Jane Bennet and Madeline Gardner were frustrated but prepared. Louisa Hurst had allowed, or rather forced them to travel together and away from the rest of the party, so they weren't allowed to make any concrete plans. When they arrived at Gretna Green, they were dismayed to see themselves stuck a full half-mile outside of town while most of the ruffians went into town with their boss.
Louisa Hurst was frightfully paranoid, but also quite clever and she managed to keep everyone too isolated to take any coordinated action. Mrs. Hurst surmised that doing so might keep everyone from acting altogether, due to the risk of causing real harm to any of their party. After all, being married to Caroline Bingley and losing a good deal of your fortune must be better than being dead or watching the love of your life be killed… right? Well, when she really thought about it, she wasn't certain Mr. Darcy would prefer being married to Caroline to being dead, but he would do anything to protect Elizabeth Bennet. Louisa was very glad it all worked out as well as it had, as she was not at all certain her original plan would have done the job.
The several days it took to get to Scotland passed in slow motion boredom for Jane and Madeline. They weren't allowed any books, or company or other diversions. All they had was their workbaskets. Fortunately, they weren't Lizzy, as she would have gone completely insane with that long of a carriage ride with a workbasket. It's not that Lizzy disliked work per-se, as she was quite good with the needle. Jane even had a couple of her tatted bookmarks with her. Lizzy loved making those bookmarks, and she treasured every one she had ever made and could name the location of each and every one, except for those she took to Netherfield, which seemed to disappear as fast as she made them. No, Lizzy didn't dislike work; she just disliked the baskets. When Lizzy was a child, she was learning to ride on their old horse Nellie. Nellie was the gentlest soul of a horse you could ever imagine, but one day for no apparent reason the old mare spooked and tossed Elizabeth off unceremoniously. By a strange quirk of fate, she landed directly on her workbasket that she had left sitting on the ground before the lesson. Having a needle stuck in her backside did not go over well, so ever since, Lizzy had hated both horses and workbaskets. Lizzy was nothing if not consistent and stubborn. Perhaps that was what Mr. Darcy saw in her, but honestly, Jane wondered how they would survive their first disagreement, since they were both implacable and unbending by nature. Jane couldn't imagine anything short of massive amounts of brandy that could end an argument between those two.
Louisa at first tried to prohibit Lizzy any books, but Lizzy was not only persistent, but she could be downright annoying when she chose to be and she made that choice often. She could mix and match the very worst behaviors of Fanny Bennet and Caroline Bingley at will and even in the same sentence; so she eventually wore Mrs. Hurst down enough to allow her some Shakespeare.
So here they were a half-mile from the smithy, and it was time to put their plan, such as it was into effect. Mrs. Hurst had left six men to watch them, but only two of them were close. The rest had moved farther toward the town with a hope of seeing any action that might occur.
Madeline and Jane prepared their armor for battle. By armor, you may be tempted to think chainmail or possibly a Lydia-like display of cleavage, but that would not do. Both were much too obvious. Their armor was nothing more than both ladies sweet disposition, which was such as to sooth any savage beast. Should a cobra try to mesmerize Jane Bennet, she would look at it with her big eyes, and say something like, "I can see that you are about to strike and kill me, but fear not. I know you don't really mean any harm by it, and you must actually be a very nice but misunderstood snake." Such was life for Jane Bennet. She still even entertained warm thoughts for Charles and Caroline Bingley, although Mrs. Hurst was nearing the end of her patience.
Jane and Madeline walked up to the ruffians, batted their eyes at them (not to be confused with the eye batting that Lydia Bennet performed, which was more like an actual bat than the puppy we were shooting for), and asked sweetly, "Gentlemen, would you mind performing some small service for us?"
With a sneering laugh, one of them said, "I'll perform a service for you lady, but you probably won't like what I have in mind… or maybe you will? What are you thinking of?"
"Just this"
With that, both ladies swung the workbaskets with all their might and hit the men directly in the side of their heads. Despite the sweetness of their natures, they were quite looking forward to the squeals of pain their plan was going to inflict on these cretins. They had been looking forward to it for days, even discreetly practicing the howls of rage and pain they expected, just to see how close they could get to the true reactions. Not being stupid, they knew the ruffians weren't just going to howl in pain and fall over for them, so they took a few convenient darning needles, wrapped them up in some of Lizzy's famous tatted bookmarks and lodged them tightly into the side of the workbaskets. After swinging the baskets with all their might, they stepped back to enjoy the howls of pain, but the men disappointed them most abominably by dropping to the ground immediately without a sound; although they were bleeding quite profusely and satisfactorily from the sides of their heads, so it wasn't an entire loss.
"I expected more noise."
Sigh, "Me as well. That wasn't as pleasing as I had hoped."
"Well, at least they aren't bothering us any more."
"There is that, but I still missed the squeal of pain I was expecting. I feel cheated."
Another sigh, "Me too!" But then, she brightened up and added, "There are still four more."
"Maybe we can do better next time!"
"Yes, I want howls of pain."
"Screams of agony"
"Calling for mommies"
"That might be too much to hope for."
"Yes, I suppose so. Why do you suppose they didn't make more noise? Were the needles too big?"
"Perhaps. Or maybe the bookmarks cushioned them in some way."
"The idea has merit, but I don't think it really explains the whole thing."
"Hmmm… Maybe it was because of the rocks."
"Oh yes, the rocks. Should we try with fewer rocks next time? Ten to the basket may be too many."
"While that would be satisfying, we must be practical so we can go help Lizzy and Mr. Darcy."
"Yes, I suppose so. Maybe just take out one rock?"
"Let's do three."
"It's worth a try. Let's go."
