Chapter 29

The day before Kayla's surgery begun with a visit from her mother and Steve knew it was just the first of many times that Kayla was going to have to paint a smile on for others that day…

Ever since the kids had found out she was going to be undergoing surgery she had been the one making sure they were ok. It was just the mama bear in her. Even though Stephanie was a grown women, she had to make sure she and Joey were alright before Kayla could think about herself and how she was coping.

That was what she had to do for her own mother as well.

Kayla had embraced Caroline tightly on her arrival and then with the help of Bo (who had come with his mother), Steve and the kids, mother and daughter communicated.

Bo sat with his mother and Stephanie on one couch while Joey sat by the side of his mother on the other, leaning into her as she gave him a hug. It recalled to Steve's mind the night when Kayla had come home from the hospital. Except Joey had been so relaxed and calm then and it was quite clear their son was not feeling either of those things just then.

He was feeling as stressed as his father was.

While Kayla was able to sit there and just be with the others, Steve rushed about making sure everyone had enough tea and cookies and that Kayla had everything she was going to need for her stay in hospital, even though she was going to be there for a relatively short space of time. The fact she had been perfectly relaxed when she had been packing her hospital bag made no difference to him.

Steph slipped away to try and calm him a couple of times but Kayla knew it was not going to work. She knew just to let him pace it out…

When her love was doing things for the family he was ok. When he had nothing to do – that was when things got worse. Steve hated nothing so much as he hated being motionless or powerless.

"You know she is going to be fine," said Bo, as he saw his niece was not having a lot of luck with her father. She had gone to try and convince him to sit with them for a while and returned alone. Bo had then followed Steve out to the kitchen to see he was unloading the dish washer.

In some ways it still seemed bizarre to him that their lives were now in part filled with such mundane ordinary tasks.

Just a couple of months before they had been camped out in some god for sake part of Europe trying to figure out how they were going to bring down the DiMera's once and for all.

Now they were doing every done stuff… and it was so much better.

"I know," Steve said with half a smile which warned Bo not to push it any more. "I know."

He didn't need to hear what his best friend was trying to tell him.

Bo sighed and went back to his sister. The sooner this operation was done… the better.

X x x

All the Johnson's went to the hospital the night before Kayla's surgery to drop her off. Kayla would have been fine with having said goodbye to the kids at home but they had wanted to be with her as long as they could.

But the time soon came when they had to go… and she had to stay.

"Love you," they both signed before heading out.

Stephanie and Joey both threw one more smile back at their mother before they left the hospital room, having kissed her goodbye and wished her luck.

Knowing Steve was having to go soon made nothing easier. Kayla remembered feeling this way the time before too. When Steve had broken the news Doctor Mike Horton had said he had to go she had tried to accept it with as good a grace as she was able to muster but she had never needed to spend the night with Steve's arms around her so much as she had that night.

Till this night…

But this time he really did have to go home as she knew they had two anxious babies who were going to need their papa.

She did not come in to it.

'I love you,' he signed.

Kayla nodded. She knew that. There had been times in their long history when she had not been sure of that fact but now she was and she was always going to be.

'I love you too,' she said as she gave him a small smile.

The next day was the start of everything. Of the two of them getting back to a place where they could talk.

More than anything she could not wait to his voice. The only voices she wanted to hear more than his were their babies.

As he leaned forward to take her in his arms, she went into them willingly. All she wanted to do was stay there, burying her face in his neck for a moment she shut her eyes.

Normally she loved being at the hospital when she was working. For all the sadness it entailed she felt good when she was there as it meant she could help people, she could make them better.

But it was a very different case when she was the patient.

She leaned into Steve's touch as he ran a hand through her hair and then sat up straight when he gently pulled away.

Kayla reminded herself he had to get the kids home.

'Tomorrow is going to be here real soon baby. Then you can come home and be with the three of us again.' He promised as he kissed her hand.

If he had his way then this was the last time they were ever going to be apart.

It was their time to be together now.

She nodded with more confidence than she felt and kissed him back when he leant back down for just one more. She knew he did not want to go anymore than she wanted him to.

Then he gathered himself, stood up straight and followed their children feeling decidedly uneasy about everything.

He was glad she did not seem to be as freaked out by the thought of the operation as she had been before. That had been no good for her and he had been afraid that she was just not going to have it. Whilst he did not care for himself, for he would love her whether she could talk to him or not, he had not wanted that to be her life.

She had told him how isolated the whole thing had made her feel and – and it just had not been good for her.

She was so social, she loved to be with and about people and if she had been cut off for ever he did not like to think what that would have done to her initially. He knew she would have adjusted and deal with what was going on in the end because that was what she did… but it had scared him for her. It hadn't happened though….

Yet this silence on any nerves for the op she had this time did not feel right to him. He wondered if should not surprise by it at all though…

Just as he got to the door, he turned back to look at the beautiful women lying in the hospital bed as their kids had done.

But instead of just smiling, he pulled his hand up to his chest and ball his hands into fists, looking at her meaningfully. She responded likewise.

Courage was their first word after all. So her stoic bravery really should not surprise him at all, he knew.

As he left the room he took in a deep breathe.

He knew he had to show some of that bravery. He walked over to the waiting area, put one arm around each of his waiting kids and then begun to walk them back to the car…

Yet every instinct in him told him he was going the wrong way. That he should be staying with her.

X x x

"Are you ok?" asked Shane as he came into the living room to see Kim and Bo sitting quietly with their mother.

He set the tea on the table.

"I am going to be a lot better in the morning," Caroline admitted.

No matter how much time passed her babies were always her babies.

Leaving Kayla when she had seen her that morning had not been easy at all.

"Once tomorrow is over, Ma," Bo sighed. "Everything is going to be better."

They knew that it was going to take a little time for Kayla to get back on her feet entirely.

But this was an important step.

"Yeah, and you know how tough our Kayla is. She is going to come through this stronger than ever before," said Kim with a smile.

Caroline nodded. She hoped that was the truth.

"I am so lucky I have all of you her with me," She said with a soft smile.

Her kids were her world. She just wished she could be with the one who needed her the most.

The evening carried on quietly between them, with Paige and Theresa popping in for visits. It was clear that holding baby Tate did his great grandmother the world of good.

"You know she could do this a lot more often if you were to move in here with us sweetheart," Shane said to his daughter as they watched Caroline with the baby.

Theresa gave her father a look which told him what she thought of that idea but he put his hands up.

"No pressure, it is just something to think about."

X x x

The phone call came from Marcus in the middle of the night.

Steve did not have to wake up to answer it. He had known he was not going to get any sleep that night. He could not sleep when he was not with his sweetness…

"Homey, what's up?"

"Has Kayla turned up at home?"

Steve stood up and it seemed to him he was put his shoes on before he so much as replied.

"No, she is not here, the kids and I dropped her to the hospital this evening."

"Well a nurse just went in to take her obs and she was not in her room-"

"I am on my way! "

Leaving a note for Stephanie, Steve left the apartment as soon as he could and as fast as he had got up he was at the hospital.

Marcus met him at the door and said they had checked her room again and the toilets and now they were scanning the hospital.

"Ok – let's think, she is not in her room, not on this floor, her office –" he said and it was as he said the last two words that he saw his friends face change.

"Homey what do you mean you have not checked in her office?" said Steve with a sigh as he looked at his hot shot doctor friend. He loved him like a brother but he could be a little… well, thick when the occasion rose.

Marcus looked sorry but Steve was already on his way to where he knew his ex-wife was going to be.

Looking for some normalcy.

Nevertheless, he was gratified to see she had gone where he thought she was going to be. He could see the soft glow of a light from within her office and walked in slowly as to not startle her. Steve was able to see for just a moment what she must looked like on a normal work day.

She was sitting at her desk and it looked very much as if she was trying to get as bit of paper work done.

But she should not be getting paper work down. She should be getting a bit of a rest for the morning.

He crossed to her desk, knowing she was aware of him being there. However, for one reason or another she was choosing not to look at him. Maybe because she knew he was going to want to take her back to her room.

Steve knelt down by her side and ran a hand through her hair. She shivered a little but still didn't look at him for a moment until she felt she was too able to…

And then even when she did, it took no time at all for her eyes to fill with the tears she had been trying so very hard not to cry all day.

His heart shattered for her. She had been so strong for so long and now she couldn't be.

Which he knew was where he came in.

He put his arms about her, wishing desperately for her hearing to come back of its own accord. If only it would then he would be able to offer all the words of comfort which were in his head right then.

But she could not hear them.

Feeling Kayla lean into him, Steve shifted, so that they could hold on to each other more easily, making sure not to let her go as he did so. He just didn't want to let go…

Before they had got the date for the operation it had been as if they had been getting back to some sort of normal. Yet they had not been. They had been in a little bubble where nothing could touch them. Where they could be with their kids and where they were able to fall back in love… but they had a long way to go yet.

He pulled back as he felt her also do so.

"What if it does not work this time, what if we picked the wrong course of surgery and what if I never hear your voice again? And what if I never can just talk to our children again?"

It was all the same thoughts, the same fears she had before. They was not going on to stop her having the operation but she was glad she had got them out in the open, even whilst knowing he did not have the answers… but it helped to share her worries.

She had to express them.

"Then nothing is going to change… and we will love you, sweetness, as much as we always have."

She was the centre of the world for their family. The glue which held it together.

And no matter what, she always was going to be… he had no idea if that was going to be enough but it was all he had to give her right then, he thought as he kissed her cheeks.

Steve stayed right there with Kayla in his arms. He had to be there for her for just as long as she needed him. And he would be.

It was only when she was ready to go back to her room that they did so and even then he did not leave her. He stayed right by her side till he was sure she was asleep.

"Sweet dreams, sweetness…" he murmured as he placed a kiss on her forehead and quietly left the room. It was even harder to do second time around.

It was gone two by the time he left the hospital.

If it was the old days then he knew he would go straight to the pier and then he would play the blues a while to calm himself.

But he was a papa – and he knew even though neither of them were tiny, he had to get back to his little ones.

He might not be half the parent their mother was but they had him… and they needed him.

He got back to the flat, crawled into bed and sent a pray to the Big Dude that everything would come good the next day.

"It just has too…" Steve murmured to the empty space by his side.

It had too. For her sake…

Please review!