When the Storm Breaks
By Hazelmist
A/N: You guys seemed to enjoy that cliff hanger so I've decided to end EVERY chapter with a cliff hanger! Kidding! Maybe… Thank you for the kudos and comments! Every bit of feedback helps. This sort of references a painful conversation that Alec and Tom had at the end Chapter 7, but I don't think it's necessary to reread it.
There is an IMPLIED TRIGGER in this chapter. It's the same one from Ch.14. I'll give you a hint: it was a book that Joe hid something inside.
Dear SEA, Alec and Tom knew that you weren't going to wake up and that you were leaving before I did. I wish I'd realized it sooner.
Chapter 29: The Boy who Survived the Storm and the Man who Grew to Love Him
Alec woke up to the smell of bleach and the sound of voices, too many voices. Hands were grabbing at him, trying to strip him of his clothes and unbutton his shirt. Alec tried to lift his head and someone pressed down on his chest. Something clattered to the floor beside him, resounding in his ears. Alec saw a bright red box and the letters AED before someone cracked it open. Fuck. His eyes had started to flutter shut as he succumbed to the weight, the weariness, the ache in his chest and his struggle to breathe; but at the sight of that red fucking box and what those stubby fingers were clumsily trying to get out of it; his eyes snapped open and he was suddenly wide awake. He rolled away from them, coughing and wrenching himself free of those grabby hands. He spotted a set of scuffed up sneakers and everything came crashing down around him.
Tom.
That was all it took for Alec to fight his way through that mess and chaos of arms, feet, fingers, hands and a robotic voice that that was trying to meticulously talk someone through a process that Alec refused to endure. Not again.
"Get off me! I'm fine!" he was gasping, and panting, and coughing with the effort that it took to wrestle with four different men, all of whom were stronger than him. The cleaner was trying to hold him down, the giant guard was there along with two others, and Black/White rushed in with someone in latex gloves, a black bag and a stethoscope.
"He's having a heart attack!" the giant guard cried out, with a shocking amount of anxiety for someone that looked as tough as nails and cold as ice.
"He passed out on the floor!" the cleaner exclaimed, panicked. "I think he hit his head-"
"How the bloody hell do you work this thing?" The guard with the AED was cursing at the box that was still droning on in a mechanical voice. "It's not supposed to be rocket science!"
"Alright, everyone calm down!" The paramedic/doctor/whatever was trying to regain control and failing.
"Mickey you're gonna break it!" The other guard snapped at the man with the faulty AED.
In the commotion, Alec was able to gradually extract himself from the mess and make eye contact with Tom. The boy was scared shitless. The sight of him staring at Alec, horrified, almost sent Alec's struggling heart into a faster tempo. But it also gave him a clarity that he'd been lacking. Tom needed him and Alec's stubbornness helped him to at least recover enough to sit up. He found the pill pack on the floor by Black/White's boots and seized it.
"'m not having a heart attack!" he exploded, breathing hard. His words were slurred together, but the others made enough sense of his garbled speech to stop what they were doing. Most of the hands left him, and six startled people let go of him and briefly stopped trying to work the bloody machine.
"I have a heart condition," he panted, getting up on his knees. He waved the paramedic off. He held up the pills as he swallowed two of them. "'m fine. Happens…all…the…time." He looked for Tom and waved him over. Tom was frozen, his eyes as wide as saucers. The paramedic was saying something to him, getting down on the floor beside him, opening his bag and taking out the blood pressure cuff.
"Tom!" Alec growled at the boy. Tom finally unstuck his feet from the floor and came to him. Alec told the paramedic that he was fine again and grasped at Tom's arm. He almost toppled Tom as the poor kid was forced to take his weight. He used the boy as a crutch to get to his feet. Alec teetered and squeezed his eyes shut, willing his body to get its equilibrium back and for the bloody drugs to work this time and fast.
"Sir, you need to-"
"I just got this bleeding thing working!"
"I need to at least take your blood pressure!"
"He wasn't breathing! I'm not lyin'!"
"DI Hardy! Hardy!"
Alec got Tom to the door and then out into the visitor hall, running on pure adrenaline. He was halfway across the floor when it started waning. The voices were following him, accompanied by the footsteps and the familiar flood of questions that followed him every time he tried to escape after another attack that left him hospitalized, or dangerously close to it. Alec had gone through it enough times that he dealt with it with a practiced ease that for anyone else would've been alarming.
"Lay off, 'm fine!" Alec's accent was so heavy with exhaustion and the dull ache that throbbed through him each time he put one foot in front of the other. He was leaning more and more on Tom. "Jesus, sod off! You're gonna give me an actual heart attack!" Alec snarled at them, heedless of the swears that he was hypocritically spitting out in front of Ellie's thirteen-year-old. He was also about to break Tom's back if he didn't get a hold of himself and soon. Alec had lost a lot of weight over the past three years and had always been a lightweight, but Tom was nowhere near big enough to carry him. No child should have to carry him on top of all those other burdens that had weighed down on those shaking shoulders.
"Keep walking, keep walking," Alec ordered Tom, hoping that he could stop all of this if he could just get them out of the building and away from everything. He shoved Tom out of the visiting hall, into the waiting area and they almost forgot Tom's backpack. The woman with the smoker's voice and cloud of perfume had to kindly remind them. Alec took advantage of the moment. He slouched down in one of the chairs and somehow managed to fight off the irritating paramedic, the shockingly concerned Black/White, and the panicked cleaner that was recounting the incident in detail yet again.
"For god's sake, I'm not dead! Leave me alone!"
Alec forced himself back on his feet. He slung his arm around Tom's shoulder and step by step they trudged past the metal detector and made for the door. As soon as they were outside in the open air without his annoying entourage, Alec could breathe more easily and think more clearly. He redirected Tom around the side of the building and found the stone bench overlooking the prison's well maintained garden.
Letting go of Tom, Alec collapsed. Shaking, Tom joined him. Alec shut his eyes and focused on his breathing, counting each breath as it went in and out. Once again he was reminded of Ellie and how many times he'd used her heartbeat to regulate his own. The bloody pills were doing their job for once. Alec relaxed his grip on the stone bench beneath him and risked opening his eyes.
The garden was spread out before them behind a metal fence. At this time of year it was blooming. Alec was fascinated by the amount of care that those criminals could devote to nourishing those plants and the amount of beauty and growth that could come out of someone that had probably done something ruinous to fence them in there, right along with those flowers and flourishing greenery. Alec took in another deep breath and let go of that stone bench, one finger at a time. Only then, when he had his hands clasped together and his bearings again, could he look at the shaken boy beside him.
"Are you alright?" he asked Tom.
Tom looked at him, his eyes shining suspiciously. He nodded and wiped the back of his hand across his face, fiercely blinking away that sheen in his eyes before a single tear could fall.
"A-are you o-okay?" Tom stammered, dropping his eyes to his sneakers in the dirt.
"I'm okay," Alec lied.
Tom nervously glanced at him as if he was afraid that Alec was going to drop dead right there beside him. Alec probably resembled a ghost, but one that wasn't as strong as the one that was sitting on the bench between them.
"Did you tell your mother?" Alec asked, mentally preparing himself for the fall out.
"No."
Alec stared at Tom, surprised. He vigorously kicked at the dirt with his sneaker, spraying Alec's shoes and the bottom of his slacks.
"Are you going to?" Alec wondered. Tom shook his head, attacking the dirt. It was only then that Alec noticed what Tom had in his lap and what he'd been clinging to since the moment Alec had spotted him from the bleached floor of the visitor's restroom. He'd been so focused on Tom's face that he hadn't seen it. But now he saw it, and an iciness that had nothing to do with his heart condition crept through his veins.
"Tom," he began slowly, "Did you open that bag?"
Tom's head lifted for the first time since he'd asked if Alec was okay. He looked at Alec and then down at the crinkled paper bag in his lap as if he'd forgotten about it.
"No," Tom answered and the chill left Alec as he handed the bag back. "Why did you bring a book in?" Alec stared at the curious boy that wouldn't be a child for much longer and decided to give him the truth, or at least part of it.
"Tom, do you remember when we talked about why I was with your mother over the weekend?" Alec inquired, jogging his memory. Tom nodded. Alec swallowed and held up the bag.
"Everything that your mother found out about your father is in here," he told him. Tom frowned at him and the bag. "Your father hid it in a book because he didn't want anyone to find it or see it," Alec said softly. Tom's brow cleared, but only slightly. Alec wasn't going to tell him any more than that or show him, but he knew that for Tom, it would be enough. Tom wasn't going to search or pry any further and Alec was able to breathe a sigh of relief.
"I'm going to hand it over to the Broadchurch police so that no one will ever find it or see it again." He pressed his palm down on the paper bag and the book concealed inside of it, as if it were a bible that he was swearing upon. "Hopefully, this, will keep your father in prison for a very, very, very long time."
As Alec gazed out over that garden and that wire fence that boxed in those thriving plants, and those prisoners lovingly coaxing those greens out of the ground when many of them had stamped out human lives, he prayed that it would be enough to keep Joe away from them. Although that ghost still sat between them and would always be there, Alec knew now that he didn't have to worry as much.
"Tom, what you said in there to your father…" Alec trailed off, putting the book aside and keeping his eyes on those blossoming flowers. Beside him, the dirt stopped flying as Tom stilled. Alec swallowed hard. "I didn't want to take you here because I thought…" He paused and then went on, "Your mother thought you were too young, and I agreed with her." Lowering his eyes to his pale knotted fingers, he admitted the truth. "Tom I was wrong, you're not a child anymore, and today you proved it to your father and to me." There was so much he wanted to say to that young lad beside him, but he knew he'd never find the right words. Turning to Tom, he unclasped his hands and tentatively rested a hand on Tom's hunched back.
"Your Mum would've been proud of you," he told him. Tom chewed on his lip and ducked beneath that overgrown mop of blonde hair. "Tom, I know I'm not your father, but if I were your father…I would be very proud of you too," he praised the lad. Tom raised his head and met Alec's gaze with gleaming eyes. Alec studied Tom's face and wondered how Joe could toss aside a son that was so brave and so strong for his mother and his baby brother.
"You're going to take good care of Fred and your Mum," Alec said. Tom sniffed and nodded, but Alec wasn't asking for a promise this time, not like he had in a hallway two months ago when Tom had first asked him if he was sick and Alec had told him he might have to go away one day. Alec never thought he'd run out of time so quickly, but he knew now that he had nothing to worry about on that front. Tom would fill his father's shoes quickly; he had already taken the first steps. He was his mother's son and had grown into a lad that any man would be proud to call his own.
"You're leaving, aren't you?" Tom surmised, his voice cracking. Alec was caught off guard by the question, but after everything that had just happened and the weight he'd forced Tom to carry out of there, he should have been expecting it. His heart still broke as he recalled exactly what the word "leaving" meant to both of them.
"I'm sorry, Tom," he said and bit down on his lip as a lump formed in his throat. His eyes began to burn as Tom lowered his head, moving closer to him with the motion. Alec's arm slid around the young man's broadening shoulders as Tom started trembling.
"I'm so sorry, Tom, I really wanted to stay." His own voice cracked as the reality sunk in for both of them.
Alec squeezed his eyes shut as Tom leaned closer and closer until his head was against Alec's shoulder, and Alec took back some of the weight that he'd laid on Tom. Alec gave into that paternal impulse he'd been fighting and held Tom, like he used to hold his daughter. He rocked and hushed Tom like a child, wishing that he could stay and stop Tom from taking on the role of a man that had been thrust upon him so suddenly. And when Tom cried, Alec silently cried too.
It took a while before Alec could get up off that granite bench. He didn't know how many pills he'd taken and it was only half past one. Tom had stopped crying, and Alec had gotten rid of any sign of his tears well before Tom was ready for him to let go. But the emotional and physical toll of dealing with Joe and the photographs, listening and speaking to Tom, and his stupid heart failing him when he needed it most, was catching up to him. Alec knew that a couple more pills weren't going to solve anything. Tom was getting antsy and worried, sneaking surreptitious looks at him. Alec had already called for a car but it was at least another twenty minutes away. After Tom side-eyed him for the hundredth time, Alec sighed.
"What?" he asked Tom, bracing himself for the question that had been flitting across the boy's face for the last ten minutes. Tom fidgeted and toed the giant hole that he'd dug in the dirt during the time it was taking for the stupid car to come.
"Out with it, Tom," Alec snapped, rubbing at his throbbing temple.
"When are you leaving?" Tom blurted out.
Alec pinched the bridge of his nose. He couldn't deal with this on top of everything else and his headache was getting worse. The cleaner was right; he must've hit his head.
"I'm leaving Monday," he answered Tom, expelling a breath.
"Monday?" Tom's voice cracked and Alec did a double take when he saw all the color drain out of Tom's face.
"No, no, no, Tom," Alec rushed to clarify himself, touching the lad's arm. "When I say leaving, I mean I'm leaving Broadchurch and I'm going home."
"Oh." The color rushed back into Tom's face and Alec dropped his hand. He watched Tom squirm and waited for the inevitable question.
"You're coming back though, right?" Tom didn't look up from his mobile but Alec could sense that he was holding his breath. When Alec didn't answer, Tom tore his eyes away from the screen that he'd stopped paying attention to a while ago.
"I know you brought all your stuff in yesterday and I know you said that you and Mum aren't-" he broke off and made that same face that reminded Alec that although Tom could take on his father and take care of his mother and brother, there were many things that he wasn't mature enough to deal with yet. "I'd be okay with it, you know," Tom said, clearing his throat and faking a nonchalance that he didn't feel. "If you and Mum date or whatever-" Tom waved his hand and didn't even bother naming that odd relationship that he'd probably seen forming between his Mum and Alec from the moment he let Alec into the house. "I don't mind you staying with us. I like you better than Geoffrey, so does Fred, and Mum obviously lov-"
"Tom," Alec interrupted him, his voice harsh enough to shut Tom up before he went too far or said too much. But it was too late, Alec had heard enough. Lucy's words from over a month ago echoed in his mind. He'd gotten too close and too attached, and he was so caught up in Ellie that he'd forgotten that she wasn't the only one that he was abandoning. Fred was too young but Tom… Alec opened his mouth and tried again to find words that weren't going to help anyone. He could've lied to Tom like he'd lied to Ellie, but those five days he'd given himself to say goodbye were shrinking fast, and Tom had witnessed everything.
"Tom, I don't know if I'm coming back," he said softly, steadily holding Tom's gaze and forcing himself to watch Ellie's son's reaction.
"But you said-" Tom back peddled.
"I need to go home. I need to see my daughter. And I need to stay with my aunt for a while," Alec said, outlining all the affairs he needed to get in order like the will that he hadn't updated yet. He'd made it so long ago with Vicky, when she was pregnant with Keira. Alec blocked the memory of Vicky's swollen fingers entwined with his as he helped his nine month pregnant wife into an uncomfortable chair that could barely contain her, and their unborn child, and that happiness they both shared as he signed his name and secured a future for all of three of them that only lasted for thirteen years. He refused to entertain the idea that there were three more people now that if he hadn't had his darling daughter and Iris to think about, he would've given them everything he had left.
"You'll visit, though, you said you'd come back next Saturday for my football match-"
"I don't think I can make it," Alec cut him off, silencing Tom. He couldn't look at Tom anymore. Staring at the garden before him and all that life, Alec told Tom the truth.
"The other day when you came home and found me on the sofa and Fred crying," Alec started hesitantly, "I wasn't sleeping. And when your mother left you in the restaurant to look for me, I was outside because I um – I got sick and today – today when I – when I fell-" Alec broke off and bit down so hard on his lip that he tore through flesh and tasted copper. "I was lucky." He didn't feel very lucky as he rested his forearms on his thighs and the stark colors of those flowers and that greenery started to bleed and blur before his eyes.
"You shouldnae have seen that, Tom," Alec said, pressing his palms together and hiding behind his hair as he tipped his head toward that earth that was waiting to swallow him whole. "And I don't want you or your mother to have to see that happen again."
Tom was quiet beside him but Alec knew that he was listening raptly, struggling to make sense of it all.
"I thought you said you were okay," Tom said.
"I am," Alec assured him, although he wasn't, not really. He slowly rubbed his hands together, choosing his words with care. "The next time that happens, Tom, I might not get back up."
He let the words sink in for both of them, allowing that seed he'd finally dropped to grow into something ugly like that thorn bush on the cliffs. Alec's mind was already building a thorny wall around his fragile heart, hedging himself in and protecting himself and protecting the ones he cared about most from himself, and he only had three and a half more days before it was finished.
"Mum and I can take care of you-"
"No." Alec's voice was soft but it carried a weight that Tom couldn't compete with. Alec finally turned and met Tom's gaze. "I don't want you to be there when that happens and I don't think you want your Mum to be there either."
Tom couldn't argue with him. He'd listened to his mother cry after Lucy told him what the CMO had predicted, and Lucy and the CMO had been right, about everything.
"I have to leave now, Tom, before I get any worse. Because I will get sick, a lot sicker than I am now, and I don't want you or your Mum to see me like that or have to worry about when the time will come that I can't get back up," he said, meeting Tom's eyes with a steadiness that didn't reach his aching heart. He brushed back Tom's bangs so that he could see his face more clearly. "I'm sorry, Tom, that I have to leave so soon. I thought I had more time. But I know that you'll take care of your Mum and your brother and that you're a good lad that's going to continue to make your mother very proud and I-" He halted again as his emotions overwhelmed him. "I want you to know Tom that if I ever had a son, I'd want him to be exactly like you."
Alec gazed at Tom until he blushed and lowered his eyes. Tom didn't look at him or say anything to him, but he scooted closer until his shoulder was leaning against Alec's. This time it took everything in him to take Tom's weight as Alec finally gave into everything he'd been holding back.
"Give me your phone," he said to Tom, holding out his hand to him. Tom's eyes narrowed but he obeyed. Alec dragged out his glasses and found the contacts and his name at the top of that alphabetical list. He punched in Iris' number from memory and handed it back to Tom.
"I don't know how much longer I'll be around, but Tom, if you or your mother ever need anything, anything at all, you can call my mobile or that number and I'll try to do everything that I can," he offered in one last desperate attempt to ensure that three of the people that he cared about most were taken care of long after he was gone.
Tom frowned, but nodded as Alec put his glasses away and rubbed at his heavy eyelids. They spent the rest of the wait in silence, but they'd already said everything that needed to be said.
Tom had to help him up off that bench when the car arrived at last. Alec slunk into the car and closed his eyes, sinking down into the leather upholstery. Tom gave the driver the address and nudged Alec right before he drifted off.
"Alec?"
"Yeah," he asked groggily, cracking one eye open.
"Thanks," Tom mumbled, his face reddening as he fiddled with the zipper on his backpack.
"Don't thank me," Alec said, yawning. His eyes slid shut and he fell asleep, knowing that he'd gotten to say goodbye to at least one person and left Ellie and Fred in very good hands.
Tom woke Alec when they reached the outskirts of Broadchurch. The car took them up the familiar steep incline that ended in one little cottage half buried in hedges and flourishing shrubbery. Alec handed over all of the cash in his wallet, over tipping the driver, but he was too tired to care. Tom rummaged for the key in his backpack and ran up the steps to unlock the door. Alec remained where he was taking in the house that was the home of the only happy memories he had of the last year and so much more.
"Are you coming in?" Tom asked, poking his head out.
Alec climbed the three steps to the front stoop and looked out over the vivid green landscape and the horizon where the ocean met the sky. Six days ago, he'd sat there with Ellie and finally understood the beauty of the place and that woman silhouetted against that never-ending sky. For the first time, he'd actually wanted to stay with her and her boys, in Broadchurch. Six days later, he was finding it hard to leave not only Ellie, Tom, Fred, but Broadchurch itself. Somehow the stupid small town, the stupid terrifying ocean, the stupid death-trap cliffs, the stupid ugly cottage and the stupid endless sky were now so entwined with three people he loved that it had become a home and a part of him too.
"Hurry up! Mum's gonna be mad if I let all the bugs in." Grumbling about ladybirds, bees and butterflies, Tom went inside.
Alec turned his back on the view of Broadchurch and followed Tom, stepping over the threshold and into their home for the last time.
Months later, Ellie picks up Alec's coat and drapes it over her arm. If she closes her eyes, she can imagine that it still smells like the smoke from distant bonfires and a crowded smoky bar where he reeled her in and kissed her. Sometimes she breathes in him; the hotel soap and shampoo, the generic laundry detergent, the shaving cream he'd used very rarely and that familiar underlying scent that she associated with warmth and embraces that she felt long after he let her go. Most of the time, the only thing she can smell is the old shampoo and lotion that she used and a hint of bleach and disinfectant. She runs her fingers over the black garment and she can almost feel the sand from Good Harbour Beach hidden in the crevices, the salt from the air whipping off the ocean, and the lingering dampness of a rainstorm in Broadchurch that broke them.
A/N: I definitely spent more time researching the correct term for a ladybug than the workings of an AED, I'm pathetic. But hey, Alec's still alive… for now…
