered, finally understanding why Rachel got rid of me on Wednesday. "She isn't helping… Oh she is… Lord help us." I threw my hands up and walked away down the driveway, glaring at the Latina as she passed me.
"Don't break her," I hissed.
"Oh, honey," she said with a smirk, "I don't break them. I just make them bend."
"Shut the fuck up, San!" I yelled as she sprinted away from the kick I aimed in her direction.
….
I rang the doorbell of the Berry household for the first time in what seemed like a long time. My fingers reached down to tug at the hem of the skin-tight blue dress I was wearing, but Brittany reached over and swatted them away.
"You look sexy, Q. Don't feel weird."
"Thanks, B," I said, smiling a little.
The door opened as I was about to reach for the bell again, and Rachel appeared, looking only slightly disheveled.
Holy fucking shit…
Oh, I see you're back again. Really? Now?
Hot damn. Your girl cleans up nice.
You think I haven't noticed? Hello, she's standing in front of me you know and wow you're right really hot damn…
You better tap that.
"Quinn?"
Shut up.
After all I've done for you; you better fucking tap that-
"Q?"
Charlie, SHUT UP.
Wha- oh.
"Hey Fabgay, stop eye-fucking the munchkin."
That one made me snap to and choke on my breath as I stared at the three girls in front of me.
"I wasn't- It wasn't- she wasn't- hi," I stammered out.
"Come on," Rachel said, shaking her head and grabbing my hand, pulling me into the house. My eyes raked up her legs as we walked towards the basement, from which I could hear a bass thumping. The brunette had on black jeans that molded to her legs and ass like a second skin, a black tank top that didn't really leave much to the imagination, and a leather jacket that barely reached her mid-back. I had no clue what she did with her makeup and hair, but the entire ensemble was downright sexy as fuck.
She led me down the stairs into the dark room, where four speakers were set up, blaring music, and a disco ball hung from the ceiling. The room was hazy, and I could just make out the lit-up bar area on the far side.
"You got into your dads' liquor cabinet?" I yelled at Rachel.
"No," she yelled back, "Puck brought the alcohol. I just need to clear it all out before they get home."
"Is everyone already here?" I asked, looking around at the semi-crowded room of teenagers that seemed to be already semi-inebriated.
"We're missing Finn and Kurt and Mercedes, but other than that everyone's here, yeah."
"God, I hope Finn isn't coming," I said in a normal voice, although Rachel apparently still heard me.
"Me neither," She said with a grin. "Do you want a drink?"
"Sure."
We weaved through moving bodies towards the lit area, and Rachel poured me a plastic cup of something, which I took a sip of as soon as she handed it to me. I grimaced, as I've never really liked beer, but who cares.
Let's get drunk as fuck tonight.
I raised the cup to Rachel and downed its contents in one gulp.
…
Rachel and I collapsed onto the large, cushioned chair together, laughing maniacally. We were breathing hard, and I could feel sweat stinging at the back of my neck.
"Hello there, ladies," Santana said with a grin, walking up with a shot glass in each hand.
"Santanaaaaa!" Rachel yelled, trying (unsuccessfully) to clamber off my lap up to the other girl.
"Whoa there, Berry. Hold yourself together. I just came to give you two a little… pick-me-up."
Both Rachel and I reached for the small glasses without a word, linked our arms, and downed them. The vodka burned my throat as it went down, but it didn't stop me and Rachel from getting up to go find more.
Let's get drunk as fuck tonight.
….
"QUINNNNNNNNN!"
"WHATTTTT?"
"I LOVE THIS SONG!"
I squinted and cocked my ear to hear the song through the screams of inebriated teenagers.
So raise your glass if you are wrong
In all the right ways
All my underdogs
We will never be, never be
Anything but loud
And nitty gritty
Dirty little freaks
"That's nice, Rach," I shouted back after a few seconds, but the brunette was already in full-blown sing-along mode.
"SLAM SLAM OH HOT DAMN WHAT PART OF PARTY DONTCHA UNDERSTAND WISH YOU'D JUST FREAK OUT!"
She latched onto my neck, causing me to duck my head and tighten my arms around her waist to keep her from dragging us both down.
"PARTY CRASHER, PANTY SNATCHER, CALL ME UP WHEN YOU A GANGSTA, DON'T BE FANCY JUST GET DANCY, WHY SO SERIOUSssssssss!" Rachel leaned up and whispered in my ear, "why're you so surrrriouss, Quinn?"
Before I could respond, she stepped back and yelled, "KARAOKE EVERYONE!"
… this should be fun.
…
I wasn't even entirely sure how I ended up on the stage, but somehow I was, and Santana, Brittany, and Rachel were around me. Oh, and we were singing.
Ima do it, do it
Like I wanna do it
You gonna know me like
You ain't known nobody before
Ima bring it, bring it
Ima give it, give it
You gonna love me like
You ain't loved nobody before
Hello, hello, hello
Hello
Hello, hello, hello
Hello
Hello, hello, hello
Hello
Once Brittany started rapping, my head kind of went fuzzy, but I can remember Puck handing us drinks as we walked off the makeshift stage, and us all gulping them down like there's no tomorrow.
Let's get drunk as fuck tonight.
….
My brunette companion and I had collapsed once again on the comfy chair, and we heard Brittany get on stage.
"So, I know that I have a bunch of dollar bills in my panties right now, but this one isn't for stripping or money, it's actually a song by my idol – Ke$ha."
"Yo B, I thought that changed after that Alcohol assembly?"
"Yeah, Artie, but I guess even though it sucked to be doing one of her songs while puking on Rachy over there, Ke$ha's still awesome. And Lord Tubbington loves her, so I don't really have a choice."
Artie made a raise-the-roof motion with his hands and shouted, "Show us what you got!"
I hear your heart beat to the beat of the drums
Oh what a shame that you came here with someone
So while you're here in my arms
Let's make the most of the night like we're gonna die young
We're gonna die young
We're gonna die young
Let's make the most of the night like we're gonna die young
Young hearts, outta our minds
Runnin' till we outta time
Wild child, lookin' good
Livin' hard just like we should
Don't care who's watchin' when we tearin' it up
Ya know
We got that magic that nobody can touch
Oh no
Looking for some trouble tonight
Take my hand, I'll show you the wild side
Like it's the last night of our lives
We'll keep dancing until we die
I hear your heart beat to the beat of the drums
Oh what a shame that you came here with someone
So while you're here in my arms
Let's make the most of the night like we're gonna die young
We're gonna die young
We're gonna die young
Let's make the most of the night like we're gonna die young
Young punks, taking shots
Strippin' down to dirty socks
Music up, gettin' hot
Kiss me, gimme all you got
It's pretty obvious that you've gotta crush
Ya know
That magic in your pants, it's makin' me blush
Oh no
Looking for some trouble tonight
Take my hand, I'll show you the wild side
Like it's the last night of our lives
We'll keep dancing until we die
I hear your heart beat to the beat of the drums
Oh what a shame that you came here with someone
So while you're here in my arms
Let's make the most of the night like we're gonna die young
We're gonna die young
We're gonna die young
Let's make the most of the night like we're gonna die young
"Quinn, come on, let's go die young!" Rachel said, jumping up and grabbing my hand. She pulled me back out between people, and we proceeded to dance the night away.
It still is pretty fuzzy, up until Rachel tells me to go get a drink and hang out, because she has something to do. I shrugged and walk towards the lit area in the corner. I poured yet another cup of beer, which now tastes like ambrosia – although everything does, really.
"Mi amor, escúchame," I heard through the speakers, making me look up in surprise. That didn't sound like Santana…
Rachel was standing on the stage, swaying slightly with the effects of the alcohol, gripping the microphone. She looked at me and grinned slightly, before starting to sing, her voice a tone lower than normal.
Locked up tight
Like I would never feel again
Stuck in some kinda love prison
And threw away the key
Oh, oh
Terrified
Until I stared into your eyes
It makes me start to realize
The possibilities
So, so
She let go of the microphone now, her eyes closed and her hands outstretched by her sides, and she pulled from some part of her that had been buried for a very long time.
I'm gonna love you like I've never been broken
I'm gonna say it like it's never been spoken
Tonight, tonight,
I'm letting go, go, go, go
I'm gonna give it like it's never been taken
I'm gonna fall like I don't need saving
Tonight, tonight,
I'm letting go, go, go, go
So played out
The same lies with a different face
But there's something in the words you say
That makes it all feel
So real
I'm gonna love you like I've never been broken
I'm gonna say it like it's never been spoken
Tonight, tonight,
I'm letting go, go, go, go
I'm gonna give it like it's never been taken
I'm gonna fall like I don't need saving
Tonight, tonight,
I'm letting go, go, go, go
No need for me to run, run, run
You makin' me believe in everything
No need to go and hide, hide, hide
Gonna give you every little piece of me
Tears squeezed out of the corners of her eyes, but she opened them anyway and looked at me for a brief second.
I'm gonna love you like I've never been broken
I'm gonna love you like I've never been broken
I'm love you like I've never been broken
I'm gonna say it like it's never been spoken
Tonight, tonight,
I'm letting go, go, go, go
I'm gonna give it like it's never been taken
I'm gonna fall like I don't need saving
Tonight, tonight,
I'm letting go, go, go, go
Rachel jumped off the stage, landing unsteadily, and walked towards me. I held out a shot glass to her with a "Brava," and the night melted back into the delicious haze of alcohol.
Let's get drunk as fuck tonight.
….
The night had wound down, and only Sam, Puck, Brittany, Santana, Mike, Tina, Quinn, and I were left. Most of us were swaying – more like shifting from foot to foot – half-heartedly on the dance floor with no particular aim or direction. Brittany and Santana were against the back wall doing god-knows-what. Puck got on the stage with his acoustic guitar (we had shut the karaoke machine off hours ago), and sat on a stool we had dragged up there after Mercedes had fallen down earlier.
"So, I know we were kind of over and done with the whole singing thing for tonight, and I know it's lame to sing at parties, but we're all kind of tired and this is just a really fuckin awesome song," he said with a grin.
Sometimes we fall down
Can't get
Back up
Hiding behind
The skin and
Stilt of
How come we don't say
I love you
Enough
Till it's too late
It's not too late
Our hearts are hungry
For the food that
Won't come
And we can make a feast from
These crumbs
And we're all starin down
The barrel
Of a gun
So if your life flashed before you
What would you wish you woulda done?
Lookin' at the hands of the time we've been given, yeah
This is all we got and we gotta start living it
Every second counts on the clock that's tickin'
Gotta live like we're dying
We've only got
86,400 seconds in a day to
Turn it all around or to throw it all away
Gotta tell em that we love em while we got the chance to say
Gotta live like we're dying
And if your plane fell
Out of
The skies
Who would you call
With your last
Goodbye
Should be so careful
Who you let fall
Outta line
Cuz when we long for absolution
There'll be no one on the line
Yeah, we gotta start
Lookin' at the hands of the time we've been given, yeah
This is all we got and we gotta start living it
Every second counts on the clock that's tickin'
Gotta live like we're dying
We've only got
86,400 seconds in a day to
Turn it all around or to throw it all away
Gotta tell em that we love em while we got the chance to say
Gotta live like we're dying
Like we're dying, oh
Like we're dying, oh
We've only got
86,400 seconds in a day to
Turn it all around or to throw it all away
Gotta tell em that we love em while we got the chance to say
Gotta live like we're dying
Yeah,
You never know a good thing till it's gone
Never see a crash till it's head on
Why do we think we're right when we're dead wrong
You never know a good thing till it's gone
Yeah, we gotta start
Lookin' at the hands of the time we've been given, yeah
This is all we got and we gotta start living it
Every second counts on the clock that's tickin'
Gotta live like we're dying
We've only got
86,400 seconds in a day to
Turn it all around or to throw it all away
Gotta tell em that we love em while we got the chance to say
Gotta live like we're dying
We've only got
86,400 seconds in a day to
Turn it all around or to throw it all away
Gotta tell em that we love em while we got the chance to say
Gotta live like we're dying
"Yeah," Puck said as his last guitar strum blended into silence. "That's it."
He pressed a button and the regular music started up again. The next song of the playlist was a slow one, so Puck went to fix himself another drink, Tina and Mike acted lovey-dovey, and Rachel and I sat on the edge of the stage.
Live like we're dying…
Gotta tell em that we love em while we got the chance to say…
"Hey Rach?"
"Mmm?" She hummed, swinging her feet back and forth.
"Do you wanna dance with me?"
"Quinn, it's a slow dance."
"I know."
Rachel lifted her head off my shoulder and stared at me, before narrowing her eyes.
"Okay then…"
I hopped off the stage, much to the protest of my feet, and grabbed her hand. I walked backwards into the middle of the room and wrapped my arms around her waist. Rachel grinned and reached her hands up to play with the back of my hair, a habit she had gotten used to since I got it cut.
And I'd give up forever to touch you
'Cause I know that you'd feel me somehow
You're the closest to heaven
That I'll ever be
And I don't want to go home right now
We swayed slowly back and forth, and everything was perfect. It was just us, and it was perfect.
And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am
And I swear, in that moment, we were…
I don't know how much time passed. It could have been a few seconds, a few minutes, a few hours, a few years; it could've been forever, and I wouldn't have known.
Music faded away, and Rachel looked up at me. I could see right through her, and she made no pretenses of trying to block me out.
That was the moment that I knew that I had fallen madly, deeply, passionately, undeniably and unavoidably in love with Rachel Barbra Berry.
"Rachel…"
I paused, trying to find words. But I knew there were only three, and I had wanted to say them my entire life to someone who would be worth every syllable.
"… I love you."
Her eyes widened; I leaned forward until our breath mingled together, and I waited. I only needed to wait for a nanosecond before she crossed that barrier and our lips came together.
I once again felt and saw those bursts of color in my brain and tingles ran down my spine and through my skin into my fingertips and the back of my neck and everything felt like it was on fire and then there was Rachel. Everything was Rachel. Everything was always Rachel.
I pulled my head back and stared into her eyes.
"I love you too," she added breathlessly.
…
I've had people ask me, when I look back on that night, whether it was the alcohol talking when I told Rachel that I loved her. I should take offense to that, to the insinuation that our entire relationship is a lie, but I really don't. That's probably because I've asked myself the same question a few times, and the answer is always: of course not. Alcohol merely gave me the courage to say what I had wanted to say the entire time.
Since then, I haven't needed any more courage. It's not hard anymore. It's not hard for me to look over at my absolutely beautiful, adorable, perfect girlfriend and say, "I love you, Rachel Berry."
A/N: Hey guys I know this is odd but bear with me. I'm rewriting the end of this because I honestly now feel like I've put these characters and my readers through enough shit, and I'm just gonna have a happy ending. I'm going to post a short epilogue after this, and I'm probably not going to put an author note at the end, so I'll just say everything here. Thank you so much for sticking with me (if you have). Not to be cheesy, but this really has been a journey. I was in a very different place when I started writing this story last summer, and I've experienced some of the weirdest shit of my life during the course of this year. Honestly, that's a major part of why I haven't updated in forever. It's really hard to finish this story, to put these characters that I've grown to love to bed, and start doing something new. I'd just really like to thank each and every one of you that read this, that reviewed, that followed, or favorited, or in any way contributed to the support of this story. Thank you all, and I hope you guys read some of my future stories . Peace :)
