Disclaimer: You know...I own NOTHING.
I spent the next two days doing what I normally did before I finally gave in and had Stephan bring me the letter he hid for me. I told him I was ready to read it and I wanted to read it alone because it was private and something I had to do on my own. I know that he wanted to be there with me when I read it in case anything was to happen or if it became too much for me, but I knew I couldn't have him there, reading over my shoulder, waiting for me snap or break down.
As I waited for Stephan to bring me the letter, I spent the whole morning finishing school work and trying to keep calm because I was just so nervous. I needed to keep myself busy to pass the time, even though I knew he would be here just before dinner. I ate tons of junk food hoping the sugar would knock me out in a sugar coma for the rest of the day, bust sadly it didn't. So, I went shopping for some baby clothes and for a few things to decorate the house and even bought a new book.
When Stephan showed up later that day, he smiled politely and gave me the letter. His hand shook slightly as he handed it over and I knew part of him wished he had read it. Maybe he had read it and was nervous about letting me read it, I could just picture him doing something like that. He told me he'd be at the house in case I needed him, and I promised I'd call him if I needed him.
I watched at the door as his car took off down the street. Elena was in the passenger seat, waving to me as they left. I had to make sure he was gone before I made my move. I packed up the letter with the present and drove to the beach. It was always the place where I felt the closest to Damon, beside his bedroom but I couldn't go there. And I would have gone to the spring where he first took me, but I couldn't remember how to get there since he used his speed and I didn't feel like getting lost in the wood again.
So, I settled for a comfy pot near the lifeguard stand. I sat on the sand, slightly in the shade since I didn't bring any sunblock and looked out over the waves. As the sun began setting I finally got the courage to read the thing that had been constantly haunting my dreams.
Dearest Isabella,
Words cannot begin to describe how sorry I am for leaving the way I did. You may understand more than I care to admit about why I ran away, but you can't possibly understand how much pain it has caused me to leave you. I can't put into words how I feel because I am just as confused by them myself. I am trying my hardest to understand these feelings I have about you, about the baby, about why I ran away.
I know in my heart that I should have stayed by your side during this troubling time. You make me want to come home, something I never thought I would have again. I don't think of the boarding house as home, but you, you are my home!
I can't describe how it feels to only understand half of the things you told me. How could I possibly understand your pregnancy when it's impossible for my kind to have kids? At first, I thought you cheated on me, that you chose Matt over me in the end. Maybe you thought you would try him out once and see how you felt and then became pregnant as a result.
But not once did you turn away from me when I showed you compassion and for this I know it's always been me. I am what is wrong with this relationship, but I am going to fix myself, so I can be the man you need me to be.
I know deep in my heart that the child is mine. But I am scared and fearful of so many things, mostly if you will come to hate me as my mother did my father? What will our child become knowing it has my blood running through its veins? I am scared that I have become a monster once again when I have tried so hard to keep that side of me away from you. I want the both of you to never regret choosing me as I have never regretted loving you.
You are all that is good and pure and loving. I want to find what is out there for a couple like us, for our child. I have not found anything, and I fear I am missing you too much to stay away much longer but right now I can't face you. I feel as if I have let you down by taking off without a single word until now. In time, I will come back, that I promise.
Your monster, D.
I cried at the words he wrote. How could he ever think he was a monster, he had only ever loved me and protected me. He took care of me even when I didn't need to be taken care of. I understood his point and knew that I couldn't be mad at him. He was trying to make our world better, our child's world better.
Damon needed closure and to know that everything would work out. How long that would take, neither of us knew. I had hope though as I read again that he missed me and promised to come home to me soon. How soon, I wish I knew. I wanted him home now to help me and to be here when the baby was born, it scared me.
I grabbed the present out from my bag and unwrapped it, throwing the wrapping paper back in my bag so I didn't litter. It was a black velvet box that was deep with a small lid. I was almost scared to open it but the inscription on top made me continue: (For Our Future, With Love)
Inside was the most beautiful silver rattle I had ever seen. It had tiny blue lines running in a very delicate pattern that surrounded the top then was bare until you saw the handle where the baby would hold. Next to that was a matching silver baby necklace that sparkled and held a single diamond. Under those things was a letter and I carefully replaced the objects into their molds. I felt like these things were too nice to be held, let alone be played with by an infant.
Isabella,
I hope this package arrives safely and is not damaged. This is the main reason I had to leave, I had to retrieve these things from a volt that held my family's heirlooms. As you and our child are now a Salvatore, the both of you deserved these things. This was my rattle when I was a baby and I wanted the baby to have it all well. The bracelet is for the ankle, to stop any harm from be falling our child. It was a gift to me from a midwife that helped birth me. She was a good witch and always looked after my brother and I. Stephan has something similar, but he has fashioned it into the necklace Elena now wears. I should be home soon, I have recently found a child that is also half vampire and have begun my trip to meet her.
We will talk more later, D.
I was over the moon. Damon would be home soon, and he had found someone like our baby. I couldn't wait to have him home again, but I knew I couldn't have it like it was before. I loved him yes, but did I trust him: no. I knew I didn't the moment he walked away before talking to me first.
I packed away the present and went to find my cousin and Stephan to tell them what I now knew. Would they be happy or concerned? I guess there was only one way to find out.
#*#*
"I can't believe he gave these to you!" Stephan sat holding the box in shock. Elena had gone to their room to give us some privacy. I said she could stay but she said this was between Stephan and I, so we said goodnight.
"Why?" I sat beside him on the couch and looked at his face.
"Our mother had these made for him when he was born, I have a set too, but it has a different design. I kept mine and currently they are in my room covered in dust." We chuckled, "He was really attached to her, not like me though, her death was hardest on him. He couldn't even bring himself to go to her funeral because it was too much for him and I thought he had destroyed these."
"I guess he kept them after all." I whispered knowing he'd hear it anyway. I could just picture Damon as a child, loving his mother unconditionally and then the way he would change when her death happened. How the light in his blue eyes faded and disappeared as the years passed.
"It's just a little shocking that he kept them. I'm sure if he was human and you were pregnant he would have given them to you and I wouldn't have been shocked. He also wouldn't be so scared about what's going to happen. I think when he learns everything he needs to then he'll come home, and things will go back to normal." I nodded in agreement even though I knew nothing would be the same.
"Carlisle says I'm doing good so far and that the baby looks healthy. I'm a little scared about the actual birth but what first time mom isn't?" Stephan chuckled and hugged me. "He says I need to gain a little more weight but no matter how much I eat, my weight stays the same"
"Have you tried eating more fatty foods? I know how much you love to eat the good old healthy stuff." He laughed at me and I slightly pushed him, laughing too. I did love to eat healthy to maintain my weight, but I also loved my fatty foods and I'd never give them up.
"Yea. Esme has been cooking me dinner since I'm usually pretty worn out by dinnertime. She makes sure I even have dessert and it has all the food groups including fried crap." I joked. But I was being serious too because even though it was healthy food she cooked for me, she also made stuff that was loaded with carbs and not on the healthy side.
"Maybe the baby wants something food doesn't really give it. You have to think the baby isn't normal, so what food isn't normal that it might like?" We sat and thought for a couple minutes.
"The only thing I can think of is raw food." I groaned because raw food was literally the only type of food I didn't eat.
"Maybe you should try drinking blood. After all the baby is half vampire and we do need blood to survive. Human food may sustain us for a while but the main ingredient in our diet is blood. You should talk to Carlisle about this theory and see what he says." I nodded but I was dreading what he would say because I completely agreed with Stephan.
"I will and honestly I think your right." We were quiet for a couple minutes when he spoke up out of the blue.
"I'm really excited to be an uncle, I just wish..."
"Me too. But we can't change who we are or how these things happen. For months I have thought I am not good enough but now," I rubbed my belly "I know that all those things that happened to me, happened for a reason. I was made to save your brother and he was made to save me."
Stephan smiled at me and we sat back and relaxed. I was tired since it was well past midnight, but I didn't want to go home, I didn't want to be all alone. I cuddled into his side and dozed off, being next to him made me feel like I was closer to Damon somehow and it made me happy.
