DOUBLE UPDATE!

Disclaimer: Shonda Rhimes owns the show. (;

--

Didn't we almost have it all by Whitney Houston

Didnt we almost have it all
When love was all we had worth giving?
The ride with you was worth the fall my friend
Loving you makes life worth living
Didnt we almost have it all
The night we held on till the morning
You know youll never love that way again
Didnt we almost have it all

--

"Addison invited me to her wedding!" Finn smiled.

"What?" Meredith asked shocked, looking back at Addison.

"Yeah.. " Finn breathed, "So I figured we could go together!"

Finn was great. He was really wonderful. Their first date had been fine.. not amazing, not spectacular, so when he asked her out again she figured why the hell not? Except the last thing she wanted was to attend the wedding with him. In fact, she didn't want to go at all. She didn't want to see Derek walk down the aisle with another woman while she was experiencing all these new feelings for him.

"I-"

"I think it's a great idea." Addison added, avoiding Meredith's questioning stares.

"Oh.. I.."

What was she suppose to say? Finn was standing there all excited and expectant.. she couldn't say no. She just couldn't.

"I guess, yeah." Meredith breathed.

"Great!" Finn grinned, kissing her lightly on the cheek.

"Oh." Meredith breathed, backing away quickly. That didn't feel right but she smiled anyway not wanting to hurt his feelings.

"Well I'll see you two Saturday." Adddison smiled, "Mer you have your dress right?"

"Yeah." she nodded quickly. "Wait if Finn is coming then.."

"Yeah he can walk you down the aisle." Addison grinned leaving quickly.

"Great." Meredith said under her breath then turning to Finn. "So how's Casey?"

"Good. Really good." Finn laughed, "I think she's ready to go home."

"Oh.." Meredith sighed. "Well Der- Dr. Shepherd should be on his way to her room now."

"You're not coming?" Finn asked.

"No.. I um.. there's some post op notes I have to- no, sorry." she said quickly, turning to leave.

"Bye Meredith!" Finn said loudly, going into Casey's room while Meredith practically ran through the halls trying to avoid Dr. Shepherd.

It had been like this all week. Ever since they'd talked Meredith was scared to run into him. She had no idea what was going through his mind. He was probably mad at himself.. and at her. They had almost kissed and he was getting married in a week. This was crazy.

She felt different- since their talk she was afriad if she saw him she'd burst into tears or melt into his McDreamy smile. She didn't love him again. She couldn't. But when she'd see him or think of him something deep within her would squeal. She felt herself blush throughout the day just imagining what that kiss would have felt like. Probably good. Really good. He looked like he'd be good..

Dirty thoughts! Meredith thought, quickly shaking her head trying to clear her head.

"Grey!" someone yelled from behind her.

"Crap."

"Crap?" Mark laughed, finally reaching her.

"No I just thought you were someone el- what is it?" she asked annoyed, reaching the nurses station then pretending to take notes in her patients chart.

"I was wondering if you'd want in my corneal transplant case." he smiled.

"I.. I don't know."

She was suppose to work with Derek today on another trial case, but she really didn't want to see him. He was the last person she wanted to see today. She could avoid him.. he would get married, come back from his honeymoon and all would be well. He'd have Addison and she'd have Finn.. or someone. She'd have someone. She liked Finn. He was someone she could lov- well grow to like a whole lot.

"Com'on Grey." he whinned, "Let me steal you from Shepherd this once!"

Meredith groaned. "I don't want to work with Shepherd!"

"Woah okay well.." he said as they began walking down the hallway.

"I mean.. he leaves right?" she began to ramble. "He leaves and 17 years later we run into each other.. and then I realize one day oh he did love me.. he came after me and.. and I thought he was gone! I thought he was gone.. he left me and now everything's different.. I don't know how to act or talk or.. and this is your fault!" she said, now beginning to yell, "You knew! You knew he came after me and.."

"Grey.." he said nonchalantly grabbing her arm. "Step into my office please." he growled.

"What.. no! You just have to-" she said trying to hit him but was pulled into the office anyway as Mark shut the door.

"What the hell was that?" Mark laughed. "Fiesty!"

"Shut up Mark!"

"Okay okay.. so I take it Derek told you about-"

"Yeah." Meredith sighed, sitting on the couch. "You could have told me you know. You should have."

"Meredith.." he breathed, sitting next to her. "I tried."

"When? When did you try?"

"When I first came here I tried immediately. But whenever I brought Derek up you yelled." he breathed. "Don't you remember Mer?"

"I.. I didn't want to talk about him but.. you should have told me."

"I wished I would have. Honestly I never thought he'd show up here- I figured you'd never see him again, so what was the point?" Mark sighed. "I just hated bringing him up around you.. you always looked so sad."

"No I didn't!" she said defensively, standing up from his couch.

"You did Mer." he said softly.

"Mark.."

"And I don't blame you.. when he came to me that day.."

"What happened?" Meredith asked, feeling her eyes water.

"He came to me.. probably a few minutes after you left because he looked awful. His eyes looked bloodshot from the tears.. he was awful Mer. I told him to go for you.. to try to find you and he went back and you were gone."

"Well I figured he'd realize when I said I was leaving I was literally leaving."

Mark shook his head, "No, Derek didn't see it that way.. he thought you weren't leaving for a few days."

"But I left." she breathed.

"You did. And Derek.. I had to go pick him up from your house. Three hours later he was still sitting on your porch and I practically had to drag him to the car. He was.. broken. I've never seen Derek like that. He changed that day."

"What do you mean?" Meredith whispered.

Mark sighed, "He just.. he wasn't Derek anymore. He was quiet... I guess in a way he went back to the way he was in middle school.. stopped drinking.. he wasn't a jerk anymore but he was never really there. Everyone could see the sadness behind his smile I guess." Mark breathed. "It took him forever to try dating again, and.. I just think everything you said to him really affected how he acted from then on. He realized what a jerk he was and he stopped. His cockyness was gone.. his selfishness, he got better but yet something was missing and I think that something was you."

"Mark I.."

"Meredith he's getting married this weekend and.. I think it's a horrible mistake."

"What?" Meredith breathed, shocked.

"It's always been you Mer. He'll always love you."

"But Mark.." Meredith sighed, looking down as another tear fell from her eyes.

"Look.. if I thought he'd be happy with Addison I wouldn't say anything but I really don't."

"But I.. he's marrying her. He loves her." she said weakly.

"Yeah.." Mark breathed, "But he loves you more."

"Mark.."

"Just think about it Mer. Now that you know the truth think about it because I guarentee Derek's having second thoughts about Addison." Mark said, moving towards the door. "Will I see you in surgery?"

"I.. yeah." Meredith breathed. She needed to digest this.. she couldn't see Derek yet.

"OR2.. be there at 4." Mark said, shutting the door and leaving Meredith to her thoughts.

--